


Trustfall

by LunaKesem



Series: Hoofprints [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Equestrian, Fluff, Friendship, Horseback Riding, Horses, M/M, Slow Burn, equestrian AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:21:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 102,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26405665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaKesem/pseuds/LunaKesem
Summary: It's one thing to be the best rider in the riding school's team. It's one thing to have the most expensive, perfect horse in the stables. It's a whole other thing, however, to connect with him - especially after a nearly-fatal accident that transpired the year before, which seems to have set a wall between the rider and his trusty steed. So you can probably imagine to yourself Roman's shock and annoyance when he finds his horse purring in comfort at the hands of Virgil, a simple stable boy. What connection does he possibly have with Roman's horse that Roman doesn't?When Roman is forced to give the boy riding lessons, however, he soon discovers a side of the stable-boy he must have glossed over in the past. He pushes himself to put his pride aside when Virgil offers to teach him how to reconnect with his traumatized horse - at this point, Roman is desperate. And so the deal is made: Roman shall teach Virgil to ride in the showjumping ring, and Virgil shall teach him to face the animal he refuses to admit that he fears.I mean - what's the worst that can happen?warning! this story contains wholesome friendships and prinxiety that may cause happiness attacks, read at your own risk.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Creativity/Anxiety, Prinxiety, Roman/Virgil
Series: Hoofprints [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1919224
Comments: 159
Kudos: 125





	1. A Heart's Trigger

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This is my first fanfiction ever, so you could say I'm a bit nervous about this. Hopefully it goes well! You can also find it on Wattpad, by the way! By the time I'm posting it here it's the 11th of September, and I've posted the first chapter on Wattpad on the 25th of August if I'm not wrong. However, I will not be backdating it here because the publishing dates on Wattpad were changed when I edited the chapters to fix a couple of typos and now don't match the actual time I first published them.  
> So yeah, it's a bit all over the place, but I hope you enjoy!
> 
> P.S: This story is going to mention a lot of terms that non-equestrians may not know. I'd love it if you guys commented and told me whether I should add a "chapter" that's basically an equestrian terminology thing. ^-^

Roman clenched his hands around the reins. Warm sweat caught between the leather and his skin and heated his palms like the sun boils the desert terrain. He shifted on the saddle with discomfort. It's funny, how your favourite thing in the whole wide world can become the most dreaded part of your day.

"Roman! Focus!" the voice of a woman barked.

Roman swallowed a lump in his throat and nodded blindly, his heart thudding in the struggle to match the pulse of the animal below him. It had been a while since their hearts last beat as one. His horse's stomach shifted at a rhythm against Roman's legs as his massive lungs swelled up and shrunk back repetitively under the saddle.

"Come on, buddy..." Roman almost didn't recognise his own voice when he spoke. "This used to be so easy for us."

The horse shook his head, causing Roman to clench the reins harder at a reflex. He puffed through tight nostrils, clearly dissatisfied with his rider.

"Are you okay?"

Roman snapped his head up to meet his teammate's gaze. Patton gave him a worried glance that shot across the arena from a pair of round, brilliant eyes. Roman hesitated.

"I'm- I'm fine. Trigger is just not acting himself."

"Come on, Ro, you barely cleared three jumps the entire lesson."

Roman shook his head stubbornly. "I can do more. It's him who's being weird."

"Roman! Patton! Focus!"

Laura sure seemed to like saying that. His instructor tightened her ponytail, and the golden curls brushed her face for a brief moment. Roman pushed down the sense of dread that had his stomach in knots.

"Alright, bud, we got this. Just give me one decent jump and we're done for today, alright?"

He squeezed the horse's belly with perhaps a bit too much force; Roman couldn't tell through the mask of nervousness. Trigger barely had the time to trot before his rider sat and pushed him into a steady canter. His legs guided the horse towards the jump. It was a simple set of cross rails, barely a child's play. Why was Roman's throat closing up, then?

One stride. Two strides. Three. Four.

"Push his hindquarters outwards, Roman, you're losing him!" his instructor called. "You're not supporting him from the inside leg. His head is in the clouds, for God's sake, where is your outside rein?!"

Roman counted eight hesitant strides before the jump was suddenly before them, a little too early to his liking. Roman bit his lip as his hands tugged on the reins as though following their own will.

His bones rattled when his horse came to a sudden stop and backed away a couple of spooked steps as though the jump was about to hunt him down. Roman's heart jolted. A painful image of a memory he wished to forget flashed in his head, accompanied by a wave of unpleasant sensations; the terrified eyes of his trusty horse as the world shakes around them, the harsh ground as he crushes into it, the shocked bellows from the audience, pain exploding through every atom in his body.

Trigger let out a shrieking whinny that pierced through Roman's skull as though the same flashback screamed in his own head. Roman blinked; he was still sitting astride the horse, perfectly fine. It was getting a little easier to separate the flashbacks from reality. At his peripheral vision, Roman could catch a glimpse of Patton giving him a worried glance from the other side of the arena, and Logan looking the other way.

Laura pinched the bridge of her nose with clear frustration. "Alright, cool off, you guys. I think this should be enough for today."

Roman released a sigh and lengthened his reins, allowing Trigger to drop his head and stroll around the arena. He urged to get out of there, but he knew that if he doesn't walk him enough the horse would get sore, and honestly Roman didn't trust tomorrow's Roman to have the energy to deal with that. Oh, and of course, it would be unpleasant for Trigger. That too, he guessed.

When he looked up, Roman's eyes met with Patton's sturdy, short horse who approached him at a lazy trot. His rider patted his bulky neck and allowed him to return to a walk.

"Everything okay, kiddo?"

Roman never mentioned to his friend that they were the same age; he had adopted the nickname from day one.

"I'm perfectly fine," he said stubbornly. The two horses adjusted to walk by each other silently. "Trigger's been refusing jumps and hitting rails recently and it's driving me nuts. It's almost like he's _trying_ to make me lose my reputation as the best rider here. Not that it can ever happen, obviously, but we sure didn't look our best back there."

Patton didn't pay much attention to the rather narcissistic comment. "Don't worry, Ro, I'm sure you'll get back to yourselves in no time. I mean - you have to. You're _Roman and Trigger_. You're the golden team."

Roman chuckled faintly. "Thanks, Pat. I know."

He gave Patton's horse a glance; Puzzle seemed much more content than Trigger. Could the old cob really be slowly turning into the better show jumper? _Puzzle_ , with his funny walk and his giant eyes and his puffy tail and brown patches that decorated his white body and looked a little too unprofessional to Roman.

Roman glanced down at his own horse. The handsome, pure-bred gelding with his shiny bay coat and his short, dark mane and lean build. He was the best show jumper money could buy, the star of the stables, the envy of every rider in the place - both those who came to learn to ride at the riding school and the more advanced ones who competed as part of the team. And beyond that, Trigger was... well, Trigger. Roman's Trigger. His friend, Trigger.

Lately it seemed a little easy to forget that.

"We should probably remind Logan to pump those breaks," Patton mentioned, yanking Roman out of his own head. "He's going to exhaust the poor thing."

"I'm sure he's going to let Nexus rest in a bit," Roman replied, and the two watched their hardworking friend as he trotted his horse around the arena. The mare's black coat was sheen with sweat, but it didn't seem the two were going to stop training any time soon.

"They've been training even harder since our epic loss last season."

Roman's throat tightened at the mention of the show. Yep. Last season's show. The show the team went on the previous year, as he lay in the hospital by a machine his mother didn't trust to really tell he was alive.

"Y-yeah."

Suddenly he wasn't so eager to walk around the arena with his friend. He commanded Trigger to stop, maybe a little too harshly. Roman never meant to be harsh - when he was jumpy, he couldn't really control his nervous hands on the reins as well. Trigger chewed on the bit in his mouth impatiently. 

"You're already turning him out?" Patton blurted as Roman dismounted the horse. His legs felt like they were made of cement.

"He's cooled off just fine. I need to get out of here."

His hands trembled a tad when he clutched the reins and led his horse across the arena. The jumps looked so much more tall and unfamiliar from the ground.

"Hold up, Roman," his instructor called up. "I need to have a word with you."

_Oh, fantastic._

"Yes, my friend?" he said in the most dramatic, Roman-voice he could manage. He didn't feel like his fabulous self today.

Laura signaled him to come over, and he joined her outside the indoors arena. The sunlight gleamed across Trigger's sweaty coat, and the horse flicked his magnificent dark tail.

"Roman, what is up with you recently?" Laura uttered the all-too-familiar words. Roman cringed.

"It's just- I don't know. We haven't really been the same since the accident."

She inhaled sharply. "I get that it's not easy to get back to riding after so long away, but you've been back in the saddle for almost five months now. It's time you and Trigger get back to your old selves. How are we supposed to win the annual show like this?"

"It's- it's Trigger's fault. He's scared to jump or something, I don't know."

"Well, _fix it_. There's only so much I can do as your trainer, kid. At the end of the day, you're the one up there in the saddle."

He nodded, his chest tightening with a feeling he couldn't quite attach a term to.

"Look, why don't you take tomorrow to do some groundwork with him? Perhaps it'll get him a little calmer."

Roman was about to protest that he didn't have time for groundwork, but found himself giving another nod. Laura gave him half a smile. She patted his shoulder on her way out, and gave Trigger an encouraging pat as well.

_But it's easy for her to talk._

Roman's limbs were heavy as he led Trigger down the hall. Sunlight bled into the stables through the cracks between the planks and painted the stalls with strokes of gold.

"Alright, bud, let's get this stupid tack off."

They had almost reached Trigger's stall when Roman saw him.

A pale boy wearing dark clothes too baggy to make out his build stood in a nearby empty stall and mucked it out onto a wheelbarrow. His dark brown hair fell upon his eyes like it was depressed itself. He didn't seem to struggle with his work; in fact, despite Roman never encountering him around before, it almost looked like he'd been doing the job his whole life. Roman didn't realise he'd halted in place.

He was caught off-guard when the boy snapped his gaze up. A pair of dark eyes met with Roman's and pierced into the centre of his skull. A look passed between the two. The boy's pale face was quite unhappy, but definitely not unpleasant.

A nudge from Trigger yanked Roman out of the kid's eyes. Roman pulled himself together and pushed his feet to work again. It took them a second to respond. He didn't dare look back as he led the impatient Trigger down the stables' hall, but something told him the boy hadn't looked away.

\- - - - - - - - 

Patton glanced at the ground reluctantly; he wasn't eager to dismount. When he was up astride his trusty friend, he had the energy to even touch the moon. There was nothing he couldn't do when Puzzle was by his side, warming the boy's body like no blanket ever could.

Puzzle didn't look too eager to return to the stables either; he'd always been more comfortable than the other horses after long lessons - maybe it was because of Patton's gentle handling, or maybe it was because he never rode with a bit. Maybe it was just his stamina. Either way, the old horse stood content on his feet like nothing could trample him to the ground.

Patton decided to take that as a yes.

A yes to the telepathic message he'd sent his old friend, of course; "do you want to go on a trail ride?"

"I knew you'd be down to it," Patton chortled happily, patting the horse's neck. If he could understand English, he would have been very confused.

"Down to what?"

" _Puzzle? You can ta-_ oh right Logan, you're here too."

Patton's gasp was enough of a distraction for Logan to finally ease up. Nexus jumped at the opportunity to rest and came to a halt.

"Do you guys want to go on a hack with us?" Patton offered his sweetest smile. It didn't seem to budge the other boy's straight face. "We'll only be walking and for a short amount of time, I don't want to put too much strain on the horses. But it can still be nice!"

People often found it strange when he addressed them as though the horses were all equal parts of the group - inviting the two on a ride rather than just Logan. He didn't mind, though. Patton never really cared what other people thought of him.

Logan adjusted his glasses with an effortless tap. "My apologies, Patton, but I'm afraid I must decline. I need to keep training."

"But we've been training for like, almost two hours. This walk can really help them cool off, they'll feel better once they're back in the stable. You're overworking yourself _and_ Nexus."

"Well, we cannot afford to let the past repeat itself, can we? I bet Canyon View's team is training right now as we speak. Do you really wish for them to beat us again?"

Patton shifted in discomfort on Puzzle's back. "Um... well, I guess not, but we've already trained enough. When was the last time you two had some fun? Ooooh, I have an idea!" Needless to say Logan did not look excited to hear the idea. "We can go on a short trail ride, give the horses a nice bath, make some treats for them-"

"I'm sorry, make? Treats?"

"Yeah! My grandma taught me. It's _so much_ more fun than buying treats from the store! They also taste better, because, you know, we put our personal love into them when we make them specifically for our horses."

Logan's sigh was probably the most passionate thing he'd ever executed. It wasn't hard to tell he found the idea stupid. "The horses can't _taste_ our love for them."

"Of course they can! We-"

"Patton, I'm going to stop you right there. I should really get back to training."

Patton's shoulders sagged. "Oh. Okay. Tomorrow, maybe?"

Logan's face said it all.

"Not tomorrow either. Got it. We'll see you guys later, I suppose. Um, have fun training anyway..!"

He found it a little more challenging to put his enthusiasm into the sentence. Puzzle responded at once when he guided him out of the arena with a simple nudge from the reins. He felt a little down as they left the arena; But hey, at least he had Puzzle. And nothing would ever come between them. The mere thought curled his lips into a smile, and he patted his trusty steed as the arena slowly shrunk behind them.

\- - - - - - - - 

Virgil was an overthinker. To say the least.

He'd check his door twice whenever he closed it to make sure it's locked, then turn back to check once again. He'd stay up all night thinking "what if I died in my sleep?" because once the thought came to his mind he was somehow convinced it meant he was meant to. He'd repeat his conversation with the cashier over and over again on his way out of the dreaded supermarket. He'd run through every syllable pronounced in the beforehand-planned conversation and cringe at the parts he could have sworn his voice cracked, or his eyebrows looked weird, or he probably, most definitely, _somehow_ managed to offend the cashier when he wished them a good day. Did that sound sarcastic? Did they think he was being condescending? Perhaps they thought he found their job lowly because he wished them a good day with a tone that must have, most definitely, without a single gosh-darn doubt sounded condescending. Oh, _dear lord_ , they _hated_ him. They most definitely hated him.

So yeah, Virgil was not surprised to find his mind repeating that moment from earlier at the stables over and over again as he walked home. The same way he'd repeated it as the boy left, as Virgil kept mucking out the stall, as he brushed all of the school horses, as he cleaned the tack room, as he tended to the plants, as he dusted all the saddles, as he locked the barn for the day, as he left, all the way until this very moment as he walked down the street with the streetlights overhead casting four more shadow Virgils at his feet so he's a little less lonely.

Because Virgil was an overthinker. Not because that look between him and the boy meant anything to him. Not at all.

And his horse, oh _goodness_ , his horse. He was the most gorgeous, magnificent horse Virgil had ever seen. He wondered what it was like, having a horse like that. Virgil never cared for appearances; it was the spark in a horse's eye that often drew him to them. But he couldn't deny that the boy's horse was definitely the most gorgeous horse he'd ever encountered in his life.

And now he was repeating himself like an idiot.

His mother's car wasn't in the small parking lot by his building by the time he arrived home. Virgil's anxiety jumped at the opportunity to show him images of his mother at a hypothetical car accident or kidnapped or murdered, before he somehow convinced himself that she was alright. He couldn't allow himself a nervous face, and _definitely_ not an anxiety attack as he entered his home. The fear of worrying his little sister was enough to push him to keep a calm face.

_Mum is alright_ , he repeated in his head. _She must be running late again. She probably took another shift or something. She always does that. You're just being paranoid as always._

And so, Virgil dragged his legs up the stairs to the fourth floor, unlocked his door, and unlocked it again, because he'd turned the key twice before he left earlier that day. You can never be too sure.

Warmth washed his limbs when he walked in and closed the door behind him.

"Emma?"

His voice bounced between the walls of the small rented apartment. Before his anxiety could attack him with the same awful scenarios regarding his sister too, the nine year old's face peered from the couch. Her hazel green eyes were a familiar, relieving sight.

"You were gone for so long," she said and jumped off the couch to rush over and bury herself in his hoodie. Virgil was never great at showing affection, but his sister's personality pretty much required him to learn. She couldn't resist hugging any family member who entered the apartment. He hugged her back, taking note of her quiet heartbeats.

"Sorry about that. How's your day been? You didn't open the door to any strangers, did you? Did you eat the lunch I'd left you?"

"Yeah."

She was so quiet, he almost forgot of how talkative and bubbly she used to be. A sense of gloom settled at the pit of Virgil's stomach. He pulled away and tried his best to smile at her, but with no success.

"I wanna go home," Emma murmured.

"I know, Em. But we'll make this place home, alright? We still have each other. We are going to be fine, the three of us. I promise."

_Liar_ , his mind taunted. _It's funny how you worry the most and reassure just as much._

Virgil pushed the toxic thought to the very back of his head so it can sit there and collect some dust. He wasn't in the mood.

Only once Emma was safely sleeping in her bed, did Virgil allow himself to go take a well-deserved shower. He brushed his teeth, looking down at the sink as he didn't like looking himself in the eye in the mirror. It made him feel disappointed in himself a little more.

Virgil slumped onto his bed and covered his face with his palms in exhaustion. He wanted to distract himself by drawing or by watching something on his phone, but didn't want the light to wake Emma. He loved his sister, but he missed having a room of his own. And although his mother offered to share her room with Emma when they first moved into the two-bedroom apartment, Virgil declined; he didn't want to make it any harder for his mother than it already was. The least he could do was make sure she had her peace and quiet.

He lay on his back in the dark, his arms supporting his head. His thoughts drifted back to the stables and hovered around the stall he'd been mucking out earlier. The caramel-brown eyes of the boy who'd passed by flashed in his head once again, and he clenched his jaw and pushed them away. That boy didn't know him; but Virgil knew him well enough.

Who didn't know Roman? The star of the stables. Leader of the riding team. Winner of pretty much every competition, the pride of the ranch. Friends with everyone, too talented for his own good, attractive and friendly enough to most likely be the crush of half of the riding school. He had everything. Virgil had nothing. It's funny how some people have it all, and others don't get a thing.

Virgil turned onto his side. This was going to be a long night.


	2. Our Fair Share

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah, you actually got to the second chapter? Thanks for staying with us! :D

Virgil dragged his sore feet through the stables. There's this _lovely_ thing about depression and anxiety; they often cause your body to physically hurt. This morning it was a warm pain in Virgil's feet, accompanied by a feeling of discomfort in his back. Virgil grumbled to himself as he picked up a nearby broom and began to sweep the stables' hallway with the enthusiasm of a tortoise in an empty cage.

His dreams didn't give him much rest the previous night. He'd woken up around six in the morning after three mere hours of sleep, and couldn't get back to sleep once he did. In an attempt to distract himself from unpleasant thoughts, he cooked breakfast for his mother and sister with as much energy as he could fake and headed out to the stables to work his anxiety away.

Virgil's tired eyes lifted from the floor he was sweeping - the task was too repetitive and mundane to distract him. His gaze rested on an impressive horse in a nearby stall. The horse returned him a steady look from a pair of big, brown eyes.

"Hey there, fella," Virgil murmured with a faint smile. When he leaned the broom against a nearby stall and approached the stall, the horse walked over and let his head through the stall's window. Virgil stroked the horse's face and closed his eyes at the warmth that made its way through his body and eased his sore muscles. He was grateful for the horse being there to remind him of why he loved his job. "Thanks. I think I needed that."

Horses had always been Virgil's magic medicine. His most beautiful childhood memories weren't necessarily of his better days - in fact, most of his most-treasured memories were from the days where all the colours in the world looked muted and dull, Virgil's mind would torture him with things he had no control over, and nothing seemed to go his way. Because those were the days he would spend his evening with a beloved horse to mend his wounds with nothing but his or her presence.

And those were the years Virgil wasn't as much of a depressed anxious mess.

But of course, everything good eventually has to end. For some people, a little too early. And of course Virgil was one of the unluckier bunch. He always was.

Virgil stroked the horse's head, and the horse's nostrils loosened in comfort. His lower lip drooped, a sign of relaxation that was oddly contagious. Virgil's tensed muscles relaxed as well. Perhaps they both needed that.

"Hey!"

The call shattered through their comfortable silence at once. Virgil's eyes snapped up, and he felt the horse tense at the sudden noise. The beautiful moment was over in a flash.

A boy Virgil recognised rushed down the halls towards them; Roman. Virgil's chest tightened.

"Excuse me, that's my horse."

Virgil blinked at the horse beside him - oh _crap_. Now he recognised him. The deep bay coat that fades into a darker shade of brown towards the neck, the dark mane and the black markings at the lower parts of his legs. He'd seen this horse the other day, led back from the arena by no other than Roman, the freaking star of the stables. Oh, great. Just great.

"I was just petting him," he grumbled.

Something in Roman's gaze tensed up. Virgil couldn't tell why he was so bothered by him greeting the horse, but there was definitely something below the surface.

Roman opened the stall's door and walked in without saying a word. He haltered the horse and led him out, and Virgil took a step back to get out of their way.

_What's his problem?_

He assumed the two were off to a lesson. Virgil sent the broom that was still leaned against the stall a look of reluctance. He picked it up once again and returned to his task, pulling the hood over his head. 

\- - - - - - - -

"Alright, Patton, I want you to go one more time, and this time try collecting Puzzle and keeping him at a steadier canter."

Patton nodded, the flare of excitement at the thought of jumping again fluttering in his chest. He'd been riding for years, and yet it never stopped exciting him. It was a warm summer day, and they had decided to train in the outdoor arena today.

Laura shifted her weight to her other foot as she spoke. "Your equitation is good, but you two are a bit all over the place when approaching the jump."

"That's our style, silly," Patton chortled. The look Laura gave him told him everything he needed to know regarding her thoughts about it.

"There's no place for style in show jumping, Patton."

"I believe that's more accurate regarding hunter jumping," Logan put in from the other side of the arena. "But yes, Laura is still correct. You jump well, Patton, but you lack a sense of stability and professionalism. You tend to allow Puzzle too much freedom and you don't pace yourself quite well."

Patton bit his lips, refusing to take offence. He tried to smile. "I just get excited. But I promise we're going to work on that! It would be unfair for the team if Puzzle and I brought you down."

"Oh, let the kid have some fun," Roman's rich voice interrupted from where he and Trigger stood. Sometimes Patton could swear his friend spoke like some Disney prince. "This is not hunter jumping, he's going to be judged based on his time and faults."

"Faults that can be made if he keeps going too fast and letting Puzzle decide for him," Laura said. "Patton, it's time you gather some assertiveness."

Patton nodded - he wasn't going to let the expectations bring him down. He was still going to have fun! And isn't that the most important part of the sport? Patton was certain it was.

"Alright, Patton, go again, please."

He nodded and asked Puzzle for a trot that quickly turned into a canter. They bent along the corner of the arena and made their way towards the first jump in the course; a simple set of verticals.

"He's getting distracted, Patton, limit him from your outside rein! Collect him from your legs!"

Patton pushed the leg facing the inside of the arena against his horse's belly, and the horse steadied by a bit. He counted six full strides before chipping in half a stride as they approached the obstacle a little too far behind but not far enough for another full stride.

"Keep your hills down, Patton! Your feet are all over the place."

The stable feeling of the ground below him disappeared for a heartbeat as Puzzle's hind legs kicked against the ground and sent them flying over the jump. Patton set himself at the correct two-point position to allow Puzzle to safely pass above the obstacle. He sat back on the saddle as the horse landed and resumed the canter.

"That's nice, keep going, extend him towards the next one."

A movement at the corner of his eye caught Patton off-guard. His hands jerked on the reins in surprise, and Puzzle halted at once before the jump.

_"Dad?"_

A middle-aged man wearing a clean suit leaned against the arena's fence. He looked so out of place in his fancy clothing and leather boots, with the sunlight reflecting off his bald head. His bushy eyebrows shaded his small blue eyes and made them look darker than they really were. His mustache looked like it had been neatly brushed.

"Hey, son!" his dad chirped.

Patton rode Puzzle across the arena and over to the fence, catching his teammates watching him at the corner of his eye.

"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

Despite his shock, Patton couldn't help the smile that stretched on his lips. His parents were both extremely busy people; the only way he had of seeing them during the weekdays was to either wake up very early or stay up well into the small hours of the night. So you could say he was very pleased to see his beloved dad, in pure daylight, on a Wednesday (or so he assumed; Patton was awful at keeping track of the days of the week during the summer holiday), standing right in front of him. The sight looked bizarre and impossible, like finding a unicorn grazing in his backyard. _On a Wednesday._

"I was in the area and thought I could pick you up from practice," his dad said. There was... no way that could be true.

"Dad, that's great! I'm so happy you're here! We're still training though, you're a bit early."

Laura walked over, tucking her hands into the pockets of her wranglers. "Why don't you guys finish early today? There's something your father and I should discuss anyway."

Patton switched a glance with his friends. Even Logan stopped his horse to listen. Nexus stood collectively in her place like a statue at the queen's yard; she was like the horse version of her rider.

Patton felt a somewhat of a panic crawling up his throat. "Is- is everything okay?"

"Of course, bud, no need to worry. We just need to have a little talk."

"Then I want to hear it."

His father and his instructor swapped a glance. He raised his brows in a signal for them to go on.

"It's just..." His dad hesitated. "Look, your mother and I have been speaking with Laura, and we think it's time that you up your level."

Patton blinked. "I don't think I understand, Dad."

"Alright, I'm gonna have to be straight-forward here. You need a new horse."

Patton's hands stiffened around the reins. His heart jumped to his throat. " _What?_ "

"Look..." Laura leaned against the fence to face Patton, who felt his face flush red with shock at his father's words. "It's no secret that Puzzle is getting old. He's not the jumper that he used to be.. and frankly, he never was a very... ugh, how do I put this. He's not your typical show jumper."

"I- I don't get it," Patton stuttered, a shiver running across his skin. "I- I mean he's not some pure warmblood or something, b-but he's a great horse, Dad!"

"Maybe he _was_ a great horse, buddy..." His father talked in a low voice, like he was dragging the reluctant words out of his throat. "When you were still learning the basics and riding for fun in the woods, he was a great horse. But now... you are competing against the best of the best, Patton. The kind of riders whose horses have been bred and trained by world's greatest, for the specific purpose of competing in the ring. At this point... as much as it pains me to say this, son, but an old grade pony is just not going to cut it."

A lump of iron settled in Patton's throat. No, they couldn't do that. They couldn't take Puzzle away from him. _Especially_ not for another horse.

"But Dad, I love Puzzle!"

At the corner of his slowly-tearing eye, he saw Roman trotting over and halting beside him. His soft caramel eyes were wide with shock and concern.

"With all due respect, Sir, Patton and Puzzle are the best team of horse and rider that you could find," he said, and Patton recognised the confidence in his voice. Roman had a different kind of confidence; the kind of confidence that could fool you he can fly if he told you that he could. "And Patton loves him," Roman went on. "Rest assured Puzzle loves him just as much. You can't break them apart!" The hint of his dramatic-Disney-prince tone sneaked into his voice. "Patton and Puzzle are like- like Flynn and Maximus!- Wait no that's me and Trigger. They're like Mulan and Khan!- Wait no that's also me and Trigger. They're like Merida and Angus!- Wait no hold up that's me and Trigger as well. Man, I would look _fabulous_ with those red curls- Well, that's not the point! The point is, Patton and Puzzle are Patton and Puzzle! They're a package deal. Everybody knows that."

A smile tugged at Patton's lips. Maybe Roman wasn't helping much, but he appreciated his friend's attempt.

Logan sighed as he and Nexus joined them and halted beside them. He adjusted his glasses upon his face. "Patton. I know it may not be easy to hear, but I must be frank with you. Laura and your father may have a fair point."

Patton snapped his head to his friend so fast that his neck hurt. "Wait, what? You're on _their_ side?!"

"There are no sides here, Patton. I am simply stating the clear sense in the point they're trying to bring across. Perhaps it's time to... consider changing some things up."

" _'Changing some things up'?_ " Roman sputtered. "Logan, this is a horse we're talking about, for Disney's sake! - don't look at me like that, Disney is God - he's not some baseball bat that you can just replace when it's a little worn. But hey, what would you know. You treat Nexus like a sports car."

If Logan took any offence from the words, he hid it well. "That's preposterous, and I do not intend to even attempt to respond. Besides, this is not about me, this is about Patton. I think he should listen to his father and get a new horse."

Patton felt betrayed by the words. He gave his friend a shocked, disappointed glance before hopping off of Puzzle's back and passing the reins over his head. He clutched them in a tight fist and led him out of the arena without saying a word. Roman and Trigger weren't far behind.

"Wait for us, Pat!"

\- - - - - - - - 

Virgil set the saddle on the stand with a heavy motion and leaned his hands on it as he regulated his breathing. The small sport saddles weren't particularly heavy, but after untacking all the school horse in the stables, feeding them all and returning every last piece of tack to the tack room, it was starting to take a toll on him.

Virgil blinked at the small window of the tack room. A crescent moon returned him a glance from the dark skies, and a ray of moonlight sneaked through the window and stroked the metal stirrups on the saddles. Virgil left the tack room, closed the door and fiddled with the bunch of keys he'd been given. It didn't take the riding school's owner long to trust him enough to close the school himself every night, and it was now a part of his job. Virgil located the correct key, fit it into the lock and turned it. He listened to the satisfying click, but tried to open the door anyway just to make sure. There was only one thing worse than forgetting to lock your door; and it was forgetting to lock someone else's.

Virgil walked through the stables and peered into each and every stall to make sure each horse had their bale of hay, the serving of grains they would get at the evening, and full water troughs. Some of the horses returned him a look as he peered in, some kept on munching on their dinner, and some walked up to him to get a pet. Virgil felt at peace, now that all the students and instructors were gone and the place was settled in a warm darkness. It was just him and the horses, and a sense of calm had his mind at a rare moment of complete clear from any type of anxiety.

He could hear the pacing of an impatient horse somewhere within the stables, but surprisingly didn't pay it much thought. Virgil gave the place one last look before exiting the stables and seeking the key to lock the massive doors. He found it in a matter of seconds and stepped back to push the doors closed.

The sound of rushing hooves against cement snapped his attention. Virgil froze.

_What the..._

He had exactly two and a half seconds to comprehend what was going on, before the figure of a horse charged at him through the halls. Virgil jerked back at a reflex. His eyes widened as a rather small grey mare galloped past him and disappeared into the dead of night.

"No, hold on!"

Anxiety exploded in Virgil's skull. This couldn't be happening. _He just lost a horse._

__

Somebody's horse.

__

A horse who most definitely belonged to either the riding school or some person.

__

He! Lost! A! Gosh! Darn! Horse!

____

Virgil pushed down the panic that threatened to crawl up his spine and tangle his stomach and blind him as he stood in front of the stable.

____

_Go after her, moron!_ his brain screamed.

____

And Virgil obeyed.

____

He snatched a nearby halter and a lead rope and leapt into the night, whipping the hood onto his head. She must have been that nervous horse he'd heard pacing in its stall. But where could she go?

____

The answer came faster than he'd expected. As he approached a nearby ditch, listening to the water giggling down it, Virgil's eyes met with the horse. Moonlight dappled her grey pelt and lit her eyes with a young glint.

____

The boy and the horse's gazes locked. She backed away, jerking in fear when her hind leg stepped into the ditch with a small splash. Her head jolted around, her hooves pawed at the ground. Her eyes glinted with an emotion all too familiar to Virgil. Something he'd seen in himself.

____

"Shh.. hey there," he breathed in the most soothing voice he could manage. "You're okay, girl. I'm here to help you, alright?"

____

The horse let out a high-pitched whinny. She backed away from him once again, and almost tripped onto the ground when her feet stepped in the water, which sent her into another flash of panic.

____

"Woah, easy. It's okay. You're safe."

____

He reached out a hand and made a hesitant step towards her. The horse tucked her hindquarters in and flared her nostrils in fear. Moonlight flickered in the white parts of her terrified eyes. Virgil could swear he could hear her heartbeats shooting through her tight chest.

____

Despite his nervousness, he tried to appear as calm as he could. He reminded himself of how horses tend to sense it when the humans around them are uneasy, and most of the time it causes the horses themselves to be just as uneasy. 

____

"You're really anxious, aren't you. I know the feeling."

____

The horse pawed at the ground. Virgil dared another step towards her. This time she didn't back away, and he allowed himself another step. He reached out his hand, and her whiskers tickled the back of his hand when she sniffed him.

____

"There... that's good. You're doing great, girl."

____

He rested a hesitant hand on her forehead and petted the anxious horse. She lowered her head a little more, and he rested his head on hers and closed his eyes. When he breathed in, he could feel her do so as well.

____

"I know how you feel," he said in a lowered voice as he slowly put the halter on her head. She tensed up a bit, but let him buckle it and connect the lead rope. "When you panic, it feels like nothing but your fear is there with you. Right? You're blind and deaf and alone. That's exactly how I feel when I panic."

____

The mare blinked slowly. The corner of Virgil's lips curled into a smile.

____

"Alright. Let's get you home."

____

____

The walk back went peacefully. Virgil and the mare walked shoulder by shoulder, making their way through tall grass. The repetitive sound of her hooves against the ground settled a sense of calm at the pit of Virgil's stomach. His hands were loose on the rope. The light of the moon outlined the mare's body and slid across her muscles, shifting back and forth as she walked. Her dark eyes blinked slowly, calmly.

____

Virgil released a breath he'd been holding the entire time in his chest when they arrived at the stable. He glanced down the hall in search of her stall, and immediately located it; an empty stall at the far end of the stable, door busted open.

____

"There, you're almost home," he assured her. "You have a nice dinner waiting."

____

"Virgil?"

____

_Oh crap._

____

Virgil snapped around, and the mare reacted similarly as she felt him tense up. He came face to face with the riding instructor of the team, a probably-twenty-five year old with wavy blond hair she'd collected in a ponytail. What was her name? He thought it was Laura, but wasn't sure, and hoped he wouldn't be required to use it in the conversation.

____

"Um-"

____

"That's your name, right?" she said. "It was Virgil?"

____

"Ugh- yeah," he stuttered. _You should probably explain yourself before she thinks you're stealing a horse,_ his brain reminded him. "Um- this horse escaped. I went to get her."

____

"I assumed that."

____

Huh. What do you know.

____

"That's... impressive, kid. I don't think I've ever seen her this calm."

____

Something shifted in Virgil's heart. "Really?"

____

"Yeah. Her name is Everest." Possibly-Laura patted the horse's shoulder, and the mare jerked back in fear. "She's been here for about three weeks now. The most skittish horse I've ever met, let me tell you. Constantly paces in her stall and tries to escape. Can't keep it in when there are a lot of people around. Never gets close to the other horses when they're turned out in the paddock. She's supposedly a good jumper, we've been told, but first you need to get her terrified butt into the arena. And that's a whole other story. How'd you get her back?"

____

"Um.. I don't know, I calmed her down and walked her back."

____

Laura stared at him, eyebrows raised. Virgil shifted in unease.

____

"Say, what's your background in the equine world?" she asked.

____

"I grew up on my uncle's ranch," he said quietly. The look on her face told him she was expecting him to elaborate. Virgil shifted on his feet and clutched the rope tighter. "Um-.. I used to help him take care of the horses there. He was a vet."

____

"Can you ride?"

____

The question tackled him off-guard.

____

"Ugh- yeah. Kind of."

____

'kind of' was one way to put 'my whole damn life', but Virgil didn't want to sound braggy or condescending.

____

"Can I see?"

____

He blinked, anxiety tying his stomach in knots. "Right- right now?"

____

She nodded like it was nothing.

____

"You can tack one of the school horses real quick if you want, I can wait."

____

_What? No! You can't do that, what if you fail in front of her? his brain screamed at him. What if you fall off? What if the horse doesn't listen to you? You haven't ridden a horse in over a year. For God's sake, say something, she's looking at you._

____

"Um- sure."

____

_Not that!_

____

"Great," the instructor said with a smile. "I'm gonna go get a horse for you. Why don't you get this lovely girl back to her stall while I do that?"

____

"Okay."

____

His heart was doing extreme parkour maneuvers inside his chest as he walked Everest down the hall. He let her into her stall and unbuckled the halter to take it off. The horse let down her head and sniffed the grains before quietly beginning to munch on them, almost as if checking whether they're poisonous.

____

Now that she stood in front of him under the dim light of the stables, Virgil could take a good look at her. She was rather small and compact - not a pony, but not a very big horse either. Her coat was grey, and dark rings dappled it across her body. He recognised the type; it was usually referred to as a dapple grey horse in the equestrian community. His uncle used to have a dapple grey stallion at his ranch, and the horse now galloped in Virgil's head and set a smile on his face.

____

Oh, the times when things were simple.

____

Virgil wished Everest a good night and closed the door, making sure to latch it properly so she doesn't escape again. He gave her one last look before leaving the stall and walking down the hall, just in time to find Laura tacking up an old-looking buckskin horse that was tied to the metal of a nearby stall.

____

"There you are, great!" she chirped when he arrived, handing him a helmet. "Why don't you take good old Cisco to the arena and hop on?"

____

Virgil battled down the anxiety that threatened to show. "Alright."

____

His hands were already sweaty by the time they entered the indoor arena. Laura set a stool by Cisco's feet, and Virgil swallowed down a lump of nervousness and stepped on it. He fit his left foot in the stirrup and hopped onto the horse's back. A wave of memories smashed into him like the ocean waves crush into the rocks at the bay. It'd been so long since he last sat astride a horse. He'd almost forgotten how fantastic it felt.

____

Cisco was warm and wide. Virgil had recognised him as a quarter horse when he first saw him, but now as he sat upon his back he was sure of it. The horse drooped his head in relaxation.

____

"Alright, why don't you walk him around a bit to warm him up, then show me what you can do?" Laura said. "We have only about twenty minutes or so, but they should be enough."

____

Virgil nodded. He gently squeezed the horse's sides, and Cisco responded at once. Forget sitting on a horse; Virgil missed sitting on a _moving_ one more. He could barely contain his excitement when he realised he would probably be cantering too.

____

About two minutes passed when Laura called that he could start picking up the pace. Two minutes of anxious yet thrilled thoughts that danced through his head like a crowd of drunk teenagers at a party. Virgil nodded and asked the horse for a trot, and Cisco responded.

____

The following twenty minutes were most likely the best time he'd had since he moved into town. For twenty precious minutes, all his worries seemed to fly out the window. Up on the saddle, with the horse's heartbeat conducting the beat of his own heart, Virgil was, as cliche as it may sound, _free_. Virgil was free. Free from his anxiety's grip, free from the chains of his depression, almost free from the passage of time itself. Virgil was home. It'd been so long since he was home.

____

It all ended too fast. When Laura told him it was time to go, he'd jerked in surprise; he'd forgotten she was even there. The young woman smiled at him like she knew exactly of the feeling.

____

"That was _impressive_ , kid!" she said when he dismounted reluctantly, petting Cisco's golden neck. "You're a surprisingly good rider."

____

"Thank you," he stammered. He wasn't used to being complimented; and frankly, didn't really like it. Not because the compliments themselves weren't nice, but because his anxiety didn't allow him to enjoy them. When someone would compliment him, he'd immediately run through all of the awful possible reasons for them to do so. Maybe to taunt him? Maybe to make him feel better because he's in fact the opposite of what they said? Maybe-

____

"Or maybe because they truly mean it," his mother's words echoed in his head. She'd said it with a laugh back then, amused by his way of thinking.

____

"Do you know how to jump?" Laura's question snapped his attention back to her.

____

Virgil beat himself up on the inside for the fact he couldn't give her a yes. "No, not really..."

____

"Look, kid, you're an amazing rider. We need more riders like you on our team." His heart jolted in his chest. _Wait, what?_ "You have the basics mastered. I'm sure if you took some jumping lessons you could make it into the team by the start of the next season."

____

Too many crazy things for one day, that's for sure. Virgil gave Cisco a glance; he found it difficult to look people in the eye as he spoke.

____

"I can't really afford the lessons here.."

____

_Or anywhere._

____

Laura gave him a genuine understanding look. It'd been some time since someone looked at him like that. There was no pity in her eyes; merely human understanding.

____

"So that's why you're working here as a stable hand?" she assumed. Virgil nodded and looked down at his feet.

____

"I missed working with horses. I can't really afford to ride them, though."

____

"What about your uncle's ranch?"

____

Virgil shifted on his feet. It felt like a thorn bush grew in his throat at the mention of his uncle.

____

"My uncle died last year," he murmured. "We lost the ranch because of some agreement I don't even understand. Apparently he'd made a deal years ago with some lady he owed a lot to and-"

____

Virgil didn't notice how many words he was saying at first, but once he did, his throat suddenly closed up. Kind of the same way you may confuse your brain and forget how to breathe when you focus on the act of breathing, Virgil often found himself unable to talk the moment he realised he was successfully doing it.

____

Stupid. Anxiety.

____

"I'm sorry for your loss." Laura didn't seem to notice. "Tell you what. You work here every day, don't you? That's a massive amount of hours a month. I'm sure we could set you up with lessons in return for you work. It would probably take away some of your regular pay, but I think it's going to be worth it. I saw you up there, kid. You sure are something."

____

Virgil cleared his throat, and his brain screamed at his vocal chords to pull themselves together. "That's a kind offer. Thanks."

____

He didn't want to admit how much he needed the money for his family. It would be selfish to use it for riding lessons at some fancy ranch. Sure as hell tempting... but selfish.

____

"Hmmm..." He wondered if Laura could read it off his face, because she immediately looked like she was thinking again. "What if I asked Roman to give you lessons? He's one of our best riders. Your age exactly, I believe. If you ride his horse or mine, you won't even have to pay the school. Not until you start training with the team. He could teach you to jump, then we'll see where we take it from there. How does that sound?"

____

_Amazing. Awful. Exciting. Terrifying. Thrilling. Terrifying. Terrifying... Terrifying._

____

Roman, the guy who's pretty much the champion of this gosh darn ranch. The guy who wins every competition and somehow looks great even after an exhausting lesson. The guy with the gorgeous, expensive horse. The same guy who seems to really hate Virgil's guts.

____

"Why don't you sleep on it, huh, kid?"

____

Virgil managed a nod. "Sure. Thank you again."

____

"No worries."

____

Oh, yes worries. Yes a lot of worries. Virgil worried. He worried as he watched her leave. He worried as he untacked Cisco and returned him to his stall. He worried as he locked all the doors. He worried as he walked down the street. He worried as he walked up the stairs. He worried as he unlocked his door. He worried as he greeted his mother, and he worried as he took a shower, and he worried as he brushed his teeth, and he worried as he got into bed and buried himself under the blankets, and he worried as he lay in the dark and listened to Emma snore, and he worried and worried and worried himself to sleep.

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suppose no one is going to get why this chapter is titled this way, but let's see if you can guess anyway!  
> Thanks for reading and have a wonderful day!


	3. Saddle and Ground

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes will appear at the end. :)

Roman stood at the entrance to the stable and stared down the corridor as though it was the open jaws of a monster about to swallow him whole. The last time he was this reluctant about entering the stables was five years ago when his favourite horse had died, and he was scared to pass by her empty stall.

He could see Trigger's stall from where he stood, but his horse must have been on the deeper side of it as he couldn't see him. Roman clenched his jaw and nodded to himself, putting on his best Roman face. The last thing he needed was everyone to know he wasn't feeling himself.

The feeling was bizarre and foreign in his chest; he couldn't quite fit a term to it as he'd rarely ever felt it. On the rare occasions where he did, he would approach the problem with an attitude of "fake it until you make it", and it would eventually go away. It always did.

Roman never felt a lack of confidence for long.

"Roman?"

"Jeez!" he yelped and whirled around at the tap on his shoulder. "You startled me, Laura!"

His instructor gave an innocent smile. "I have a favour to ask of you."

Roman fixed his ruffled hair in a huff. "Sure, I'm listening. No, wait, don't tell me that smart-ass of a foal got his head stuck in that barrel again. Didn't we say next time would be Logan's turn to pull him out? It was my turn last time."

"Not this time around, no."

"Then what do you need?"

"You know Virgil?" she blurted, not missing a beat after his words. Roman frowned.

"Er- I'm not sure? Is that- is that a new horse or something?"

"No, he's a stablehand at the ranch. Been one for some time now."

He stammered. "Virgil is a person? Pffft, what kind of name is that?"

"See, that's exactly the kind of attitude I need you _not_ to have when you're giving him riding lessons."

Roman's brows jerked up. "Wait, riding lessons? I don't even know the guy."

"I'm sure you saw him around. He's here pretty much all day."

His mind flashed back to that emo stablehand he'd seen the other day, and his stomach made an uneasy flip inside of him. The same emo stablehand he'd found getting along just perfectly with Trigger, like he knew him better than Roman did. The thing that probably annoyed Roman the most about the whole thing was the fact it did look that way. It pained to admit it, but Roman couldn't remember the last time Trigger was this relaxed with _him_. Roman clenched his jaw.

"So... You know who I'm talking about?"

When Roman dragged himself out of the unpleasant thoughts, he found Laura giving him a long look. For how long was he staring at the air and thinking about that guy?

"Yeah, I think I do," he grumbled.

"Great! Then you can start giving him lessons today!"

"Wait, what?"

Laura beamed at him. You'd think that by now, after about seven years of her being somewhat of an older-sister-figure in his life, Roman would be immune to her smile. But that's the thing; no one was immune to Laura's smile. She knew it, that jerk.

"Come on, kid.. I need this," she said. "We need this. For the team."

Roman folded his arms in discomfort across his chest. "Why?"

"He's a great rider, he just needs to learn to jump and I'm sure he's going to get us that cup next season. And honestly, I think the poor guy really needs it, too. I can't think of a better person to teach him."

So far she had her smile, the "do what's best for the team" argument, and even a compliment she managed to work in. Laura definitely had the upper hand when it came to convincing Roman to do things.

So naturally, that sly fox had to drag Trigger into it too.

"Don't you think you owe quite of a favour to the person who saved your horse's life?"

Roman rolled his eyeballs up to the sky and groaned in dramatic reluctance. " _ **Urghhh** , fine..._"

"Sweet!"

"But he's not riding Trigger."

"That's fair. Although I don't see what you have against it, I suppose I can volunteer Ezran."

And considering he couldn't tell her what he had against the stable boy riding Trigger, all Roman had to do was nod with a tight jaw. Despite the fact that Virgil was going to ride Laura's horse and not his, though, Roman couldn't help but still feel reluctant. He gave the stable's hallway another look as Laura left. Now he was even less eager to go in.

_Urgh, what do you care, Roman?_ he thought to himself. _You just give him a couple of lessons and get it done with. Nothing beyond that. A month from now he's probably going to be gone anyway, like all the newbies who lose interest, and you are never going to see him again._

_Yeah. For sure._

\- - - - - - - - 

Sunlight infiltrated through the window in Everest's stall and dappled the floor, illuminating single straws of hay and weaving them into pure gold. Virgil slid his hood off to better meet the gaze of the mare. She stood on the other side of the stall, eyeing him with suspicious dark eyes. Her ears were pricked in alert and her legs were frozen in place.

"Shhh... easy..."

He reached a hesitant hand, and the horse backed into the wall and pawed at the ground. Her nostrils flared. Her eyes darted from side to side like a hummingbird. Virgil tucked his hands into his pockets and leaned back against the wall, glancing at her from across the stall.

"You know, we're not so different, you and I," he uttered. "You're in a new place, you don't know anyone here, and your anxiety is consuming you from the inside, isn't it? It's the same for me. I know it's not easy."

He made a slow step towards her, and this time she didn't back into the wall. Virgil drew a hand out of his hoodie's pocket and reached out again. His heart thudded quietly in his chest, as though too anxious to remain quiet but afraid to interrupt the moment. Everest craned her neck towards him, nostrils twitching, and after a long moment of contemplation made a hesitant step towards him. A hopeful smile tugged at the corner of Virgil's lips. He gently encouraged the horse to come closer. She considered it for a heartbeat, and made a couple more hesitant steps. She was so close now that he could see his reflection flickering in her eyes, and hear her soft, alert breathing. The only sounds in the air were their own racing hearts, that struggled to adjust to each other's rhythm. Just one more step...

"Yo. Emo."

Virgil's heart leapt to his throat. Everest jerked back with a spooked whinny, and her hind legs tripped beneath her. The quick impact with the floor sent her into a rush of panic, and she struggled to stand again and backed into the far wall, ears pinned and nostrils flared.

Virgil remained frozen in place, staring at the spot where her head was mere seconds ago. His fists clenched, and he pursed his lips and inhaled sharply, pushing down a wave of anger.

"Whoops," the person who'd arrived said. "Did I interrupt something?"

Virgil twisted around slowly, doing his best to keep his temper as he gave Roman a wide-eyed look of " _what do you think?!_ "

The other boy leaned on the stall from the outside and gave him a look that wasn't wholeheartedly apologetic. "Gee, sorry."

" _I was **this** close to making actual progress with her_," Virgil uttered through gritted teeth.

"Yeah, yeah... so are you going to spend all day petting lost causes or are you actually going to saddle up and get to work?"

Virgil shrugged the arrogant remark off, tucking his hands into his pockets. "You've got to know the horse from the ground before you know them from the saddle." He didn't mention the fact that he couldn't "get to work" like Roman had suggested. The last thing he needed was for the rich kid to know of his stupid financial issues.

"M'kay, Tom Booker. So I guess you don't want the jumping lesson then? If you're so eager to sit around here getting to know some horse's feet, I'm fine with that."

Virgil's eyes snapped up. "Wait, what?"

"I'm here to give you a lesson, Sherlock."

By now Virgil's mind had beaten his heart in their race. His thoughts raced at a nearly-inhuman speed as he stood eyes locked with the show-jumping champion who'd just offered to teach him. The same show-jumping champion who definitely seemed to dislike him. Oh, the things that gal who may or may not have been named Laura got him tangled up in...

"If you don't want one, I guess..."

Roman flashed him a look and turned on his heels. Virgil pushed down the very last bit of his dignity.

"No, Roman, wait. I actually.. _do_ need that lesson."

Roman twisted around. "Then what are you waiting for, Tom Booker-adiant? Go grab a helmet and meet me outside." He raised a brow at Virgil's hesitation. "It almost looks like you're scared."

Virgil? A person who tries to avoid bragging? No, that's in the past now. Suddenly bragging didn't seem as awful as it did the previous night. "I've been riding since before I could walk, Lord Lofty. One thing I'm not is scared."

The nickname retort seemed to catch Roman off guard. His next smile had a hint of respect to it. "Let's see what you can do, then."

Virgil carefully hid any sign of insecurity as Roman led an impressive chestnut Hanover gelding into the grooming stall and tied him up at the cross ties. The horse's tack sat on the fencing of the grooming stall, and the black saddle reflected the light from the ceiling overhead.

When Roman turned around and his eyes met with Virgil's, something in Virgil's stomach made a strange little flip. "Can you tack up a horse?"

"Did you miss the part where I said I've been riding since before I could walk?"

"A little clarity never hurt anybody."

Roman picked a nearby brush and silently began to brush the horse, avoiding Virgil's gaze. Virgil looked the other way before awkwardly grabbing a hoof pick and picking the horse's hooves as the other boy brushed him on his other side.

_You're grooming a horse with Roman freaking Windsor_ , his anxiety whispered. _Let me just kick in here real quick._

Virgil muted it out and moved on to the next hoof.

When they were done, Roman gave him a look that Virgil interpreted as either "I'm mentally eyeballing the spaghetti I have waiting for me at home" or "are you going to saddle him up or not". For some reason, really just a wild guess, Virgil was leaning towards the second possibility more.

He'd already prepared himself for his anxiety's reaction when he eyed the tack; despite him saddling horses his whole gosh-darn life, somehow his anxiety managed to scare him with the idea of doing it wrong. He pushed the nuisance to the very back of his mind and grabbed the saddle pad. It was a forest-green show-jumping pad that looked rather new, and its texture reminded Virgil of the padding of a kitten's paw. He placed it on the horse's back and adjusted it under the criticizing eyes of Roman. The show-jumping champion didn't say a word as Virgil placed the saddle, adjusted the two again and checked that no piece of tack twisted under another before buckling the girth under the horse's belly.

Roman nodded and handed him the bridle without a word. When Virgil grabbed it, their fingers made brief contact. Roman's skin was surprisingly warm. Virgil avoided his gaze as he removed the halter and bridled the horse, passing the reins over his head. He was already exhausted at the thought of the overthinking he was going to endure regarding that brief touch later.

"So where did you learn to ride, Emo?" Roman asked as they made their way to the arena, Ezran walking between them with his drooped head right between their shoulders.

Virgil ignored the nickname. "At my uncle's ranch."

Roman wrinkled his nose. "Oh, let me guess. You're one of those kids who grew up on some farm riding with absolutely no discipline or responsibility whatsoever and pretty much just trail riding all day?"

He felt his jaw clench. "Look, just because you've had high-leveled instructors and horses that were practically made at a factory your entire life doesn't mean those who hadn't aren't just as much of equestrians."

"I never said I thought it was bad," Roman said without meeting his eyes. "I actually think it sounds pretty cool, growing up like that."

Virgil met his gaze for the first time since they'd left Everest's stall. "You- you do?"

He nodded in a shrug and picked up the pace to enter the indoor arena. "I'm still more skilled than you, though," he said, as though trying to keep a certain reputation. "Um- you need some kind of a decent structure when it comes to riding. Just galloping bareback every day doesn't take much skill."

Virgil was surprised when he found himself not very annoyed by the statement; almost like there was a silent understanding between them that Roman was merely trying to keep up a certain attitude and nothing more. He battled down a smirk.

"Yeah, right."

The arena looked even bigger now than it did the previous night. Virgil eyed the course of obstacles with a pair of hesitant eyes. His legs felt like jelly.

"Ah, I stand corrected, you're not scared at all," Roman smirked. "I'm sorry for doubting your courage earlier; clearly, your bravery regarding hopping over a little poll is to be envied by the army's general themself."

That was all Virgil needed. He gave Roman a defiant look and hoisted himself on the horse's back with two tenacious motions.

His eyes remained locked with Roman's as he silently kicked the horse's sides and sent him into a canter as though saying "watch me".

Virgil's heart pounded to the rhythm of Ezran's hooves as they made a lap around the arena. At the corner of his squinted eyes he caught Roman watching him through a narrowed gaze, arms crossed upon his chest. His entire posture radiated "he doesn't have the gut."

_Okay, **now** I'm definitely doing it. _

Virgil eyed an obstacle on the other end of the arena; he wasn't sure what it was called in show-jumping terms, but it looked like a set of four rails placed one directly above the other. Virgil pursed his lips and pushed Ezran towards the obstacle with the most determined energy he could manage. His hands trembled on the reins, and he clutched them harder to stop them from doing so.

Come on, how hard can it be? He knew how to ride. Following simple logic, he'd have to lean forward to remain on the horse's back as he makes the jump, right? What's there else to know?

Virgil gulped as the jump came closer, and his head felt light and hot with anxiety. The taste of vomit soured his throat.

"Alright, alright, hold your horses man, you've proven your point," Roman blurted and raised a hand to signal him to stop. "No one is expecting you to know how to jump that thing. Let me teach you or you're going to get yourself hurt."

Virgil held Ezran back at once, and the horse descended to a trot and safely passed around the obstacle. A strange sense of embarrassment flushed him.

"Let's start by learning the two-point position, alright? It's not only the horse who has to jump the obstacles, there's obviously a part you play too."

"The two-point position, sure thing," Virgil mumbled.

Roman looked amused, but surprisingly not very smug. "I assume you've seen riders jumping at the two point-position before?"

"Ugh, yeah. It's just the forward-seat, isn't it?"

"Yup. You want your legs to provide two points for your weight to properly balance across. You need to put enough weight on your heels to keep yourself in the air over the saddle rather than on it. Your back should be flat and your chin up."

"Um.. like that?"

Virgil felt rather awkward standing up in the saddle and positioning himself the way he'd seen jumpers do, taking note of Roman's instructions. The jumper tilted his head.

"Eh... yes, basically, but also no."

"Aren't you helpful."

"I'm getting to it, J.D-lightful," Roman snapped. Virgil wrinkled his nose.

He walked over, signalling Virgil to remain up in the air. Virgil tensed up when Roman's hands lifted and gently grabbed his shoulders, nudging them upwards. His stomach clenched.

"You want your chest to be open and your shoulders a little back. Your lower leg is your anchor; you want your ankle to be flexible, so that your heels are lower than your toes. You need to create a perpendicular line up from the ground through your centre. Your head, shoulders and knees fall in front of the line; your hips should fall behind it." A shiver shifted through Virgil's legs when Roman's gentle hands pulled his heels a bit more downwards and pressed his calf to Ezran's side to lower his knee. "You want your knees to be a bit lowered and relaxed. Your goal is to keep your position in a fluid seat above your horse's centre of gravity, in a way that it changes as your horse's balance does during the take off, flight, and landing."

Virgil blinked and tried to find his voice in the mess Roman's touch left in his brain. "Take off, flight, landing... those are the phases of the jump, aren't they?"

"Three of them, yes," Roman said. "First you have approach, then take-off, then flight, then landing, then recovery."

"Got it." He did not. "So how do I... ugh... change my position to match my horse's balance when the phases change?"

Roman inhaled impatiently again, as though Virgil was supposed to know the answer. Sure, the guy explained himself well, but Virgil didn't think he'd consider him a great teacher as long as he's still being a condescending ass.

"Well, a part of it comes natural, as some of your angles are going to be opened and closed by your horse when they jump. Just be prepared to lift yourself into the position and give the proper release at the landing, so you don't tear his mouth. You need to be in the proper two-point position in order to give your horse the freedom to bascule over the jump. An incorrect position will limit your horse and cause him to hit rails. Not to mention, you could fall off."

Virgil noticed that when Roman was actively teaching, he seemed to leave behind any hint of mockery he'd usually hold towards him. He got so into it that it almost looked like he had fun. Well, it made sense that he'd be enjoying himself, considering he was given the opportunity to show off his knowledge and (in a way) boss Virgil around.

"So when are we going to jump?"

Roman inhaled. "Hush, Emo, I am the teacher here." Never mind. "Alright, let's see you keeping the position at a trot around the arena now."

For the next ten minutes, they worked on correcting his position and teaching him to go into it quickly enough to support a jump. Roman was annoyingly impatient with him. If earlier today he was only considering the possibility, twenty minutes into the lesson Virgil was certain: the boy didn't like him. At all. On the verge on hated him, possibly. Although Virgil didn't really blame him - he pretty much hated himself too - thinking back through their few past interactions, he couldn't quite figure out what exactly had caused the boy to dislike him so much.

They worked next on going over cavaletti and giving the horse's mouth freedom through the reins.

"Alright, give him a free rein, that's enough for today."

Virgil slowed Ezran's trot into a walk by sitting down and giving a gentle nudge on the reins. "What? We haven't even jumped once."

"Jumping requires a foundation, Charlie Frown. That's what we did this lesson. You can jump in the next one."

He didn't meet Virgil's gaze as he dismounted, ignoring the new nickname. "Next lesson?"

"You thought you'd expert show-jumping in one?"

"No... but I didn't think you'd have the patience to give me another one."

"Oh, give me some credit," Roman grumbled. "I'm a patient, generous guy."

"Mhm. Clearly."

Roman shot him a glare.

"... Thanks, though. F- for the lesson."

"Yeah, whatever. Don't mention it."

He didn't give Virgil another look before leaving the arena, hands tucked into his pockets. Virgil held back a sigh.

\- - - - - - - - 

It's not that Logan didn't like to ride.

It's not that the activity didn't provide him with what others would describe as "fun". It's not that it was something he never looked forward to. But Logan never knew anything else, so at this point he wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel about riding.

Logan took off his boots at his house's door and held them neatly in one hand as he used the other to turn the knob and push his door open. By now he'd gotten used to the ever-freezing temperature of his house. The logical explanation would be his parents' taste when it came to air conditioning, but when his teammate Patton once visited the place, he'd mentioned something about the mood of the house causing the cold. Logan knew it was a ridiculous theory that had no solid proof nor sense to back it up, but ever since he'd heard it, the words couldn't help but resurface in his mind whenever he entered the house.

"Logan, how was practice?"

Oh, sarcastic remark of delight. Logan didn't expect his father to be home, and frankly, he hoped he wouldn't be.

"It was adequate, father. Laura stated we've performed particularly well."

"Good, good."

His father sat on the sofa in the living room with his back turned to his son, a copy of the newspaper in his long-fingered hands. Logan wasn't certain as to why he found himself remaining in his spot. Somewhat of a sense of dissatisfaction figuratively lingered in his chest.

"It seems appropriate to mention the fact that Laura also stated that Nexus and I have quite a good chance at marking amongst the top three next season."

This time, his father twisted around. Logan didn't flinch at the flash in his stormy eyes. "A chance is not good enough," he uttered. "Especially a chance at second or third place. Your older brothers didn't have a chance. They simply won. When we got that Irish sport horse for you we clarified very well what it meant of our expectations of you. Don't make that good horse go to waste, you hear, boy?"

Logan felt oddly small. "Yes, father."

"Now go take a shower, I'd like to keep every part of that horse where it belongs. That includes the smell."

The boy nodded and made his way out of the living room. As he walked down the hall, unconsciously clenching his hand on his boots, his brothers' sharp gazes followed him from the walls. His parents never bothered hanging his horse show photos amongst them, but Logan wasn't bitter. His brothers looked better anyway, smiling at the camera with the silly rosettes and cups they'd been given in order to allow them a false sense of achievement. Humans are simple creatures.

Logan didn't like to admit that sometimes he was a simple creature as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope ya'll are excited to follow the others' arcs and conflicts as well! Things are about to get interesting.


	4. Old and Grey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See the end of the chapter for notes. :)

Mischievous rays of sunlight tickled the back of Patton's neck as he rode through the grove. He closed his eyes and drowned himself in the rhythm of Puzzle's hooves below him. The familiar scent of moss touched his nose, and he drew it in and sank into sweet childhood memories of riding through the forest on the back of the very same horse. How young and naive they were.

The playful trickling of a stream giggled in his ears, and Patton opened his eyes and brought Puzzle to a halt. The shallow stream before them giggled a hello as it bubbled past them. Patton watched the water flow before him, splashing into the small rocks that scattered through the stream and purifying the pebbles that glinted at them from the bottom.

Patton let his feet fall out of the stirrups and dismounted Puzzle with a swift motion. The horse glanced at him with clever brown eyes, following him with his gaze as he sat down before the stream and leaned his arms on his knees. Gentle breeze played with his hair and lifted leaves only to land them in the water. Patton watched a small, green leaf race past. Oh, how fast things come and go. One moment the leaf had only landed and began its journey across the surface of the water, and the next it was long gone from sight.

Puzzle lowered down his head and sniffed Patton's foot. Patton managed a smile. He lifted a hand, and his fingers trailed down the horse's face, taking note of the greying hairs. He could swear that the last time he'd given them a closer look, there weren't as many of them. Patton tried to hold back a sigh, but it struggled its way out of his lips.

"You're changing so fast, Puzzle," he murmured into the breeze. The horse blinked at him slowly. "Please don't leave me behind... We said we'd grow old together."

Puzzle sniffed the ground in preparation before bending his front legs and laying down beside his rider. They were now at perfect eye-level. Patton leaned back and laid his head on the horse's belly, and the warm fur tickled his ears.

"Just... hold up a little, alright? Give me some time to catch up. Remember years ago, when we could still say we were both babies? But then all of a sudden you were a kid and a teenager and by the time I caught up you were suddenly a grown up."

Patton's shoulders shuddered, and he shrunk into the horse and stared at the stream.

"I'm just scared you're going to become old and grey without me."

The old friends watched the stream flow endlessly in its eternal race against itself. A lump settled in Patton's throat. He sneaked a glance at his trusty horse, and his gaze trailed across the sockets that sank above his eyes and the white hairs that slowly invaded his brown markings. He turned his face back to the stream and closed his eyes, focusing on the warmth of his horse against him and the rhythm of his slow breathing as his lungs swelled up and shrunk back below him. The realisation that he'd never taken a moment to appreciate his horse's presence hit him in the chest and sucked the air out of him. He never stopped to think of how one day he wouldn't be able to feel that warmth and listen to the sound of his breath.

So Patton kept his eyes closed.

As long as his eyes are closed, and his head rests against his friend, and the ground is steady below them, and the breeze ruffles their hair, Puzzle was still here.

And Patton kept his eyes closed.

\- - - - - - - - 

The tension between the two pairs of eyes across the stall screamed its silence. Roman hated it.

"Come on, buddy... it's me, you know me. Won't you come over?"

Trigger didn't blink. He stood on the other side of the stall and regarded his rider with an unreadable expression. Roman's shoulders tensed.

"Please?"

The horse flicked his well-groomed tail, and his nose twitched. The longer the seconds stretched, the tighter the knots grew in Roman's stomach.

"Getting to know some horse's feet?"

The voice snapped his head around. He narrowed his eyes at Virgil, who leaned against the stall from the outside, the corner of his lips curled into a smirk.

"Oh, give me a break, Emo. What are you doing here?"

Virgil took his arms off of the stall's window, and although Roman could only see his upper body, it appeared he'd tucked his hands into his pockets. "We have a lesson, remember?"

It was pretty impossible to forget.

"I'll be with you in a sec," he said in the most normal voice he could manage considering the storm of emotions swirling at the pit of his stomach.

"Ugh, okay. I guess I'm gonna go saddle Ezran."

Roman couldn't bring himself to respond, so he gave a nod and turned the other way. He thought it'd be easier to look the stable boy in the eye. Trigger stared at him from the other side of the stall.

"Oh, don't look at me like that."

\- - - - - - - -

Roman didn't look particularly happy when he joined Virgil at the indoor arena. He walked in with the energy of an old bear who's just been woken up, leaned against the wall and gestured his head at the place.

"Warm up."

Virgil battled back a snarky comment. "We've already done that."

The other boy gave him a long look. Virgil's anxiety buzzed in his head as he ran through all the possible things that could be going through Roman's mind at the moment. He shifted in discomfort on the saddle.

"Alright, then I guess we'll start."

Virgil followed him with his gaze as he crossed the arena and grabbed the end of a poll that was set up horizontally above another that went at a diagonal line. He let the end drop to the sand, creating a set of cross rails - an x-shaped low obstacle.

"This should do as a start," he said. Virgil's heart fluttered at the thought of jumping the obstacle; it was a small one, but it would still be his first jump ever. "I want you to take my corrections into consideration when you approach the jump. This one may be small, but you're still required to do the two-point position."

"How are you so sure there will be needed corrections?" Virgil asked.

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

Honestly? No, not really. The last thing Virgil wanted was another reason to feel bad about himself. Riding was the one thing he felt like he was somewhat good at; but knowing himself, one negative comment about it from the show-jumping champion and he'd spiral down into an even lower level of self esteem. He didn't let it show often, but words got to him a little too easily.

The other rider ran a hand through his oh-so-perfect chestnut hair. "Look, I'm not going to lie to you, alright? You're..." He let out a reluctant sigh. "You're a good rider. But you still have a lot to learn if you want to become a jumper."

"Gee, thanks." The look Roman gave him gave him the sudden urge to change the subject. "Alrighttt, so... I'm gonna just- um-"

"Just go over the damn jump, Emo."

"I'm doing it, Pleasant Pablo."

He must have been imagining the chuckle Roman stifled. When he sneaked a glance at him, asking Ezran for a canter, he was as serious as earlier.

Virgil planned his path carefully towards the jump, commanding his pounding heart to relax.

"Shorten your reins," Roman called from where he stood. "And limit him from your legs. It's like you're not even trying to collect him. His ears are outside of the arena, he's not attentive to you. Extend your strides a little, pay attention to the distance between your front legs and the jump!"

Virgil swallowed down a lump of anxiety and corrected himself, fighting the urge to stop the horse. It seemed like the jump was approaching at the speed of light.

"Heels down, Emo, you're going to fall into his neck at the flight!"

Before he knew it, the jump was there. Virgil lifted himself into position. His heart made a jolt as the feeling of the ground below them disappeared. Air slid against his face as Ezran flew over the jump, and he yanked himself out of his shock just in time to sit back on the saddle as the horse's front hooves came in contact with the ground again. His hind hooves were not far behind. Virgil straightened up and allowed the horse to shift into the recovery phase, and the two bent across the arena's corner and descended to a slower canter around the place.

"That... wasn't so bad. For someone who never got _proper_ riding lessons, I suppose."

The adrenaline muted out the somewhat-of-an-insult.

"I can't believe I just jumped that thing." Virgil hands trembled slightly, and he rested them on the front of the saddle with the reins in his clutch.

"How was the feeling?" Roman didn't look particularly enthusiastic.

"Amazing. So terrifying and amazing. I gotta do it again, holy shit."

"Well, we have about half an hour more to practice before I need to go, so you've got plenty of times. Alright, now I want you to go again, but this time continue to the right to jump those verticals over there. Do you know how to do a flying change?"

"Not really... I rarely ever rode in an arena before I got here so it wasn't needed."

"Alright, so just go back to a trot after the jump, change the lead and return to a canter before the next one."

The following twenty minutes, Virgil practiced going over the jumps all the while listening to Roman's corrections in the background. The strange thing was, he actually felt like he was getting generally better. He was noticing things he used not to care for when he was riding, like being on the correct lead or collecting the horse. As the lesson progressed, Roman's corrections became smaller and less frequent.

However, as much as he enjoyed jumping and felt like his riding was improving, Virgil wasn't completely comfortable - because he could tell the boy still didn't like him. He was impatient and moody, even when it was clear he was trying not to be. It frustrated Virgil in a way, but he didn't complain. Up until a couple of days ago he thought he wasn't going to ride again for a very long time.

"I think this last one was probably our best," Virgil exhaled as Ezran descended to a walk. He couldn't fight back the smile that stretched on his lips - it felt almost one hundred percent genuine. You could say it'd been a while.

"Yeah, yeah, just don't get ahead of yourself..." Roman grumbled. "Your position still needs some work, and you kind of lose him at your landing."

"I mean, yeah, I don't expect myself to be perfect right now, this is my first time jumping. I just think it wasn't too bad."

"I guess."

Virgil pursed his lips. The words slipped out before he could hold them back. "May I ask why you hate me?"

Roman looked taken-aback. He leaned back against the wall of the arena and tucked his hands under his arms. "I never said I hated you."

"I mean, it kinda looks like it. I've seen you with other people, Roman. You're always extra friendly and you never say anything to purposely bring someone down. Why is it so different with me? Why do you hate me so much? I mean, it's not like I blame you, I'm not my biggest fan either, but at least I have my reasons and I don't think you have enough."

"It's- " Roman hesitated and looked down at his feet. He nudged the sand and watched it as it rolled down his boots.

"Dude, can you just spit it out?"

"It's that _thing_ you have with the horses. Alright?"

Uncomfortable silence settled between the two. Ezran pawed at the ground.

"The thing I have with... are you kidding me?" He stared at the other boy with disbelief. " _Dude_ , you're the one who's a part of this great team and rides whenever he wants to and has his own gosh-darn horse. How am _I_ the one who has a 'thing with the horses' to make you dislike me?"

Roman was quiet for a little too long. He meddled in the sand with his foot a little more, eyes downcast. He sighed so quietly that Virgil could barely make it out. "About a year and a half ago... Trigger and I had an accident."

Virgil silently dismounted Ezran and sought a new sense of balance on the ground. He stood by the horse with the reins clutched in his hand and listened to the boy.

"Before the accident, we were perfect. He'd come over whenever he saw me and our lessons were pretty much flawless. We won every show we'd enrolled in."

"But...?"

Roman inhaled. "But then we had that awful accident. It was in the middle of a show. We were making our way to the highest jump of the course - you know, that one jump everyone waits to see and you are never really fully ready for - and at the approach, Trigger slipped. At full speed. We crashed really bad, halfway into the jump. It was a mess. I don't remember much from that moment, but when I woke up I was in a hospital and I couldn't move."

Virgil leaned against Ezran, who played with his bit in boredom. His eyes signaled Roman to go on.

"Naturally, the first thing I asked was where was Trigger and whether he was hurt or not. They told me- they told me he had to be put down." His tongue stumbled, and he cleared his throat.

"But Trigger..."

Roman signaled that he was getting to it. "They said they haven't done it yet because I was unconscious, and that it was my call. The last thing I wanted was to make the call to kill my best friend, but... they- they told me he was in a lot of pain. You could say I was pretty traumatized, considering I'd just been told my horse had to be euthanized right before some doctor with no sense of tact who walked in a little too late also gave me the news they didn't think I was ever going to walk again. Yeah, it was a wild day."

Ezran shook his head, and Virgil petted him distractedly. "So what happened?"

"Well, I fought. I couldn't give up on myself, and definitely not on Trigger. If I'd tried to tell you the entire story we'd be here all night, but in short - I decided I was a stubborn bitch. It took a lot of treatments and physiotherapy and vets and tearful discussions, but we saved Trigger - and me. You could say Laura did, actually. But that's- that's a story for another time. It took the two of us about ten months of rehab to get back on our feet. Well, physically we got back on our feet. But nothing was really the same since."

"Roman, I'm really sorry to hear all this. But how does it all relate to me?" Virgil said gently.

For the first time since the beginning of the conversation, Roman met his eyes. "Well, ever since all that mess, Trigger and I just haven't been the same. He won't come over when I call him, he refuses jumps, and he's not really- I don't know. We used to have this amazing bond, but now he doesn't even seem to like my presence." He glanced back at his feet again and bit his lip. "And then you.. the other day I went to get Trigger and I was already in a bad mood, I guess, expecting the worst from our lesson. And you were there, getting along with him perfectly. He looked so content and relaxed. I'll admit... it bothered me. It bothered me, okay?"

Tense silence settled in the arena. For the first time since he could remember himself, Virgil was the one trying to create eye contact while the other avoided it.

"I had no idea."

"Of course you hadn't.. but this is unfair to you. I'm sorry I've been an ass."

Virgil could tell it wasn't something easy to say; the boy looked like he was forcing the words out of his throat, and he didn't meet his gaze.

"I suppose I wasn't the friendliest either," he admitted. Roman shrugged.

Virgil shifted his weight from one foot to the other, turning the new information over in his head. The next thing he said caught him by surprise, which is impressive considering he's the freaking person who said the thing.

"I could maybe teach you...?"

Roman frowned. "Teach me?"

"Teach you how to reconnect with your horse. I worked with the psychological side of horses a lot back at my uncle's ranch... I could maybe help you and Trigger a bit."

Virgil's anxiety peaked as he stood before the boy - he was already taller than Virgil, so that clearly didn't help how small he felt awaiting the response.

"I don't need anyone to _teach_ me how to work with my own horse, thank you very much, Tom Booker," he uttered. 

It took all of Virgil's willpower not to roll his eyes. He should have known he wouldn't be able to put his stupid ego aside for the sake of his horse. Disappointing. Expected, but disappointing nonetheless.

"Suit yourself, I guess. I just kinda wanted to give something back, considering you've been giving me lessons."

He clucked for Ezran to follow him, and the horse willingly let him lead him by the reins to the exit of the arena. His mind traveled to Everest in her stall, and he made a note to himself to check on her.

"Virgil, wait."

He froze. The word felt strange behind him, and it took him about three seconds to realise Roman had never addressed him by his name before. He signaled Ezran to stop and turned his head back to the boy. Roman left the wall and walked over.

"I guess- I guess I _could_ use a bit of help. With Trigger, I mean."

Virgil almost managed a smile. "It's a deal then."

"If anybody hears of this, though, you are dead, Storm Cloud."

"Not if you'd be dead first, Champion Chafferer."

Virgil couldn't help nor explain the small smile that latched onto his lips like an irritating permanent sticker as he walked down the stables' corridor. He couldn't believe his own head when the thought that maybe, just maybe, Roman wasn't so bad came to his head.

Today had been a good day; he'd jumped for the first time, came to a bit of an understanding with Roman, and was determined to make the rest of the day just as productive and good. It'd been so long since the last time he was so positive about how the rest of his day is going to go, and Virgil was not minding the rare feeling.

As he made the turn to Everest's stall, a familiar voice calling his name had him twisting around. Laura approached him with a wave, wearing her signature smile.

"Virgil! Just the guy I've been looking for," she chirped. "Could you turn Everest out to the paddock? All of the other horses are already turned out, but Everest didn't let anyone even put a halter on her so she's still in her stall. Could you maybe help us a little?"

Virgil hesitated. "Um..." He didn't want to earn himself an opportunity of disappointing anyone or looking like a fool - what if Everest doesn't let him handle her either? What if he makes it worse? And everyone is going to see and laugh and think he's the worst equestrian on the planet and-

"Kid?" Fingers snapped at his face, yanking him out of his head. "You kind of zoned out there for a moment."

"Um- sure, I can try to get her for you."

Laura beamed. "Great! Her halter is hung by her stall. One last thing before you go, though."

Oh, crap. Virgil prepared himself for the worst - as always.

"I've told the ranch's owner about you and how you handled Everest," she said, making Virgil freeze. "We think you'd be great as her handler, you know? I'm talking about 100% handler. Taking care of her and making sure she stays in shape. It's such a pain to keep her alive and healthy when she won't even let any of us touch her."

Virgil's heart was so loud that he could hardly hear the end of the sentence. She'd just offered him to be a horse's personal handler!

"So? What do you say?"

"Yes, definitely," he blurted before he could stop himself.

Laura's perfect white teeth glinted when she smiled. "Sweet! I'll let her know you've accepted the offer, then. Now why don't you head to turn Everest out? She's been cooped up in that stall all morning."

"I'm on it."

Virgil's heart danced in his chest as he rushed down the corridor, staring in slight shock at his good luck. He waited for something to go wrong - something had to. But everything was perfect as he met with Everest, and as he convinced her to wear her halter, and as he led her out of the stall with soft words and a lead rope. Everything was still perfect as he let her out into the paddock, and as he returned to the stable to work. And everything was perfect as he walked home alone and entered a dark, small living room. And everything was perfect as he tread past his mother's empty room.

Well. Maybe not everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear you guys, I teared up a bit writing the first scene. It touched a topic that's very difficult for me as I am terrified of losing my horse. On a more positive note... um, I have no idea why I just typed that, I literally have no positive note to put here. Um, have a great day? Smile? Drink water? Yeah.


	5. Beyond Riding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda-important notes at the end!

If you'd told Roman a week ago that he would find himself leaning against the fence and watching the driveway waiting for that emo stablehand to arrive, he'd laugh at your face.

Well, surprise surprise. He was now standing doing just that.

The other day they'd swapped phone numbers, and over text they scheduled to meet for their... whatever that was, today. Roman wasn't sure what to call the whole "Virgil teaching him to reconnect with Trigger " thing. Most of the time he didn't want to even focus on it - not because it embarrassed him, of course not! Nothing could hurt Roman's pride.

 _Keep telling yourself that_ , a little voice in his head said. So he smacked it in the imaginary head with an imaginary chair. 

There we go, now it was gone.

As he waited for the nightmare of an emo to arrive, Roman's mind wandered pondering what the whole thing was going to be like. What did Virgil exactly plan to "teach" him? Perhaps they would-

The thought was cut short when the boy's figure appeared up the road. He walked with his eyes on the ground, hands tucked into the pockets of his hoodie and the hood slumped up on his head. Did he have any type of clothing other than hoodies? Roman wondered what he'd look like had he tried to walk with his shoulders straight and his chin up. It was pretty much impossible to visualise.

"I'm gonna be honest with you, I thought you'd be coming here in a car," Roman mentioned as he arrived. Virgil's eyes snapped up to meet Roman's. "Did you actually walk the whole way? Don't you live well into the town centre?"

Virgil shrugged. "My mum takes the car every morning."

"Uh... ever heard about buses? They're quite the revolutionary invention, you're gonna love them."

"Don't have the money to spare on bus rides every day of the week," he grumbled, before slightly widening his dark brown eyes like he didn't mean for that to slip out. "Just- forget it."

He swooshed past him and disappeared into the ranch, and Roman whirled around and leapt to catch up to his fast steps.

"Hold up, where are you going?"

The boy frowned, halting in place. "Uh.. am I missing something? Are we married now?"

"We're supposed to do the Trigger thing," Roman said, lowering his voice at the end in order to maintain complete discretion.

"I'm sure no one is going to behead you if they hear you say 'the Trigger thing'," Virgil uttered, resuming his walk. Roman followed him into the stables.

"So?"

"Oh, you expect us to go do it right now. Uh... I kinda have work."

Before he could stop himself, Roman found himself blurting, "I'll help you, we'll get whatever you need done faster."

Virgil's eyes darted from one side to another as though searching for a hidden camera before snapping back to meet with Roman's. "That's... strangely selfless of you," he mentioned.

 _I may or may not be absolutely desperate to do the 'Trigger thing' already_ , the voice from earlier said in his head in a bizarre moment of lack of dignity. Roman smacked it silent with a larger imaginary chair.

"Give me some credit, Negative Nancy. What do you need to do before you're laid off?"

Virgil stopped again. "I need to groom and saddle all the school horses so they're ready for the lessons at noon and sweep the corridors. After that I'm allowed like, an hour break before the kids show up. That's when I need to muck out the stalls while the horses are out in lessons."

"That's... what, twenty four horses? You do this all by yourself?"

"The other stablehand called in sick today."

Roman blinked as he ran through the other stablehands he'd seen around before. Up until now, he'd never even noticed he'd seen Virgil much more than any of them.

"I always see you work alone, though."

The stable boy didn't meet his eyes. "I usually take their share of the school horses to saddle. I like the extra work."

Roman stared at him. "... said no teenager ever. What even are you?"

"A guy in desperate need of a constant distraction," he said with a shrug before heading to the tack room as if to avoid any further questions. Roman followed him in.

When they entered, the distinct dusty smell of the tack room filled his nose. Without saying a word he grabbed a hard brush, a soft one and a hoof pick in one hand, and a set of a saddle pad and a saddle in the other. Virgil, who'd done the same, turned around and frowned with confusion at the equipment in his hands.

"Uh... What are you doing?"

"Helping you, what else?"

He left before the boy could add anything or argue, giving the saddle on his arm a quick glance; he recognised it as Bella's tack. He'd spent enough years in this riding school to know each and every school horse and their fitting tack. As he entered the old horse's stall and set the tack beside him, he saw Virgil head to another stall to tack a different horse.

It took the two about half an hour to tack up every school horse in the stables. Roman didn't mean for them to swap a word as they worked (as much as strangely, he kind of wanted to?), but somehow the two ended up in a lighthearted conversation as they passed around the stables, brushing and saddling the horses. He wasn't sure how it happened or who started it; but it wasn't the first time they'd found themselves swept up into a conversation in each other's presence. The time flew by so fast that Roman almost tripped in surprise when he glanced at his wristwatch and found it'd been half an hour. Sweeping the stables' hallway went a about the same way. At one point, Roman began to sing musical songs to pass the time as they worked, and Virgil almost laughed calling him a Disney prince reject. He almost laughed. Roman was this close to achieving the unimaginable.

"Thanks for the help, I guess," Virgil said when they were done. "Alright, alright, I see this look you're giving me. Let's get Trigger."

"Yes!" Roman cheered. "Should I go grab his tack?" 

Virgil snorted. "We won't be riding, Princy."

"Why n- wait, Princy? Really?"

"'Disney Prince Reject' was a mouthful."

"Eh, fair point."

The stable boy made his way to Trigger's stall, and Roman hurried behind him. "So what are we going to do?"

"You'll see."

He gave Roman a questioning look when they stopped by the door, and Roman returned him a look of approval. Virgil opened the stall and walked in. Trigger looked up from his hay and blinked at them from a pair of brown eyes. He didn't approach them like he used to before the accident, but at this point Roman didn't expect him to.

"Say, what are you usually here for when you enter his stall?" Virgil asked.

"To get him for practice, what else?"

He nodded. "This is going to be easier than I thought. It seems we've already found the first issue."

Roman frowned, mind clouded. "Um. I don't think I get it."

"Working with horses isn't all about riding," Virgil said. "Sure, it's the sport we do with them, but it kind of looks like you're associating Trigger with the sport rather than the sport with Trigger."

Roman was barely following. "Let's pretend I got that. What am I supposed to do?"

"When was the last time you went to his stall to do something other than riding?"

"Um..." Roman didn't quite understand the feeling of shame at the response he had to give. "I can't remember."

"Alright. Where is he most comfortable at?"

"The paddock?"

Virgil nodded. "Okay, I need you to go grab a halter and a lead rope. We're going to the paddock."

Roman didn't argue. He headed to his tack locker and grabbed his fanciest halter; a large, deep red halter with golden buckles. He grabbed a lead rope and headed back to the stall, where Virgil still stood by the door and watched Trigger nibble on his hay. When Roman arrived, he gestured his head at the horse. Roman pushed back a bizarre feeling of hesitation and approached the horse, who looked up from the hay. He slipped the halter onto his head and buckled it, clipping the lead rope to the bottom. Virgil pushed the stall door wider to allow the horse to exit, and Roman led him out. He battled an unexplained nervousness as the three of them exited the stable.

"How long have you had Trigger for?" Virgil asked as they made their way towards the paddock.

A smile tugged at Roman's lips at the thought. "About four years now."

"So since you were... what, thirteen?"

"Yeah, something like that."

Virgil unlatched the paddock's gate and drew it wide open to allow Roman and Trigger to pass through. He latched it back and returned to his spot on Trigger's other side.

"And how old was Trigger when you got him?"

"He'd just turned six, I think." Roman glanced across the vast blanket of green before them. "Alright, Tom Booker, we're at the paddock."

"I'm not sure if that was clear up until now, but I do have eyes. Keep walking. Can you tell me of the day you got him?"

Roman eyed the boy from a narrowed eye. He couldn't quite figure out where he was taking this, but slowly responded. "I first saw him in the middle of December. I was passing by a ranch in the neighbour town on my way to my grandmother's house. It was snowing quite a lot - like - Arendal after Elsa froze it over style - and he had this adorable thick winter coat and a red blanket on. He was probably curious regarding who I was because he trotted up to me - not that I blame him, I truly am one heck of a sight - and I was so cold that I dared to pass under the fence to give this stranger horse a hug. He was awfully warm. I couldn't really let go after that."

It almost looked like Virgil had forgotten of the mission he'd set for himself when asking all those questions, because he was staring at Roman with those deep brown eyes of his like this was the most fascinating story he'd ever been told. It was almost cute, how immersed he'd gotten.

"Then I heard some rancher. I thought she was going to kick me out for trespassing, but she offered me to come inside and drink hot coco by the fire as we wait for it to stop snowing so I don't have to travel like that." Roman half-consciously took note of the way they were now simply walking through the paddock. "We talked, and I found out she knew my parents. She told me they were good people. That she doesn't really see them around anymore. Apparently the three of them were close friends when they were younger, but then my parents started a family and she built that ranch for breeding show-jumping horses. So they kind of drifted apart."

A bird whistled in the distance, sending its song across the paddock and letting it twirl through their skulls.

"It was still snowing, and at some point my grandma got worried and called me. I told her where I was and she arrived, so we ended up spending the rest of our day at the ranch. When my parents came to pick me up, the rancher told them of how it seemed I took a liking to one of her best horses. My parents were happy to hear it, because I'd just lost my favourite school horse the previous year and didn't really feel like riding anybody else. They'd been trying to get me back in the saddle for a while. So they arranged with her to bring me over again, and the next time we came I rode him. I bought him on the first day of the new year. We've been inseparable ever since."

Virgil didn't ask another question; in fact, for a long moment he was very quiet.

"That sounds nice," he said, and Roman eyed him with the slightest surprise from Trigger's other side.

"Yeah. But may I ask why you're asking me all these questions? Not that I mind unraveling my life story before you. I'm sure you're having the time of your life."

Virgil squinted his eyes at the sky, tucking his hands into his pockets and ignoring the narcissist comment. Perhaps by now he'd gotten used to those. "The first step to getting on the same level with your horse is using your voice as your connection. They may not understand what you are saying, but when you speak to them as you work with them they learn to find comfort in your voice. They know that if you're speaking, it probably means everything is alright. And the main thing you want right now is Trigger associating the feeling of safety and security with you; considering they are naturally a prey animal, it's the feeling a horse appreciates the most."

The words were left hanging in the air for a bit as Roman searched for something to respond. He didn't feel like admitting it made sense in his head, although he wasn't sure why. It appeared his stubborn mind was still trying to find something against it, despite him trying to get along with the stable boy.

"Well, I don't see how that's supposed to help. He's heard my voice plenty of times before. When are we actually going to fix him?"

Virgil glanced at him from the corner of a dark eye. He shifted into position in front of Trigger and halted, causing Roman and the horse to stop as well.

"Alright then," he said, a little sternly. "Close your eyes."

"What?"

He reached out a requesting hand. "Give me the rope and close your eyes."

Roman narrowed his gaze, drawing his brows together as he searched the boy's face for something to betray his intentions. Virgil raised a brow as though urging him to do as he said. Slowly, Roman placed the lead rope in his hand and closed a pair of hesitant eyes. He felt the air around him shift as Virgil must have walked the horse a few steps away from him. Roman now sensed an empty space beside him where Trigger had been a few seconds ago.

"Alright, keep 'em closed. I'm releasing Trigger now."

"Wait, what?"

His eyes snapped open at an instinct, to see a frustrated looking Virgil standing across from him with Trigger, keeping a distance of about ten feet between them.

"What part in 'keep your damn eyes closed' did you not get, Princy? _Close them_."

Roman pursed his lips and reluctantly shut his eyes again. Darkness closed in on his vision.

"Good."

His ears caught the sound of the lead rope being un-clipped, soon to be followed by the shuffling of Trigger's feet through the grass. His stomach clenched.

Roman battled to keep his eyes closed as he sensed the animal advancing towards him. In a matter of seconds, the air in front of his face shifted as something filled its space, and he felt the breath of an animal against his skin. His shoulders stiffened. He clenched his jaw, his throat tightening up.

And his eyes snapped open.

"T- this is stupid," he sputtered as light hit his irises, jerking back and snatching the horse's halter to keep his head in place. "I don't see why we're doing this. What was that even supposed to be?"

Virgil still stood across from him, holding the disconnected lead rope in his hand. "That was me proving a point," he said, making his way over through the grass. "You didn't trust him. When he got closer, you couldn't keep your eyes closed. So stop questioning my methods and keep talking to the damn horse."

He clipped the lead rope back to the halter in one sharp motion and handed it to the silent Roman. As he turned on his heels and walked away, Roman blurted behind him, "I opened my eyes on instinct because at the end of the day it's still a large animal and you need to be cautious around it."

Virgil halted and twisted his head back. "Alright. So you would say Roman before the accident would have done the same?"

Roman opened his mouth, and closed it, and opened it, and closed it again. The other boy tucked his hands back into his pockets and walked on, sending a silent, invisible signal for him to follow. Roman hurried behind, leading Trigger with him.

"Are you implying that I'm scared?"

Virgil shrugged. "Trust me, I know fear better than you know that horse. If there wasn't a hint of fear in the way you're handling him, I wouldn't have implied it."

Roman stopped in his place. His eyes pierced through the other boy's back as though trying to figure him out.

"If you suffer from so much fear yourself, do you really think you're the right person to help someone dealing with the same thing?" he said. Something kept him from protesting, despite his stubborn head denying the possibility of fear playing any part in his Trigger issues. At least not fear on his side.

Virgil shrugged again. Such a simple gesture, but his eyes screamed a heavy emotion. He jumped onto the paddock's fence effortlessly and set himself on top of it, staring down thoughtfully. "It's always a little easier solving other people's problems."

Roman asked Trigger for a halt. He looked up to the boy on the fence with a curious blink. "That's why you're working with that impossible mare, isn't it."

It wasn't exactly a question more than it was a statement.

"Well..." Virgil fiddled restlessly with his fingers as though contemplating sharing a piece of information. "It's kind of easy to relate to her."

"Because...?"

He sighed in reluctance. "Because- because it's clear she has some sort of an anxiety disorder. I'm kind of dealing with one as well." His voice was so low and heavy it slipped into Roman's skull and silenced all unrelated thoughts.

Roman wasn't particularly surprised. However, a sense of clarity and something new seemed to have settled between them.

"I'm sorry about that."

"It's fine. It's really not that bad."

Something in his eyes told Roman that it was.

Virgil blinked as though a realisation had just sunk in in his head. "I can't believe I just told you that... If this gets out of you, Princy, I swear-"

"This stays between us," Roman blurted. "I promise." He hesitated before adding, "Thanks for trusting me with that information."

Virgil mumbled something in response, looking the other way.

"So I kind of have a question, but it has no tact whatsoever."

Something in the way the boy glanced at him told Roman he was expecting the worst. "Just ask instead of making me spiral down awful possibilities."

Roman shifted his weight onto his other foot. "Do you get those-... you know. _Attacks?_ Are those real or are they a myth?"

Virgil snorted at the idea. "Oh, I wish. Just imagine that. No, they are not a myth. And yeah.. I do get them."

He said it so quietly Roman could barely make out the words. Before he could say anything, the stablehand uttered, "I'm- I'm sorry, I just made this about myself." He didn't meet Roman's gaze. "Do you wanna get back to, ugh, the Trigger thing?"

"Is that what we're calling it now?" Roman said, grateful for the offer as he had no idea what to answer to the other thing Virgil had said; he didn't feel like he was making this about himself nor did he mind, but he wasn't particularly good at responding to things like that.

"Got a better idea?"

"Of course I do, I always have a better idea for everything, I'm just not sure what it is yet."

Once again, it almost looked like the hint of a chuckle crossed Virgil's face. "You're the worst."

"Oh dear, what does that make you?"

"Shut up."

\- - - - - - - -

Logan fixed his posture with a motion so subtle the sharpest of eyes would easily miss. He had positioned himself in the very centre of the indoor arena, after clearing out every last jump that was set up. He'd never understood groundworking; whatever was expected from him to fix there must have been easily fixable from the saddle. All groundworking ever gave him was a sore back from clearing out all of the obstacles in the arena to allow himself space to work. Logan couldn't show any sign of a sore back, of course.

He never felt fully comfortable with the lunge line in his hand and a lunge whip in the other. The equipment wasn't as light and easily-collected as the reins he'd usually be holding, and he couldn't help but feel a little cumbersome.

Standing a fair distance from him, Nexus gave him a look from a pair of dark eyes. Her halter had been connected to the lunge line, and the long rein hung in the air between the horse and her rider. Nexus didn't blink as she awaited his command. Logan's hands clenched around the equipment.

Something at the very bottom of his throat itched to be set free. It was a ridiculous act, one that Logan would usually frown upon; but for some awfully unexplained reason, the urge existed quite loudly.

So he gave in.

"I truly cannot figure you out, Nexus," he said. As the words figuratively bounced from one wall of the arena to the other and echoed through the place, the realisation he'd just spoken to the horse sank into his head.

He'd just spoken to a horse. Was Patton's presence starting to affect him beyond repair?

Nexus's silence only ignited the urge to add more in Logan. He pursed his lips. "You always stand there awaiting my command. You never do a thing to avoid training, to throw me off, to receive a treat or anything to your own benefit. I've seen each and every horse in these stables do all of the above, but you've always been too... _perfect_ for your own good. I never thought I would believe something as such existed, but on the other hand, I never thought I would find myself speaking to an unintelligent being either." He eyed the horse across the line. "And now I have been tasked with groundworking you, and I appear to be struggling with finding the correct approach for such method of training."

Nexus didn't move. Didn't twitch an ear. She blinked at him, legs frozen in place and attention locked with his.

"I have not shared this with anyone yet, but every so often... I secretly wish to be a bit more like my teammates. Look at us. Would you call what we have a bond?" The horse stood as still as a royal statue. "And our routine remains the same each and every day, yet we're expected to be more. Do more. Perhaps sometimes I feel like a prisoner."

He waited for something he couldn't quite figure out. Perhaps he wished for her to move. Perhaps to make a sound. But the tall, black mare did as he'd commanded and remained in her place. She always did as he'd commanded.

"I'm not quite sure how to put this into words..." Logan murmured, gesturing the whip behind her to ask her to start walking. The horse didn't miss a beat. "But something feels out of place, and I'm struggling to figuratively put my finger on it."

The horse walked around him in a wide circle, keeping her head low at a diagonal line with her body. He asked her for a trot, and she immediately obeyed.

"Is there something I'm doing wrong?"

\- - - - - - - -

The sun was well into its journey across the endless sky. Virgil had unconsciously lifted a foot to the fence at one point in the conversation or another, and now had his arm leaned on it as he listened to the boy on the ground before him speak. There was a spark he hadn't noticed before in Roman's eyes when he talked about horses - a golden speck in the caramel ocean that locked Virgil convinced there was still something he could do about the jumper's situation. His spark wasn't gone yet.

Virgil silently scolded himself for the thought; as much as he appreciated the more spiritual side of horses, he'd always been quite of a strict realist. Perhaps out of fear of developing high expectations and setting himself up for heartbreak. He grounded himself like turning a switch in his head and reminded himself of why he was here.

"There's no way any of that actually happened," he said, yanking himself out of Roman's eyes in order to focus back on the conversation.

"I swear!" Roman puffed a chuckle. "I was there."

"Come on... No foal can actually be _this_ dumb."

"Oh, you haven't met good ol' Jasper. Have I told you about the barrel incident yet? Or incidents, I should probably say."

It was surprisingly easy to talk to Roman. He didn't have to worry about carrying the conversation, and instead let the charismatic boy carry it for them - but at the same time, found himself always knowing what to respond. Time flew like an arrow piercing through thin air when he allowed himself to get swallowed up in the conversation with the vibrant guy, as the horse beside them grazed peacefully. Even his usual anxious conversation thought of "I must be boring them to death" made rare appearances, which had to say something.

"For real! And then I was like, 'yeah, no, definitely not my turn', and- what? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Virgil blinked. He hadn't caught the look that brushed his face. "It's nothing. I just wonder what it's like being you."

Oh, crap, that was weird to say. By the time he realised the words he'd released for the other boy to hear, it was too late.

"What do you mean?" Roman asked.

At this point there was nothing left to do but answer.

"I don't know, you talk with so much damn enthusiasm. I can't imagine having the energy for that. To be honest, I-.." He pondered whether he should go on or not. "It's not just the way you talk, it's everything. I've always kind of wondered what it was like being you. I'm sorry, that's- that's a weird thing to say. I'm awful at explaining myself."

"No no, I think I kind of get it. I mean, I can't help but wonder the same thing about other people every now and then. Well, spoiler alert, you wouldn't really wanna be me."

Virgil almost laughed. "Are you kidding? Dude, you have everything. Who wouldn't want to be you?"

Roman looked the other way and fiddled with Trigger's lead rope.

"I mean, you're a part of one of the best riding teams in the country, you have your own horse and lots of friends and.. I don't know." He carefully trod around things that would count as compliments. They didn't feel necessary to say anyway; Virgil doubted the guy wasn't aware of the fact that he was attractive or that he had a fun personality.

Roman petted Trigger's shoulder distractedly. "On the other hand, I'm the one rider here who doesn't have any type of bond with his horse anymore," he said. "Everyone here is so clearly loved by their horses, you know? And look at you. You're the only person that mare even remotely trusts. You know, I never really told you this, but... well..." Virgil did his best not to show any sign of anxiety as he waited for him to drag the words out. "I've always envied you for that connection you can make with the horses."

A tight string in Virgil's chest stirred with disbelief, accompanied by a warm feeling he couldn't quite attach a term to. "What?"

"Oh, don't look so surprised."

"I- I am. I didn't really think anyone could ever envy me... I mean, it's not like I have anything other than-"

 _Financial and mental issues_ , his mind said, but he didn't allow his voice to obey it.

"Well, I pretty much have nothing."

"And here I was, being all jealous of the way you had with horses, while you were jealous of me for.. that other stuff, I wasn't really listening."

He gave Virgil a look that implied he was messing with him, and Virgil was grateful for the assurance as for a moment he almost spiraled down into the "oh god I'm so very boring" road.

"I guess you never really know what the other person is going through."

The following silence that settled between them was a bit more comfortable. Virgil finally dared meet his eyes, and something in them made that tight string in his chest release. Just by a bit.

A small smile brushed Roman's lips. "You know, I don't think you-"

The sound of steps through the grass cut him off, making the rare half-a-smile that the corner of Virgil's lip had curled into flash away. His gaze snapped away from Roman, while the other boy turned around.

A rather short boy Virgil had recognised from the riding team made his way to them across the paddock. He had rich curls the colour of honey that fell on a pair of brilliant blue eyes, and sun-bathed freckles giggled from his nose and cheeks. He wore a simple light blue polo shirt and round glasses.

"Hey, you two!" he chirped as he approached, like this cursed world actually had anything to be so cheerful about. Virgil wrinkled his nose. "Roman, Trigger, we have practice, remember? Oh, that almost rhymed!"

What was this bizarre feeling of disappointment that settled in the pit of Virgil's stomach?

"I don't think I got your name, kiddo."

The address cut the troubled thought short. Virgil blinked himself into focus.

"Oh- um- Virgil."

"That's a cool name! My name's Patton. You're that one hardworking stablehand I see around a lot, aren't you? I already like you. I didn't know you were friends with Roman, though."

Virgil's gaze met with Roman's in a cue he assumed neither of them expected nor enjoyed.

"Uh..."

"Every friend of Roman is a friend of mine," Patton chortled.

_Guess we're friends now._

Virgil wasn't sure whether the stray thought came regarding Roman or Patton. Either way, it made him feel a bit weird.

Not a bad weird, though. And you could say it'd been a while.

"I guess I'll see you around, Emo," Roman said, signalling for Trigger to bring his head back up from the grass. The nickname wasn't exactly as filled with mockery as before.

"Yeah, see ya."

"And- thanks."

He shrugged the rare word off and looked the other way. "Yeah, don't- don't mention it."

Yes, now it was definitely disappointment that settled at the pit of his stomach as he watched the boy leave. Well, the boy and the horse and the other boy; but Virgil didn't seem to notice the other two for quite some time as they got farther and farther away.

\- - - - - - - -

Something prevented Roman from falling asleep. It didn't seem to be the strange feeling of butterflies from his lesson at fault - as much as it was a primary suspect, considering that earlier today he had the best lesson he'd had in a long time. Definitely not like old times, but still much better than the usual.

Almost like the things he and Virgil had done with Trigger before had somehow... helped?

They'd only walked around the paddock and chatted and stood with Trigger as he grazed. On the other hand... Roman couldn't quite remember the last time he'd done that. So who knows, perhaps it really was the reason his lesson had been so successful.

But no, this was not the feeling that kept him up. Roman was almost restless. Restless with that irritating feeling that there's something he's forgetting to do, like the awful itch you may sometimes get and never figure out its spot in order scratch it.

Roman reached a hand and sought his phone with blind fingers. His hand bumped in the dark into an object he'd recognised as what he was looking for, and his fingers closed around the device. He drew it closer and turned on the screen, and the sudden light burned through his irises and caused him to blink rapidly.

He lay on his back in the dark, blanket covering him up to his chest, and scrolled through his phone. Something he couldn't quite fit a term to directed his finger to the small Google icon, and before he could hold back and wonder why he'd felt the urge to search something, it was open before him. The white light from the clear screen of the search bar washed his face and made the rectangle before him glow in the dark.

Roman hesitated before typing in, " _anxiety disorders_ ".

And he began to read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thanks for reading the fifth chapter of Trustfall!  
> When I post these on Wattpad, I always add a picture at the beginning. For the first four chapters it was photos of the four main horses for the sake of visualisation, and from then on it changed into drawings of scenes from the chapters they're attached to. I don't think you can add photos on this platform, so I may create a link to some Trustfall gallery of some sort. You can also feel free to check the photos out on Wattpad until I do so. Thanks!


	6. Walls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to quickly pop in here and say, THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH!  
> I posted this on here only yesterday, but soon received multiple comments that were all so kind. I'm not gonna lie to you, I actually cried a bit reading them - writing is one of the most important aspects of my life, so your kind words meant the world to me. So again, thank you!  
> Alright, you can carry on now, haha.

There were about three things Roman would never admit to anyone, no matter the circumstances. The kind of things he wouldn't even admit to himself, but had this unspoken truth between him and himself that they were true.

The first thing was his unconditional love for tofu (he could never be seen with such quality-lacking serving). The second was the fact he still couldn't fall asleep without murmuring the song his mother had taught him as a kid. And the third - and probably the most scary to have cross his mind - was the fact that the lessons with Virgil were somewhat... enjoyable?

He couldn't tell when exactly the nicknames lost their mocking tint, or when they started making friendly conversation and laughing between themselves during their lessons. He couldn't tell when exactly he'd started smiling when his alarm would go off reminding him to go meet with Virgil for their lesson, or when Virgil's posture gradually turned a bit less gloomy when he approached to remind him of their "Trigger thing".

He couldn't tell why he was a bit disappointed when Virgil started to train with the team and their lessons were replaced by group sessions. He found himself on the verge of asking him whether he wanted to train together just the two of them again, but couldn't find a good enough excuse; Virgil was already improving tremendously with the team.

Perhaps it was just because Roman had enjoyed teaching. Yeah, that must have been it. He couldn't possibly like the gloomy boy's company.

But when it was just the two of them and a silent horse, Roman caught a new side of Virgil he'd never considered before. He was attentive, somewhat humourous, clearly much more intelligent than he tried to show, and he had this spark in his brown eyes whenever he talked about horses.

Maybe that was the reason Roman still appreciated their time together working with Trigger.

Virgil introduced him to groundworking exercises, bonding games and a side to horses he'd been completely blind to. As Roman now approached his horse's stall, there was something greater in the animal's eyes he was sure he'd glossed over in the past. Like he was now somewhat... _bigger_ than the sport. 

Roman opened the stall's door with one strong motion and stepped inside. He'd been here about five times that week already, even though he'd only had one riding lesson so far.

"Alright, Trig, we need to-"

The words caught in his throat when the horse lifted his head from the hay he'd been munching on and turned to him. He flicked his tail and made his way to his rider, sending a bittersweet memory flashing through Roman's head.

Roman's heart thudded like the hooves of a galloping horse when Trigger put his forehead against his rider's chest, allowing him to lift a hand to his head and stroke him.

"You-... you came over. You came over to me, on your own!"

He stifled his own voice down as not to startle Trigger, but his heart continued cheering in his chest as he petted his head and neck and puffed out a soft chuckle.

The sound of footsteps rose outside of the stall, soon to be followed by a voice. "Yo Princy, the others are heading out to the arena now, are you-"

Roman shot out of the stall. Before he could comprehend what he was doing or consider whether it was the best idea, he wrapped his arms around the surprised boy in a tight hug.

"He came over when I entered! Emo, are you getting this??"

He'd never hugged Virgil before, and there were multiple things he noticed at once. His hoodie was much softer than it looked, his heart was racing like a car speeding on the highway, and his hair had the fresh scent of chamomile - most likely his shampoo. Only once they parted had he realised he'd startled the boy so much he didn't even hug him back. Now that the adrenaline had died down by a bit, Roman felt somewhat embarrassed.

"Um- he- he what?" Virgil uttered hoarsely, running a pale hand through his hair.

"He walked over when I entered like he used to do. He actually stopped in the middle of eating to greet me."

Roman's smile widened at the look in Virgil's eyes. "Dude, that's great." That was probably the most enthusiastic voice the gloomy guy could produce, so no complaints from him.

"I'm going to tack him up now. You're joining on Ezran today, aren't you?"

Something shifted on Virgil's face, and Roman recognised the flare of anxiety. "Actually- Laura said she wanted me to try riding Everest today. You know, because of all the progress we've made recently... she thinks it's time I make the switch."

Now it was Roman's turn to widen his eyes at the news. "For real? That's fantastic, Virgil! You aren't looking super.. excited, though."

"I don't know, I guess I'm nervous about it. Laura said you guys would practice in the outdoor arena so Eve and I would get the indoor arena to ourselves. You know, so she doesn't freak out with all the people and horses. But- I don't know."

The subtle sense of disappointment at the fact he wasn't going to practice with them today caught Roman by surprise. Sure, they were friends now, but it felt like only yesterday they still didn't get along.

"Do you want me and Trigger to join?" he asked before he could stop himself. In their ground and bonding work with Trigger and Everest they'd let them out together multiple times, and it appeared the mare wasn't as nervous around Roman's horse. "Maybe you'd feel more confident taking such a big step with her when someone is watching to make sure everything's alright, and she's definitely been calmer with Trigger around lately."

Virgil looked down at his feet. "I mean- um, sure. That could be alright, I guess."

"Great, go tack her up then. We'll meet in the arena in ten minutes."

\- - - - - - - -

Virgil must have forgotten how great it felt to have someone he's not nervous around, because the feeling was so relieving it was crazy to imagine other people lived with it every single day.

Because the truth was - he wasn't nervous around Roman. At least not as much as he used to be. The boy made him feel comfortable in a way, like he could talk without double checking every word in his head to make sure it was a good enough quality to be heard by anyone. Like he could call him a nickname without stressing about the way it'd sound to him. Like he wouldn't judge. And it'd been so long since Virgil last stopped worrying about people's judgment even for a single minute.

It'd also been a while since he last didn't assume a person hated him. With every friend he'd ever had, his anxiety always managed to somehow convince him they must have secretly hated him by picking on the smallest - most likely meaningless - signs. But whenever Roman smiled at him in encouragement from the other side of the arena when Virgil cleared a nice jump, or when Laura complimented his skills, or when he managed to make conversation with the other teammates, he couldn't help but be almost convinced the guy didn't dislike him. It may not sound like a big thing to someone without social anxiety, but to Virgil it was huge.

These thoughts waltzed through his head as he unconsciously haltered Everest and tied the rope to one of the metal bars in her stall. Only once the saddle was already on did he notice he was so caught up in his thoughts that he barely noticed the breakthrough happening before him.

"This is the first time I've ever saddled you," he exhaled. "And you didn't freak out."

If she were a regular horse he was training, Virgil would have carefully planned everything out and saddle-trained her about a month before starting to work from her back - but Everest was already a trained horse, she only needed to work through that awful anxiety of hers. Regardless of that, Virgil scolded himself for allowing his mind to drift off while making this big step.

Everest blinked at him like she could hear his every thought. It almost felt like she'd purposely given him the space to think.

"Roman and Trigger must be already waiting for us," he told her and pushed the door wide to lead her out.

He wasn't wrong; as he led the cautious mare towards the arena, keeping an encouraging hand on her shoulder as she made her hesitant steps inside, he spotted the rider and horse in the centre of the arena. Roman was already sitting astride Trigger.

"I was starting to think you'd never come. Was she being difficult?"

"Uh.." Virgil patted her shoulder. "Nah, you could say something else was."

He looked away and led Everest to the centre before Roman could ask any further question. The horse hesitated before following him when he nudged the rope.

"I think I'm going to try to lead her around a bit so she gets used to the place before I get on," he said, and Roman nodded.

"That's not a bad idea."

Virgil gave another gentle pull from the rope. The mare beside him made a jerky step forward, and he encouraged her to walk with him across the arena. She walked even more hesitantly than she usually did; switching between sharp stops to jumpy steps in a matter of seconds. Virgil relaxed his hands on the rope, trying to send a calm energy to the mare.

"See, the arena isn't that scary, is it," he said for the sole purpose of letting her hear his voice. At the corner of his eye, Roman watched from his horse's back. He walked her around for about two minutes before Roman spoke.

"I think this should be enough, are you going to get on now?"

Virgil hated the little skip his heart did before dropping to his stomach; the kind of skip that usually meant his anxiety was making an appearance. "I don't know... what if she's not ready? What if she's going to lose her trust in me? What if she freaks out and hurts herself?"

"And what if she doesn't?"

He hesitated. When he flashed a look at the mare beside him, his face returned him a glance from the reflection in her eyes.

"Come on, Emo, you're gonna have to do it eventually," Roman said. "Besides, right now you're only freaking her out if anything. You're the one who taught me how horses can feel how we feel."

"Darn it, why must I be such a smart horse whisperer to be adored by everyone," Virgil groaned, causing Roman to laugh. He'd started using those narcissistic jokes of Roman as a way to mock him, but it had slowly developed into somewhat of an inside joke between them. Kind of like a never-ending contest of who can sound like the most condescending human being on the planet.

"So?"

He shifted in his place in unease. "I guess I'm getting on."

"Awesome."

He led her to the other side of the arena to grab a small mounting block before returning to the centre. The nervousness consumed him from the inside as he placed it beside the horse and petted her before stepping onto the block.

"You know you can easily mount without that thing, right?" Roman said from where he and Trigger stood.

"I don't want to damage her back, though."

He grabbed the reins and the saddle and commanded his heart to slow down. Everest stirred her ear at his direction. Virgil set his left foot in the stirrup and gulped down a lump of anxiety before putting his weight on it and climbing onto the horse's back.

He could only describe the feeling as.. right. Like he'd been riding this horse his entire life, like they'd been shaped to fit each other perfectly. He released a tight breath and patted her neck.

"There we go, good girl."

Despite her looking rather calm, a strange feeling crept up Virgil's spine. Like there was a spark of fear that she was pushing down.

He lifted his gaze to meet with Roman's, who had a wide smile planted on his face. "See? You worried for nothing," he said. "She looks fine to me. You're forgetting she's been ridden and jumped before."

Virgil froze. "You- you don't expect me to jump her, do you?"

"Of course you're going to jump her."

Virgil's eyes widened in a flash, and his heart dropped to his stomach. Roman on the other hand, laughed.

"I'm kidding! Nah, you need to work with her more before doing anything like that. Should have seen your face though. You looked _terrified_."

"I'm going to make your face a lot more than terrified."

"Yeah, keep threatening, that's cute."

He signaled Trigger to start walking before Virgil could respond. Virgil looked down at Everest and shifted in unease on the saddle. "Alright, let's see what you can do."

He asked her for a walk, and the horse shot into a fast trot and bounced across the arena, sending his heart shooting through his chest with the sudden movement.

"Woah, easy!"

Roman and Trigger stopped and turned to look at the two as Everest took them on a roller coaster ride around the arena. She rushed to a nearby wall and made a sudden halt that made Virgil's stomach flip before dashing across the place to the other wall and doing the same thing.

"What's gotten into her?" Roman called as though that'd help.

Everest rushed along the walls as though searching for a secret opening. She released a high-pitched whinny that pierced Virgil's ears, before breaking into a fast canter across the arena. Virgil sat deep in the saddle and pulled on the reins, and the horse immediately flashed a few fast steps backwards that made him nauseated. 

"Woah, Eve, relax," he murmured through his rushing heartbeats and petted her neck. The horse flared her nostrils and pawed at the ground, and her anxiety flowed through their contact and infected him.

"Dude, your horse is nuts," Roman said. When Virgil looked up, he found a smile on his face that delivered the clear message he was joking. "What's gotten into her?"

The words 'your horse' in regards to Everest spread a warm feeling in his stomach. "I think.." He passed his gaze across the arena in search for answers, then back at Everest. Her eyes were darting from side to side, and she backed another step and pawed at the ground. He could sense her fright as though it was burning in his own skin. "I think she may be claustrophobic."

Roman narrowed his eyes at the mare as he considered the possibility. "That somehow makes sense. Then what are we supposed to- _OH._ Oh, Virgil, I have the best idea."

"Roman, I am terrified of your potential idea."

The boy must have been excited, because he didn't even notice he had addressed Virgil by his actual name - which made it all the more terrifying.

"Please don't say we're going to-"

"We're going to take her on a trail ride!"

"Ohh boy."

Triggered walked a couple steps closer at Roman's signal, and Everest sniffed the other horse's shoulder. "Think about it! No walls equals no claustrophobia. Not to mention we've never trail rode together and you absolutely need to see the area, the forest looks like it's been taken out of a Disney movie!"

"Do you make everything about Disney?"

" _Please_ let's take them on a trail ride?" he said, gracefully ignoring the question. Virgil looked the other way, and his eyes met with the blink of sunlight that sneaked through the gate.

"Urgh, fine, I guess."

"Splendid! I'm going to show you all our favourite places in the area!"

"I cannot contain my excitement."

Roman clucked for Trigger to go forward, and the horse happily obeyed. Virgil and Everest watched as they reached the arena's gate, and Roman bent over from Trigger's back to unlatch it. He pushed it open with a nudge from his foot.

"You guys coming or not?"

Virgil pushed down the anxiety before it could affect Everest. "I guess."

\- - - - - - - -

Logan was feeling something. And that was already a highly concerning sign.

Usually when he would find himself feeling something that wasn't strictly objective and impartial, he'd repeat to himself his three key statements:

You are slowing yourself down.

What would father say about these feelings?

And lastly, try to be like Nexus. No, don't try - _be_ like Nexus. There was no trying for Logan; only doing.

Those three statements usually managed to ground him and pinch any foreign human emotion out of his head. Those were the statements that had gotten him through any remote sign of stress before exams, any hint of longing for human company, and the strange, dark feeling of grief at his cousin's death. So naturally, as Logan sat astride his horse as she walked collectively along the fence and felt a strange feeling he could only describe as an abyss in the very centre of his stomach, he repeated the same statements in his head.

You are slowing yourself down.

The familiar figurative slap at the sound of the statement in his head came as expected, but it wasn't hard enough to nudge him out of the feeling. Slightly disturbed, Logan tried the next.

What would father say about these feelings?

Father would tell him to forget them as they were slowing him down. But the "slowing down" slap had already come and gone, and Logan was still dissatisfied. Not to mention father wasn't here, and couldn't read Logan's mind or sense his emotions. And so, Logan resorted to his final statement.

Be. Like. Nexus.

Keep your shoulders straight, your eyes forward. Only answer when addressed. Only play to win. Only wake up to work. Only work to be the best. Be obedient. Be strong. Be a machine. Follow your routine. You are here to be first. You are here to achieve. You are here to win.

But you're feeling. Why are you feeling?

No, wait, that part wasn't supposed to be there.

Logan's hands pulled on the reins as though on their own command. Nexus halted.

"How do you do it, Nexus?" he said softly. Speaking to the horse was foolish - she couldn't understand him nor compose a respond. And yet, the moment the words left his mouth, Logan felt the urge to say more.

From their very first day together, Nexus and Logan's relationship was nothing more than the mutual respect between co-workers. He never minded it. She never minded it, either.

But suddenly Logan was feeling.

"Logan? Can you hear me?"

He turned his head around at the sound of Laura's voice. She had one hand on the hip that supported her weight, and the other shielding her eyes from the sun as she looked up to meet his eyes up on the horse's back. Behind her, on the other side of the outdoor arena, Patton had dismounted Puzzle and was in the middle of rolling up the stirrups of his saddle. He looked a bit down and perhaps nervous today, but Logan didn't pay it much thought.

"Everything okay, kid?" Laura asked. "We're done here for today."

Logan looked down at his hands, clutching them around the reins. He slipped his feet out of the stirrups and dismounted the horse.

"May I speak to you about something, Laura?"

"You may, Logan," she said, in a tone that suggested she was affectionately mocking his style of speech. He was often told he was "too formal". That was preposterous nonsense.

Logan fiddled with the reins in his hands. "I've been feeling something I can't quite describe regarding the sport of riding, and I must say, I'm quite disturbed by it."

"Go on, kid."

He flashed a glance at his horse. She stood with her head respectfully low. "Well, recently I have not been satisfied with my riding sessions, despite them going well. I feel as though..." He searched for the correct words in his mind. "I almost feel as though there is something I am missing out on, and I can't quite figure what it is. I do not feel as fulfilled as I'm expected to feel according to the success of my riding lessons."

"Why would the results of your riding lessons play such a big part of your sense of fulfillment?" Laura asked.

"I find your question rather self-explanatory, Laura. When my lessons go well, I am supposed to naturally feel satisfied with them. When they go wrong, I am supposed to naturally feel dissatisfied. However, recently I've been feeling more dissatisfied with my successful lessons than I used to feel with my unsuccessful ones."

Logan couldn't figure out the reason behind the hint of amusement on Laura face. "Logan, not everything has to be so black and white all the time."

"Is it not in this case, though?" he said.

"Nope. Believe it or not, kid, but nothing is ever truly black and white. Especially when it comes to the human mind. And it looks like there's something on yours."

"Why do I feel like there's something that I'm missing?" he blurted in a small burst of understanding. "Why do I feel like it's not perfect when, on a technical level, it is?"

Laura tucked her hands into her pockets. "You've been riding your entire life, have you not?"

"I had no other choice."

"And do you like to ride, Logan?"

Logan hesitated. Why did he hesitate? He never hesitated. "I know that I don't dislike it. However, I can't help but feel like there is an aspect of it that I'm not getting right."

"Maybe it's not an aspect of riding that you aren't getting right, kid."

The sentence baffled him. "This feeling has strictly to do with riding. I have not associated it with school nor with my family."

Laura gave a slightly sad smile. "I'm gonna let you sleep on that, alright? Good lesson today, kid."

She turned around and crossed the arena, leaving Logan and Nexus standing on the sand like a pair of marble statues.

Good lesson today, kid.

That's what she always said. And somehow, that was a part of the problem.

Good lesson today. Good lesson yesterday. Good lesson tomorrow.

What was he doing wrong?

\- - - - - - - -

Virgil couldn't tell who was more relaxed as they rode a path that slithered through the forest; him or Everest. Once they had let the ranch shrink behind them, and the sun reached out and stroked their faces, Everest was a whole new horse. Her previously-tense muscles relaxed, and her heart wasn't racing through her contact with her rider. Virgil took in the scent of foliage and dying dew and allowed his mind to clear. The repetitive sound of Trigger and Everest's hooves on the path below them was music to his ears.

"See? I told you this was a good idea," Roman chortled.

"Yeah, yeah, enjoy this while you can."

"Don't mind if I do, storm cloud, don't mind if I do."

Virgil stifled a tired chuckle. He was grateful for the fact Roman and Trigger walked before them, so the other boy couldn't see his face. Virgil glanced down at Everest and patted her neck, watching the sunlight that sneaked in through the tree tops dapple her grey coat and compliment her natural dapples in its graceful dance upon them.

"So where are we going?" he asked.

Roman turned his head back to flash him a smile. "You'll see."

"You should probably tell me before my anxiety does."

"Darn it, way to ruin a nice surprise, Virgil's anxiety."

Everything was a little less heavy and awkward when the two joked about it - and Virgil didn't particularly mind.

"Fine, we're taking you to the place the ranch was named after."

Virgil tried to fit "Daybreak Stables" to a place, with no success.

"Please don't tell me you're taking us into the literal sun."

Roman cracked a laugh. "We're taking you to Daybreak Lake, Panic! At the Everywhere."

"What can I say, when it comes to you, you may never know. I must always take cautious steps in order to keep myself alive in your company."

"Shut up, I'm fun."

Virgil battled a smile and glanced down at his hands on the reins. The sound of the horses' hooves once again filled the silence.

Virgil hadn't trail rode since his uncle's death. He felt the urge to mention it, in a way that would deliver his thanks to Roman without him having to explicitly say the word. Because Virgil was grateful for this ride.

He clucked for Everest to pick up the pace until they walked by Roman's side, silently arguing with his heart to shut up. "Uh, I kinda wanted to say thanks," he said awkwardly. "I haven't gone for a ride out in a long time."

"Yes, loyal subject, shower your gratefulness upon me," Roman said with a smirk, and Virgil rolled his eyes. He should have seen that coming. "Okay, for real now. It's no big deal, Emo."

Virgil didn't mind the smile that tugged at the corner of his lips as much as before. Almost like every day he was a bit more real with Roman. The realisation that it'd been almost two months since they started to train together was insane.

The rest of the ride passed in a blur. They chatted about everything they managed to reach, from horses to movies to things a little too deep and quickly back to horses because non of them had the energy for those. Something that sparked at them through the trees made Roman ask Trigger for a halt, signalling Virgil to do the same.

"Alright, you need to be careful when you pass between these trees, okay? We're almost there."

Virgil nodded, collecting the reins and pressing his calves against the horse's sides to get her attention. He watched as Roman guided Trigger off the path and through the crowd of trees, and with a bit of extra encouragement Everest agreed to do the same.

It was less than a minute's walk between the trees and rocks when the four had reached their destination; the distant spark turned into a shining veil of still water that rested before them. The trees surrounding the small lake reached their long branches down to dip their leaves in the crystal-clear water, and sunlight weaved its glow across the smooth surface. The entire setting looked surreal.

"Welcome to Daybreak Lake," Roman said proudly as though he was its very creator. He hopped off of Trigger's back and led him to the edge of the water by the reins, and the horse lowered his head and sipped from the clear waters.

Virgil carefully climbed off Everest's back, taking note of the fact this was his first time ever dismounting her. She was a bit more cautious than Trigger regarding the water, but it appeared seeing him freely drink from it encouraged her to do the same.

Still holding onto the reins, Roman sat on the ground and leaned his arms on his knees. Virgil pushed back a hint of shyness that crept through his stomach and sat down by his friend, clutching the reins to relieve the bit of stress that remained in him after the peaceful sight of the lake had chased most of it away.

"Why is it called Daybreak Lake?" he asked.

Roman closed his eyes peacefully, and sunlight trailed across his eyelids and made his skin glow golden. "Its east side is perfectly shaped with the trees and rocks so at sunrise the sunlight just washes through them and makes the entire lake glow like a spotlight. It's almost magical."

Virgil watched Everest as she stared at her reflection in the water and backed a step away from the lake, causing the reins to shift in his hands. A rush of affection towards the mare washed his entire body.

"So... school is starting next week," Roman mentioned gently. Virgil's stomach made a doubled flip in his stomach.

"Yeah," he managed to mumble through a veil of anxiety. "I'm not gonna lie to you, Princey, but I thought you'd be the type to go to some fancy private school. Are you sure we're going to the same one?"

"I already told you, yes. Me and my brother both go to this school."

Virgil glanced at the boy by his side. "Come on. That big filthy public school?"

"Yup. I'm not that spoiled, Emo."

"I find that hard to believe."

Roman nudged his shoulder, and Virgil stifled a laugh and nudged him back.

"Alright, truth is..." he murmured, and Virgil silenced and allowed him to continue. "I used to go to a private school. But then I had the accident and I had to be in rehab for really long, so naturally I was left far behind my class. I don't meet the school's standards anymore so I couldn't enroll this year."

Virgil cleared his throat. "Oh."

"Yeah. But hey, it's cool. At least I get to be with you guys."

_You guys._

The words warmed Virgil's chest like a soft flame that's making its way through his heart. Not only that someone considered his company an upside to the school, it seemed, but he considered him a part of a bigger group. Virgil had never been a part of a bigger group before.

"What are you all smiley about?" Roman asked, lips curled up in amusement.

"Nothing, shut up."

"Aww, you love your new friends, don't you."

"Shut up, you guys aren't my friends."

"Sure we aren't, storm cloud."

\- - - - - - - -

If you'd told younger Patton that one day he's going to be bitter about going to see horses for sale, he'd be shocked. But his parents weren't very secretive about the plan being replacing Puzzle, so you could say he couldn't be particularly thrilled about the idea.

Only after cooking breakfast for all his siblings, making sure they had all brushed their teeth, dropping off the youngest in his daycare and the oldest in her ballet class, going grocery shopping with the other two and turning on a movie to keep them busy, did he have time to sit down and collect his thoughts. His head was in mayhem, considering he was meant to go with his mother to the neighbour town to look at a couple of horses for sale. In other words, he was terrified. At least he had his loud siblings to keep his head busy.

Growing up as the eldest child in a family with parents who would leave for work early and return late, Patton naturally took care of his four little siblings his entire life. He knew that was probably the reason he had such a parental personality - and often wondered what kind of personality he would have had had he been an only child. His friends never minded it - nor did they mind him calling them "kiddos" out of habit. He'd gotten so used to calling his siblings by that nickname that it stuck with him.

"Pattttt, Kiara changed the movie again!"

The call from outside his room cut his thoughts short. He released a heavy sigh and dragged his feet over to the living room, where his little sister stood on the table on the tips of her toes with the remote high in the air like a flag, and the younger one was jumping up and down in a pathetic attempt to reach it.

"Kiki, we said you two would watch something you both agree on, didn't we?" he said, tickling the nine year old's stomach and grabbing the remote as she burst into giggles. "Alright, kiddos, what do you want to watch?"

"I wanted to keep watching Frozen, but Kiara decided she wanted to watch-"

She was cut off by the old TV, that finally released itself from its lag and played the film Kiara had chosen to her little sister's dismay. Patton's heart hammered against his ribs.

Puzzle appeared on the screen, trotting with the energy of a baby deer across the grass in the family's back yard. Patton recognised himself as a five-year-old on his back - he'd watched this video a little too many times. His father's voice laughed from behind the camera as Puzzle flashed past Patton's mother, his baby sister in her arms, and reached a wide bucket of water on the other side of the yard. Apples floated on the surface - Patton's parents' doing, he was sure - and as the horse let down his head quickly to grab one, fiver-year-old Patton came rolling down his neck and into the bucket.

Kiara burst into giggles, the way she always did watching the video. It was her favourite thing to watch - and nobody really blamed her. She would always say how she wished she were alive when that happened.

Patton couldn't bring a word up his throat as the video ended with his dad's giggles as he rushed over with the camera to help his son out. He swallowed down a lump of iron and closed the video player with a simple button press on the remote.

"You guys are going to find a movie you both want to watch, alright, kiddos?" he said as gently as he managed. The girls nodded.

"Okay, great. I need to go prepare lunch."

\- - - - - - - -

Moonlight infiltrated Roman's room and dappled his floor as he lay in his bed under a soft blanket. He was too lazy to check the time as he tapped the middle of his screen to replay a video for the fifteenth time that night.

'Yo, storm cloud', he heard himself say behind the camera. He could see Virgil's back as he rode ahead on Everest.

Virgil turned his head back and rolled his eyes with a smirk, before sticking out his tongue at the camera.

'Why don't you tell the people what we saw earlier,' Roman-behind-the-camera said, and Virgil snorted a chuckle.

'We saw-' He cut himself off to stifle down a laugh. Gotta keep a reputation, Roman guessed. 'We saw a wild rabbit chasing a full-grown gosh-darn fox,' he managed to say.

'And Emo, may I ask how that makes you feel.'

'You're such a dumbass.'

'Alright, people, I can confirm the wild rabbit chasing a full-grown gosh-darn fox has made Virgil doubt my intelligence.'

'God, you're such a dumbass.'

Roman-behind-the-camera burst into laughter, and Virgil, who'd already looked back forward, pulled his hoodie over his head and buried his face in his hands. Roman was ready to replay it before it even ended. He giggled a bit more each time.

Truth was, he couldn't remember when he last had this much fun on a trail ride. Not to mention Trigger was acting like himself, and Everest had only a couple of freak-outs throughout the entire thing. So overall - a successful day.

Roman forced himself to turn off his phone and set it on the dresser by his bed. He had a riding lesson scheduled for the following day, and he was determined to make it count.

He and Trigger were going to be him and Trigger.

\- - - - - - - -

So Virgil had a good day. So he rode Everest for the first time, and talked to a friend, and got to see a neat lake, and his mother was home by the time he'd arrived, and his sister seemed to be doing better than the day before, which was great..

His anxiety didn't care.

He could tell it was going to happen when he set his bag on the floor of the dark room, feeling like a ghost. The silence screamed in his ears and pressed against his skin with the pressure of all the water in the ocean. So Virgil made a smart move and locked himself in the bathroom.

It was the only piece of control over the situation that he had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Chapter 7 will probably be ready by the 16th of September, but I'm not 100% sure. Either way, it's going to be here soon. Have a great day!


	7. Sleep Deprived

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This has been ready for about a day, but there was this one scene that I'd scribbled in my notebook at school real fast and then _proceeded to forget the notebook there_ which caused a couple of issues because we just started a new lock-down. My friend was able to get it for me though, so the scene has been rescued.  
> How are things going for you guys virus-wise? I hope you're all keeping yourselves and the people around you safe!  
> Anyway, here is chapter 7. Sorry for rambling so much.

Logan woke up feeling particularly rebellious this morning. So rebellious, one may say, that after brewing himself his regular cup of black coffee (exactly one and three quarters tablespoons of coffee beans in 236 millilitres of hot water), he dared return the jar of coffee beans to the top left shelf in the cupboard instead of the bottom left one as per usual. Strangely enough, as adrenaline-inducing as the act was, Logan didn’t feel quite satisfied. Perhaps today he would remain at the stables five – no, _ten_ – minutes after his usual time of departure. Perhaps he would even give Nexus a carrot as a reward for her performance in their lesson, and even tell her she is a “good girl”.  
Okay, not that rebellious. What’s next, wearing a white sock with a grey one?  
Logan amused himself with the ridiculous idea (could you imagine? _A white sock and a grey one!_ ), as he left the house, feeling particularly… “savage”, as a teenager may say. The bus ride to the ranch was uneventful, and nothing suggested today was going to be a special day as he entered the stables on even steps and stopped to grab his horse’s tack before heading out to her stall.  
Nexus gave him a blank look when he entered. Logan laid the tack on a nearby stand and quickly haltered her and tied the rope to a metal bar. He meant for the tacking process to be nothing but efficient; which meant he brushed the horse fast and where it was required and saddled her up in a couple of quick motions without letting his thoughts drift away. Nexus stood quietly in her place and waited for his command to leave the place.  
And an immense wave of boredom hit Logan and made him blink lazily.  
He glanced at his horse, who kept her gaze fixated before her as though waiting for him to tell her where to look. His entire life was one big routine, but Nexus was the most fixed one. Thinking back to their recent sessions, he couldn’t tell them apart.  
Logan never got what people found so enticing about horses. And although Laura had implied his problem wasn’t in his riding, he couldn’t help but be convinced it had to do with it. He felt this way when he was with Nexus.  
What was he missing? When he would lay in his bed at night after a day at the stables, why would his mind never travel back to his horse? His teammates wouldn’t stop talking about theirs.  
Logan shot a glance outside of the stall; the corridors were empty from humans, and nothing but faint dust hung in the air. He glanced back at his horse. When he quietly clucked to her, she turned her head to meet his eyes. Logan lifted a hand and stroked the horse’s face. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d done so; her forehead was stiff due to the skull underneath, but warm, and she blinked slowly in response to his touch.  
Logan had never realised how she was the most obedient horse in the stables, yet the one who got the least attention. He’d never considered that perhaps she did need it.  
Perhaps he did, too.

Apparently he wasn’t the only one trying out new things; when Logan entered the outdoor arena, Nexus following with her head low, the first thing he noticed was that Virgil was already there with the others – on that small grey mare he’d been training.  
“Logan, perfect, we almost started without you,” Laura said as he climbed onto the saddle. Patton looked shocked to his core.  
“Logan, we would _never_ start without you.”  
Logan never understood why the boy kept going out of his way to make sure no one was hurt, but it appeared like such an exhausting task. Either way, he didn’t need the reassurance – he wouldn’t have been hurt had they started without him.  
“Alright, guys, along the fence. Warm up.”  
Logan was determined to make this lesson matter. There had to be something he was doing wrong, otherwise he wouldn’t have been dissatisfied with his lessons. That only meant one thing:  
They could be better.  
No matter how easily they cleared all the fences, no matter how controlled and collected their postures were, something must have been improvable. It could _still_ be better.  
And yet, as Logan and Nexus figuratively flew over the obstacles with the most effort and precision he could put into it, he was still left somewhat disgruntled.  
He must have been extremely focused on his riding, because he hadn’t noticed something was going on until the sound of the arena’s gate made him turn around to find Virgil leading Everest out of the arena. Roman seemed to be in the middle of tying Trigger to the fence, and once he was done he left behind the boy and the horse.  
It appeared Patton was going to follow, when he paused. Logan rode over and was about to ask him what was going on when his teammate pulled out his phone – the apparent cause to his pause.  
“Mum?”  
A short silence followed the single word, before something Logan couldn’t quite recognise flashed in Patton’s eyes. His face darkened at once.

\- - - - - - - -

The first thing Roman noticed when his friend entered the arena that day, leading a cautious Everest behind him, was that something was definitely off. The bags beneath his eyes were somehow the least concerning thing.  
Roman tried to make a light-hearted joke asking whether he ever wore anything beside a hoodie, as it was a warm day and he couldn’t imagine riding in that thing. Virgil gave a quiet response – something about him preferring it that way – before getting onto his horse’s back. Concerning thing number two: he did it without a hint of hesitation – almost like he didn’t have any time to waste. Which was extremely out of character.  
About ten minutes into the lesson, Roman made an impulsive decision and blocked his way, causing Everest to halt. She was particularly anxious today, and pinned her ears in warning for Trigger not to make one step closer.  
“You okay there, storm cloud?” Roman tried. At the corner of his eye, Logan and Nexus continued with their run of the course – quite flawlessly. Which was definitely not annoying or anything.  
Virgil didn’t meet his eyes. “I’m fine.”  
“Sure, and I’m the Eifel Tower.”  
The faintest ghost of a smile brushed the boy’s lips, but it died away as fast as it came.  
“Okay, now what’s really going on?”  
“It’s nothing you should worry about,” he grumbled. When he looked down at his horse, who was pawing at the ground and flicking her tail nonstop, his face hardened. “I need to go.”  
“What? We’re in the middle of a lesson.”  
“This- this is unfair to Everest. I’m only making her more anxious and it’s just- I have to go.”  
He jumped off of the horse’s back with no warning, before grabbing the reins and leading her towards the gate.  
“Virgil?”  
Laura gave Roman a questioning look from where she stood and watched Logan and Nexus – looking kind of useless, considering she had no corrections to give them. Roman practically leapt off of Trigger before tying him to the fence. He jumped over the fence and rushed down the path to the arena – Virgil and Everest must have been heading to the stables.

\- - - - - - - -

Virgil’s hands trembled around the reins as he led the horse into her stall. It caused the guilt to greaten, and he hurried to slip the bridle off as soon as they entered. He closed the door of the stall with one yank and sat on a nearby bale of hay blankly. Everest stared at him through her dark gems.  
“I’m sorry, Eve,” he murmured. “I didn’t mean to make you so anxious. Maybe it’s not the best idea to ride a horse when you’re feeling like crap.”  
Faint surprise ignited in his stomach when the horse made a couple of steps closer and offered her big head to his chest. Virgil hugged her head and laid his face on her forehead, aware of her sensing his rushing pulse. His tense muscles relaxed by little.  
“I had an awful anxiety attack last night,” he muttered as though the horse could understand. “But I have work today so I came anyway and I didn’t really get any sleep and- you know how it is.”  
The horse blowed quietly through her nostrils, warming Virgil’s stomach. She knew how it was.  
A soft knock on the stall’s door snapped his attention. “Virgil?”  
Virgil tried to plaster a fake smile onto his face, but didn’t have the energy. Oh, isn’t that fantastic – he hated it when people saw him at his low.  
“Hi,” he let out, looking the other way. Roman pushed the door open and walked inside without making much noise. “I already said I was fine.”  
“Yeah, whatever. Scoot over.”  
Virgil groaned in annoyance before making room for him on the hay bale with the most reluctance he could demonstrate. When Roman sat down beside him, causing Everest to jerk back a bit, his stomach made a little flip and he avoided his eyes. Sitting close to people made him too self-aware.  
“So? Everything okay? You kinda worried us back there.”  
Virgil snorted. “Why do you even care?”  
“Oh come on, aren’t we friends now?”  
The disappointment that had snuck into his voice gave Virgil the tiniest boost of confidence.  
“Yeah, I guess we are,” he grumbled.  
“Okay, great, then what’s going on with you?”  
Virgil stroked a distracted thumb back and forth across Everest’s face. “It’s nothing too bad. I, uh.. I didn’t get much sleep last night. I was kinda sore after the ride and, uh, I can’t really fall asleep when I’m in pain. So.”  
“Oh.” Roman blinked. “That’s- that’s not nearly as bad as I imagined. I thought somebody like- freaking- _died_ or something, I don’t know.”  
“I see, gotta work on my tired face, thanks for the feedback.”  
Roman chuckled faintly and lifted a hand to pet Everest. The horse jerked back and turned away from them at once, and he lowered his hand. “Sorry.”  
“It’s fine, she’s still getting used to people.”  
The very act of being in the presence of another person drained Virgil like he was a rag having water squeezed out of him. He flashed a glance at Roman.  
“Well, uh, thanks for checking on me and all that, but I’m going to go to sleep now if you don’t mind.”  
Roman stared at him as though he’d just told him that Crofters Organic’s bear mascot had just offered him a partnership via roar. “Right here?”  
“Mhm.”  
“On a freaking haybale?”  
“Maybe.”  
He glanced at the mare who stood on the other side of the stall, eyeing him suspiciously. “But what if she like- tramples you to death or something?” he asked, standing up. Virgil felt somewhat colder on the haybale.  
“Well, if that happens, then it probably should have.”  
Silence.  
“Uh… I’m gonna casually leave like that wasn’t at all concerning.”  
“I’m gonna smile and wave like I was making a joke.”  
Roman gave a hesitant finger gun as he slowly backed out of the stall, giving Virgil a disturbed look that somehow amused him.  
Everest’s gaze looked almost concerned when she tore it away from the direction the boy had disappeared to and eyed Virgil from across the stall. She shuffled over and returned to her comfortable spot against his chest.  
“Our little secret, alright?” he whispered into her fur. “Nobody needs to know.”  
The mere thought of Roman discovering of his attack – or worse, witnessing one – sent a shiver rushing down Virgil’s back.  
It didn’t matter that Roman knew of the existence of his attacks; somehow the thought of him hearing of a specific one made Virgil feel sick. Maybe because he didn’t want the image of him having one of those to stick in Roman’s head. Maybe because once you speak of a specific one, it feels more real. Or maybe because he didn’t want to draw any unnecessary attention to himself. Either way, he would have been found dead before he tells Roman of the real reason he left practice today. No one but Everest would understand, either way.  
Virgil didn’t mean to really go to sleep, but under his exhausted cement body, the scratchy hay was suddenly so cozy. At this point he didn’t have the mere energy to snap himself out of it before drifting into a light, strained sleep. The nightmares were inevitable.

\- - - - - - - -

The Takahashi family was not particularly diverse in interests.  
When Logan’s older brothers announced they would be both coming to town for a visit, he knew the conversation at dinner would start and end with one topic.  
Horses.  
More precisely, show-jumping. And if you wanted to be fiercely precise, his brothers’ achievements and current progress in said field. If you asked Logan, the conversation was about as thrilling as the process of walking down a monochromatic street for four hours straight.  
“So Glasses, how’s that black ISH of yours doing? Still winning you those national shows?”  
Logan cringed at the nickname. “She’s doing well,” he said coldly.  
His brother smiled at him from the other side of the dinner table. “Aw, I missed my little robot brother.”  
Logan remained silent.  
“You got a new ISH yourself recently, haven’t you, Haru?” their father asked, lifting a handkerchief to gently pat his chin.  
“Oh, yeah, it must have completely left my mind. I assume you saw me on him at our last show on TV?”  
“Of course, darling, we never miss those,” their mother said. “And what about you, Enyo? Are you still riding that gorgeous Dutch warmblood stallion?”  
Logan’s other brother nodded. “I don’t plan on switching any time soon. Except he’s not a stallion anymore, sadly.”  
“Why would you choose to have him gelded?”  
“He’s much more well-behaved now, it has done him well.”  
“Then your choice is fairly sensible,” their father said. Logan eyed his plate with discomfort. He knew his father would have complained about him ‘throwing away a good lineage’ had it been Logan who decided to have such great stallion gelded. When it came to the man’s three sons, it was clear who were the favoured ones.  
Apparently it wasn’t clear to Logan only.  
“Yo, Glasses,” a voice called behind him as he washed the dishes. The family was already in the living room on the other side of the house, and only the sound of the water splashing against the dishes was heard. That, and that awful nickname behind him.  
“What do you want, Haru.”  
His older brother joined his side and grabbed a dirty plate. Logan didn’t say a word as he washed it in the sink and placed it neatly in the dishwashing machine.  
“I just wanted to apologise for Dad,” he said, picking another dish. “You know how he can be.”  
Logan pursed his lips and silently continued with his task. “I must have not been clear enough at dinner, but I truly could not care less about who father favours over who,” he uttered coldly.  
“Alright, Glasses. Whatever you say.”  
Logan searched for a hint of mockery in the words, but found none. And so the two remained by the sink, silently washing the dishes as though it was a regular task they’d share every evening.

\- - - - - - - -

Virgil turned off the light switch as he exited the small shower, slipping a clean new shirt over his head. He fixed it lightly and carefully climbed onto his small bed as to prevent it from cracking. On the other side of the room, Emma shifted onto her other side. Her blanket had slipped off and onto the floor, and Virgil lifted it and gently covered her up before returning to his bed. He buried himself under the blanket and prayed for his mind to be quiet enough for one night and let him get some sleep.  
His phone announced a notification a little too loudly, causing him to jerk up. He’d forgotten to put it on silent.  
Virgil reached out to grab the small device. He squinted his eyes at the bright light in the middle of the ocean of darkness when he opened it. His finger reached towards the mute button, before the message before him caught him off-guard and caused him to pause.  
A message from Roman.  
Virgil opened their chat with a quick swipe, burying himself back under the blanket and lowering the phone’s brightness.  
two new messages appeared in their chat; a photo that was now downloading, and a small text underneath.  
Virgil’s heart made a flip inside his chest when the photo was revealed; he immediately recognised himself and Everest. Virgil-in-the-photo seemed to be fast asleep on the haybale in her stall, and the horse lay on the floor by the bale and rested her big grey head in his lap. Staring at the photo on the screen, Virgil couldn’t help the smile that stretched across his face. His eyes trailed down to the text underneath.  
_‘got you a new lock-screen picture. you’re welcome.’_  
Virgil wasn’t sure whether that was his cue to give himself a note never to fall asleep in the stable or not.  
He hovered his fingers above the screen for a couple of seconds before sending a message back.  
_‘not gonna lie, if I’d found you asleep in the stables I would have probably drawn a moustache and a unibrow on your face and taken a picture.’_  
He scoffed quietly to himself and reached to place his phone back by his bed, when the sound of a new message whistled in his ear.  
_‘bold of you to assume I didn’t do that right after taking this adorable photo.'_  
Virgil stifled another chuckle before composing a response.  
Who needs sleep?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Thanks for reading all the way down here again! It truly means the world to me!  
> I have to admit, I pretty much hate the writing in this chapter the most. But that's okay, what are we here for if not to improve?  
> I'm sorry this chapter was so uneventful, I promise it's going to pick up the pace soon.  
> Have a great day!


	8. High-Strung

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear you guys, there is nothing more frustrating than going over a chapter that's been up for a while and finding typos or just really dumb sentences. I'm so sorry you had to read those. My perfectionist mind is going crazy. aNyway, hi, thanks for once again joining us! Your reads mean the world to me! Also, there's a teeny-tiny announcement at the end, so yeah.

Virgil could swear the sky was a little more blue than it was the day before when he left the house and made his way down the sleepy street. His eyes still tingled with the burn of morning and a sprout of a yawn stuck in his throat. A single bark echoed from a nearby street and stretched across the thick morning air, and a cheerful bird whistled as it dashed past as though wishing him a nice day.  
“You too,” Virgil said with the hint of a smile.  
He tucked one hand into his hoodie’s pocket as he walked, the other clutching the strap of his bag to support his tired shoulder. His mind travelled back to last night, and he pushed down the tug of a smile and stared at the sidewalk. He couldn’t tell how long he’d stayed up texting his friend, but either way, time flew like it was late for the biggest day in its life. It always did when the two talked.  
Trigger stood at the cross ties when he entered the stables, and the sunlight that reached through the window complimented his bay pelt. The horse greeted him with the flick of an ear when he arrived.  
“Hey, Trig.”  
A head peered from behind the horse at once. Roman’s face brightened up when his gaze met with Virgil’s, causing him to jerk back.  
“ _Jeez_ , you scared me,” he blurted. Roman chuckled in return.  
“Good morning.” His voice was as lively as ever. “Want to help me get this good boy ready for our ride?”  
Virgil surprised himself with the strange feeling of disappointment at the fact that he couldn’t. “I kinda have work.”  
“Oh, right, forgot how important you are around here.”  
“Clearly, this place would go bankrupt without me.”  
He gave the rider a small salute as he turned on his heels and proceeded down the hall.  
“Hold up, Virgil.”  
Virgil twisted around at the call. Roman had just grabbed an impressive red saddle pad and was now placing it upon the horse’s back.  
“Yeah?”  
“Have you seen Patton around today? I don’t think he’s shown up yet and it’s kind of unlike him.”  
Virgil ran through his memory from the moment he entered through the ranch’s gate and up until he met Roman and Trigger. “No, I don’t think I’ve seen him. I mean- I literally just got here like five minutes ago.”  
“Oh. Gotcha’.”  
He tilted his head. “Why are you asking and why in hell have you resorted to such lowly speech?”  
Roman snorted a chuckle. “No reason, just a little worried about him. He kind of disappeared after our lesson yesterday. No, wait, I’m pretty sure he did in the middle of the lesson.” He tapped his chin as though trying to recall something. “Yeah, it was in the middle. I left after you did to check on you and when I got back he wasn’t there. I hadn’t even noticed, dear lord, I’m only now realising it.”  
“And the winner of the well-desired annual ‘most-oblivious-person-on-the-planet’ award is…” Virgil said, causing the other boy to roll his eyes and push down a smile. “Drumroll isn’t needed. It’s you.”  
“Yeah, fine, I had this coming.”  
Virgil leaned against a nearby stall, slightly surprised by the small rush of confidence the boy’s presence had given him. “Have you tried calling him or were you too busy not realising there’s something wrong with your good friend?”  
“I’m gonna do it now, J.D-lightful,” he grumbled.  
Virgil didn’t feel like leaving to start his work as Roman pulled out his phone and tapped a couple of times, leaning back against his horse. He brought the phone to his ear and waited for about ten seconds before shaking his head and hanging up. Virgil caught the glimpse of a contact titled “Pat” with a heart emoji before he turned it off.  
“He’s not picking up.” At the sight of the alarm gradually spreading across Virgil’s face he blurted, “I’m sure he’s fine, don’t freak out.”  
Anxiety’s claws scratched his skin as it climbed up his back. “What if he got ran over by a car on his way home??”  
“I doubt that, he’s very careful around the road.”  
“What if he drowned in Daybreak Lake??”  
“I’m sure he didn’t-“  
“What if he was kidnapped??”  
“No kidnapper would ever survive twenty minutes of holding him and his dad jokes hostage.”  
“What if he took a shortcut through the woods and a bear found him and instead of playing dead like one should do he tried to run and the bear hunted him down and killed him a slow painful death and fed him to her cubs and they are now digesting his pure precious soul and-“  
“ _Virgil_.”  
Roman clapped so loudly that Virgil stopped dead in his speech and snapped his eyes up.  
“His battery probably died or something,” Roman reasoned. “Or maybe his phone’s on silent. Can you try to run through the more likely options before spiralling down the less-likely, more scary ones? You tend to do that a lot.”  
Virgil took in a sharp breath. His throat was tight. “Y-yeah, I guess I do.”  
It seemed like Roman was about to add something when his eyes focused on something behind Virgil and he closed his mouth. Virgil turned his head back, to find Logan rushing down the stables’ corridor.  
“Yo, Logan, want to-“  
“I’m afraid I have no time to waste, Roman,” their teammate uttered as he dashed past. “And in fact, neither have you. We have practice, in case you’ve forgotten, and we cannot allow ourselves any… frivolous bouts of conversation when the first show of the season is approaching. I’d appreciate it if you finished saddling your horse and joined us in the arena, thank you.”  
He departed without adding another word, leaving behind him only a trace of silence for the other two to untangle.  
“Uh… You better go do that,” Virgil said awkwardly, still fiddling his restless fingers with the last trace of anxiety from their Patton situation. “And I have work to get to.”  
Roman narrowed his eyes at the direction which Logan had disappeared to, his face reading off a thoughtful silence. “I think I have an idea. Can you meet me in the yard when you’re off with your break? And bring Everest with you.”  
Virgil scanned his friend’s face for any sign to betray his idea, with no success.  
“Uh.. Sure.”

\- - - - - - - -

Roman patted his horse’s neck as they slowed down to a walk. Their lessons had been improving tremendously since they’d started working from the ground with Virgil, but he couldn’t help but still feel like something was off. There was a hint of hesitation imbued into their jumps over the fences. Sure, they jumped them fine – but they used to fly.  
“Say, Roman, when was the last time you two jumped a 4’5 fence?” Laura asked as they made another hesitant landing. Roman’s heart dropped to his stomach.  
“It’s- it’s been a while,” he managed to say.  
“Wanna give it a try?”  
No, of course he didn’t want to give it a try.  
“I don’t see a reason why not.”  
It took Trigger four seconds that felt like forever to get moving again when Roman asked him to. He clenched his fists around the reins and asked for a canter, eyeing the jump from the other side of the arena as his instructor fixed it to a greater height. His organs felt like an omelette being scrambled on a pan. His body begged his brain not to make it do it, but he pushed the bizarre feeling back and guided Trigger towards the jump. Their strides were too unsteady to his liking.  
Roman wasn’t ready for the jump when it arrived. He prayed for time to slow down and give him a bit more of an advantage, but before he knew it the fence was in front of him. Although it made no sense, he could swear it towered above them. Roman pushed Trigger into the approach, pushing back a painful image that flashed in his head. His nails dug into his palms and burned through his skin.  
Every last bone in his body rattled when the horse made a sudden stop. He pinned his ears and let out a shrieking neigh, jerking his neck up. Roman wasn’t ready for the impact with his horse’s neck. His heart gave a jolt at the sudden feeling of loss of control, and he flailed blindly in search for something to grasp as Trigger jerked back.  
_No no no no no no NO-_  
The ground came with no warning, sending a hammer of pain thudding through Roman’s back. The fright was greater than the pain. Roman gasped in panic through tight lungs.  
“Oof, that was a harsh fall,” Laura’s voice came making its way through the shock that had muted his surroundings. “You okay, kid?”  
Roman felt like her reaction was somewhat too passive for the situation; for a brief moment he forgot falls weren’t very intense to the eyes of the seasoned rider. He felt embarrassed at the fact that they used to be nothing for him, too. What had changed?  
His vision gradually focused, allowing him the image of Laura standing above him with Trigger’s reins in her hand. The two looked down at him in silence, before Laura offered him a hand. He grabbed it and helped himself up. His back was stiff and sore. From the other side of the arena, Logan gave him a look from his mare’s back.  
His instructor raised a brow at him. “Do you need to go to the hospital? Are you dying?”  
“No…”  
“Then what the hell are you doing off the saddle?”  
Laura had this rule: if you’re not critically injured and/or dead, you _need_ to get back on the horse. Something told Roman she would have somehow gotten back onto the saddle herself had she been dead.  
He’d always been fine with that rule, even encouraged it; quitting, even if just one lesson, was out of the question in his head. But this time around… the thought of getting back onto the horse’s back made him feel sick.  
“I don’t know. I think I’m going to wrap this up for today.”  
Laura gave a dramatic gasp. “Roman, I’m surprised at you!”  
Roman didn’t have the energy to laugh. “Yeah…”  
“You better get back on that horse, Ro, or so help me Epona, I will put you on him myself. And trust me, if that fall didn’t break any of your bones, I will.”  
“You make a convincing argument, what else do you have to offer me if I get on again?”  
“I offer not to break your bones and not a penny more.”  
“Fair offer.”  
Roman took in a breath, scanning the horse with his eyes all the way from his hooves to his ears. His hands trembled a bit when he grabbed the saddle and set a foot in the stirrup, lifting himself onto Trigger’s back. He felt a little taller than before.  
“There. I’m on. Can I go?” he tried.  
“Ha! You amuse me. Honey, you’re jumping.”  
Instructors. They really are something.

\- - - - - - - -

Everest nudged her head into Virgil’s arm as he led her out of the stables as though requesting protection. He kind of felt the need for protection, too. Who knows what Roman has in mind for them.  
The rest of the team must have still been in their lesson, because the yard was empty. Only the short grass, touched with the glint of sunlight, greeted them. Virgil sat down on the grass and pulled out his phone. Everest sniffed the device carefully as he scrolled through his contacts, and he petted her head distractedly.  
He scrolled past a new message from his mother – _‘we’re now leaving the hospital, everything looks okay for now’_ – reminding himself to give a response later.  
His chat with Roman caught his eye on his way searching for Patton’s contact, and he pushed back the hint of a smile.  
He finally reached his chat with Patton, and their last messages – Patton asking him what his favourite type of cookie is for a “surprise” a couple of weeks earlier – greeted him. Virgil thought for a couple of seconds before composing a message in his head.  
_‘Where are you? Is everything okay?’_  
The message was sent, but not delivered, which only worried him more. Virgil fiddled with the rope in his hands and pushed down the thunder of anxiety grumbling in threat at the back of his head as though warning of a coming storm.

\- - - - - - - -

It took quite some convincing to get Logan to go with him and Trigger to the yard; but Roman knew he’d be able to do it. The sun giggled a hello when they emerged from the indoor arena. Roman spotted Virgil and Everest at once; the horse stood in the grass and watched a nearby butterfly with terrified yet intrigued eyes, and the boy sat beside her feet with the lead rope in his lap, buried in his black hoodie. The black-and-grey pair looked like a gloomy oasis in the middle of a flower garden.  
Sure, Roman asked them to come out here with the intention of helping Logan ease up a little before the competition – but the sight of the boy staring at his phone, surely awaiting Patton’s call, made Roman want to do something to make him feel better as well. Not that he’d ever admit it, of course.  
“So what are we doing here?” Virgil asked in his ever-tired voice when they approached.  
“Alright, but promise to hear me out-”  
“Oh boy.”  
Logan tied his horse to a nearby fence and began to untack her saddle. “Let it be known my feelings regarding your potential idea are the same as Virgil’s, however I will not be using such informal, insensible phrase as a display of said feelings.”  
Virgil looked away from Logan and gave Roman a weirded-out look. Roman brought up and awkward smile as though in apology for his teammate.  
“I just feel like you two have been so high-strung lately,” he tried to reason as Logan now picked up a hose that’d been laying around and began to rinse off his horse’s sweat. “So I thought, why don’t we come out here and play some games with the horses and chat and shoot funny videos with them and- I don’t know, it’s going to be fun, okay?”  
“It’s called ‘hanging out’, Roman, and it’s not fun,” Virgil said.  
He smiled in encouragement at the grumpy boy and horse. “Oh, come on, I’m going to bring out the extroverts in you two.”  
“Good luck with that.”  
Logan looked even less enthusiastic about the idea than Virgil. He continued to rinse Nexus in silence.  
“Oh, come on, you guys…” Roman pleaded as Virgil tied Everest to the fence as well. Everest pulled the rope to get herself as far away from the other mare as it allowed her.  
“What are you doing?”  
Virgil shrugged. “I mean, she’s not sweaty or anything, but it’s a hot day and I still haven’t gotten her used to water. This is a good opportunity for water desensitization.”  
" _Oh my Disney, you guys are so not fun_ ," Roman complained as the boy grabbed another hose and introduced it to the horse.  
Trigger watched the other two getting their baths with longing eyes, before turning to give Roman a begging pair of puppy eyes.  
“I get it, it’s hot, you’re sweaty, you don’t want to play any fun games to ease the tension. I can’t believe you, Trig. You out of all people. I thought we had something.”  
Trigger blew through his nose and dragged him towards the fence, and Roman groaned and tied the rope. He unbuckled the girth, pulled the saddle and pad off and set them on the fence. The fur underneath had a perfect saddle-shaped area that had turned dark with sweat. Roman grabbed a hose himself and turned it on, washing his own hand first to check the temperature before rinsing the horse’s body.  
He hated the silence between them all. Come on, it’s not like he asked for the moon, he just wanted some team-bonding-fun. Was that so much to ask?  
Roman eyed the two other riders from the corner of his eye. The positioning of everything was just a little too perfect. The temptation was understandable, no one would blame him If he just…  
Roman directed his hose away from Trigger and allowed it to spray Logan in the back. The boy twisted around.  
“ _Roman_.”  
Roman wore an apologetic smile. “Sorry. My hand slipped.”  
He stifled a chuckle that was not left unnoticed by Virgil. The other boy gave him a warning glance.  
“Roman, I’m warning you.”  
“I’m not gonna do anything.”  
He didn’t wait ten seconds more before spraying Virgil as well, letting the water hit Logan too on the way back. Virgil pursed his lips before doing the same. The impact of the freezing cold water came sudden and sent a shock through Roman’s skin.  
“I warned you.”  
“Yeah, I had this one coming.”  
Did it stop him from spraying the boy again twenty seconds later? Absolutely not.  
Virgil turned around slowly, menacing hose in hand. Their eyes met with a challenging spark.  
“ _Alright, this means war_.”  
Roman burst into laughter and cowered under the blast of water that came his way. He squinted his eyes through it and straightened up to return his own attack, to which Virgil responded with throwing his hands over his head. He could swear he heard him stifle a chuckle.  
Logan turned away from his horse and gave the two a judging glance. “Roman, Virgil, Please. this is highly-“  
His words were cut off by a blast of water that left his neatly-brushed hair dripping. Logan clenched his jaw.  
“I see how it is.”  
Roman couldn’t tell when or how exactly the three of them reached a point where they were chasing each other behind the horses with the running hoses in hand, each soaking wet. He couldn’t tell when Logan’s subtle strikes grew into the same fervent attacks as his and Virgil’s.  
But heck, he was having the time of his life.  
“God, we-“  
Another blast of water cut Virgil off, and the boy Jerked his hands up and burst into laughter. Roman froze in place. His laugh was warm and had a sense of life to it, and made his entire being lit up in a genuine way Roman had never seen him do before. For a brief moment, Roman was almost convinced he’d have healed ten times faster had Virgil’s laugh accompanied him throughout rehabilitation.  
Virgil’s laughter died away, and he gave Roman a look. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”  
“Did you just laugh?”  
“I have absolutely no idea what it is you speak of.”  
“You did, I heard you! And I saw! Logan, _please_ tell me you got that on camera or something.”  
“I didn’t laugh, shut up.” Even the mere words had a tint of a giggle imbued into them.  
“Yeah, I’m never letting you go on that one,” Roman said with a wide smile.  
Virgil raised his hose in threat. “Oh yeah?”  
“Yup.”  
“Well-“  
This time the both of them were blasted with water. Logan blew on the tip of his hose as though it was a gun. “You two talk so much. Also, nobody hears of this.”  
“Have we just discovered Logan’s… _cool_ side?” Roman gasped.  
“ _That was **so** out of character_.”  
Logan looked unimpressed. “I do watch action films, alright? Leave me be.”  
This time Virgil managed to fight back the laugh, but Roman was determined to hear it again.  
“You brought this round upon yourselves,” he declared before bombing the other two with freezing water. Their attacks weren’t far behind.  
In all honesty; Roman couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed this hard. Logan didn’t dare show a sign of great enjoyment, but he recognised the spark of amusement on his face. And Virgil? Roman had no idea how he lived up until now without that laugh. It was almost ridiculous, how those giggles of his somewhat served as Virgil’s “forbidden fruit”. Sure, Roman loved his own laugh – he loved pretty much everything about himself – but if he had Virgil’s laugh, he would have been laughing all day long.  
“Hey, we should totally-“ he started to say through the strikes of water, when the look on the others’ faces made him pause. They both focused on something behind him. Roman turned around in a flash.  
In front of him stood no other than Patton. Naturally, the only teammate still completely dry.  
Wait. Almost completely dry.  
His face was stained with tears.  
“Pat??”  
Patton sniffled, his puffy eyes glinting with pain that was awfully contagious.  
“My parents sold Puzzle.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, thanks for reading! So I just opened an Instagram account where I'll be posting updates about the story. ^^ I'm not sure this story has enough readers for that, but in case any of you wanted a way to know how is the next chapter going and when it would be up, I now have an Instagram. ^-^ It's @/aceydisaster if any of you want to check it out. I'll be posting updates about upcoming chapters and maybe some quick Trustfall sketches here and there.  
> Thanks for reading, once again, and have a wonderful day!  
> (P.S: I can't stop reading your sweet comments, they're the best!!!)  
> (P.S.S: are the chapters too short? Do you guys prefer longer chapters that take a little longer to post or chapters this length that release about once a week?)


	9. Weight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friendship is underrated, let me fix that real quick.

If there was one thing in this wonderful world that Roman – who very much appreciated said wonderful world – hated, it was seeing his loved ones broken. So he closed his eyes.  
He closed his eyes not to see the trembly figure of his best friend between his arms as he sobbed into Roman’s chest. Roman tightened his embrace around the boy and bit his lip as to block the tears that threatened to show in his own eyes.  
They were sat in the group’s regular spot; behind the stables, where there was an old sofa they’d dragged over, perched between the foliage on the hoofprints-heavy ground. Oh, how much this place had seen.  
Patton’s sobs sent a crack cutting through Roman’s heart. He felt painfully helpless; for the first time in forever it seemed he didn’t know what to say to make it better. All he had to do was hug his friend tight and share his grief.  
When he opened his eyes he found the other two looking exactly the way they did when he first closed them; Logan was sitting awkwardly on the far end of the sofa and looking down at his hands as though calculating a complex equation. He clearly had no idea what to do in such situation. Virgil’s eyes were filled with pain almost similar to Patton’s, and the sight pulled at a small string in Roman’s chest. The boy had sunk into himself and watched from those brown eyes of his, buried inside his black hoodie. On the outside he was as silent as the still waters of Daybreak Lake, but Roman knew that his mind was in loud chaos.  
He glanced down at Patton, whose sobs were muted by Roman’s jacket. His stomach tightened painfully at the sight of his devastated friend.  
“Pat… Pat, look at me,” he said softly.  
Patton sniffled and lifted his head to meet Roman’s gaze. The boy’s brilliant blue eyes were glazed with tears.  
“We’re going to get him back, alright bud?”  
Behind Patton, Virgil’s face snapped up and he gave Roman a look of “are you crazy?? We can’t promise him that!”. Roman returned a stern glance before looking back at Patton and allowing his face to soften again.  
“H-how?” Patton sniffled.  
“We’ll do whatever it takes. We’ll find him and get him back to you, I promise.”  
“I- I don’t kn-now w-what I’d do without him-“  
“I know, buddy.”  
Patton buried his face in his friend’s shoulder, and Roman pulled him close. His body was warm and almost fragile. His sobs were mere sniffles now, but still pierced through Roman’s chest like poisonous daggers. He made a silent vow in his heart that he would find that old horse no matter how far he has to go.  
Logan shifted awkwardly in his seat. “I sense this is a bad time to mention that school starts tomorrow, however it is a factor we need to consider. We will hardly have enough time to train for the upcoming season, let alone locate a sold horse and retrieve him. Which is, in fact, a far-fetched idea.”  
Virgil tensed at the mention of school; it was a subtle motion, but Roman caught it.  
“I’m not going to school,” Patton murmured, voice muffled through his friend’s shoulder.  
“It’s okay, take however long you need alone. We’ll cover for you. Right, guys?”  
It was clear that Logan found the idea of being involved in someone’s skipping of a school day absolutely outrageous, and that Virgil was already running through all the potential trouble they were going to get themselves into in his head.  
“ _ **Right, guys?**_ ”  
“Uh- yeah! Yeah, of course,” Virgil piped. Logan gave a reluctant nod.  
Patton sniffled again. “Thanks, guys… you’re the best.”  
Roman’s eyes met with Virgil’s from Patton’s other side, and their gazes locked above him. The quiet boy didn’t need to say a word – his eyes said it all. He silently asked Roman how exactly he was going to get Puzzle back. Roman gave the slightest shrug, bringing his brows together. That was something for future Roman to figure out.

\- - - - - - - - -

Logan wasn’t used to the figurative loudness of his mind as he made his way home. His head was naturally quiet, the result of years upon years of practising complete and utter control of his thoughts. The fact that his thoughts were in turmoil disturbed him – and quite ironically, the fact that he was disturbed sent them into greater turmoil which disturbed him even more.  
Logan wasn’t used to his mind being in anarchy. Logan wasn’t used to being disturbed.  
On the other hand, Logan wasn’t used to being dissatisfied with perfection either, neither was he used to getting the urge to stroke his horse.  
And more than anything, Logan wasn’t used to changing.  
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d changed his mind. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d changed his routine. And no matter how deep he attempted to figuratively dig into his memories, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d changed himself.  
Logan was the same. He’d always been the same. His world was built on a complex yet perfectly simple structure; there was one place known as “home”, two people known as “parents”, one sport known as “riding”, and one person known as “me”.  
Home. Parents. Riding. Logan. A simple life, one would say, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. He _couldn’t_ have it any other way.  
He couldn’t… right?  
Home. Parents. Riding. Logan.  
Home. Parents. Riding. Logan… Nexus.  
Logan used to think of Nexus as a kindred spirit; she was a creature of routine and precision. She did nothing but her job and she did it right. But now, as he walked down the familiar street on the left side of the sidewalk as he always would, Logan came to a realisation that made him halt in place.  
Logan never halted in place on his way home. And that could only mean that it’s a bad thing to do. So he pushed himself forward, sinking into his realisation.  
One thing set him and Nexus apart. One thing made her his polar opposite. Logan felt somewhat cold at the thought, as though he’d just lost a sense of security that had been wrapped around him until now – perhaps because he’d seen Nexus as the only being on the planet who was somewhat like him.  
But Nexus could change.  
Nexus adjusted herself to anything and everything. Nexus did her job right, because no matter what he asked her to do, no matter whether she’d been asked so before or not, she adjusted.  
Nexus was flexible.  
And Logan was alone.  
Again.

\- - - - - - - - -

Virgil was pretty sure school didn’t mean certain death. If his memory served him right, school meant studying and seeing people for a few hours, then coming back home alive and in one piece. Yeah, that sounded about right. But for some reason a part in his brain was still unconvinced.  
Because Virgil was panicking.  
About to be panicking, that is. The moment he felt an attack crawling up his throat, he sat down and focused on his breathing for five minutes that felt like a thousand. The familiar heat in his ears and face that usually announced the approach of an attack faded away, and a sense of relief had Virgil releasing a sigh and falling back onto his bed. He made sure not to look at his sister’s side of the room. He knew himself well; if he somehow managed to avoid an attack, it would most likely happen anyway once he gives the empty side of the room one look. He only dared glance at it when it was time to make her bed, just in case she comes home tonight. He couldn’t let her sleep on a messy bed.  
Virgil turned off the light and crawled under the blanket to sit and stare at the door in the dark. Maybe if he stayed awake for a couple more hours she’d return, and he’d be able to go to sleep with a (somewhat) calm head. Any moment now. Any moment now the door would open and Mom would walk in carrying Emma’s tiny figure into the room and lay her in her bed.  
Any moment now.  
His phone was probably not having it; Virgil jerked up at the sound of it ringing, and his stomach did a flip. Phone calls were terrifying territory. Naturally, when somebody called him for whatever reason (you could say the occasion was rare), he would wait for the ringing to stop. This way the person on the other side doesn’t know that he’s ghosting them, and at the same time he doesn’t have to pick up and endure the awfully stressful death penalty that is a phone call with another living human being.  
Except this time it was different.  
Because this time his eyes rested on his sister’s empty bed, and the realisation that it could be mother calling him about her struck him. Virgil snatched the phone with speed he didn’t know he possessed.  
And his stomach did a double flip. Triple flip. Quadruple flip. Heck, his stomach was doing straight-up parkour manoeuvres.  
The words _Sir Sing-A-Lot_ shone at him from the screen.  
Holy shit. Roman was calling him, holy shit. A human being his age who happened to be way out of his league in every way yet was still somehow his friend was calling him. Has Virgil mentioned ‘holy shit’?  
He contemplated whether to pick up for about four seconds. The guy was pretty dedicated – the phone kept stubbornly ringing as though saying with defiance, ‘I could do this all night. Watch me, bitch.’  
His finger followed its own will when he swiped across the phone and answered the call. His voice caught in his throat.  
“Hello?”  
The voice talking wasn’t his. It took a few seconds for Virgil to realise he forgot that as the receiver of the call it was his job to, well, _answer_. He must have been silent for a little too long, because it appeared Roman took the job upon himself.  
“O-oh, hey,” Virgil piped. He cleared his throat.  
_Phone calls phone calls phone calls they’re so terrifying phone calls-_  
“Hey, storm cloud,” the familiar voice came from the device. “Just wanted to check on you. You know, because school starts tomorrow morning and stuff. I figured you’d probably be freaking out right now.”  
Well, he did get that right.  
“Uh- me? Freaking out? Never.”  
A snicker rose from the other side. “Yeah, okay. So do you need a pep-talk to reassure you that you’re just going to be sitting in a classroom tomorrow, not executed?”  
“Well, thank you for letting me know, I truly was certain tomorrow was scheduled to be the death of me. What would I do without you reminding me this is the 21st century.”  
Roman chuckled again, and Virgil was thankful for the one great thing about phone calls – the other couldn’t see his face. His stupid smiling face.  
“Uh.. Thanks, I guess,” he managed to say. “For checking in on me and stuff.”  
“It’s no big deal. So how are you, really? You know, with school starting and everything.”  
How was he? Where to even begin? He was anxious, petrified, awfully self-conscious, sick to his stomach, and pretty much wanted to crawl into the pit of a volcano and die.  
“Never been better.”  
Roman didn’t sound convinced – and in all honesty, Virgil didn’t blame him. “Forgive me, Doctor Gloom, but I don’t believe that.”  
“I swear. I mean, I could lie, if you so badly want a different response,” Virgil uttered. “I mean, I could say that I’m terrified and nauseated and pretty much crave death right now and that I know everyone is going to think I’m weird and hate me and everyone’s going to stare and the teacher will probably read my name wrong and everyone is going to laugh and remember it for the rest of the year and I’ll probably have an anxiety attack in front of everyone and they’ll think I’m some freak, not to mention-“  
“Sure, lies, I can definitely hear the lie in everything you just said.” Roman’s voice was strangely unreadable – kind of like the mixture of mockery and concern.  
And Virgil now processed everything he’d said.  
“I was giving an example of the opposite of- of how I’m feeling,” he mumbled.  
“Whatever you say, storm cloud. Whatever you say.”  
He hated the silence that fell between them.  
“And- and how are you feeling about tomorrow?” he surprised himself when he asked.  
Roman hesitated. “I don’t know. I’m kind of nervous, I mean, it’s a new school after all, and I’ve heard that junior year is the hardest one, but I’m sure we’ll survive.”  
“As long as nobody hears we’re horse freaks,” Virgil scoffed. The voice on the other end returned a giggle.  
“It shall be our dark secret.”  
“In the daytime, we are but simple boys-“  
“But at night, we emerge from the shadows as our true self, here to save the hay.”  
“Horse Freaks: Coming soon to theatres.”  
They broke into laughter at once, and a tight string Virgil hadn’t noticed before released in his chest. It was strange, hearing his own laughter echoing through the dark lonely room. No, not exactly lonely anymore. Only dark. His laugh died away a second quicker than Roman’s, and he got to hear a second of his laughter on the other end of the call filling the space of the room.  
Definitely not lonely.

\- - - - - - - -

Patton couldn’t remember the last time this sensation in his throat remained for this long. The feeling of tears chocking his throat wasn’t new to him – everyone felt it sometimes. But now the feeling remained throughout the entire day, and only tightened once his friends left his sight.  
His first instinct when he saw Roman that day was to launch himself into his best friend’s arms. He didn’t want to talk, he didn’t want to explain anything. When he arrived to find his teammates rinsing the horses in the yard, and his eyes met with Roman’s, his throat tightened even more and he was struck with a massive urge to throw himself into his friend’s arms.  
_My parents sold Puzzle_ , his own words still echoed in his head. He wasn’t sure how he’d managed to gather enough strength to utter them before collapsing into Roman’s embrace. As much as a part of him wished for the rest of his teammates’ comfort as well, he knew they weren’t as good as Roman when it came to providing comfort. It wasn’t their fault.  
Patton barely had the strength to say goodbye to his teammates that day. They offered to come home with him – Roman insisted they couldn’t leave him alone like that – but Patton was exhausted and just wanted to sleep his problems away. One side of his brain wished to collapse onto his bed, while the other craved for human company.  
He listened to the first side this time.  
When he entered his home and took off his shoes, his ears caught on the ironic sound of Kiara’s favourite video from the living room. An overwhelming wave of pain struck Patton and nearly swept him off his feet. He remained at the door, biting his lip to stop himself from bursting into tears again. His teeth dug so hard and deep into his lip that it began to bleed, but he hardly noticed.  
Only once the video had surely ended, did Patton leave his hiding place. He crossed the house on tired, pained feet, entered his room, locked the door and collapsed onto his bed. The light azure walls looked like a deep, gloomy blue through his glasses of sorrow.  
Wherever he looked, something reminded him of Puzzle. So he buried his face in his pillow and blindly reached for the light switch. Warm darkness pressed against his skin.  
Patton wasn’t broken just because Puzzle was sold.  
The other part, he couldn’t tell a soul. He couldn’t tell a soul because pronouncing the words was too heavy on his tongue.  
But Patton knew.  
Patton knew the reason he felt like a forgotten corpse at the pit of an abyss was because he’d gotten a taste of life away from Puzzle. And although he knew he would manage to get him back, there was one more goodbye awaiting them. And if that was how it felt to have him sold… he had absolutely no idea how he was supposed to endure the unbearable pain the future held close.  
And Patton wasn’t ready for him to go.

\- - - - - - - - -

Roman allowed their conversation to trail curiously wherever it wished. One moment the two were laughing at ridiculous 2 a.m. ideas, and the other they were discussing heavy yet fascinating topics he’d never found himself discussing with anybody else. Virgil had somewhat of a wisdom far beyond his years; as though he’d spent a little too much time observing the world from the corner while others blindly sprinted through it.  
Roman didn’t like to admit he was the type who sprinted.  
But now, laying on his bed in the dark and staring at the ceiling, his phone delivering a voice he could swear was getting more beautiful and comforting to the ear as time went on, for the first time he was an observer. Almost like Virgil had granted him a new pair of eyes that allowed him a deeper dive into things he once considered obvious.  
How long were they sunken in a conversation? Roman glanced at the small duration digits below Virgil’s contact name.  
Two hours and forty seven minutes.  
_Holy. Crap._  
Roman was so ready for ten more.  
“Sounds like something Jasper would do,” he scoffed. The voice on the other side released a chuckle.  
“Again with that Jasper?”  
“He’s a very unique foal.”  
Virgil’s smile was audible through his voice. “Yes, Roman, we’ve all hear-“  
His voice died away as though something had distracted him.  
“Uh… Everything alright?”  
On the other side of the phone, Roman caught a sound that suggested someone had entered Virgil’s room.  
“How is she?” he heard his friend whisper. There was a slow hesitation before another voice spoke. He could barely make out the word “tomorrow” and “in case”.  
“Do you want me to stay home tomorrow?” Virgil asked. There was something heavy in his voice, and Roman felt the strange urge to lift off whatever was weighting him down.  
The voice of the person speaking to Virgil returned. This time he couldn’t make out a word.  
“Okay. Good night, Mom. I left your pills on the dresser with a glass of water.”  
The other voice was softer now.  
“I love you, too.”  
The sound of his door shutting told Roman that his mother had left. Virgil was concerningly quiet on the other side.  
“Virge..?”  
Only after he said the word did he realise he’d never called him that before. It just didn’t feel like the place for taunting nicknames, as good-intentioned as they were.  
“I- I could swear I muted it,” Virgil stammered on the other side. “Sorry.”  
“Is everything okay? Is your family okay?”  
“Yeah, sure.” That was about as convincing as bots on the internet swearing their free giveaways were real. “Oh, this reminds me, about Trigger…”  
Roman could barely focus on the words as the boy on the other end of the phone began to talk about their groundwork with the horse and about a new technique he thought they should try. Virgil was good at this, it was undeniable, but when it came to spotting classic changes of subject Roman was better.  
He shifted onto his other side and stared at the wall, allowing himself to drown in his friend’s voice. A heavy weight pressured on his chest. It was pain in Virgil’s voice, if he’d ever heard one.

\- - - - - - - -

Never in his life had Virgil been disappointed about ending a phone call. Well, you know what they say. There’s a first time to everything. Around 2 a.m., the two collectively decided they had to end it at some point or they would collapse at school tomorrow. They hadn’t even ran out of topics yet, but there was some rumour going around that sleep was good for your health or some crap of that sort, so they decided to try and see for themselves.  
His room was quieter than ever when he finally set his phone aside and settled on his back, blanket pulled up to his neck. With Roman’s voice gone, Emma’s absence was louder than ever.  
Virgil’s mind travelled back to Patton, and his heart crumbled in his chest at the thought of his teammate. He reached out to his phone one last time and pulled out his contact.  
_‘Hey, Patton. Just wanted to check on you. Everything’s going to be okay. Good night.’_  
He hesitated before sending the message, his finger hovering above the “everything’s going to be okay” part as he contemplated on deleting it. He hated being dishonest. And truth was, he didn’t think everything was going to be okay. But what would he know. He always saw the negative on instinct. It was the best way to prevent unnecessary heartbreak.  
Virgil sent the message and placed his phone back on the small dresser by his bed. As soon as Patton and Puzzle slowly drifted out of his mind, Roman took their place. Virgil didn’t complain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> I'm a little nervous about posting this mainly because of the Logan part. I know exactly what kind of feeling he has and what I'm trying to say, I'm just pretty bad at explaining it.  
> Also, I know I said something about weekly updates, but I usually finish these chapters much faster, so let's just say I'm going to upload each chapter once it's ready. The Wattpad version always takes a little longer to upload because I add a drawing there. ^^  
> Have the greatest day! Get enough sleep! Drink water! Tell your loved ones that you love them! I'll see you next time!
> 
> Edit: I forgot to mention; I'm sorry this thing is kind of a mixture between British and American English. I speak British English, but the characters are American, so I've been trying my best to adjust. For now this is kind of a mixture between the two. I hope that's okay!


	10. Ghosts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Kinda-important notes at the end!**   
>  _ahhh I'm so nervous about posting this one_

To say Roman was excited about going back to school would be a shameful understatement. As much as he appreciated the extra time that the summer holiday had given him to spend at the stables, the social butterfly couldn’t help but long for some new faces and a bit of noise. And though he missed his friends from his old school, he couldn’t help but buzz excitedly at the thought of making some new ones. There was nothing more thrilling to Roman than adding new people to his life. Perhaps other than performing on a stage in front of a massive crowd. Roman amused himself with the thought of what Virgil would say about that as he brushed his teeth, smiling at his reflection. He was definitely having a good hair day.  
“Looking handsome as always,” he told his reflection. “Why thank you, you’re so kind! Have a splendid day! No, you.”  
You could say Roman and Roman were great friends.  
It took him about fifteen minutes to choose what to wear; despite having already picked five different options the previous evening. He ended up going with a casual white shirt tucked into his jeans, a brown belt, and a rather large jacket that completed the look quite perfectly.  
Roman skipped down the stairs with the grace of a doe, fixing his jacket as he made his final landing. He adored the feeling of wearing clean, nice-looking clothes in the morning. He hummed When Will My Life Begin from Tangled as he crossed the house on light feet.  
Roman entered the kitchen to find his twin brother, Remus, perched up on the counter like an exiled gremlin and chewing on a deodorant stick. Not the most questionable thing he’d seen him do.  
A look passed between the twins, carrying a silent agreement not to mention the energy they’d created in the kitchen. Roman got to sing his morning Disney songs, and Remus got to eat his deodorant in peace.  
“Why don’t you try actually using one of those for once, you’d feel great,” he suggested with a sneer, opening the cupboard to grab a box of cookies. Patton’s parents didn’t allow him to skip the first day of school, so he’d decided to cheer him up with his favourite surprise.  
“Wouldn’t want to steal your thunder,” Remus responded in his twisty voice.  
" _For the last time, everybody uses deodorant._ "  
“ _I’ll believe it when I see it._ ”  
Roman wrinkled his nose at his brother as he jumped off the counter and tucked the remaining of the deodorant stick into his sock. Still not the most questionable thing he’d seen him do.  
Remus hoisted an old bag on his shoulder and left the kitchen, earning a disgusted look from his brother.  
“Don’t tell me this is how you’re leaving the house,” he uttered. “When was the last time you washed that shirt?”  
Remus turned back to him and squinted in thought, counting his fingers. “Uh… when was Aunt Patty’s wedding?”  
“You washed it three years ago?!”  
“Don’t be silly, Romano! I was _thinking_ about washing it three years ago. Then I realised I was just drunk as _hell_ and my head was messing with me. Now get that juicy butthole over here or I’ll leave you home and release Jeffrey to keep you company.”  
Roman shuddered at the thought of sharing a closed space with his brother’s pet rat. He rushed behind Remus and out of the house, and the morning sunlight immediately returned his great mood.  
Other than a rather normal argument regarding what kind of music to play in the car (Roman wanted Disney songs, Remus was leaning towards the IT audio), the ride to their school went peacefully. When they arrived, the two stuck to their deal; they had somewhat of an unwritten rule that nobody needed to know they were related. Roman marched down the main way to the school doors, and Remus turned the other way towards the dumpsters at the back. Most likely to finish his deodorant.  
Except something held Roman back.  
Thoughts travelling back to his friends, he stopped in his spot. All it took was picturing Virgil drowning in the mess of new people and Patton barely holding himself together, and he suddenly didn’t want to go in anymore. He wasn’t worried about Logan; the boy had the ability to mute out the rest of the students and keep his chill; but he knew Patton was still on the constant brink of a breakdown over Puzzle and Virgil was most likely going to panic just at the sight of the amount of people here. Without giving it another thought, he turned back towards the high-school’s gates, drawing out his phone. Perhaps they would feel better if he went in with them.  
_‘where are you guys?’_ he typed with the speed of light and sent the message in their group chat. Before anyone even received the message, something at the corner of his eye grabbed his attention.  
He couldn’t explain the strange little flip his stomach did inside of him.  
Virgil stood outside of the school gates, hood up on his head, staring into the school like a deer at the headlights. He wore a dark oversized hoodie as always, and the signature bags beneath his eyes were a bit bolder today. Locks of dark hair fell on his eyes, but he didn’t seem to care.  
When Roman waved at him, the boy’s eyes snapped towards him and locked with his. The tension in his muscles eased by the slightest bit. The way he looked like he was trying to smile but failing was somewhat depressing to the sight.  
“Hey!” Roman chirped and exited the school’s gates. Virgil blinked at him from a pair of exhausted, pained eyes.  
“How do you have so much energy in the gosh-darn morning.” He didn’t even bother curl up the end of the sentence to make it sound like a question. Roman was pretty sure it didn’t require _that_ much energy.  
“Why do everyone keep saying that?” he asked, pleased at the faint snicker that the words had earned from Virgil.  
“I do wonder.”  
He looked down at his feet in discomfort, and his hood fell on his face and covered half of it from sight. Roman nudged his shoulder gently.  
“Are you planning to go in anytime soon?”  
Virgil eyed the masses of students that were swarming into the school on the other side of the fence. His jaw tightened.  
“I don’t know. You should go, though, you wouldn’t want to be late.”  
“And leave you here for the rest of the day?”  
“I’m going to go in eventually. When everyone starts the first period and the place is a bit more empty.”  
Roman rubbed the back of his neck in thought, shifting in his spot. It was tempting to offer to stay with him until that happens, but if there was one thing that he learned from his little research, it was that avoiding the causes of his anxiety would only do him damage in the long-run. And Roman couldn’t let that happen. He was still not sure about how exactly he would solve the problem without bringing up the issue, but he assumed Virgil wouldn’t want to openly talk about his disorder. He’d looked so embarrassed and reluctant when he opened up to him about it back when they worked with Trigger for the first time.  
“But don’t you think that getting used to coming in late would do you bad?” he said, carefully beating around the bush. “I mean, if it works out today, you may feel more comfortable doing it tomorrow, and the day after, and before you know it you’d be late every day. It’s- it’s a psychological thing or something.”  
Virgil shrugged off the words. “I don’t know how else I’m going to go in.” He didn’t meet his eyes, but Roman caught a glimpse of a hint of scarlet across his pale cheeks. He didn’t mean to put Virgil in an embarrassing situation; but he wanted to help.  
“Look, I know you don’t like talking about that kind of stuff, but if it changes anything – I’m here for you and you got this. Alright?”  
Their gazes finally met, and Virgil managed a sad smile. It was strange to imagine that merely two months ago they didn’t get along. Roman hadn’t realised how fond he’d grown of the boy’s company and how much he appreciated their friendship.  
“Do you want to go in now?” he asked him gently. “Avoiding it isn’t going to do you any good.”  
Virgil glanced at the ocean of students and folded his arms across his chest. His hands disappeared in his hoodie’s long, soft sleeves.  
“Fine…” he said almost at a whisper. Roman smiled and fixed the bag upon his shoulder.  
“Sweet.”  
The boy hesitated before joining him by the gate and stepping inside. Roman could swear he was able to hear his speeding heart as they made their way through the crowd. His own heart adjusted to the beat as though trying to relate to the other.  
As they walked through the mass of students, Virgil’s eyes darted from side to side and his shoulders were stiff. Roman was about to try and start a casual conversation when he decided that perhaps it wasn’t the best time.  
They had made it halfway through the crowd when he heard Virgil draw in a sharp breath.  
Roman glanced at the guy beside him; his pupils had shrunk, and his skin was ice pale. He inhaled and exhaled much faster now as though struggling to breathe. Roman sought his hand between them on instinct. His fingers met with cold skin, and he gently grabbed Virgil’s hand. It was relatively smaller than his.  
It appeared Virgil didn’t notice the way he squeezed Roman’s hand. In fact, Roman wasn’t sure he even noticed he was holding it. Through their contact, he could feel his tension as though it was present in his own body. Roman squeezed his hand.  
For one relieving moment it appeared it was working; Virgil’s tense shoulders eased up by a bit, although he still kept his jaw locked stiff. But the further in they went, the worse it became. His body trembled as though freezing cold. His breaths were sharp and hasty. Roman couldn’t tell if he was having an anxiety attack, and the realisation that it was possible terrified him more than he would ever admit.  
So maybe going in anyway isn’t the best idea here.  
“Virgil, do you need to go somewhere else?”  
The boy nodded in a tremble, jaw still clenched. Roman snapped his gaze around and sought a place to head to. His eyes rested on the other side of the crowd, where there was a space between the fence and the school’s building. It must lead to the back of the school, he realised – and that sounded like the perfect place. There wouldn’t be anyone at the back of the school at the beginning of the very first day.  
He gently nudged Virgil in the right direction, keeping a firm hold of his hand the entire way. A couple of students gave them weird looks as they made their way out of the crowd. It thinned out the farther they went, and by the time they’d reached the passage between the fence and the building, they appeared to be alone.  
Roman’s gaze rested on a small bench that peaked from behind a thick-trunked tree on the other side of the school’s yard.  
“You’re doing great, Virge,” he said in the most soothing voice he could manage as he guided the two of them towards the bench. “Is there anything I can do to help?”  
Virgil shook his head fast as they sat down. The sunlight that the treetop had filtered down dappled his pale skin.  
“Alright. I’m going to stay here, but if you feel uncomfortable and you need to be alone, just tell me and I’ll leave right away. Can you try to focus on your breathing?”  
“I- I can’t breathe,” he stuttered.  
“I know it feels that way, but you are breathing right now. You need to remember that you are safe. What you’re feeling is scary and valid, but you are not in actual danger. Now, can you try to take in a deep, long breath and hold it in for me?”  
He demonstrated it himself, and Virgil’s microscopic pupils darted across Roman’s face as he tried to adjust himself and do the same. The first time he tried to inhale slowly his breath broke in the middle, sending him into another series of sharp breaths, but the next time he managed to inhale deeply and hold it in for whole five seconds before letting it out.  
“You’re doing great,” Roman said. “Can you try that again?”  
And so the two sat on the bench under the tree, sunlight dappling their faces, and breathed in and out as slowly as they managed. Roman never thought he’d find himself in such situation.  
Roughly ten minutes passed before Virgil fully calmed down. He now sat with his face buried in his hands and once again inhaled slowly, shoulders still slightly trembling. The way he returned to himself was almost scary. Roman glanced at him and wondered what it was like having those attacks on a regular basis. An overwhelming feeling of empathy struck him unprepared.  
“I’m so sorry you had to see that..” He spoke so quietly that Roman could barely make out the words. “You were probably really uncomfortable.”  
“You shouldn’t ever apologise for something like that.”  
“This is so embarrassing…”  
Roman fiddled with his fingers, wishing to find a way to make him feel a little more comfortable. It was ironic, the way Virgil believed Roman was the uncomfortable one in the situation. In all honesty, Roman was just grateful for the fact he was there to help. He couldn’t imagine what it was like to go through one of those alone, or worse, amongst all those students who didn’t know him and probably wouldn’t understand what was going on.  
“You… you knew what to do,” Virgil suddenly said, giving Roman a look that was almost accusing.  
“Thanks.”  
“No, I mean- I mean, you knew exactly what was going on and what you needed to be doing. Down to a very specific level. Ugh, what did you do, Princey?”  
Roman shifted awkwardly in his seat. “I may or may not have done a tiiiny little research after you told me about, um, you know. I didn’t want to say anything so I don’t embarrass you. I just wanted to make sure I was prepared for anything and that I wasn’t doing anything wrong or making things worse. I hope you’re not mad.”  
“Why would I be mad?” he uttered. His eyes jabbed into Roman’s as though setting a target.  
“I don’t know, I thought you may feel like I was invading your privacy or touching a topic you didn’t want touched.”  
Virgil leaned back against the tree and brought his knees up to his chest. He wrapped his arms around them as though cold. “I’m not mad. That was thoughtful of you. Thanks.”  
Relief spread its tentacles of warmth in his chest. “It’s no big deal.”  
The silence told them everyone had already entered their classrooms. Both the yard and the front of the school were empty from students, and a sense of peace settled in the air of the then-bustling school. There was something pleasant about sitting with Virgil under the tree. The silence between them wasn’t awkward, but thoughtful and warm. They sat mere inches apart, and the boy’s hoodie brushed lightly against Roman’s shoulder. He was aware of his quiet breathing beside him, his now-even pulse, and the pleasant scent of his perfume.  
“I think we need to get going soon,” he said reluctantly. “You wouldn’t want to get detention on your first day.”  
Virgil didn’t look eager to get up. “You can go ahead, I think I’ll hang back for a little while.”  
“Are you sure? Because I’m pretty sure we have the same first period. The teacher would probably be harder on us if we go in one by one. It kind of softens the blow when more than one student is late.”  
He waited as his friend considered the option, his eyes reluctant.  
“Yeah, alright…”  
“If we go down, then we go down together?” Roman said with the brink of a smile in an attempt to make him smile.  
“Sure, fellow horse freak.”  
He stood up and offered his hand to Virgil, who looked the other way as he grabbed it and helped himself up. His hand wasn’t as cold now. Roman couldn’t explain the strange feeling that made an appearance in his stomach when they separated; almost like a wish to be close to him again. To hold his hand, or sit under the tree mere inches apart with his hoodie brushing his shoulder and his pleasant scent tickling his nose.  
Roman shook the bizarre feeling away and joined Virgil as he began to head towards the building. It was called “liking his company”, he told himself, and it was natural. They were friends. Of course he’d seek his presence and wish to be close to him.  
And yet, the bizarre feeling was… well, bizarre. Almost new.  
Roman pushed it to the back of his head as they entered the school. It was most likely nothing to be paying attention to.

\- - - - - - - -

Patton flipped the page onto the next one unenthusiastically. The new textbook’s pages were thick and stiff between his fingers. His teacher’s voice barely managed to break through his brain’s barriers, as though his ears were receiving the information yet didn’t manage to transfer it to his head.  
Puzzle.  
Patton’s foot thumped repetitively against the floor. It was unlike him – but so was not listening to the teacher, and feeling tired at school, and wishing to disappear into the ground below him and never come out.  
Puzzle.  
Maybe he would visit the library after school today and browse for a new adventure story. Patton loved adventure books; he wasn’t nearly adventurous and brave enough to find his own adventures. He never minded counting on stories to fill that part for him. The most adventurous thing he’d done the past year was try out a new flavour of ice cream. Maybe he would get ice cream after school, too. Maybe even a new flavour.  
Puzzle.  
He had a lesson to focus on. Patton tried to make the most out of the opportunity for a distraction, but whenever he directed his thoughts back to the topic of his lesson, they drifted away and back to the same thing.  
Puzzle.  
Wherever he looked, he saw Puzzle. His round, brown gems blinked at him from every corner of the room. The sound of a pen tapping against a desk was the sound of his hooves. The squeaking of the marker against the large whiteboard at the front was his happy nickering at the sight of a carrot. The hair of the girl in the front row was his tail.  
Puzzle.  
Puzzle. Puzzle. Puzzle. Puzzle. Patton.  
Patton?  
“Patton. Patton, are you listening to me?”  
The voice snapped Patton’s head back onto Earth. The figure of Puzzle in his mind morphed into a short teacher who now stood before him and eyed him from a pair of brown eyes behind squared glasses.  
“I’m- I’m sorry, Mrs Williams,” he whispered.  
“You’re not with us today. Is everything okay at home?”  
No. Nothing was okay at home. He’d just lost a family member and his parents didn’t care.  
“Yeah, I’m just a little distracted, is all.”  
Mrs Williams’s face softened. “Why don’t you take five?” she said. “It looks like you need it.”  
Patton battled back the tears that threatened to mist his eyes. “Thank you.”  
The only sound in the corridors was the sound of his feet meeting with the floor in their even rhythm. He sank into the distracting sound for five solid seconds before the sound of Puzzle’s hooves joined in his head. It’d been a while since they last walked together side by side.  
Patton glanced down at his wristwatch; lunch would start soon, and that meant he would get to see his teammates. The thought eased a bit of the pain. For a heartbeat, he doubted whether Logan would sit with them; he knew Roman and Virgil definitely would, but Logan had a habit of not talking to a soul at school – to the point it almost looked like he was pretending they did not exist.  
Patton told himself he wouldn’t complain; Roman and Virgil’s company was more than enough. On the other hand, seeing his teammates was the only thing he knew would truly cheer him up, and the team didn’t feel complete without Logan.  
But who was he even kidding. The team stopped being complete the moment Puzzle left it.  
The cafeteria looked like a graveyard, waiting for midnight to strike so its ghosts can emerge and gather around the tables. Patton wasn’t used to seeing it empty. His feet thumped quietly against the floor as he made his way through the room. He settled by a table at the very corner, where he could lean back into the wall. A lump of metal formed in his throat and chocked it with tears.  
Patton couldn’t remember the last time he was so alone.  
“Excuse me?”  
A voice above him announced its presence with the question, and Patton lifted a pair of tired eyes. He frowned.  
He’d never seen the kid standing in front of him before. They had a small, gentle smile and deep brown skin. Their facial features were soft and had a young presence. Hair dyed a deep blue fell underneath a knitted beanie. Their nose and cheeks were littered with mischievous freckles that gave their face the appearance of a night sky scattered with stars.  
“Hey,” Patton murmured. The student sat down beside him without asking for an invitation. “Can I help you with anything?”  
They tilted their head, and a lock of blue hair fell on one of their silver eyes and revealed what looked like a tattoo of a crescent moon on their forehead. “I was going to ask you the same thing. You look really sad.”  
Their gaze was without a doubt genuine. And although the last thing Patton wanted to do was talk about it, something in their eyes ignited a strange urge to do so.  
“I lost my horse yesterday,” he mumbled underneath his breath. He’d never imagined one day he would really find himself saying that. Not about Puzzle. “He’s- he’s still alive, I mean. My parents sold him, though.”  
Again with that genuineness. The student’s eyes reflected pain that almost suggested they had just gone through the same.  
“I’m so sorry to hear that,” they said. There was something in their voice Patton couldn’t quite put his finger on; almost like a soft breeze had snuck inside and gave it the ability to stroke anything that could hear it. “Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”  
“That’s kind of you. I don’t think there’s really anything you can do, though.”  
“Maybe I can keep you company while you’re sitting here?”  
Patton never mentioned he was waiting for someone; he wasn’t sure how or what they knew, but he nodded.  
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you around here,” he mentioned. The student shrugged, and their hair fell back upon their strange tattoo.  
“Nobody ever notices me.”  
That wasn’t the answer Patton was expecting. He thought they’d say that they’d just started going here or something. They didn’t wait for Patton to respond. Instead, they shifted in their seat to better face him and locked their silvery gaze with his.  
“There must be a reason for what happened to your horse.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I mean, it’s going to lead you somewhere you need to be.”  
The twirl of a chatter broke into the room from the corridors, where students must have been dismissed for lunch. Among the students who began to swarm into the cafeteria Patton spotted Roman and Virgil. Roman waved at him with enough energy to share with the entirety of the school and he and Virgil began to make their way towards him.  
“I don’t think I understand,” he said, turning back to the student beside him. The ghost of a smile flickered on their lips.  
“You will, Patton. Trust me.”  
Patton looked the other way and regarded his teammates as they neared them. Wait. When did he even tell that kid of his name? He must have told them distractedly. One thing for sure, he didn’t know theirs. He turned back around.  
“Hey, I never got your- “  
Patton froze in place. His gaze went through the space the student had filled mere seconds ago. It was now empty, and all his eyes met with were the tables and students farther on.  
_What…?_  
“Hey, buddy,” a voice behind him had him twisting around. “Feeling alright?”  
“Y-yeah, sure,” he squeaked at Roman. Virgil sat beside him and stared down at the table as though avoiding eye contact would make the rest of the people in the room disappear.  
Roman gave him a look. “You look a bit weird.”  
“I’m fine, really. I just- I could swear I saw-… never mind. How’s your day been?”  
“Magical!”  
“Horrendous.”  
The fact the two words were spoken simultaneously made it all the more amusing.  
“Aw, why, Virgil?” he asked, leaping at the opportunity to distract himself with somebody else’s issues. This day started out a little too awful and rolled on a little too weird. He focused on Virgil’s eyes as he spoke, afraid that if he would look away he might hallucinate another silver-eyed person.  
“I don’t know. Too much noise. I want to bury myself under a garbage pile and light it on fire.”  
“Getting creative today with the visuals, huh, kiddo?”  
“You know me.”  
No, he really didn’t.  
“Uh, but how are you feeling?” Virgil asked, as Roman by his side pulled out a box of cookies. Patton tried to be excited, but to be honest, no matter what happened today he didn’t manage to feel one positive emotion.  
“I’m alive,” he said, grabbing a cookie handed to him by Roman with a gesture of silent gratitude. The very words made his throat choke with tears once again. “I think I’m going to head home early. I don’t feel so good.”

\- - - - - - - -

Virgil was having a strange day.  
First he had an anxiety attack in front of a person. And not just any person; freaking _Roman_. That was definitely the last thing he needed. He could barely look him in the eye throughout the rest of the day. He was certain the guy thought he was such a freak.  
Then, just as he was leaving the classroom and about to head to the cafeteria, absolutely petrified of the idea of walking the corridors alone, he found Roman waiting for him just outside of his classroom. He didn’t want to admit how grateful he was for his friend figuring out himself that drowning in a crowd of teenagers wasn’t on his bucket list.  
And then at lunch Patton acted like he’d seen a freaking ghost. He was barely even excited about the cookies Roman had brought for him. He nibbled on half a cookie for a couple minutes before excusing himself and heading home.  
And maybe it was just the fatigue his anxiety attack had left in him, but Virgil was pretty sure he saw a student sitting by the dumpsters and eating a deodorant stick?  
So yeah. Virgil was having a strange day.  
All he wanted to do was cuddle to sleep with Everest and wake up when everything makes a little more sense. At this point he wouldn’t have complained had she accidentally killed him in his sleep.  
“Hey,” he said as he joined Roman in the crowd of students filing out of the school. Roman’s face lit up.  
“Hey, storm cloud.”  
Virgil could swear freedom had a scent when they exited the school’s gates. He inhaled deeply in relief and buried his head in his palms.  
“I’m never going in there again. I need like eight gallons of coffee.”  
Roman snickered. “I hate to be the bearer of the bitter news, Emo, but you’re gonna have to come here tomorrow.”  
“ _Make me._ ”  
With that he turned around and made his way down the street and away from the school.  
“Virgil, hold up.”  
Oh, crap. He was this close to excusing himself from the embarrassing situation. What embarrassing situation, the average person may ask, and the answer was simple: existing in Roman’s presence after he’d witnessed him having an anxiety attack.  
“Yeah?” he said with the most control he could manage, turning back around.  
“You’re really going to walk the whole way back?” Roman asked. “You can ride with me if you want.”  
The offer was tempting. He could either walk across half of town for forty minutes in unbearable heat inside a winter hoodie, or he could hop into an air-conditioned car and arrive at his destination in no more than seven minutes.  
Sure was a hard decision to make.  
“Yeah, whatever. Thanks.”  
Roman gave that perfect white smile of his and turned towards the parking lot, signalling for Virgil to join. Virgil caught up to him and awkwardly tucked his hands into his pockets as they walked.  
On one hand he desperately wanted to apologise for this morning, but on the other didn’t want to bring up the subject in case Roman was somehow not thinking about it.  
“Aren’t you going to wait for your brother?” he asked when the realisation hit him.  
“He’s in detention. Always is. No need to even check.”  
Virgil frowned. “Are you sure-? I mean, don’t get me wrong, that’s hilarious, but wouldn’t he text you to let you know not to wait for him if he was in detention?”  
“At this point, Emo, the heads-up text comes when he _doesn’t_ land himself in detention.”  
Virgil didn’t expect himself to laugh, but a giggle escaped his lips. He turned on his phone distractedly as they got in the small black car. A message from his mother flashed at him, and he opened it as Roman beside him started the engine.  
_‘Emma was discharged earlier today and insisted on making it for the second half of the school day. You know how she is with the first day of school. Could you pick her up?’_  
He sneaked a glance towards Roman, who now pulled them out of the parking lot. He hated to be a bother, but it appeared he had no choice.  
_‘On it.’_  
“Yo Princey, could we stop by the elementary school on our way?” he asked with the most confidence he could fake.  
“Oh- sure thing. Almost forgot a sibling there for a moment?”  
“Uh- yeah.” He awkwardly joined Roman’s chuckle. “I completely forgot I was supposed to pick my sister up today.”  
“No problemo then.”  
As the ride went on, Virgil forgot what he was even nervous about. It took them less than a minute to sink into a flowy conversation as they did the previous night. Virgil wasn’t exactly as strict with himself regarding his laughing policy anymore.  
When they reached the school, Roman insisted on coming in as well. Virgil should have known he was the kids-loving type. He said it was because kids adored him, but Virgil didn’t buy it – it kind of looked like Roman adored them.  
“ _Everyone is so tiny_ ,” he squealed as they walked down the corridors, kids about half their height dashing past. “ _Virgil, we’re swimming in a sea of tiny lil’ gnomes_.”  
“I take it you don’t have any younger siblings?” Virgil battled a smile.  
“Nope. Well, you could say I do, but he’s only mentally like a decade younger so physically he still doesn’t look like a gnome.”  
“Ah. The detention one.”  
“Mhm.”  
Kids gave them weird looks as they passed by, Roman insisting on smiling and waving at each and every one. At the point where it was starting to get embarrassing, Virgil grabbed his arm and pulled it down to stop it from waving.  
“Just.. just stop. You’re making a fool out of yourself in front of eight year olds.”  
“Copy that.”  
His sister’s classroom was just down the hall, and the wooden door was halfway open. Virgil stopped by the door and peered inside, knocking on it lightly with the knuckle of one finger. A couple faces turned towards him and Roman. The rest were busy with packing their things and exiting the class.  
“Em,” he called, and his sister’s green gaze snapped towards him. She looked a little paler than she did yesterday. His heart clenched in his chest.  
Roman was clearly holding in an excited squeal as she made her way through her class and buried herself in Virgil’s hoodie in a hug. He suddenly realised he’d never stopped to appreciate her hugs as much as he should. When was the last time he’d told her how much she meant to him? It never occurred to him that any day she might-  
No. Stop that. She’s going to be fine. This isn’t the time for this.  
Virgil waved at her teacher to signal Emma was leaving, and the teacher nodded and smiled at the little girl.  
“Grabbed all your stuff?” he asked her as they left, and she nodded distractedly, giving Roman a glance.  
The ride to their home went smoothly. Roman and Virgil chatted between themselves and discussed what kind of music they should put on, and Emma sat by the window behind them and watched the cars flash by. Virgil sneaked a glance back to her every few minutes. She almost looked like a ghost.  
“Alright, here we are,” Roman announced when they pulled into the small parking lot by Virgil and Emma’s building. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Virge?”  
Virgil couldn’t help the smile that broke on his lips. “Yeah.”  
When they got out of the car, Roman reached a hand for a high-five from Emma, and she happily obliged.  
They waved at him before making their way into the building. Virgil usually chose the stairs to their floor – he didn’t trust elevators – but when he glanced at Emma, her skin pale and her thin arms a bit weak by her sides, he decided that maybe climbing the stairs to the fourth floor wasn’t the best idea.  
The elevator made a pleasant ding as its doors opened before them, and the two siblings walked inside.  
“How was your day?” he asked her as he clicked the button to the fourth floor. The slightest bit of claustrophobia prickled at his skin when the doors closed before them.  
“It was good,” she chirped. “We have two new students in our class this year and we’re friends now. Their names are Johnny and Melissa. Johnny just moved into town and Melissa moved in last year but was home-schooled until now. I showed them all the places in our school and we fed the stray cats together.”  
Virgil was pretty sure it was impossible for Emma to meet a new person and not befriend them at once. His brain immediately attacked him with an intrusive, anxious thought of how her friends may end up traumatized if one day she-  
**_Stop_** _. She’s going to be fine._  
Emma continued to bubble about her new and old friends and the stray cats and the nice new teacher as they left the elevator (which ended up not eating alive) and reached the door to their apartment. Virgil unlocked the door and pushed it open, taking in the familiar scent of the house. He felt like collapsing on the couch and sleeping for fifteen years.  
“-and she was like ‘oh it’s fine, I’m sure you’ll fill in on time’, which was great, she’s a great teacher. Is your boyfriend going to drive us home every day now?”  
Virgil froze.  
“My- my what now?”  
She didn’t blink as he turned around and met her gaze. “Roman. Is he going to drive us home every day? He’s really funny.”  
Virgil’s cheeks flushed red. “He’s not my boyfriend, Em. Just a friend.”  
She looked genuinely surprised. “He’s not? That’s weird.”  
“Uh… and- and why is that?”  
“I don’t know, you two act like he is.” She casually put her bag down and skipped to the kitchen. “So what’s for lunch? Can we order a pizza? We haven’t ordered a pizza in like, a year.”  
Virgil blinked himself out of his shock. His little sister seemed to have left the topic behind as she rummaged through the fridge. He convinced himself it meant nothing – kids say what kids say – but he couldn’t help but replay her words over and over in his head as he prepared her lunch.

\- - - - - - - -

Patton turned onto his other side and pulled the blanket over his shoulder. Nothing but the chatter of the crickets hung in the air, and he clung onto it like it was his lifesaver in the middle of the ocean. Maybe if he focuses on the crickets with all his might, they will chase Puzzle out of his head.  
You could say it was hard to get someone out of your head when you’re hugging a stuffed version of them.  
When Patton was eight, he’d been given a stuffed horse that looked exactly like Puzzle from his aunt. She made it herself, after he mentioned missing Puzzle at night after leaving the stables.  
“Here,” she said back then, handing him the doll. “Now he’s always going to be right there with you.”  
Patton hugged the stuffed horse tight and buried his tear-beaded face in the plush.  
She was wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes! :)  
> 1\. I'm sorry if Remus wasn't 100% in character. I tried to write him like himself while still keeping it PG-13 (I'm not sure what you guys are comfortable with, that's also why the swearing in this story is pretty subtle).  
> 2\. I'm mainly nervous about this chapter because of the Patton part with the student he met. I swear it's going to make sense eventually! This is NOT turning into a fantasy story! xD  
> 3\. Another reason I was nervous about posting this one is the anxiety attack part. I really hate it when people who write Prinxiety fics romanticize anxiety attacks or write them in an offensive way. In this case I knew how to describe it considering I myself get anxiety and panic attacks, but I did have to do a bit of research for Roman as I've never been the person witnessing the attack, only the person having it. I did my best, I hope it's not too bad!  
> 4\. THANK YOU FOR 400 HITS!!! I know it doesn't sound like a lot, but for me it is! When I first posted this I didn't think anyone would want to read past the first sentence, but now there are a few people who are actually subscribed to the story and comment nice things on new chapters which is insane! So thank you!
> 
> Again, I'm really nervous about posting this chapter. I'm afraid it may lead to this story losing some of its tiny group of readers. xD Oh, well. Thank you so much for reading! Don't forget to take good care of yourself! Stay safe out there, I love you guys.


	11. Setting Rematch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually made a fake news article thingy for this chapter instead of a quick drawing as per usual and it was so fun! It looks *really* dramatic. Anyways, here's chapter 11. There'll probably be notes at the end.

Virgil practically launched himself into the stables when he arrived. An amused smile played on his instructor’s lips as he dashed past her, barely even noting her presence.  
“Someone’s eager today,” she scoffed.  
“This place is my coffee,” he responded in a flash before disappearing down the halls.  
A playful breeze made its way into the stables through the cracks and blew a hello in his face as he rushed between the stalls. A couple of horses acknowledged the stable-hand with the flick of an ear before returning to their meals, allowing him to proceed.  
Virgil couldn’t remember the last time he felt a rock this heavy being lifted off his chest; the sight of a dark ear peeking from a nearby stall released a pressure that’d been set on his heart since the moment he’d woken up. As he came near, the rest of the horse was revealed to him, and the sight of her face seemed to have made the entire stables lit up with a new glow.  
“Oh my god, Everest, I never thought I’d be this happy to see your skittish little face,” Virgil let out and wrapped the horse in a hug, the end of the sentence getting muffled by her fur. Everest jerked back for a heartbeat, before relaxing into his embrace. Progress? He thought yes. “School is a nightmare, home is a nightmare, please let me stay here with you in our little bubble and never come out again. I’ll bring the snacks, you get the DVDs?”  
The mare blew into his ear, sending a tickly sensation prickling through it. Virgil wished he could spend every moment of his life with horses instead of humans. It was bitterly amusing, the way humans could understand every word that he said, yet could never understand him to the extent a horse could.  
Everest followed him with her dark gaze as he made his way to the other side of the stall and slumped onto his regular spot on the hay bale. He could practically hear every last muscle in his body sigh in relief; despite having been sat on a chair most of the day while he studied, he felt as though he’d been up on his feet for hours. Perhaps because he never sat comfortably but tense and stiff.  
But now, away from any human social situation looming above him, Virgil could finally relax. His friend gave him a long look from where she stood before flicking her tail and walking over to rest her nose by his chest. Her eyelids slipped down halfway in a sign of relaxation.  
“School was awful,” Virgil grumbled, letting his fingers trail down the horse’s face. “I don’t get how people can stand being in the presence of so many human beings at once and for so many hours. Everything was loud and saturated and stressful and I felt like I was drowning. You know what I’m talking about, right? Urgh, not to mention that I had an attack in front of a person.”  
With each word he allowed to slip out of his lips, a microscopic piece of the weight left as well. So Virgil spoke. And Everest listened.  
“And then I went back home and home was rough, too. So you could say I didn’t really have anywhere to escape to.”  
Everest blinked in the comfort of his voice, earning an unintentional smile from her rider.  
“I don’t know… it’s just a little hard to look at my sister right now,” he murmured, a lump of iron settling at the base of his throat. “I think it’s hard for mom, too. She’s been coming home late recently. Well, later than the usual. The only reason I even get to hear her walk in is that I don’t go to sleep at the appropriate time for a healthy human being. Which also means I can’t greet her when she arrives, because I need to pretend to be asleep.”  
It wasn’t until he uttered the words aloud that they first sank in.  
Wow. His life really was a mess, wasn’t it.  
“But- but it’s fine now,” he said stubbornly, almost as though trying to convince himself. “Because I’m back here with you now. I’ll finish work real quick and we can go walk the paddock or something before our lesson. How does that sound?”  
Though she couldn’t understand a word, Everest blew softly at his face.  
And something in Virgil’s chest crumbled and made him want to burst into tears.  
It was one of those days where you’re balancing on the tip of one toe on top of a thin, fragile tower of mental stability. The kind of days where the smallest act of affection or a silence too long can make you break into tears.  
At this point, Virgil was clinging onto the tower with the last bit of strength he’d managed to borrow from Everest’s presence. He refused to admit he was falling apart.  
Everest was a little too quiet. He couldn’t afford to remain in her comfortable silence. When he did, he started to think. And thinking was a little risky.  
So Virgil kissed her forehead goodbye and left on quiet, tired feet.

The soft strokes of sunlight against his face almost convinced his eyelids to slip closed. Virgil slapped himself to stay awake, drawing in a sharp unintentional breath. He’d been saddling one of the school horses, barely even remaining on his feet, and the sunrays that had snuck in through the cracks in the planks brushed his face with warmth as though trying to convince him to fall asleep by the horse’s feet. As tempting as the offer was, Virgil wasn’t planning on getting himself killed today.  
It appeared the continuous routine of getting three hours of sleep at most every night was starting to get to him.  
“You’re such a baby,” he grumbled at himself as he buckled the girth under the horse’s stomach.  
“You don’t have to be mean to him.”  
Virgil’s eyes snapped up from the girth to the school horse’s face, before twisting around at the realisation that the voice had come from behind him. Roman stood outside of the stall and leaned against the door, a smile plastered on his face. He’d changed into a different outfit from the one he was wearing at school. Virgil wasn’t sure why he noticed that.  
“I wasn’t speaking to the horse, Princey.”  
The showjumper leaned against the stall’s front window that was built into the door. “Who were you speaking to, then?”  
“Who do you think.”  
His voice came out colder than he’d meant.  
“You don’t seem to be in the greatest mood,” Roman mentioned.  
“No shit.”  
“Did anything happen? It’s not like you were a ray of sunshine at school, but it wasn’t this bad.”  
Virgil didn’t meet his eyes as he fixed the saddle and fastened the buckles. “No.”  
Roman remained silent for a long moment that suggested he was carefully choosing his words. “You’ve looked this way since we picked up your sister, now that I think of it.”  
Virgil’s hands clenched around the girth. From the corner of his eye, Roman kept a steady gaze. He caught that.  
“Everything is fine with Emma.”  
“I never asked whether something was wrong.”  
A burning string slithered through Virgil’s throat. “You- you implied it, I don’t know. So did you end up lunging Trigger today like you wanted?”  
“You’re changing the subject.”  
The saddle was well placed and buckled on the horse’s back, but Virgil continued to fiddle with it as though he wasn’t done.  
“Look, if you’re going through anything-“  
“I said everything was fine,” he snapped. “I don’t have time for this, I have work to get to.”  
Roman didn’t say a word as he untied the horse and yanked the stall door open, causing him to step away from the window. He didn’t turn to see the boy’s face as he shut it behind him and rushed away and down the corridor. The last thing he wanted to do was be mean, but he didn’t know how else to throw him off his back. He couldn’t let Roman know there was something wrong with him.

\- - - - - - - - -

Something was definitely wrong with Virgil.  
How Roman knew? Well, if you put aside the fact that he looked like a corpse and uncharacteristically lashed out at him, there was also the fact that Roman didn’t find himself annoyed with him. Roman knew himself; if he wasn’t irritated by the way the boy had spoken to him, he must have unconsciously detected something below the surface.  
Virgil was clearly in pain.  
Roman dug through these thoughts as he approached the paddock and leaned against the fence. His eyes scanned the place stretching before him and sought for the flash of sunlight reflecting off of a gleaming brown coat.  
There his horse was; standing by a tall grey gelding and grazing the grass. Roman called out to him, pushing down the slight tremble that had snuck into his voice. Trigger lifted his head from the grass. When he trotted over a little too fast, a painful image of him coming crushing into the ground cut through Roman’s head. He clenched his jaw and fought to keep the smile upon his face. Horses had the tendency to read him like an open book.  
“Sorry for not coming this morning,” he said as he petted his horse. “School just started so I’ll be coming at the afternoon during the weekdays from now on. You know the drill, this isn’t our first year together.”  
Trigger flicked his ears. The realisation of how much they’d gone through together sunk down Roman’s chest like a rock sinking to the bottom of Daybreak Lake. If only he’d known of all they would go through when he first met him on that snowy December morning.  
The soft rustle of feet behind him told Roman someone was approaching. He chose not to turn around and show that he’d noticed, though. If there was something Virgil wanted to say he could start the conversation himself.  
“Would you look at that. Roman Windsor, back in the field.”  
Oh. _Oh_.  
That was definitely not Virgil. Did he want it to be? Now that he recognised the voice, yes, definitely. He’d rather hear even Darth Vader behind him than this person. Heck, he’d rather even hear Dolores Umbridge.  
“… Veronica.”  
A flashy white smile greeted him when he turned around slowly, battling back an eyeroll and mentally preparing himself.  
“Sup, Windsor,” the girl before him chortled. She wasn’t alone; another rider from her team stood by her side, looking more bored than smug.  
Roman straightened his shoulders and tucked his hands into his pockets. “What are you doing here?”  
“I could be asking you the same thing. Aren’t you supposed to be sitting on a wheelchair at home?”  
“Ver,” her friend mouthed, snapping a hand to place on her arm as though to hold her back. “That’s a little too far.”  
“Um, yeah, thank you, it was,” Roman hissed. Veronica’s friend gave him a look that suggested they were making sure Roman knew that despite asking their friend to turn it down a notch, they weren’t on his side. Wasn’t that a mouthful.  
Veronica flung her brunette hair to her back. “Gee, I was making a joke. So what are you doing here, really?”  
“I’m back in the saddle,” Roman said, trying to work as much confidence as could into his words.  
“Pffft. For real? How long has it been, like, a year?”  
“Does it matter?”  
She ignored the question, and instead scanned Trigger from foot to head with a steel gaze. A sense of protectiveness hardened in Roman’s chest.  
“I see you still got that animal. Can it even still jump? I’m not gonna lie to you, I thought it was dead.”  
Roman clenched his jaw. _Just don’t lash out. She’s testing your temper._  
“ _He_ can still jump better on his worst days than whatever you got on their best,” he snapped. “Do I need to remind you he was the one referred to as a legend by the national federation?”  
Veronica didn’t miss a beat. “The same federation that declared the ‘legend’s’ ending. Oh, a funny day it was. Remember the headlines everywhere, Ro?”  
Oh, how could he forget. ‘The end of a legend.’ ‘Rising showjumping stars critically injured.’ ‘Career of showjumping legends Roman Windsor and Pull the Trigger abruptly ends.’ ‘Famous Showjumper Pull the Trigger Announced Dead.’  
“What happened in the past doesn’t matter now,” he uttered. “Trigger and I are still going to beat you guys.”  
A barking laugh exploded from the girl, causing Roman’s face to stiffen. Her bored-looking teammate’s lips curled into a smug smile.  
“ _You?_ With what? A team of a rehab-horse, a decaying grade pony and a joke of a trainer?”  
“Laura works harder than all of your fancy Eric Lamaze-wannabes put together,” he snapped. “And I’ll have you know Trigger is even stronger and better now than he was before the accident.”  
He wished.  
Veronica didn’t miss how he’d trod around the Puzzle topic. “Not gonna defend that pony, then? I love how even you know he’s a loser. Where is he, really? I haven’t seen him anywhere.”  
Roman’s nails dug into his palms. _No, she didn’t…_  
That was all the information he needed to figure out the girl knew something had happened. She wouldn’t have shown any interest in Puzzle otherwise.  
“Not that it’s any of your business, but he’s out for a couple of days,” Roman hissed through a clenched jaw. “He _will_ be here for the competition, and your team’s better prepare. That old horse can beat your youngest and strongest without flicking an ear.”  
A smirk curled its way upon the girl’s fair-skinned face. “Oh, I just can’t _wait_ to see that.” She signaled for her teammate to follow as she turned the other way, making sure her hair flicks along as though to impress. “Nice seeing you again, Windsor. Don’t work yourself too hard, alright, sweety? Wouldn’t want to harm those broken legs of yours.”  
As though in response, a quiet pain began to pound faintly in Roman’s left leg. It’d been a while.  
“Come on, who’s side are you on?” he grumbled at his leg and turned back to Trigger. “I’m fine, buddy, it’s a psychological thing. It doesn’t hurt anymore.”  
Trigger lowered his head all the way to Roman’s stomach, allowing him to rest his head on top of his and release a sigh.  
“Guess we need to get Puzzle back. Now.”

\- - - - - - - -

Logan never thought there would come a day he feels the urge to bring his hand to his brow in the well-known gesture referred to as a “face palm”.  
Well, the day had come.  
His team was an absolute, as one would say, mess.  
“Come on, champ, it’s really not that big a deal,” Laura said almost beggingly. “Everest can do much more than that. You damn well know _you_ can.”  
Virgil shook his head. The very little skin he showed was moon-pale and his hands were stiff on the reins. “I only recently started riding her, Laura, I can’t ask her to jump that high.” His voice was low and hesitant. “She’s going to lose her trust in me.”  
“You do realise that’s the height you would be jumping in the competition, right?” Roman asked. Logan couldn’t tell what exactly was off with his teammate – he was never particularly skilled in the human behaviour department – but he was positive something was wrong. He knew Virgil had been working with Roman and Trigger, and so far it appeared to have greatly helped – but today Roman and Trigger’s lesson was going almost as badly as it usually did before Virgil came around.  
“She’s going to be just fine, Virge,” Laura said, smiling up at him in encouragement. “As long as you keep yourself relaxed and trust yourself to do this right. Your horse isn’t going to trust you if you don’t trust yourself, and it seems like you don’t.”  
Virgil didn’t deny it. “It- it doesn’t matter. I can’t do it yet. I’m sorry.”  
Logan didn’t need to be an expert in said human department in order to tell his entire team was having a rough day. Patton hadn’t even shown up at the stables – not that Logan assumed he would – and when Roman and Trigger did manage to get over the fences, they would more often than not hit the rails and cause them to plummet down.  
Laura released a sigh and raised a hand in a gesture. “Alright, everyone, time out, join me in the centre.”  
Nexus responded at once when he signaled for her to walk on. The team halted around the trainer quite imperfectly; the impatient Trigger stubbornly pulled Roman around before coming to a stop, and Everest halted a good distance away from the rest and pinned her ears in warning.  
“Alright, something needs to change,” Laura declared. “The first show of the season is right around the corner and we have a rider who won’t ride, a rider who won’t push his horse to the show’s expectations, a rider who’s hitting rails like he’s getting payed for it and a rider who- “ She paused, twisting around to Logan. “No, actually you’re good, Logan.”  
Virgil looked down at the reins and shifted on the saddle. Roman looked the other way. Their instructor’s face softened, and she tried to bring up a smile.  
“Look, guys, I get this isn’t easy. Riding is not easy, and school just started, and Patton is going through a lot, and I’m sure it’s affecting you guys, too. We’re going to be patient with each other, alright? But that also means I expect you guys to give your all, nothing less and – if possible – gladly more.”  
“Actually-“  
“Spare it, Logan, I realise the issue in what I just said.” She crossed her arms across her chest and drew in a breath. “Look, we _need_ to win this competition. Now more than ever.”  
“What’s different about this one?” Roman asked. Laura hesitated before giving a response.  
“I.. I can’t really say at the moment. I need you guys to trust me, okay? I believe you can do it, I just need you guys to believe in it, too. Virgil-“ She turned to the dark-clothed rider, and he looked up. “The only thing I’ve ever seen you be sure about was that Everest could be just as great as any other horse on this team.”  
Virgil finally returned her a look, and what seemed like a realisation figuratively sparked in his eyes.  
“And Roman,” Laura said, twisting around to him, “Out of everyone who were by your side throughout rehabilitation, you were the one who motivated everyone and insisted you two could become once again what you used to be.”  
Roman glanced down with a nod. “We really are trying our best, Laura. But we’re willing to try even harder. Logan- stop. This is a thing now.”  
“You _can’t_ do better than your best-“  
Roman never got to respond. Something on the other side of the outdoor arena claimed his attention, and he pursed his lips. Logan followed his gaze.  
Oh. Them.  
Two riders their age leaned against the fence, and the taller one waved at them with the smirk of a fox. Laura turned around and wrinkled her nose at the sight.  
“Urgh. I can’t stand those guys.”  
“Laura, as the adult here-“  
“Hush, child, when it comes to the Canyon View team I am one of you. Alright, just keep going with your lesson and ignore them. Remember this is _your_ territory they’ve just walked into. Don’t show any signs of discomfort.”  
“Laura, I am feeling great signs of discomfort,” Virgil piped.  
“It’ll be fine, kid, just get back to what you were doing and pretend they were never here.”  
“ _But they are still here-_ “  
“ _I am well aware-_ “  
Logan commanded Nexus to turn in her place and sent her back into a canter around the arena. He didn’t pay any type of attention whatsoever to their two rivals as he and the mare flashed past.  
“That’s nice, Logan,” Laura said as they approached the jump. “Hone your inside leg a bit.”  
She never told him to jump the mare, but he got the message; they needed to look as though they were in a regular lesson. Definitely not a desperate pep-talk greatly distracted by the two rivals standing by the arena with their judging pairs of eyes.  
Nexus basculed over the jump with the grace of a ballet dancer. They landed safely and arched across the arena towards the next jump.  
The Canyon View riders didn’t leave as the lesson went on. They watched with a bored, slightly smug expression, every once in a while scoffing amongst themselves when Roman and Trigger hit a rail or when Everest had a minor freak-out.  
Something looked a tad off about Virgil now, as Logan watched him and Everest make their way towards a jump. The boy had finally agreed to set it a higher level, and his eyes were narrowed under the helmet.  
Logan could tell he was already planning the approach to the obstacle after the one he was now approaching; the two were set one after another with roughly five strides between them – six for the small Everest. He caught sight of Roman watching too from the other side of the arena; he’d commanded Trigger to halt, and the two now stood and watched as Everest and Virgil cantered towards the jump.  
Everest’s hesitant energy told Logan something would go wrong.  
The small grey mare leapt clumsily over the fence, her hind legs clashing into the rails. The polls banged against one another as they plummeted to the ground. Logan could practically see the panic in Virgil’s eyes as Everest proceeded to the next jump with jumpy, fast strides, as though trying to run away from the previous jump. There was no way she was going to try to jump the next. And Logan was right.  
The mare came to a sudden stop at the following jump. She flung her entire body to one side in a panicky attempt to avoid the obstacle, sending her rider crushing into the fence in a mess of rails.  
“Virgil!”  
There was something Logan had noted to himself the last time he’d seen Roman fall off, and could now confirm his theory further; Roman had grown much more serious about riding accidents.  
The fall wasn’t terrible; not to the seasoned rider. It was the kind of fall that hurt a lot, but didn’t kill you, and the worst thing you usually got out of it was a potential embarrassing video your friend had taken of it and perhaps a sprained ankle. Old Roman would have made an “oof” sound in empathy at his teammate and carried on as they mounted again. But the Roman before Logan’s eyes was now off his horse and rushing up to Virgil who now pushed himself off the ground. Laura snatched Everest’s reins and held her back before the mare could panic any further and harm her rider.  
“You okay there, kid?” she asked as Roman helped him up. Trigger made his way lazily behind.  
“Y-yeah,” Virgil stuttered with a grimace. “I’m fine.”  
“Great, ready to get back on?”  
“Hell, no.”  
“Laura- perhaps this time we can forget about your rule,” Roman cut her off before she could say a word. “I mean, that ankle’s not looking great.”  
It was quite clear that Virgil was trying his best to stand on both feet and keep a straight face, but his eyes silently screamed an unfathomable pain. Perhaps Logan wasn’t as lacking in the body language field as he’d originally thought. His arm was still placed on Roman’s shoulders from when the other boy helped him up, and he kept his foot off the ground and his eyes on it, staying awfully quiet. Logan couldn’t tell what he found so embarrassing about falling off.  
“… alright, you can go, I suppose,” Laura finally said. “Go get yourself some ice, alright? We’ll get Everest back to her stall.”  
Virgil hesitated. “Um- I’m not sure-… I’m not sure she’s going to come with you.”  
“It’s fine, I’m going to leave Trigger here, too,” Roman said. “She’s going to let you take her if you lead them together.”  
“You’re stopping, too? Dude, I’d be left with one rider.”  
“Aaand one horse, you’re in luck!” Roman said encouragingly, giving her a pat on the shoulder before helping Virgil out of the arena. Both she and Logan stared at them as they left, before meeting each other’s frustrated faces.  
Something snapped Laura’s attention towards the other side of the arena.  
The two riders from the other team watched Virgil and Roman leave, shamelessly laughing. Logan felt a strange, uncharacteristic sense of anger bubbling at the pit of his stomach.  
Laura must have been feeling a lot more.  
“Hey!” she barked. “You two better wipe those ugly smirks off your faces and come back when you have enough respect to be worthy of even looking the direction of my riders. Got it?”  
They dropped silent at once. Laura’s rage never failed to come as a surprise to its victims.  
When she turned back to Logan and and Nexus, taking hold of Trigger’s reins as he joined her, her face softened at an impressive, almost terrifying speed.  
“Alright, Lo, I wanna see you two go again and pay more attention to your strides this time. I’ll fix the fences.”

\- - - - - - - -

Virgil was in a tremendous amount of pain. Not that he’d ever admit it.  
Especially not as he limped down the stables’ corridors, his friend supporting his arm.  
“Don’t,” he uttered as Roman opened his mouth to say something. “I came here already craving death. I’m in a shitty mood and may end up punching you in the face. Just _don’t. Say. A word._ ”  
“I wasn’t going to mention that hilarious fall,” he said, earning a glare from the boy. “Alright, yeah, I was testing you there.”  
“Roman, I swear to God-“  
“Not talking.”  
The following silence that fell between them was oddly comfortable. Kids had already started arriving for their lessons, and gave them looks as the two made a turn around the stables and to the crew’s office. Virgil’s ankle hammered with pain as they made their way in. The chill in the office was comforting against his skin after the long ride.  
The place was rather simply-decorated; there was an old sofa and a couple of armchairs surrounding a small coffee table, a dusty fridge in the corner, and a sink. A door led to a smaller room with a computer and multiple shelves packed with binders – the more office-ish part of the place, despite the entirety of it being called the office. Large boards featuring countless old photos of the riding team and the horses were hung on the walls, and old horseshoes and horse figurines decorated every corner.  
Roman helped Virgil settle onto the couch before heading to the small fridge and rummaging through it in search of an icepack.  
“Urgh, did you hear how those two teens laughed at me?” Virgil decided to share the thought that had been troubling his anxious mind all the way here. It made the weight a little lighter.  
“You really need to ignore those bastards,” Roman said as he pushed things around inside the fridge. “You tend to let small things like that get to you.”  
“Sure, just tell me to stop anxiety-ing over something. Why don’t we go tell a person with asthma to just breathe.”  
Roman laughed, drawing a pack of ice out of the freezer. Virgil battled the smile that had snuck onto his lips. He never thought he would reach a day where he would be able to openly joke about his anxiety. Sure, he only felt comfortable doing so with Roman, but it sure was a start.  
“I hope Laura heard it,” Roman said as he sat down by his side and signaled for him to lift his leg onto the small coffee table.  
Virgil did as he asked. “Why?”  
“Because if she did, you can trust me that they won’t be laughing at you anytime soon. Or looking your way.”  
A knife of cold came jabbing through Virgil’s aching ankle when Roman placed the ice on his leg, but he refused to let it show. He battled back a grimace.  
“Care to elaborate?” he said in the steadiest voice he could manage.  
“I’ll let you see it for yourself. If you’re lucky you may get to witness that side of her with your own eyes. Or maybe if you’re _un_ lucky. Either one of the two.”  
“That’s… foreboding.”  
Virgil leaned back and sank into his hoodie. He wanted to tell Roman that he could keep the ice in place himself, but the whole idea of mentioning it now instead of from the very beginning just felt all-too-awkward.  
“Hey, can I ask you a question?”  
Virgil sighed. “Is there any point trying to stop you?”  
“No, not really. Why do you only ever wear hoodies?”  
Virgil’s shoulders stiffened with no warning. On an impulse instinct, he pulled the sleeves down to farther cover his hands without giving it much thought. His skin prickled underneath the fabric.  
“Shouldn’t concern you.”  
“Oh, come on…” Roman nudged his arm. “Is it like, that you have no ability to catch a tan? My sister’s like that, it’s hilarious, she’s always either really white or really red and she always complains about it.”  
“Uh… sure, we’ll go with that.”  
“So it’s _not_ that, then.”  
Virgil fidgeted restlessly with his fingers. “I’m just cold a lot, okay?”  
“Gee, fine.”  
An all-too-familiar feeling of guilt sank in Virgil’s stomach as another silence settled in the room. “Um.. I’m sorry for lashing out on you earlier in the stable,” he murmured. Roman twisted his eyes to him in a flash as though surprised. “That was mean of me. You were just trying to be thoughtful. That’s why I usually try not to talk to anyone when I’m in a bad mood. I always end up being mean and regretting it.”  
Warmth spread across Roman’s face. “It’s okay, Emo. I figured something was off.” He hesitated before adding, “So… want to tell me what’s wrong?”  
Oh, crap. Virgil’s mind was a mess of speedy, desperate thoughts as he scanned it for an excuse.  
“Look, I’m asking this as your friend. If there’s anything I can do-“  
“I think we have more important things to talk about, Princey,” he blurted. “You told Patton we’d get Puzzle back. Don’t you think we shouldn’t be wasting time talking about anything else right now?”  
“But-“  
“I’m going to text Pat and ask him to come over, you go get Logan, we’re going to discuss this and figure out a plan.”  
Roman’s face had a hint of worry to it as he nodded and stood up, leaving the couch a little colder.  
That was a close one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! It means a lot to me to see that people take their time to read these. Also, I'm sorry if there are way too many vague bits (like Emma's, or the reason Laura needs them to win this). I hope it's not too annoying, I promise everything will fall in place eventually!  
> Have the bestestest rest of your day! Don't forget to take good care of yourself! I'll see you in the next one! :)


	12. Where Pieces Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some important notes at the end.

Logan never wondered much about his horses. When horses come and go in your life like seasons, you don’t ever really stop to wonder what Storm’s favourite food was, or which horses Raven preferred to be around in the paddock. So Logan never wondered where Nexus liked to hack. He never wondered what type of grains she preferred. Because horses came and went.  
As he now stood in his horse’s stall and slid her bridle off, Logan wondered what Storm’s favourite food was. Now he’d never know, of course, nor would he ever know the company of which horses Raven preferred in the paddock. He’d had many horses in his life so far, each to be eventually replaced by a “better” one.  
When Nexus is gone.. would he regret not learning more about her?  
Father would say it doesn’t matter, surely. In fact, Logan doubted his father was even aware of the fact that horses had personalities and preferences.  
But hey, what would Logan know. He treats Nexus like a sports car.  
Logan never really let words stick with him; that’s how he knew that these ones managed to affect him in some way. They snapped him out of his perfect balance for the briefest of moments, which was unlike him. And he hated it.  
He hated the way that things had been changing in his head.  
Nexus eyed him silently as he unbuckled the girth under her stomach, allowing the troubling thoughts to travel through his brain. She was so simply-structured, yet he couldn’t figure her out. Lately he hadn’t been able to figure himself, either.  
“Oh, Logan, there you are.”  
Logan recognised his teammate’s voice, yet didn’t feel the need to turn around.  
“Yes, Roman?” he asked casually, sliding the saddle off of the horse’s back. The fur underneath stuck to her skin with sweat.  
“When you’re done with Nexus, could you possibly take some of that precious time of yours to meet with us to compose a plan?”  
Logan wasn’t sure whether Roman was implying he’d never granted them of his time, but he decided not to focus on the matter. Sometimes Roman simply said what Roman said. A redundant statement, however one that fit the bubbly teammate quite perfectly.  
“I don’t see a reason why not,” he said.  
“Super!”  
“Then I suppose we would-“  
“-kalifragilistikexpialidocious.”  
Logan eyed him with a glance of steel. “Uh- yeah-“  
“- Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious.”  
“Stop.”

Logan could only describe the expression on Patton’s face as a mixture of sadness and hope. Though his lips were stretched to a smile, his eyes held the same grief they’d had the last time the two met. He didn’t like that look one bit, so instead he fixed his eyes on the pictures hung on the wall across from him; a tiring task to the eyes, but father had taught him never to look down.  
“Alright, what do we know?”  
Roman set one foot dramatically on the short-legged table as he spoke, and rested his chin upon his clasped fingers with narrowed eyes.  
“I know he was sold to someone within the country, so that’s good,” Patton piped. His voice was a bit hoarse. Logan decided upon not telling him that the information was barely affecting the situation in any positive manner.  
Virgil sank deeper into the couch. “Great. Very helpful, Pat, this is going to be easier than we thought.”  
“Actually-“  
“That was sarcasm, Logan.”  
Roman ignored the quick exchange of words. “Alright, Negative Nancy, not with that attitude, it won’t. Come on, you guys! This is going to be fun! We’re going to split up and gather information and have a nice little montage with determined music in the background-“  
“I’m going to stop you right there,” Logan chimed in. “The montage part is ridiculous, let’s back up to the information-gathering part, shall we? We need to be practical here.”  
“Gee, Lo, you really do put the ‘fun’ in ‘practical’.”  
“I’m not sure what you mean, there is no ‘fun’ in the word ‘practical’.”  
“Exactly.”  
Virgil stifled a scoff. Patton didn’t even try.  
“It appears that I, once again, will have to take the task of figuratively corralling you guys and getting things moving upon myself,” Logan sighed. “If you’d have listened to me from the beginning, you’d have known that Puzzle is registered in a multitude of databases and that said databases are the fastest way to locate him.”  
Roman gave an apologetic smile. “That- that does sound promising. Please, continue.”  
“Well, considering he’s not only moved a couple of boarding ranches in the past but also competed in the FEI under an official showname and a team, searching the databases should be our first direction.”  
The fact that he managed to keep Roman’s ever-shifting attention on his words made Logan feel rather impressed with himself. He adjusted his glasses with a casual motion and gestured for his teammates that he was done.  
“Logan, that sounds absolutely splendid and horrifically boring, so I’m gonna leave that part to you.” At this point he didn’t complain about his teammate’s way of expressing himself. “You can stalk those databases and embrace your inner hacker and stuff, while the others and I do our own parts. Patton, why don’t you try to get some info out of your parents, while I ask around?”  
“I don’t see how ‘asking around’ is going to come in handy, Roman,” Logan uttered.  
“Don’t question it, just leave that part to me. I’ve got connections with pretty much every equestrian in the state.”  
“That- can’t be right.”  
Virgil raised an arm. “Yo. I think you’re forgetting someone.”  
“Oh, of course. I’ll go ask for Cisco’s help right away.” He chuckled at his own joke before adding, “I’m just messing with you, Emo, don’t give me that look. Why don’t you take Everest and go search the ranches down the valley? If I’m not wrong there are at least two self-run ones, and they definitely would not appear in the databases.”  
“I guess- I guess I can do that,” he grumbled.  
“Super!” Roman beamed. “Then it’s all sett-“  
Logan snapped his hand up to stop him. “Wait. Let’s say that, hypothetically, we do manage to locate the horse. What are you planning to do once we do find him?”  
“I’m glad you asked, my spirit-challenged friend.” Logan hated that with a passion. “We obviously can’t keep him here, so I put my incredible creative skills into this mission and – you’re welcome, by the way – composed a genius plan. Logan, you’re looking at me like you wish to slash my throat and I am feeling rather uncomfy.”  
“Can you please get to the point, Princey?” Virgil said. Logan found the nickname quite too silly and informal to his liking, but not unfitting.  
“Gladly. Do you remember the old barn by the abandoned windmill? Where Old Monty used to keep his horses?”  
“I miss Old Monty,” Patton sighed under his nose.  
Virgil shifted his gaze between them. “Hold up, you guys are really info-dumping me right now, you’re forgetting I’m new around here. What barn, what windmill, who the hell is Old Monty.”  
“Old Monty was a really nice old man who lived in town up until a couple of years ago,” Patton said, turning in his seat to face him. “He was one of the founders of the town. Guys, do you remember that one summer when he taught us how to make those ice treats for the horses?”  
“Or the time Puzzle was colicing and he was doing really bad and Old Monty saved him-“  
“Roman, Patton, please try to focus,” Logan cut them off. “How is that old barn going to be of use to us?”  
“Well, I’m sure if we fix up one of the stalls, we could keep Puzzle there. Just for a couple of days, he wouldn’t finish one bale of hay and there’s plenty of running water there still. We just have to horse-proof it a bit to make sure he can’t hurt himself and we’re good to go.”  
Logan pinched the bridge of his nose. “Roman, that will not suffice.”  
“All we need is a bit of time, alright? Then we’ll convince Patton’s parents to keep him and he can go back to Daybreak.”  
“And where do you plan to turn him out? How do you intend to buy him? What will you tell Laura when we bring him to practice? For how long do you really think we can keep this up? What are you planning to do in cases a veterinarian is needed? How about a farrier? Where are you going to acquire the feed he requires?”  
“I dunno, Roman, he kind of has a point,” Virgil uttered, and his gaze lifted to meet Roman’s. “Keeping a horse requires.. a lot. A lot that used to be provided by Daybreak.”  
“The feed shouldn’t be a problem, we’ve been buying it ourselves for years, remember?” Patton’s face was figuratively bright with hope. “Puzzle’s on a different diet than the rest of the horses here. We still have enough to last about a month.”  
Roman nodded so fast that Logan worried for his neck. “Yep! And I could buy him, it’s no big deal.”  
Their teammate’s head twisted to him at once. “What? No, I can’t ask you to do something like that,” he blurted. “That’s- that’s a lot of money, Ro.”  
“Well, we never really had a money problem, and I doubt your parents would give you that big of an amount for a reason you keep to yourself.”  
“But-“  
“Look, Pat, if it _really_ bothers you, you can return it eventually when we get your parents on our side. Or even in fifty years from now, I don’t mind.”  
Logan was rarely taken aback by anything, but the kind gesture managed to catch him off-guard. It was an ambitious idea – perhaps too ambitious to work – but if Roman really was capable of doing so, Logan couldn’t see a reason for Patton to refuse. He arched a brow at his teammate’s hesitation.  
“Well… if you’ve got enough to spare and I’m going to return it anyway…”  
“Just say yes, for Disney’s sake, it’s either that or no Puzzle at all.”  
“I feel really guilty, but I guess we have no other choice. _Thank you, Ro!_ ”  
Urgh. Affection. Logan had always found hugs awfully unnecessary, but by now he knew Patton well enough to predict the one he’d just given Roman.  
“Alright, this time don’t you dare cut me off with your reasonability, Logan. Then it’s settled! It’s montage time.”  
“No, Roman, that’s not-“

\- - - - - - - -

Roman approached his task with an up-beat attitude and the certainty that he would be the one to find Puzzle. After all, he was on first-name basis with five vets, seven trainers, forty nine competitive riders, eight equestrian-centre owners, four farriers, eleven saddle fitters, six breeders, four tack store owners, three bloodstock agents and one equine nutritionist.  
None of the riders he managed to get hold of had seen Puzzle, though, and so he dug a little deeper and tried the vets and the farriers. Although none had seen the old pony in any of the ranches they’d worked at the past week, they promised him they would keep an eye out at work. It made sense that Puzzle hadn’t yet needed their service – he’d only been away for a few days – but Roman had hoped they’d at least come across him when they pass through the ranches. The thing that did worry him quite a bit was the fact that none had been called for a pre-purchase exam, which could only mean that either the new owner didn’t get one (which would have been awfully irresponsible of them) or a different vet had been called, which was unlikely – unless they decided to get a vet from the other side of the country for some odd reason.  
Oh, well. Time to talk to the last-name-basis vets now.  
Roman’s thoughts drifted to Trigger as he dialled the eleventh number for the day, and a feeling of discomfort settled in his stomach. Because with Trigger came thoughts of the upcoming show, and his accident, and everything everyone expected him to be, and everything he used to be but never will again.  
And as his Trigger-thoughts often tended to do ever since he’d started working with Virgil, he found them slowly shifting into thoughts about the stable hand in question. Team member now, actually. It would be a while before he can get used to that. Although recently – if Roman were to be honest with himself – not only thoughts about Trigger ended up drifting to Virgil.  
He wondered what was on his mind, what led to his bad – well, worse than the usual – mood, and most importantly, he wished to know if there was anything he could do to help. There was this bizarre feeling he’d often get about the boy, kind of like a rush of an affectionate protectiveness. A ridiculous, ironic idea, considering Virgil was the one who kept himself together better. If anything, Roman was the one who needed a shield right now. A shield in the form of a long hug to keep him from falling apart under the overwhelming weight of his mind.  
“Hello?”  
The voice turned a switch in his head and snapped his train of thought back to Earth. Now that it rang in his ear, he couldn’t quite recall who he’d been calling and what for.  
“Oh- um- Meredith,” he blurted. “Sorry, I must have accidentally muted it.”  
“I see. So what has granted me the honour?”  
“Oh, I’m just looking for a certain horse for a friend of mine, I wanted to ask if maybe he’s over at your centre and if not if you happen to know where he could be?”  
“We haven’t bought a horse in some time now,” she said. “Can you describe him for me? Maybe I can help?”  
“I believe you know him, he competed with me and Trigger a couple of seasons ago. He’s a pinto grade cob, about fourteen hands tall. His name is Puzzle, but if you do know him I assume you know him as Persisted to Pieces.”  
Meredith was quiet for a long second. “Roman. Please do not tell me you’ve managed to lose _the_ Persisted to Pieces.”  
“We’ve…. managed to lose the Persisted to Pieces.”  
She inhaled sharply, and Roman swallowed down his nerves as he awaited her response.  
“Your friend loved him like crazy, didn’t he? How did it happen?”  
“Yeah, he did- I mean, he does. His parents sold him for the sake of buying a new horse, but you didn’t hear that from me.”  
“Ayie.. they never learn, do they.” She sighed on the other end of the phone, and Roman could picture her familiar judging face so vividly it felt like she was right there in front of him. “Alright, champ, I’ll keep an eye out.”  
“Thanks, I appreciate it.”  
“Oh, before you go. I’ve heard you and Trigger are going to be competing this year, is that true?”  
Jaws of iron locked around Roman’s chest. “Um- yeah. We are.”  
“See, I told you you’d get back there, remember when I did?” Her voice rang with victory. “I’ll be rooting for ya two. And for legal reasons you did not hear me say this, but I wouldn’t mind if you kicked some Canyon View ass, if you know what I mean.”  
“For said legal reasons, I never even heard you say their name,” he said with a smile.  
“You get me, kid. Alright, good luck with Puzzle.”  
“Thank you. I kind of need it.”  
The beep announcing the end of the conversation left him feeling a bit lonely. Roman scrolled down to the next equestrian contact. He was going to find that horse, even if it takes him all night.

\- - - - - - - -

The meet-up with his teammates had filled Patton with enough energy to jump the entire course of the arena without a horse. He was only half-heartedly aware of the smile that was plastered to his face as he made him way home, the thought of how blessed he’d been to earn such amazing friends dancing cheerfully through his head.  
The first thing he’d noticed when he arrived earlier today was that something seemed to have happened to Virgil’s leg; it was up on the table and he was applying a pack of ice to it. As soon as Patton walked in he flashed it back onto the floor and threw the ice aside, but Patton had caught it and immediately questioned him. His friend grumbled something about falling off underneath his breath and changed the subject, so he decided not to push it.  
Virgil wasn’t the only one who looked troubled; when Logan joined them in the office, Patton immediately noticed he was quieter than the usual. It wasn’t necessarily that he didn’t talk much – it was more of a quiet energy he was radiating. It worried him a bit. He assumed Logan wouldn’t want to talk about it, though, not to mention he was completely avoiding his eye contact, so he didn’t ask.  
The only team member who was acting like himself was Roman – but Roman always acted like himself. Back when he was still in the hospital, you couldn’t tell through his voice over the phone that he was living off of painkillers. Patton related to that in some way - the need to keep a certain attitude as to not concern his friends. Because Roman wasn’t fooling him – he wasn’t doing well back then. If he were, he would have been dramatic about his injuries. It was a Roman thing.  
As he now made his way into his house, Patton’s mind continued to flatter around in a small cloud of worry; worry for Virgil, and worry for Logan, and mainly worry for Puzzle.  
_Not for long,_ the more positive side of his brain chortled. _You and the guys are going to find him._  
“You’re right. Thank you, inner Patton. Everything is going to be A-Okay.”  
His breath trembled a tad when he closed the door behind him. Because Patton was about to do the unimaginable. The immoral. Something that once it’s done, he’d never be able to see himself the same way. Something that his inner Patton would gasp in disapproval upon.  
Snooping through his parents’ things.  
Though they weren’t home, and Patton knew they wouldn’t be back for a few more hours, he couldn’t help but look behind his shoulder every three seconds as he made his way into their room. Usually under no circumstance would he go through their stuff – but he convinced himself he was doing this for Puzzle.  
For Puzzle he’d do anything.  
“Let’s see..” he murmured out loud for the mere sake of hearing someone’s voice. He felt like the silence was judging him. “Bills, photos, pens…”  
His parents’ room held their familiar scent, yet Patton didn’t feel particularly safe. He rummaged through another drawer by the large bed in the centre of the room while sending his other hand seeking his phone through his pocket to use its flashlight.  
“What are you doing, Pat?”  
Oh, orphan puppies! He’d been caught. That’s it. His siblings would lose their faith in him. His parents would disown him. He would have to go live on the streets amongst the stray cats where he would sit every day scolding himself for his sin. Wait, the cat part sounded kind of fun. Minus the homeless guilty life. Maybe he should just adopt a cat.  
Patton turned around slowly. “Hey, Jess,” he piped at his younger sister. “How was practice?”  
“It was good. What are you looking for?”  
“Um…”  
She walked in with no warning, and he pushed the things he’d drawn out back into the drawer and wore an innocent smile. _URGH, I’m a criminal._  
“Don’t tell me. It has something to do with Puzzle.”  
“Yeah…” he piped. The twelve year old looked unimpressed.  
“Then why didn’t you say so? I’m helping. Oh my god, are we going on a secret mission to get him back?”  
Patton chuckled awkwardly. “Let’s start with learning where he is. I do need some help.”  
“You can count on me, Pat,” she said dramatically with a salute. “I miss him, too.”  
“I know, kiddo.”

\- - - - - - - -

Virgil wasn’t looking forward to this ride. His ankle didn’t hurt as much now, but terrifying scenes of Everest freaking out out in the open and throwing him off as he can’t keep himself on properly with his sore ankle flashed through his head. And then she would run off, and trip, and fall off a cliff and break all her bones and die a terrible death and he would never forgive himself and-  
“Shut up,” he uttered and let the saddle-flap fall back on the saddle’s side after tightening the girth. He climbed onto the saddle and patted the horse’s neck before asking her to go forward.  
His anxious thoughts continued to ramble quietly as though in response to his words.  
Sounds about right.

It didn’t take the pair long to find the ranch Roman had spoken about; thirty minutes into the ride, the main road changed and shifted into a gravel path, furrowed with the marks of large vehicles. A simple sheet metal sign reading “to the ranch” pointed down it; a clear indicator of it being a guest ranch.  
“Oh, great… then I suppose it’s going to be packed with people.” Everest stirred her ear to him when he spoke. “Alright, let’s get this over with.”  
Virgil wasn’t wrong about the ranch’s purpose; as it gradually appeared before them, the sight of families and bored-looking quarter horses tacked up in western riding gear confirmed his theory. Young people dressed in matching shirts with the ranch’s logo on them showed tourists the way and helped kids onto horses, and a peaceful chatter hung around.  
“Urgh. People. The bane of my existence.”  
On the brighter side (which he often struggled to find), Puzzle had a higher chance of being found here than any of the equestrian centres. He could definitely make a tourist trail pony.  
“Alright… where do you think we should start, Eve?” he asked, scanning the place with his eyes. He wasn’t sure if he was allowed to enter with her, and frankly, would have rathered go live in a garbage can, so they remained outside of the generic area like the socially-anxious duo that they were.  
For approximately twelve seconds.  
“Can I help you?”  
_Oh, crap._  
A young man approached them with a smile, causing Everest to take a couple of steps back. He wore the same dark blue polo shirt with the ranch’s logo as the ones Virgil had spotted from afar.  
“Oh, um… we were just passing by,” Virgil said. “I saw the ranch and thought I should try my luck and see if my friend’s horse happens to be here. We’re looking for him.”  
His voice remained surprisingly steady as he spoke to the utter stranger. The man smiled, and it caused his eyes to shrink.  
“Oh, why didn’t you come in, then? Did your friend’s horse run away? We haven’t seen any stray horse walking about.”  
The tightness in Virgil’s chest released by a bit. “No, he was sold. We don’t know where he is right now, it’s kind of a long story.. We just wanted to check on him.”  
A small voice in his head warned him not to disclose they were intending to buy him back – perhaps it wasn’t the best foot to start off in.  
“We actually did buy a new gelding last week. Maybe that’s the one? We were a bit hesitant on getting him because he’s trained for English riding, and I see that that’s what you ride.”  
A spark of hope ignited in Virgil’s chest. “You did? Was it a grade pinto by any chance?”  
“Yeah, actually, it was. Want to come in and see him?”  
Holy- This was easier than he’d originally thought.  
“That’d be great, thanks.”  
The man signalled for him to follow before turning on his heels and making his way through the wide-open gate. Virgil dismounted and passed the reins over Everest’s head so he can properly lead her, and she in response gave him a look that screamed “Hell no, there’s no way in hell that I’m coming in with you”.  
“Come on, girl,” he said and gently tugged on the reins.  
The mare’s eyes darted across the place, from one horse to the other, through the crowd of people and all the way to the large paddock they could now spot. She took a step back.  
“They’re not going to eat you.”  
He stroked her head in encouragement before asking her to follow again. This time she made a hesitant step behind him, and her tail flicked with reluctance.  
“I’m sorry about her,” he murmured at the man. “She’s a little nervous in new places.”  
And old places. And current places. General places, really.  
“Don’t worry about it.”  
Needless to say he worried about it.  
As the three made their way through the ranch, Everest stalling behind and halting every few steps, faces of kids turned towards them and horses watched the unknown mare curiously. She switched back and forth between stalling behind and nervously jerking ahead.  
The sound of Everest’s hooves against the dusty ground turned into the sound of them against cement when they entered the barn. The heads of horses immediately peered through their windows, and they followed them with wide brown eyes. Virgil patted Everest’s shoulder in encouragement to keep walking on. He hoped his rush of anxiety upon being in this place amongst all those strangers wouldn’t affect her the way it often did.  
“Alright, he should be over in the farthest stall to the left if I remember correctly,” the man said. “I’m sure your friend would be really happy to hear that you’ve found him.”  
“He will.”  
The man led them all the way to a stall on the other side of the barn, where the light of the now-setting sun had already begun to touch. He peered in through the front window and clucked for the horse inside.  
“Come here, boy.”  
Virgil quickened the pace and joined his side, and Everest rushed behind as though scared he’d leave her alone.  
“Puzzle?”  
The brown-and-white horse lifted his head from the hay and blinked at him from a pair of round eyes. Virgil’s heart sank.  
“It’s not him,” he murmured underneath his breath. “Sorry for the trouble.”  
The man frowned his brow. “Oh, no need to apologise, kid! I’m sorry I couldn’t be of help. Say, why don’t you show me a picture of him and I’ll let you know if I see him around?”  
Virgil forced a smile. “That’d be nice.”  
It didn’t take him long to find a photo of Puzzle; his entire gallery composed of images of the horses of the team. He scrolled down to one where you could see his entire body and showed the man, who squinted as though to memorise the look.  
“Aw, that’s a cute one. Where can I find you in case I come across him? You must be from Daybreak Stables, aren’t you?”  
Virgil nodded, tucking his phone back into his pocket.  
“No problem. I’ll call the ranch and let you know if I see him.”  
“Thank you so much, Sir.”  
“Anytime!”  
He wasn’t sure what to feel when he and Everest made their way out of the ranch and back onto the road. A block of gloom settled in his stomach. The sound of his ringtone sent said stomach flipping in worry.  
_Please don’t be Mom, please don’t be Mom, please don’t be-  
Roman?_  
“H-hey,” he stuttered after transferring the reins to one hand to draw out his phone.  
“Everything okay? You sound nervous.”  
Virgil didn’t mean for that rush of relief at the sound of his voice to strike him.  
“It’s- it’s fine. I was just expecting bad news.”  
Roman was quiet for a heartbeat. “Damn, you really do never stop worrying, don’t you.”  
“It’s the one thing I’m good at.”  
Sure, Roman said it because he didn’t know there was a reason to expect bad news and probably assumed Virgil expected them with absolutely no sense to the idea that they were due, but he wasn’t wrong.  
“So? What did you want to say?” he asked.  
“Just wanted to check on you. How’s your leg? Was it giving you any trouble?”  
An unexplained rush of warmth tingled in Virgil’s stomach. He wasn’t sure if he disliked it. “Oh, it’s fine,” he lied. “It stopped hurting like, an hour ago.”  
“That’s great!”  
“Yeah. Found anything about Puzzle?”  
“Not much, no…” Sadness crept into his voice on the other end of the phone. “You?”  
“Oh, you’re going to laugh when I tell you how close I thought I were.”  
“Yeah?”  
“Mhm. We were at this dude ranch and they told me they’d bought an English pinto gelding last week. I was actually, like, optimistic about it?”  
Roman broke into laughter, and a smile made its forbidden way across Virgil’s face. “You’re kidding.”  
“Nope.”  
“Ah, that’s hilarious.”  
“I felt like crap, don’t laugh.”  
The sound of Roman’s voice, along with Everest’s hooves on the road, released a tense string that had held Virgil’s shoulders locked. His hands loosened around the reins, as did his posture on the saddle, and he allowed himself to relax into the calm twilight air. Reins in one hand, phone in the other, with Everest now walking with her head calmly low, for the first time that day Virgil took in a long breath. He never knew how much he needed that. The weird urge to thank Roman tingled at the back of his mind, but he wasn’t sure how to explain his reason. So he kept to himself.  
Twenty minutes into the conversation, he could swear he’d heard the neigh of a horse over the phone.  
“Wait- you’re still at the stables?” he asked.  
“Yeah.”  
“Dude, it’s almost nine. What do you still have to do there?”  
Roman cleared his throat. “Uh-.. I was actually waiting for you two to come back.”  
Oh, crap, why did the slightest of heat touch his cheeks?  
“You were? Why?”  
“I don’t know, it’s dark, and Everest freaks out easily, and your ankle isn’t really in its best shape and could give you trouble when you try to stay on… I just wanted to make sure you make it back safely.”  
Not slightest. Not slightest. Not slightest anymore.  
“Oh. That’s sweet, I guess.”  
He definitely didn’t mean for it to come off that way, but he wasn’t sure how to fix it now. All he had to do was hope Roman hadn’t read too much into that “I guess”.  
“Don’t sweat it, Emo.”  
Virgil sighed underneath his breath at the tremble of his voice. “You’re freezing, aren’t you.”  
“Me? No….”  
“Your voice is trembling like a freaking guitar string.”  
“Those things vibrate.”  
“Roman.”  
“Fine, I’m freezing, please get over here already.”  
He inhaled sharply. “You can just go home.”  
“No, it’s fine, I can stay a little longer.”  
If there was one thing Virgil had learned about his teammate in their few months together, it was that he was as stubborn as a mule when he decided upon doing something. Virgil fiddled with the reins. “There should be a jacket in Everest’s tack cabinet. It’s unlocked, you can take it.”  
_“ **Thank you** , I’m turning into Olaf.”_  
This time, Virgil didn’t battle back the smile that had crept onto his lips. Something warm flattered in his chest and stomach. He patted Everest’s neck and allowed the feeling to exist if only for mere seconds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Ooookay, where do I begin. This is going to be long, so in case there's only one or two parts you're interested in reading, here's a quick list of what I'll be discussing.**
> 
> 1\. Why it's been taking me so long to update.  
> 2\. The new episode.  
> 3\. Some feedback things.
> 
> Here we gooooo
> 
> 1\. I wasn't sure whether I'm even supposed to say anything about this, considering probably no one noticed I was gone or cared (I'm not saying this in a bitter way! Lmao, I mean it in a "this story doesn't have enough readers for anyone to notice" kind of way. You can't tell because obviously, you're reading this and not seeing my expression or hearing my tone. Just wanted to clarify, haha). Well, in case anyone did wonder where I was, I suppose I owe you guys an explanation. I haven't been feeling very motivated to write recently. I've been hating my writing to the point I couldn't read it, so I kept putting writing the chapter off. Then I was informed that I have a competition this month (that I'm definitely not ready for, considering I literally just got back on the team which I left two years ago due to health issues), and I've been training and stressing my ass off. Then my horse developed some weird swelling in her legs that I had to spend a lot of time taking care of. She's super young (too young to even be ridden) so she hasn't gone through many injuries and illnesses in her life, and she's VERY dramatic when she's sick or injured. It's hilarious in a sick way. So! Then I managed to write a couple of paragraphs before giving up, until the other night I said to myself "alright, tomorrow morning I'm going to get this done with", but then I woke up to the news that somebody in my school had died, and I was in a pretty crappy mood for the rest of the day. We're a tiny highschool of like, 70 students, so naturally everyone knows everyone, and it was a pretty big blow.  
> Until finally, FINALLY last night I found the time and strength to write this and stayed up until 5am writing the chapter (which makes it really frustrating to proof-read it, because after hours and hours of writing something that feels super long, when you read through it it feels really short and you're like, dammit, is this too short to post?). Phew. This was long, I'm so sorry. So yeah. I'm going to try my best to update weekly like I used to do. You guys are honestly the best and your kind words really keep me going on, so thank you from the very bottom of my heart for giving me so much motivation.
> 
> 2\. tHE NEW EPISODE THE NEW EPISODE THE NEW EPISODE--- Considering the type of story you're reading, I assume you all screeched in Prinxiety. I know I did. I'm open to discussing it in the comments, let's fangirl/fanboy/fanenby over this together!!
> 
> 3\. I've been feeling like the chapters have been kind of boring recently and the characters don't feel 100% like themselves and it kind of drives me nuts. I'm kind of a perfectionist if you couldn't tell by now. Soooo I would love for some constructive criticism if you guys are up for it! I want to make this story the best it can possibly be.
> 
> Soooo I have a couple of questions, don't feel like you have to answer. I'm trying to figure out a couple things to improve the story. Sooo here we go.  
> 1\. Do you prefer longer chapters or shorter ones?  
> 2\. What is your favourite PoV to read through? (by that I mean which character).  
> 3\. Which chapter is your most favourite up until now and which is your least favourite? This way I can maybe figure out what works and what doesn't.  
> 4\. Anything else to improve? I'm open to constructive criticism. ^^
> 
> Thank you once again for reading! I cannot stress this enough, it really does mean the world to me. See you hopefully next week!


	13. To Be a Kid

Roman couldn’t let go.  
The chilly air of the dusk shifting into night was left locked safely beyond his window, and nothing but his room’s warmth now threatened his skin. But Roman couldn’t let go.  
He’d only noticed he was still wearing Virgil’s hoodie once he was already on his way home, his mind quite naturally travelling back to the quiet boy. Not that he complained. And he most certainly didn’t complain when Virgil said he could keep it, after Roman had texted him saying he’d forgotten to return it to him. He definitely didn’t complain when he crushed onto his bed on his back and sank into the fabric, and the warm scent of the boy remained with him as though he weren’t on the other side of town. It was the pleasant, home-ish scent of a bleeding day, as though someone had taken the literal sunset and melted it into a scent. Roman hadn’t realised until now the fact he’d memorized the scent in question long ago. And he hadn’t realised how dearly he loved it.  
Because holy Disney, he did.  
For the first time in forever, he allowed himself his guilty pleasure of collapsing onto his bed before taking a shower. Usually he’d never do such thing, especially not after a day he’d spent at the stables, but Roman wasn’t feeling himself. He was barely feeling anything, really. All he felt was Virgil’s hoodie against his skin, his scent in his nose and his smile flashing in his head. Virgil had a modest, subtle smile, like a rare flower peeking into the sun once in a lifetime to bless the world with its shy beauty. The kind of smile that curled up at the edges like it was up to no good. The kind of no good you wanted to be a part of.  
In all honesty, lately Roman had been wanting to be a part of everything his teammate was up to.  
He sat up, bringing his hands up to rub his face and run his fingers through his hair as he met his own eyes in the mirror across the room. The familiar face returned him a flushed, hopeful look. And an identical one (however bearing a very different expression) in his peripheral caught his attention. He snapped his gaze away from the mirror and over to his twin.  
“Someone’s looking smiley.” Remus leaned against the lintel of the door. “So who did you f-“  
“For Disney’s sake, Remus, get out!”  
He chuckled his twisty laugh. “Gee, brother, no need to yell an organ out. Welp, I’m gonna go dye my moustache green. Don’t eat the expired cheese in the fridge, it’s mine.”  
Roman wrinkled his nose. “I’ll do my best to fight the temptation.”  
His brother left – typically – without closing the door behind him. Roman groaned and dragged himself off his bed and across the room to shut it. There was no point in yelling any further, especially considering that knowing Remus, that was probably the reaction he was trying to get out of him.  
His phone’s notification sound – a bird’s chirp – echoed from within his back. Roman’s stomach made an unexplainable flip. He reached into his bag and drew the device out. Why was a bizarre hope igniting in his chest?  
_What is going on with you, man?_ his brain uttered as he unlocked his phone, and his eyes darted across the screen. It was a message from Patton on their group chat; unsurprisingly, a gif of two puppies wagging their tails with the caption “better luck tomorrow!” soon to be followed by the gif of a pony captioned “sweet dreams” with a bunch of hearts and carrot emojis.  
Roman immediately typed a response. Three dots by Logan’s contact told him he was typing as well.  
_**Me:** ‘Love ya buddy.’  
**Microsoft Nerd:** ‘Patton, I don’t see the point in sending vibrant, flashy images that take up more storage space when you can simply wish us an adequate night using the text feature. Logan.’  
**Storm Cloud:** ‘we’ve told you like ten times, you don’t have to sign every message, we know it’s you logan.’_  
Something flipped at the very pit of Roman’s stomach when the contact appeared on the screen. He blinked.  
_**Pat:** ‘What’s a little bit of extra storage space when it comes to giving you adorable animal gifs as some good dream material? Now go to sleep already kiddos, it’s bad for you to stay up this late.’  
**Microsoft Nerd:** ‘We are the same age.’  
**Me:** ‘Night, nerds.’  
**Storm Cloud:** ‘who are you calling a nerd’_  
Roman smiled at the screen as he finally found the motivation to head into the shower. Just as he reluctantly parted with the jacket which he’d been struggling to let go of ever since he put it on, his phone announced another message. He elegantly ignored the terrifying realisation that this time he wasn’t disappointed with the sender.  
_‘Still up for the Trigger Thing tomorrow?’_ the message shone at him under Virgil’s contact.  
_‘Yup. See ya tomorrow.’_ He hesitated before adding, _‘You’re coming to school tomorrow, right?’  
‘I want you to visualise my very disgusted face as you read this: yes.’  
‘Pfffft. So… you want me to..?’  
‘Don’t make this weird, I’m just going to say yes and we’re not going to ever openly talk about it.’_  
Roman pushed down a smile. _‘Got it. See you there, Emo.’  
‘Night.’_  
He assumed his anxious, introverted friend wouldn’t want to walk the corridors alone.

\- - - - - - - -

“Puzzle?”  
Ghostly silence returned his call. Though his horse stood before him, an overwhelming, heavy longing pressured on Patton’s chest and shoulders, as though he was miles and miles away. A steady pulse echoed across the empty space. Beat. Beat. Beat.  
“Thank god,” he breathed. Beat. “I thought I’d never see you again.”  
His legs were fragile and weak beneath him as he pushed himself forward. Beat. Patton collapsed into his horse in an embrace, and now only felt weaker. He cupped the horse’s face with his palms and locked their eyes together. Beat.  
“Don’t you ever leave me. Okay? We’re finally together again, and nothing is ever going to-… Puzzle?”  
Puzzle released a laborious whinny, as quiet as the dusk of Daybreak Lake.  
Beat.  
And his legs collapsed beneath him.  
“Puzzle!”  
Dread seized Patton’s throat with its cold fingers. He didn’t feel any pain as he fell onto his knees beside his horse.  
_“No, hold on, I’m not-“_  
Puzzle kept their gazes locked as he allowed his head to sink to the ground, almost as though to torture his human.  
Beat… Beat…  
_“NO, I’M NOT READY!”_  
… Beat.

A sharp breath cut through Patton’s throat and yanked him out of his nightmare. Nothing but the feeling of dump, utter horror welcomed him back to the world. The single ray of moonlight dancing across his floor provided a momentary feeling of safety, before it began to remind him too much of the ghostly silence.  
Though Patton’s skin was heavy with dump sweat, he was trembling. This wasn’t the first time he’d had a nightmare about that horse.  
Perhaps searching for him wasn’t the best idea.

\- - - - - - - -

Logan only ever did what was necessary. As interacting with other human beings wasn’t a necessary part of his morning routine, he didn’t initiate it.  
Keyword: _initiate._  
When Logan opened the door to their house to leave, his father’s voice behind him commanded him to halt. Logan never questioned a command. And so, he halted. He didn’t turn around.  
“Head straight home after school today,” his father uttered.  
“I was planning on going to the stables today, father.”  
“You don’t have a lesson toady. What have you been doing there so much lately? You’ve been arriving home hours after your lesson’s usual time of ending.”  
Logan bit his lip. “I have been spending time with my teammates. Am I not allowed to do so?”  
His father must have not considered the possibility of a sense of defiance in the statement, as Logan would never utter a word that wasn’t honest and necessary for the other person to hear – he found no use in utilising the English dialect for anything but the delivery of reliable information.  
“Of course not. I don’t need you going around distracting yourself from your schoolwork and riding. As you don’t have a riding lesson today, you shall head home at once when school is over.”  
Logan inhaled, lips pursed together. “Yes, father.”  
He didn’t give the man one look as he shut the door behind him.

The bus ride to the school was uneventful. Only once a message from Roman directed his attention to the group chat did Logan notice Patton hadn’t sent a poor morning-pun as per usual. As much as he could live just fine without those, Logan couldn’t help but frown at the screen. Patton always sent them bad morning-puns. He did it in the middle of _abseiling_ once – when it came to his daily morning puns, nothing would get in his way. As he got off the bus and made his way down the sidewalk, Logan pondered the possibility of him being dead for a moment.  
The sight of the school had Logan dismissing the thought at once; there was no place for distractions. He adjusted his glasses upon his face.  
Now that he could see the school more clearly, Logan spotted a familiar person standing by the gate; Virgil. He stood with his hands buried in his hoodie’s pockets and his hood up on his head, and his eyes scanned the city before him.  
Logan found the fact that he stood by the gates like he wasn’t in any type of hurry quite bizarre; why not simply walk in? A strange new instinct almost caused him to approach the boy and greet him, before his father’s voice figuratively echoed in his head and reminded him that he couldn’t afford to let such unimportant things as human beings his age distract him.  
Logan hadn’t arrived at the gates before he spotted another one of his teammates. Roman waved at Virgil as he made his way towards the school, and the two swapped a couple of words Logan could not make out before walking inside together. Wait, why did Logan notice that? He didn’t care. He didn’t wish to join them and partake in informal prattle.  
He didn’t have time to be a kid.  
Logan clenched his jaw locked and strode into the school, avoiding any type of eye contact. He didn’t care whether anyone here knew his name. He wasn’t here to be a kid.

The rest of the day figuratively flew by, as it always seemed to do. Logan didn’t switch a word with anyone as he passed from one class to another like a delicately-programmed machine. On most days, he wouldn’t notice the way he did so. He never really questioned why he did certain things that seemed to have always been the way that they were. However, Logan found himself noticing things he never cared for. Paying attention to things he’d usually consider a foolish distraction. And Logan found himself wishing to be a little less alone. If only for one minute. One minute of a guilty shatter of his rules.  
And so, when Virgil and Roman somehow found him and invited him to sit with them at lunch, Logan acquiesced.  
Needless to say he felt like an absolute rebel.  
“Any of you manage to get hold of Pat?” Roman asked as they sat down around the round table. Logan took note of the way Virgil naturally inched across the bench to sit in the slightly-more-private spot between the table and the wall. Roman always chose the one table by the wall.  
“Nope. His phone hasn’t even been receiving any of the messages.”  
“What about you, Logan?”  
Logan blinked; he completely forgot to pay attention to the conversation. “Oh- I haven’t tried to contact him yet,” he said. “Although I don’t see the purpose in doing so, considering you’ve already found that his phone is not receiving any of the messages you’ve been sending.”  
He didn’t ask why they so badly needed to talk to Patton; the two acted as though it was obvious, and Logan never took pride in asking for obvious answers that he should already know. It made him feel unintelligent.  
“Maybe his phone’s just dead,” Roman said.  
Virgil stared at his untouched plate of food with pure terror in his eyes. “Maybe _he’s_ dead.”  
“Virge-“  
“We’re going to get the call from his parents any minute now, I’m sure of it. They’re going to tell us that he’s dead and that it’s all our fault because we couldn’t find Puzzle in time and he never got to say goodbye to him and we’re forever going to carry the weight of murderers on our shoulders and marked on our foreheads wherever we-“  
“Virgil. Get out of your head.”  
Logan ate quietly, respectfully as the scene went down before his eyes.  
“I’m sure he’s fine,” Roman said. “We’ll ask him what’s up when we see him today at the stables.”  
_“Dead people don’t go to the stables, Roman.”  
“F o r G o d ‘ s s a k e –“_  
Logan didn’t make an attempt to join the conversation. It was a bit too chaotic to his liking. His thoughts wandered into his bag on the bench beside him, where the fascinating book he’d been reading earlier rested. Logan appreciated dictionaries.  
“- so there’s no reason to worry, alright?” Roman concluded. “Look, he’s going through a bit of a hard time. He probably just took a day to himself. I’m sure he’s going to feel better by the time we’re at the stables, then we can go on a nice trail ride and relax a bit before trying to find Puzzle again. Hey Specs, when have you last taken that poor animal of yours on a nice hack?”  
Logan blinked. “My poor-… Oh, you’re talking about the horse. Never, actually.”  
Virgil and Roman swapped a glance. “That… can’t be legal.”  
“Pardon?”  
“Having such a killer horse and never even once taking her out on the road. It’s a crime.”  
“A killer…?”  
“Just- forget it, it’s slang,” Virgil blurted before the other could respond. “So today?”  
Logan cleared his throat. “Actually, I won’t be going to Daybreak today.”  
“Why not?”  
“I don’t see a reason why, as I do not have a riding lesson scheduled for today.”  
Though he kept his eyes figuratively rooted to his food, Logan caught the glance that passed between his teammates. Lately it almost seemed as though they’d hold full conversations in those silent looks of them.  
“Everything okay, Specs?” Roman said, more affectionately than the nickname had suggested.  
“Everything is perfectly fine.” His voice came out a tad higher-pitched than he intended it to. “I don’t see a reason for you to believe something is wrong.”  
“Except the fact that suddenly you don’t want to come to the stables outside of lessons anymore…?”  
Logan made his second rebellious act for the day and swallowed a bite twice the ideal recommended size at once. “It appears I am done eating. I shall see you on Thursday for our lesson.”  
“We go to the same sc-“  
He didn’t wait for Roman to finish his sentence before hoisting his bag upon his shoulder and making his rushed exit. And that’s exactly why he wasn’t here to be a kid.

\- - - - - - - -

Virgil never admitted to Roman that he enjoyed their sessions with Trigger.  
And sure, Trigger was a great horse, and it was even more enjoyable when Everest would join them, but there was one other detail about those sessions that Virgil couldn’t quite take his mind off every single time.  
There was a unique glint in Roman’s eyes when he worked with Trigger. When he worked with Trigger he would keep his shoulders straight, his smile would turn so real and raw, and his eyes would shine an authentic, contagious affection. Virgil caught himself watching from the side one too many times. But once his eyes rested on Roman’s face in those moments with Trigger, he couldn’t really drag them away – and could you blame him?  
The only thing tainting the purity of that spark Roman had around Trigger, however, was a small bit of hesitation. Virgil had seen such hesitation before. A sort of a well-buried trauma. As much as the sessions seemed to work, he couldn’t for the life of him figure out how he’s supposed to get rid of that small, sensitive spot of hesitation and fear without touching it. Roman wouldn’t let him – he didn’t even let himself. If he had, he wouldn’t have had his Trigger problem in the first place.  
“Now can you try to call him over without using the line?”  
Virgil leaned against the fence of the arena with his hands tucked into his pockets. He battled the half-a-smile that the corner of his lips had curled into as he watched Trigger trot in a wide circle around his rider, a lunge line in a hesitant hand. The afternoon sunlight complimented his caramel eyes and made them appear golden. Not that Virgil noticed, or anything. Absolutely not. And he definitely didn’t find them stunning under said sunlight.  
Roman called the horse over, who in response turned his head into the circle he’d created and made his way towards his rider, licking his lips as Virgil hoped he would – it meant he was content.  
“He looks so proud of himself,” Roman said, though his hand did jerk a tad when he lifted it to pet the horse.  
Virgil pushed himself off the fence and strolled over. “Yeah. You’re doing a great job with him.”  
“I know, but I love hearing it, so don’t let me stop you.”  
Virgil snorted in amusement, unconsciously tilting his head a bit as he watched the showjumper pet the horse’s head.  
“Want to try to call Patton again?” Roman asked.  
Who’s Patton? Oh, right. “Sure, maybe the seventy fourth time is the lucky one or something.”  
“I’m pretty sure it is, look it up.”  
Although the decision to call their teammate one more time had been made, none moved from their places beside Trigger. Virgil’s legs made it pretty clear that they weren’t going anywhere.  
“Listen…” When Roman now met his gaze, the sun was positioned behind his back. But if it wasn’t the sunrays, Virgil couldn’t quite tell why his eyes were still glowing gold.  
“Yeah?”  
Roman opened his mouth as though to speak, when his eyes tore away from Virgil and focused on something behind him. “Isn’t that your sister?”  
“Huh?”  
He whirled around at the speed of light. His stomach clenched at the sight of the familiar rusty car that was now parked by the stables.  
Oh, shit. This is it. It happened. Mom was here to deliver the bad news and they would drive back to their lonely apartment and cry the night away. Virgil’s head burned with the heat of his anxiety, and his breath felt short and rugged.  
But didn’t Roman say he’d seen-?  
Emma hopped out of the car with enough life energy to share with a whole herd of dying deer, sending an overwhelming blow of relief smashing into Virgil’s chest. His mother now exited more collectively from the driver’s seat.  
“What are they doing here?” Roman’s voice came from an ocean away. Virgil couldn’t bring himself to respond. “Emo? Everything Gucci?”  
“Y-yeah,” he croaked. “I was just thinking.”  
His sister spotted him across the place, and tugged at their mother’s sleeve to get her attention. Their mother followed her gaze. She waved at Virgil excitedly when she saw him. It was such a bizarre sight, the two of them here.  
This time his legs cooperated. Virgil sprang into a run, leapt over the fence and made his way over with a tight chest.  
“What are you doing here?” he finally exhaled. “Is everything okay??”  
Mom chuckled, and it highlighted the stress wrinkles on her face. “Am I not allowed to come pick up my son myself every once in a while? I came home early today.”  
Virgil’s eyes darted over to Emma. She looked slightly better than she did that morning, and a smile was plastered on her face.  
“So… everything’s okay..?”  
“Of course, honey.”  
For some reason, the uneasy feeling remained in his stomach.  
“Who’s that boy you were just with? With that handsome bay warmblood?”  
Virgil scratched the back of his neck in unease. “That’s Roman. The warmblood is Trigger.”  
“Oh, Em, you told me about him, didn’t you?”  
Emma nodded. “Yup!”  
Virgil sneaked a glance behind his shoulder. As though he caught on the conversation with his super narcissism powers, Roman now made his way towards them, leading Trigger with him, his signature flashy smile across his face.  
“You must be Virgil’s mother,” he said. “It’s nice to meet you.”  
His mom laughed. “What a gentleman you are. You can call me Cloe, hon.”  
Emma didn’t hesitate to launch herself into Roman’s arms, and he laughed and hugged her back. Virgil hadn’t noticed before how warm his laughter was.  
“Virgil, honey, why don’t you show us that horse you always talk about while we’re here?” his mom said as Emma introduced herself to Trigger. Their size differences were amusing, but at the same time an automatic sense of protectiveness rose in Virgil’s bones for the exact same reason. He could definitely crush her with that size if he wanted to.  
“Yeah, I wanna see Everest!” Emma chortled.  
“I don’t know, she’s a bit nervous around new people…”  
“That’s nonsense, Virgie-pie, we’re practically her family now, lead the way.”  
Virgil sighed underneath his breath and turned on his heels, signalling them to follow. As his mother and sister walked behind them, Roman and Trigger joined his side. A smirk ran across Roman’s face.  
“Pfffft… _Virgie-pie?_ ”  
“I swear to God, Roman, if this gets out of you-“  
“What? Never. You can count on my word. Your information is safe with me.. Virgie-pie.”  
_“Urgh.”_  
Virgil wasn’t surprised to find Everest away from the rest of the horses in the paddock. When Roman released Trigger, she made a hesitant step towards him as though unsure whether he’d like her presence. Trigger trotted over to her excitedly; Virgil had already taken note of the way he announced every horse in the paddock as his best friend.  
“It’s the dapple grey one over there,” he said impatiently. “Can we go now?”  
“We haven’t met her yet, honey, why don’t you call her over?”  
He didn’t like the idea of throwing two new people at the anxious mare at once. “I don’t think she’s going to come over,” he said. “She usually doesn’t approach new people.”  
Roman leaned back against the fence and hung Trigger’s halter on his shoulder. “She’s changed a lot the past couple of months. You can try.”  
“I don’t know.” His eyes rested on the halter. “Could I-“  
“Way ahead of you.”  
Roman handed him the halter and the lead rope, and Virgil ignored the flare of warmth that momentarily struck his hand when their fingers touched. The halter was definitely too large to properly fit Everest’s head, but he assumed it wouldn’t give him too much of an issue as he was only going to lead her over to them.  
_Just get her over here, let them pet her over the fence real quick and let her go,_ he thought as he made his way across the paddock. _She’s going to be fine._  
Everest sniffed the halter cautiously when he arrived. Virgil petted her encouragingly and buckled it around her head, and the large halter hung awkwardly – it was definitely a size too big.  
“Good girl. Just try to stay this calm for about ten minutes, okay?”  
In a way, he was telling that to himself.

\- - - - - - - -

Roman noticed three key things as he watched Virgil’s family interact with the mare.  
One, Cloe was clearly an equestrian, if not currently then in the past. Her interaction with the mare reflected years of working with horses, all the way from her body language to the way she naturally reacted to the horse. Two, Everest was hanging onto Virgil’s presence like it was her only hope of survival. She stood frozen as the new humans petted her, and her big dark eyes hung on Virgil behind them. Almost as though she knew he wanted her to behave, and was using every last drop of her willpower as to not freak out.  
And three, Virgil was sad.  
Though his eyes first remained on the horse as though for protection, they soon shifted to his sister. She was giggling as she petted the horse’s head, and the horse’s dark grey rings complimented her ice-pale skin in kind of a gloomy way. Virgil watched her with a stifled emotion so heavy and anguished that Roman felt the urge to look away. He tried to catch the boy’s attention with his gaze, but he must have been sunken too deep in his thoughts. They didn’t seem pleasant.  
Only once Cloe took Emma’s place and petted Everest did Virgil seem to be yanked out of his gloomy trance. He looked down at his feet and quietly kicked a small pebble away.  
“You notice it too, don’t you.”  
Roman’s head swung to his side. He hadn’t noticed Emma had joined him. “Oh, hey, Emma. Notice what?”  
“Virgil is sad.”  
The two remained a fair distance away and watched the horse, mother and son. A sense of understanding passed between them.  
“Yeah, it seems.”  
“He’s sad because of me,” Emma said. “He doesn’t tell, but I know.”  
“Why would he be sad because of you?”  
“Because I’m sick.”  
She uttered the words so simply, as though they held no weight. Something about her small, permanent sad smile sent a chill crawling up Roman’s skin. “He and Mom won’t ever talk about it like that. But I’m not scared to say it.”  
“Sick… like…”  
“Yeah, _sick_ sick. Terminally sick.”  
Something twisted painfully in Roman’s heart. It was so wrong to hear those words said by such a young voice. He wanted to say something, anything, but his voice caught in his throat. What do you even say to a child who knows she’s destined to die?  
“It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything,” she said, looking up and locking her hazel-green gaze with his. She smiled as she spoke, as though to comfort him. “I’ve heard it all.”  
Roman felt as though no matter what he’d say, it would come off as tactless. He carefully chose his words. “Isn’t there anything… you know.”  
“We can slow it down with treatments. And I do have a small chance to live. That’s what the doctors say. Or at least that’s what they tell me. They kind of soften the truth a lot so I wouldn’t really count on anything they say.”  
“I’m really sorry, Emma.”  
She shrugged. “It’s okay. I could still live,” she hurried to add. “So please don’t be sad.”  
Her voice was somewhat guilty, which only made Roman feel worse.  
“I have a feeling you are going to make it,” he said softly. Emma looked up at him, and a smile brushed her lips.  
“So have I.”  
They didn’t say a word more, but the silence wasn’t awkward. A new understanding formed in his head when he looked at Virgil now. Something tightened painfully in his chest.

Emma waved at Roman cheerfully when she entered the car. He waved back, the same sense of a slight gloom in the pit of his stomach. Though he wasn’t nearly as close to her as Virgil was, he now felt like he understood the way he felt in a way; that gloom that would settle in his stomach when looking at the peppy Emma. Now that he knew of her illness, he couldn’t help but see it whenever he looked at her. It was so… unfair. It was unfair to her.  
As Virgil turned to leave, Roman tapped his shoulder. He twisted back around.  
“You scared me.”  
“Sorry. Could we talk later?”  
The boy scanned his face as though searching for a hidden motive. “Um.. sure?”  
“Cool. I’ll call you.”  
Virgil nodded before heading into the car and closing the door behind him. Roman watched as Cloe started the engine, waving at him through the window, and drove the car down the path and out of sight. Roman’s legs felt like they were made of cement.  
His phone’s ringtone startled him out of his quiet gloom. Roman drew it out of his pocket. His finger flashed at once to accept the call when the contact appeared on his screen.  
_“Patton, what the hell???”_  
“Sorry, kiddo,” an apologetic voice sent relief shooting across his limbs. “I didn’t mean to worry you.”  
_“You did worry me! For Disney’s sake, Patton, where have you been all day? Virgil thought you were dead!”_  
“Oh, dear.”  
A couple of kids leaving their riding lesson gave him weird looks on their way out. Roman tried to bring up an innocent smile.  
“I wasn’t feeling that well this morning so I stayed home. My phone was dead, I lost my charger.”  
“But you didn’t come to the stables either,” Roman mentioned.  
“Yeah… I was still feeling really sick by the time school ended. I didn’t really leave the house today at all.”  
“That sucks, Pat. I hope you feel better soon.”  
“Thanks, Ro.”  
Roman began to head to his car as they spoke; he didn’t feel like staying around any longer. “You better call Virgil and let him know you’re alive. No, actually wait, text him. He doesn’t like it when people call him with no warning.”  
“Will do.”  
“So will we see you tomorrow?”  
Patton hesitated before giving a response. “At school, maybe.. I don’t really feel like going to the stables.”  
“What? No, don’t give up just yet!” he blurted. “We’re going to find him, we just need a little more time. What about the puppy gif? Better luck next time?”  
“I don’t know, Roman. I don’t think we can find him.”  
“Was Virgil right, is Patton dead? Are you a cheap understudy?”  
The phone distorted Patton’s chuckle. “It’s me. I’m just trying to be realistic.”  
“So we’re going with a cheap understudy, alright.”  
“I’m sorry, Ro,” Patton murmured. “I’ve given up. I’m done with horses.”  
Roman had heard way too many wrong things said by way too many unfitting voices for one day. Fine, only two, but that’s beside the point.  
“You can’t be serious,” he breathed.  
“I’m done, okay? I don’t have the stomach for this industry.”  
“I don’t understand.”  
“I don’t have the stomach to lose horses. This sport- it’s cruel. You get attached and once you do, your only way of not going through that heartbreak is dying first. I don’t want to be a part of this. I should have left years ago before it was too late. I’m done.”  
Dead silence followed the words. Roman shut his car’s door and stared at the parking lot through the front glass. “Patton, that’s ridiculous. It’s not you.”  
“That’s the problem. It is me. I’ve never been strong enough to work with these animals. Look, I have to go-“  
“No, you don’t.”  
“Fine, I want to go. I don’t want to talk about this. Not yet.”  
The words choked Roman’s throat. He clutched the stirring wheel with cold, white knuckles. “Pat, you have to listen to me.”  
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”  
For the first time since the two had met, Patton hung up the phone without saying goodbye.

Roman didn’t wait to call Virgil. As soon as he arrived home he flashed past the the living room and up the stairs.  
“Sure, ignore your dear older sister who you see like, once a week,” a voice called at him from the kitchen as he flashed past. Roman dashed back, kissed her cheek and sprinted back up the stairs.  
He locked the door (not before checking his closet to make sure Remus wasn’t hiding there, wasn’t making that mistake again), leapt onto his bed and drew out his phone.  
“Pick up, pick up…”  
“Hi.”  
Roman sighed at the sound of Virgil’s voice, altered slightly through the poor quality of the phone. “Did Patton message you?”  
“Hey to you too, Princey. No, he didn’t. Maybe we should just go to his house-“  
“He’s fine, he called me. And hey.”  
“You know, I think you need a lesson on the order of speech,” Virgil said. “The ‘hey’ comes first. Information and/or questions come aft- did you just say he called you?”  
“Good morning, Storm Cloud, glad that you’ve joined us. He did. He must have forgotten to text you.”  
Virgil ignored the sarcastic remark. “So he’s okay?”  
“Of course he is, did you really think he was dead?”  
“Don’t ever bring that up. So what did he say?”  
“One thing was dead, his phone, just as I predicted. You guys need to listen to me more. I’m like, always right.”  
“Mhm. Always. No Exceptions.”  
“Shut up.” Roman didn’t mean to smile as he said that.  
“Anything else? He just called you, said his phone was dead and that’s it? He was literally gone the entire day.”  
How was he supposed to tell him that their friend had made a 180 and decided to leave the team and give up on his horse?  
“Um… nope. Nothin’ much. Just your standard ‘my phone was dead and I didn’t go to school as tribute’ kind of talk.”  
Roman could practically see Virgil’s unimpressed expression. “You’re lying.”  
“Okay fine, the guy’s broken, he doesn’t want to get anywhere near a horse anymore.”  
“ _What?_ ”  
“I know, it’s ridiculous,” he said. “He’s been riding his whole life.”  
“But we can still find Puzzle-“  
“I don’t think this is just about Puzzle. I mean, at least not about him being sold.”  
“What do you mean?”  
Roman leaned back into his pillows. Every last muscle in his body was sore. “He said something about not having the stomach to work with horses. Like- mentally.”  
“Pffft. Tell me about it.”  
The last statement rendered them silent. Roman’s eyes shifted to his window, as though his gaze had the power to travel outside and make its way across the town all the way to Virgil’s room and provide him a bit of comfort.  
“So… what can we do?” Virgil asked.  
“Honestly, I don’t know. I think we should focus on locating Puzzle and practicing for the show. We can visit Patton tomorrow and bring him his favourite chocolate chip cookies from the bakery across town.”  
“Sounds good.” A short silence followed the simple words. “So what did you want to talk about?”  
“Huh?”  
“Earlier. You asked if we could talk, and I know for a fact that Patton hadn’t called you before that, so there was something else you wanted to talk about.”  
Roman shifted in his place in unease. The last thing he wanted after giving Virgil such icky news was to make everything ickier. He’d have to address the Emma situation some other time.  
“Um… is it a crime to wish to chat with my friend after a long day? Which is a compliment to you, by the way, because my sister is back from the military and yet I’m here talking to you.”  
Virgil’s silence told him he either wasn’t buying it or thought it was a very stupid excuse to call him. “Dude, you scared the living crap out of me. I thought you were going to give me the news that you’re dying or something.”  
A sudden laugh kicked its way out of Roman’s chest. “Oh god, you did? That’s adorable.”  
“Shut up. Just don’t ever say there’s something we need to talk about, it’s terrifying.”  
“Noted.”  
Roman shifted onto his other side and allowed his eyes to travel up to the stars through the window. They both knew they were going to stay here a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small note: I know the texting style changed throughout this, it's because group messages are easier to properly format that way. I hope it's okay! ^^  
> Chapter 14 should be ready somewhere before October 25th.  
> Thank you so so much for reading all the way here! It means the world to me. Have a great day!


	14. Heaven Only Knows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Equestrian terms that appear in the following chapter (yes we're doing this now!):  
>  Halter -** a headgear that goes on the horse's head (behind the ears and around the muzzle), and when connected to a rope is used to lead the horse around, tether them and generally handle them.  
>  **Pinto -** a horse whose coat consists of wide patches of white and another colour. Note that it isn't the same as a paint; a paint is a breed of horses that tends to have the pinto pattern, while any horse breed can be a pinto. Or in other words, while most paints are pintos, not all pintos are paints.
> 
> **Other:**  
>  **Breaking a leg -** for horses, breaking a leg in most cases means certain death (the survival rate is between 10-20%). The reason for that is that it's nearly impossible for it to heal correctly, and because the blood circulation in a horse is dependent on its hooves, keeping it still for a long period of time puts its life in great risk. For anyone wondering why Virgil was worried about that particular "what if".
> 
> Please note that English is not my first language, so I'm not entirely sure which terms are generally known outside of the equestrian community in English-speaking countries and which aren't (for example, I believe everybody knows what a saddle is, however most non-equestrians wouldn't know what a martingale is). So if I accidentally included a term everybody should know, I'm deeply sorry! I don't want it to look like I assume you guys wouldn't know those. I'm still conflicted on whether non-equestrians know what a halter is or not.

Roman no longer had one unwritten agreement regarding his daily arrival at school. Now he had two.  
The first was, naturally, the agreement between the twins that no word would be swapped between them in public. It was the only promise Remus had ever loyally stuck with.  
The second was the unwritten agreement that Roman and Virgil would enter the school together each day. The one who arrived first would wait for the other to arrive, and no words were needed as the two made their way in.  
As Roman left his car this morning, though, eyes already searching the area for his friend, he felt different in a way. As though he had the urge to do something new.  
The needed not utter a word for each of them to understand what the other was thinking about when they met at the gates; Patton. Roman twisted his head to snatch a glance behind his shoulder, before returning it to Virgil.  
“Feel like skipping?” he said.  
The boy released a sigh. “… Yeah, actually.”  
-  
The traffic was light to non-existent these hours of the morning, and at his peripheral Roman couldn’t help but catch a glimpse of Virgil looking around almost relieved.  
“Where are we going, Princey?”  
The question caused a smile to climb across Roman’s face, although he couldn’t tell why. “Remember that bakery I told you about?”  
“Yeah?”  
“Well, they make Patton’s favourite chocolate chip cookies. I’m sure we’ll manage to cheer him up a bit if we surprise him with them.”  
Virgil caught up to his pace so they now walked side by side, and a dark lock of hair fell on his eye when he glanced at him. “How long do you think he’ll be staying home?”  
“Well… I’m not sure. I’ve known him most of my life, but this is a first for me. He usually doesn’t skip school.”  
The look on Virgil’s face as they walked down the street told Roman his thoughts weren’t particularly pleasant. Roman’s brain immediately sprang to work.  
“Hey, Emo,” he said with a smile, gently nudging his friend’s shoulder. “Have I told you about that one time Jasper tripped into this large bucket of water and seriously thought he was drowning?”  
“I was there, Princey. He was about as dramatic as you were when they stopped making those gummy bears that you like.”  
“Oof. Too soon, storm cloud. The loss is still fresh.”  
Although picking a random light-hearted incident without checking his memory to see whether Virgil was there or not was a stupid move, it appeared to have worked just as well. They sank into a conversation as fast as they always did. By the time they arrived at the bakery, Virgil looked quite cheered up.  
A pleasant ding greeted them when Roman pushed the door open. Though he knew the aroma of the bakery like the back of his hand, it never failed to strike him. He found himself immediately glancing at Virgil beside him; the look on his face told Roman he liked the sweet scent just as much.  
The bakery was simply structured; the display windows before the counter exhibited a variety of eye-grabbing pastries, practically begging Roman to come closer. The counter ended at a ninety-degree turn on the right side of the store to leave space for a dozen of elegant round tables. A small white door behind the counter led to the kitchen. Roman had been allowed to go in as a kid before, and all he could remember from the experience was mouthwatering pastries getting baked in the ovens around him and a strong, sweet scent of vanilla.  
“You’ve seriously never been here?” he asked, an unintentional smile brushing his lips at the sight of Virgil looking around. He looked relieved at the fact that the place was empty from customers.  
“I never really had a reason to, so… no.”  
“You don’t need a _reason_ to go to Isabella’s bakery, Emo. It’s the best place in town.”  
Almost as if in response, the door to the kitchen swung on its hinges and a short woman with rich honey skin made her way out. Her greying hair was collected in a messy bun, and she wore a white apron stained with flour on top of her pastel clothing. She beamed at the sight of Roman and Virgil.  
“Roman, sweetheart, what brings you here this time of the day?” she chirped. “I see you’ve brought a friend. What’s your name, sweety?”  
Virgil stammered. “Um- it’s Virgil.”  
“It’s lovely to meet you, Virgil. I’m Isabella.”  
Roman caught his friend forcing a smile. When their eyes met, Virgil sent him the look of an animal locked in a cage. It was awfully amusing.  
“We’re here to get something for Patton,” Roman said. “He kind of needs something to cheer him up at the moment.”  
“Oh dear, is everything alright with the sweet boy?”  
The two switched a glance. Absolutely not.  
“Yeah, of course, he’s just a little down.”  
“’A little down’ is one way of putting it,” Virgil murmured underneath his breath, low enough for only Roman to hear.  
Isabella frowned. “Oh, the poor thing. Well, you are in luck, because I just now happen to be working on those cookies that he loves so much. You could get them for him fresh out of the oven. Do you want to come into the kitchen? I could use your help.”  
“We’d love that, Isabella.”  
The baker beamed and turned on her heels to enter the kitchen. Virgil gave Roman a wide-eyed look.  
“Dude-“  
“Oh, why don’t you live a little! It’s going to be fun!”  
A rush of confidence ran through Roman’s limbs in the spur of the moment. Before he could change his own mind, he listened to its call and grabbed Virgil’s hand to pull him along. His skin was almost concerningly cold.  
Even the door’s creak was cheerful when they went through it; it appeared every part of the bakery was smiling wide. When Roman sneaked a glance towards Virgil, he thought he’d seen the slightest touch of crimson on his cheeks.  
The two of them stood at the door as Isabella scurried around the kitchen. It was a well-sunlit, fairly small room, and at least six ovens stood by the walls. A large table took up most of the central space. It was covered in a comfortable mess of flour and bowls, and trays of unbaked cookies were already set on it and awaited their turn in the ovens. A heavy yet pleasant aroma of vanilla and cinnamon hung in the air.  
“Don’t be shy, boys, come over here,” the peppy baker chirped. Roman was definitely not shy; but it appeared Virgil was hesitant about leaving his spot by the door. “I just need to get the cookies in the oven. We’re technically not open yet, so why don’t you give your old woman a bit of a hand and help me test today’s pastries while you wait?”  
“Oh, I can do pastry taster,” Roman said, a smile making its way across his face.  
“I think she said ‘tester’,” Virgil finally spoke.  
“In this context? Same thing.”  
“Fair point.”  
-  
If somebody had told Roman Virgil would be smiling that small, awkward smile of his, he would have suggested helping Isabella from the very beginning. As she worked on the cookies, the two of them got to test the samples of all of today’s options, and as things often tended to do when they were up to the two of them – they turned out more fun than he anticipated.  
By the time they reached Isabella’s famous alfajores Virgil’s subtle half-a-smile was already on his face, a result of the two of them joking around as they went.  
“I should probably confess I’ve never tried an alfajor,” he said, the sound of his smile sneaking into his voice.  
Roman almost took offence to that. “You’re kidding. This friendship is so over.”  
“Pfffft.”  
“But I suppose we could still save it if you tried one. I can’t believe you’ve lived here for what, five months? And you haven’t tried Isabella’s alfajores yet.”  
Virgil sighed through the smile. “Fine, I guess I can try one and pretend to dislike it, bring it on.”  
Roman blurted a laugh at the words, which drew a slightly bigger smile from his friend. He gently picked the nicest alfajor he could spot and handed it to Virgil. He watched expectantly as the guy took a small, hesitant bite from the cookie. His face was pricelessly, pleasantly surprised.  
“Okay, it’s great, I’ll give you that.”  
“And so the friendship remains,” Roman declared, to which Virgil responded with a snicker.  
They went on with a bit more energy, goofing around amongst themselves with stacking pastries as a “weirdest pastry statue” contest and with the worst pastry puns Roman could allow himself to come up with.  
“Okay, you can’t deny mine is weirder,” Virgil said with the hint of a laugh. “It kind of looks like a very mutated Logan. If he had like, three and a half eyes and a Squidward nose.”  
Roman admitted defeat, barely containing his laughter at the mere sight of Virgil’s face. He somehow got a bit of flour on his nose, and it looked ridiculous in all the best ways.  
“You got-“ Roman barely managed to finish the sentence without breaking into laughter. “You got flour on your nose.”  
Virgil didn’t hesitate to improvise. “Yeah I do, what about it?”  
“You had no idea, did you.”  
“Absolutely, I did not.”  
He lifted a hand to rub it off, classically missing. Roman stifled another burst of laughter as he watched him try to find it.  
“Did I get it?”  
Roman scoffed. “Not even close.”  
“How can I not be close, it’s a literal nose, you can’t get far on it.”  
“What can I say, you’re one talented emo. A little more down. To your left. The other left.”  
“There’s only one left.”  
“My bad, that was my left. You know what, just stay still.”  
Virgil froze when he raised a hand and gently rubbed the flour off, ignoring the strange prickling that the brief touch sent through his fingers.  
“All gone,” he said. “I think Patton’s cookies should be ready by now, do you want to go check?”  
It took Virgil a good second to respond. “Uh- yeah, sure,” he blurted, snapping out of his silence. “I’m right behind you.”

\- - - - - - - -

Logan convinced himself he hadn’t noticed Roman and Virgil weren’t around today. He never took note of their presence before, unless it had some benefit to his goal, and thus there was no point wondering where the two were. He was at school, which meant his only focus should have been studying. So the only logical thing he could do was ignore those inconsequential, purposeless thoughts regarding anything but his schoolwork. Right now, his teammates didn’t exist. He didn’t have a friend who was going through a rough, painful time, and he didn’t have two other friends who hadn’t shown up at school, and he didn’t have a horse with a personality to be curious about or a point in handling outside of their necessary riding lessons.  
He had a class to attend, a textbook to read, an essay to complete, and a barn- no, a _house_ to return to. Straight after school. No distractions. There was no point in going to the barn, as he had no lesson today. He’d been over this before.  
Then why, for the love of Archimedes, were these conflicted thoughts bugging him nonstop for _months_ now?  
Logan adjusted the glasses upon his face. He’d been doing it more and more frequently lately. It bothered him, because he’d usually never do anything that didn’t have a purpose – and the glasses always sat perfectly in their place.  
So not only that he had very uncharacteristic thoughts troubling him all day, but now he seemed to have adopted a nervous habit.  
At this point he should just be disowned already.  
A name from the front of the classroom caught his attention, and he absolutely despised the fact that it did.  
“Patton Lewis? Does anybody know where Patton Lewis is?”  
He hadn’t realised their physics teacher was already roll-calling. Which was highly concerning, considering he appreciated physics (love is strong word), and it usually had his full attention.  
“I don’t think he came today, Sir,” a girl from the back row said.  
“Again…? Very well.”  
Logan allowed himself to figuratively sink back into his thoughts as the teacher continued to call the names, before catching himself and snapping out of it. It wasn’t very long before his mind once again drifted.  
Logan peered at his teacher by the board, and then at his fellow students, and then at his bag. A nervous urge tugged at his brain.  
And so, Logan did the most rebellious thing he’d ever done in his life.  
He peeked into his back, turned on his phone, and sent Patton a quick message.  
_‘Where are you? Is everything satisfactory on your side? – Logan.’_  
Now he should definitely be disowned.  
Because Logan broke a rule of the school, a rule of his father, and a rule of himself. His school strictly forbade texting in the middle of class. His father strictly forbade letting his mind focus on anything other than studying during his time at school. And Logan strictly, _stringently_ forbade himself from breaking a rule.  
Oh, well. A lot had been changing. And suddenly Logan wasn’t so sure whether he minded that.

\- - - - - - - -

Now that they were well into town and away from the dreadful school, the two slowed down the pace. Virgil appreciated the silence. The entirety of the rather small town seemed to be at school and at work, and they hardly saw a soul as they walked down the sidewalk with the box of cookies in the bag in Roman’s hand.  
Despite the serenity of the town, Virgil couldn’t keep calm. Not that it was anything new; he’d already gotten used to being stressed twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. And despite him feeling like he finally found his place in the new town in a way, Virgil couldn’t ignore the fact that together with the new place came many more things to worry about.  
Roman never failed to notice.  
“Everything okay?”  
Nope.  
“Yeah, of course.”  
It was getting harder and harder to lie to him the more time the two spent together. Roman gave a knowing, almost merciful look, before glancing across the street and locking his gaze on something.  
“Want to go sit there?” he asked.  
Virgil followed his gaze, to where a small café stood on the other side of the road. “Don’t tell me. Another famous place I should know about?”  
“Not really, no, I’m just craving a good iced coffee.”  
“Okay, I guess.”  
The look on Roman’s face as they sat down by one of the small tables outside gave Virgil the feeling that it wasn’t just iced coffee he was looking for. Less than ten seconds passed after they ordered, before Roman said, “Is there something you want to talk about?”  
Now it was clear. This was fantastic. “You didn’t believe me earlier, did you,” Virgil grumbled.  
“Not one bit.”  
“Do you even want iced coffee?”  
“Always, but that’s beside the point.”  
Virgil chuckled faintly. “I swear, everything’s fine, there’s nothing to talk about.”  
“See, I would believe you, except you’re doing that thing where you pull on the strings of your hoodie and fiddle with them nonstop.”  
His fingers paused on the strings. Roman arched a brow.  
“Can I ask you again if everything’s okay?” he said gently.  
A lump settled in Virgil’s throat. He thought he wouldn’t want to talk about it, but Roman’s presence making him want to open up wasn’t new. It was horrifying, but not new. The fact that he made them stop at this stupid café only to talk about it and make sure he was okay wasn’t helping his guilt regarding keeping it inside.  
So he spoke.  
“I don’t know, okay?” His voice came out awfully low. “It’s just-.. everything’s kind of stressful right now with Patton, and Puzzle, and the show is less than two months away and we aren’t ready at all, and school sucks and-… and there’s something else that’s pretty big and terrifying and there’s no one I can talk to about it because I can barely keep myself together when I think about it with myself, so let alone say it out loud, and my head’s been messing with me a lot and generally putting me in a lot of pain, and you can feel free to ignore everything I just said, it must be really annoying when I make everything about myself, and just- forget it. I don’t want to talk about it.”  
It all came out way messier than he intended. A waiter who arrived with their drinks gave the scene one look before awkwardly excusing himself from the situation.  
“I had no idea how much stress you were in,” Roman finally seemed to choose his words. “I’m sorry, Virge.”  
“It’s not your fault.”  
“I know, I just didn’t really consider how much it’s probably been getting to you. Especially considering… uh… well, that you go through more than what the team is currently going through as a whole.”  
For the first time since the beginning of the conversation, Virgil met his eyes. “I mean, we never really know what the others could be going through, so-“  
“I kind of have a confession to make.”  
Crap. There were no words scarier than those. Maybe besides “we need to talk”, or “call me later”. Virgil fiddled restlessly with his fingers.  
“Uh- yeah?” he managed to pipe, fighting to keep his voice’s balance. Roman seemed too deep in his own head to notice.  
“I wanted to tell you the other day, but I chickened out, because I didn’t know how you’d react or whether you’d be upset or-“  
“Can you please just tell me? You’re freaking me out, Roman.”  
Roman tapped nervously against the cup of his drink. His eyes shot up from the table to meet Virgil’s. “I know about your sister.”  
Virgil felt like somebody had kicked a boulder into his stomach and let it spin between his organs.  
“What?”  
“I know about… you know, everything that’s going on with her.”  
The silence that settled after the words was painful against Virgil’s skin. His ears heated up the way they always did in response to his anxiety. He clenched his jaw. “How..?”  
“She told me. I’m- I’m not sure why, but she did, and I wanted to talk to you about it because I felt like it wasn’t right that you didn’t know that I knew because it’s something personal that your family’s dealing with and- and I just couldn’t bring myself to bring it up and I was too scared I’d say something that would be awfully inappropriate. I don’t really know what to say in situations like that.”  
Virgil couldn’t find the words to respond. The shock sank in slowly and painfully like droplets of poison seeping into his nauseated stomach.  
This was the last thing he needed. Someone who’d pity him. One more thing to remind him of his sister. He knew how his brain worked; now that he knew that Roman knew about her, Roman would start serving as another reminder.  
Virgil was so tired.  
“Look, I know it doesn’t change much..” Roman uttered, voice a bit hoarse. “And I know it’s probably what everybody says. But I have no way of stressing how genuine I am when I say that I am here for you. You’re free to laugh at me for saying this and I know it’s _so_ cliché, but you’re not alone. I’m not going to let you be.”  
The words only choked his throat further, but Virgil refused to cry a tear. He nodded and looked down at his hands in a poor attempt to distract himself with the strings of his hoodie. If anyone else had said something like that, he’d have probably found himself feeling irritated by it. But Roman never made him feel like most people did.  
“... Thanks.”  
“So… do you want to talk about it?” Roman spoke carefully, as though not to trigger the wrong response.  
Did he want to talk about it? That was.. a great, stupid question. He wanted to talk about it so bad that the urge physically hurt, and he also would have preferred jumping off the Eifel tower. He didn’t know yet if he was ready to talk about it. So Virgil did what he knew best. He changed the subject.  
“I think we should be focusing on Patton. We’ve dragged this day on for way too long.”  
Roman gave a look of sympathy, tapping against the cup of the drink he hadn’t even touched. Virgil never really expected him to.  
“Alright. Let’s get out of here.”

\- - - - - - - -

Patton was basically a criminal.  
Fine, not really, but the fact that he never stole or murdered didn’t make him feel any better about the fact that he was skipping school, without telling his parents. With his parents leaving before he’d wake up every day and coming home late, it was pretty easy to do so, so easy that any other kid in Patton’s place would have probably done so at least two times a year. Well, probably more than that, but Patton preferred to try and see the best in people – which meant glossing over the small detail that kids could get pretty immoral.  
As he now walked the empty park, all he could think of was Puzzle. Well, Puzzle and the team. A heavy block of guilt had been sitting in his stomach from the moment he woke up. He left the team missing a member, not to mention made his friends sad, and avoided most of their calls as he didn’t feel like talking to anyone at his state. He couldn’t let what happened the other day on the phone with Roman repeat itself; he couldn’t let them see a side of him that had no motivation to keep trying.  
Patton slumped onto a bench and watched the silent park with tired eyes. What was Puzzle doing now? Probably alone and scared and confused.  
So was Patton.  
A movement at the corner of his eye caught his attention. Usually he wouldn’t have noticed such small motion, but against the dead-still park, it stood out like a drop of blood on a blanket of snow.  
A person walked the park.  
They were rather short and petitely-built, and wore a simple overall over a white shirt and a pair of brown boots that complimented their dark skin.  
And their silvery eyes were locked on Patton.  
He could recognise those eyes from, well, a park away.  
Patton decided not to pay attention to the odd sight; walking the park alone was weird, but considering he was doing the same thing, you could say he wasn’t really the one to judge. The reasonable explanation was that the student had also skipped school, or maybe they were sick, and they just happened to go to the park to pass the time. Yes, that sounded about right. This wasn’t strange at all. He’d bumped into people from his school in public before.  
“Hey.”  
Patton’s eyes jerked up at the voice. The student giggled as they took a seat on the bench by his side, and it almost looked like their freckles were giggling along. The tip of the unique tattoo he’d last seen on their forehead peeked out underneath their hair. How did they get here so fast?  
“You again?” Patton blurted. “I mean- ugh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for that to come off as rude. I’m genuinely asking.”  
The ghost of a smile played on their lips. “It’s okay.”  
“So what are you doing here?”  
“What are _you_ doing here?”  
Patton hesitated. He never even thought of that. “I.. don’t know.”  
“Sometimes I don’t know either,” they said.  
“Don’t know what either?”  
“I don’t know, do you?”  
Patton’s brain hurt. He tried to read their face for a sign that they were messing with him, but it remained in its calm form.  
“I don’t think I know what you don’t know,” he finally said, careful not to trip over the words.  
“Good,” they responded. “If you did, I’d probably be in one complicated situation.”  
An odd feeling settled over Patton; he found the conversation weird in all the possible ways, yet he strangely enjoyed it.  
“You tend to show up when I’m not feeling like myself,” he said. For some reason, he didn’t feel embarrassed about anything he could possibly say. Like it didn’t matter what he said, either because the other person’s words were just as strange, or because he felt like the words would never be heard by another soul. The strange confidence that whatever was said would be gone for the rest of time allowed him to continue. “I’m so confused and frustrated and- and I’m _saying_ that I’m confused and frustrated, and it’s just not me.”  
They tilted their head at him. “If you’re not you.. then who is?”  
“No one, I think.”  
“So you just get erased from existence?”  
Patton frowned. This time they curled up their smile to indicate they were messing with him.  
“You’re still you,” they said. “You’re human, you have different aspects and moods and masks. You don’t lose your identity to a different one when you learn new things or grow or go through new phases. You don’t become someone else. You don’t lose a thing; only gain. When old-you goes through something new, he doesn’t become new-you. He becomes bigger-you.”  
“What if I don’t like bigger me?”  
They shrugged, and nudged a lock of deep blue hair away from their eyes. “Eventually you learn to get along. After all, you’re going to be stuck together for the rest of your life. You might as well try to love you. New and old aspects alike.”  
A comfortable, warm silence settled over the park. Patton hadn’t realised how tense his posture had been until it relaxed.  
“Thank you,” he uttered. “I’m not sure why I needed this. But I did.” They smiled the same ghostly smile, and he found himself returning one. “You still haven’t told me your name.”  
They shrugged and leaned back into the bench. “I find names restricting.”  
For some odd reason, Patton didn’t feel dissatisfied with the answer. He leaned back against the backrest of the bench and allowed the strange calm to make itself at home.  
-  
The last thing Patton expected to find by his door when he returned home was a flying pink elephant. He didn’t find one, obviously, but saying that the last thing he expected to find were his two best friends would obviously be untrue, considering a flying pink elephant would easily surpass that on the unexpected-finding-by-the-door scale, so that’s what we’re going with here.  
There was no point to this last paragraph, but Patton did amuse himself with the thought as it came to his head.  
Because when he arrived home, he found Virgil and Roman standing by his door as though about to knock on it. Roman had a a bag that Patton immediately recognised as a bag from Isabella’s bakery in one hand and a to-go cup of iced coffee in the other, and Virgil held a similar cup between the tips of his fingers that stuck out of his sleeve. It almost looked like the sleeves were holding the cup themselves. Virgil keeping his hands inside his sleeves was nothing new.  
“Guys?” Patton said.  
The two turned to him at once, and the same look flashed on their faces. Roman immediately handed Virgil the bag and rushed over to tackle Patton with a hug.  
“How are you feeling?” he asked through his shoulder.  
Patton devoted himself to the hug at once. Roman was the tallest and largest in their friend group, and his hugs felt like a warm blanket you could easily bury yourself into. He melted into his friend’s hug and the familiar scent of his cologne and listened to the beating of his giant golden heart.  
“Better,” he said, voice muffled by Roman’s shirt. “What are you guys doing here?”  
Roman pulled away to meet his gaze with a spark in his eyes. “To cheer you up! We brought cookies!”  
Behind him, Virgil raised the bag in a silent signal.  
“ _The_ … cookies?”  
Roman nodded excitedly.  
“That’s really sweet of you guys, you didn’t have to do that.”  
“Shut up, of course we did,” Virgil finally spoke. “You’re… urgh, I’m bad at being cheesy, Roman, get this one for me.”  
“You’re our friend and you mean a lot to us and we just can’t bear to see you sad,” Roman blurted at once. Virgil was clearly trying not to look impressed.  
“That’s sweet. And Virge, kiddo, I demand a hug from you as well.”  
Virgil pinched the bridge of his nose. “I have no way of getting out of this, do I.”  
“Absolutely not.”  
He sighed before smacking the bag into Roman’s chest for him to hold. Roman clumsily caught it. Patton giggled and threw his arms around Virgil in a hug, and the other boy gave him an awkward, subtle hug back. Patton wasn’t offended; he assumed the boy wasn’t the touchy type.  
The house wasn’t as cold and lonely now when the three went in. When they entered his room, Roman automatically plunged onto his bed – he’d been here so many times it was basically his second room – and Virgil sat awkwardly on the floor.  
“So?” Roman blurted. “Are you coming to the stables today? Are we going to keep searching?”  
Patton took a gloomy bite from a cookie. The sweet taste was too pleasant for him to keep that sad face. “I don’t think so. I’ve already told you, Ro, I’ve given up. I don’t want anything to do with horses anymore.”  
The words scratched his throat like poisonous claws.  
“I don’t believe you, Pat. Are you even listening to yourself?”  
“Well, I don’t know what to tell you guys,” he managed to say, battling back the urge to spill his heart before them. That was a lie. He had a lot to tell them. He knew exactly what he’d tell them.  
Of course he wanted to spend the rest of his life with these animals. Of course he wanted to see Puzzle again. Of course he’d want to get back on the team and jump again and feel the way he felt before reality hit him in the gut a bit too strong. It was so much easier to ride Puzzle before he realised it wasn’t for forever.  
But now he’d realised, and now he knew, and now things would never be the same again. And sure, being away caused him unfathomable pain, but it was better to start detaching himself now so it doesn’t hurt as much when Puzzle really is gone. Maybe if he’s lucky, he’d never even know it happened.

\- - - - - - - -

The following week generously gifted Virgil about four anxiety attacks.  
As if the fact that they were short on one rider and horse wasn’t enough, training had never been more challenging. Almost as though Patton and Puzzle were the very glue that had held the team together. Between worrying for them, stressing over the scarily-fast-approaching competition and training overtime, it felt as though nothing ever slowed down at the stables. And those were only their common struggles as a team; because Virgil still often returned home to an empty room, and still found himself night after night locked in the bathroom with nothing but his toxic mind for company, and still struggled to keep up with his class, and still spent nights at the hospital, and still hung onto three hours of sleep at most every day, and still couldn’t part ways with unhealthy coping mechanisms despite knowing they weren’t doing him any good.  
And yet he strode into the stables every day like a clock, hands tucked into his pockets and headphones blasting music for the mere purpose of shouting louder than the anxious thoughts. And he didn’t say a word to a soul. He’d gotten so used to struggling on his own.  
That day he knew something would go wrong.  
The overflowing stress was so heavy, that Virgil was convinced that even the kids who came for those thirty-minute lessons once a week managed to pick onto them. Laura scurried from the office to the stables and back, making rushed phone calls that Virgil preferred not to listen to. Her hair was constantly collected in what Roman called her “stress bun” – a messy bun that barely hung onto a couple of hair clips that she would often take out to nervously redo. They were short on two stable hands today: one went on vacation so spontaneously that it almost made Virgil bitterly laugh – what are the odds their luck would go even more south? – and the other had been fired the other day, but no one told them why. When the team asked Laura if she knew why they were fired she admitted that she did, but didn’t elaborate. Roman, Logan and Virgil didn’t push it. She was already stressed out of her mind.  
And so, with Virgil and Roman practically sprinting across the stable to tack up all the school horses while re-reading and memorising the show’s course at the same time (needless to mention they bumped into doors and polls multiple times running around with saddles in one hand and their noses stuck inside the course’s papers in the other), Laura rushing around in her stressed phone calls, a school horse getting spontaneously sold (another decision they were not let in on), and Logan breaking world records on how fast a person can set up a jumping course so its ready in the very short time they had, the stress in the air was heavier than the morning fog that the entire town had woken up into.  
And as we mentioned, that day Virgil knew something would go wrong.  
That day, Everest paced her stall so much that the sound had become a white noise. She never failed to pick on even the faintest hint of stress at the stables.  
Perhaps Virgil should have been a little more ready for when she burst her door open and rushed out like there was a lion in her stall.  
Honestly, at this point, no one should have been surprised; yet Virgil’s heart still jerked in a panicked jolt at the sight. His eyes immediately snapped to Roman.  
“I’ll finish up here, what are you waiting for? Go after her!”  
_"Right.”_  
He snatched a halter and a lead rope on his way out of the stables, feet racing almost as fast as his heart. His eyes immediately darted around and sought the flash of dappled grey gleaming under the sun. Virgil froze.  
“No, this is not happening,” he stuttered. “Nope. Nope. I disapprove. It’s not happening. I refuse. I did not agree to this.”  
You see, Everest was gone from sight.  
-  
Three things were running a marathon through Virgil’s head as he walked the grove with sore yet fast legs.  
First, the fact that he’d lost a horse who didn’t belong to him (again). Sure, he wasn’t the one who’d opened her door, but just like last time – it happened under his watch.  
Second, that he didn’t even know whether this was the direction she had taken, and for all he knew he could be going to opposite direction.  
And third, the terrifying possibility of Everest getting herself seriously hurt. Or worse. His head broke new records of the number of scary “what if’s” it could come up with at once. Every time he thought he’d reached the maximum amount of possibilities, a new one popped up. If she didn’t trip over something and broke her leg, she could have gotten eaten by some animal. If she didn’t get eaten by some animal, she could have had a tree fall on her. If she didn’t have a tree fall on her, she could have fallen off a cliff. If she didn’t fall off a cliff, she could have drowned in Daybreak Lake. If she didn’t drown in Daybreak Lake, she could have gotten stolen. If she didn’t get stolen, she could have been mistaken for some other animal and gotten shot. If she didn’t get shot, she could have still eaten a poisonous plant. Now, this possibility had multiple sub-possibilities, considering the vast amount of toxic plants Virgil knew of.  
None of the thoughts were helpful, yet all existed loudly in his head. The longer he walked the grove without her in sight, the more anxious and worried he grew. If something happened to that damn horse…  
Virgil had absolutely no clue what he’d do with himself.  
_And she must be so scared, and alone, and lost, and maybe hurt, and frightened, and a small distance away, and-  
Wait. A small distance away?  
A small distance away!_  
Because a familiar, anxious, high-pitched whinny tore through the thoughts and cut them short. _A whinny from a small distance away._  
“Eve??”  
Virgil could practically feel his ears twitching as he stood rooted the the ground and listened. The neigh didn’t delay to return, this time giving away a clear direction. The confusing combination of relief and fear struck him. He didn’t wait.  
Virgil sprang into a run, clutching the halter tight in a failed attempt to relieve his nerves. The closer he’d gotten, the clearer he heard her. And now that he was close, he could pick on another sound. A voice, in fact.  
“Woah, easy!”  
There was a human with her. Dear God, there was a human with her. Virgil dashed between the trees, ignoring the prickly pain in his arm as it scratched itself on a passing branch. He thought he’d felt the warm stickiness of blood dripping down his skin, but he couldn’t care enough to check.  
And before he knew it she was right in front of him.  
Everest’s grey coat looked duller under the sun than it did inside the stables – but perhaps it was just the thin layer of dust that she’d somehow gotten on her. A couple of leaves and twigs were entangled in her mane. She released another ear-tearing whinny, ears pinned, and her body blocked the sun when she reared up at the person in front of her – something told Virgil she’d been doing so from the moment they first approached. His immediate thought was, naturally, that she could get herself seriously hurt.  
“Woah there, easy!” the person let out. Their hands were up in the air, and they jerked back into safety as the mare reared, before taking another step towards her when she landed in a failed attempt to calm her down. Virgil thought he’d seen them before, but he couldn’t tell where.  
Either way, she definitely wasn’t calming down. Heart leaping to his throat, Virgil took a step towards her and clucked for her attention.  
“Eve, look at me,” he mouthed. She immediately snapped at his direction. “Easy, girl. It’s me.”  
Everest released another panicky whinny before blinking at him and landing on all four legs once again, tail whipping the air. The next time she reared she rose to a significantly smaller height, almost a tiny bounce, before landing again and allowing him to take another step forward and reach out his hand.  
“There… it’s okay, Eve, you’re okay,” he soothed, and allowed his hands to meet the horse’s neck. Her flared nostrils gradually relaxed as he petted her head and her neck gently. And finally, she fully calmed down. Virgil released a tight, relieved breath as he slid the halter onto her head. The person didn’t say a word as he continued to stroke the jumpy mare.  
“Is that your horse?”  
The question snapped his attention away from her. Virgil shifted his weight from one foot to another.  
“Um- no, not technically. I’m her handler.”  
He scanned their face through narrowed eyes – where had he seen them before? They had short, ruffled hair, deep ebony skin and a soft jawline under thin lips. Their eyes were a dense black.  
“Aren’t you… aren’t you one of the two riders who were over at Daybreak not very long ago?” he said, trying to shove down the hint of hostility that attempted to creep its way into his voice.  
They tucked their hands into their pockets. “Yeah, actually.”  
Virgil clenched his jaw. It would have probably been a good idea to leave before he says something he regrets. “Well, thank you for finding my partner, but we should get going.”  
He gently nudged the lead rope, and Everest responded at once and followed as he turned on his heels. Roman would have probably stuck around to give them a piece of his mind. But he wasn’t Roman, and he’d honestly learnt by now that fighting fire with fire wasn’t going to get him anywhere. It would be best if he tried to yank the memory of the rider laughing at him out of his head and pretend it never happened.  
“Wait.”  
Virgil signalled Everest to halt. He turned around impatiently and gave them a look that suggested they should hurry up and say whatever they wanted to say.  
“That pinto you lost some time ago. Puzzle.”  
The name ignited Virgil’s curiosity. His hands clenched around the rope. “Yeah?”  
The rider hesitated. They nudged their foot into the dirt distractedly.  
“I know where he is.”  
The words left a tense silence between the two rivals. Virgil’s first instinct told him not to trust them.  
“I don’t believe you.”  
“I swear,” they blurted. “I heard the guy who supplies our feed mention buying him the other day to our barn manager. He runs that ranch across the valley, I’m sure you’ve seen it before. He said he’d bought him from a couple who used to board him at Daybreak. He was the only one they could find who’d buy a horse his age, apparently, but he didn’t tell why exactly he got him.”  
Virgil narrowed a pair of distrusting eyes. “Why should I believe you?”  
“Because I have no reason to lie about this.”  
“Fair enough, but you weren’t obligated to give me that information. Why are you helping me?”  
They shuffled on their feet, and their shoulders lifted in a shrug. “Well, we may not be on the same team, but at the end of the day, we are all here for one thing… horses.” They lifted their gaze from the ground to lock it with Virgil’s. “I know my teammate can get a little… intense, when it comes to competition.”  
_“A little?”_  
“Fine, very intense,” they grumbled. “And don’t get me wrong, I don’t like you guys. But I know how hard it is to lose your horse. When it comes down to it, in a way… we’re all in this together. I think the sake of these animals is important enough to put rivalries aside every now and again.”  
Virgil’s tight, harsh face softened at the words. He put all his effort into the half of a smile he managed to curl the side of his lips into.  
“Touché. Thanks.”  
The rider returned a similar smile, raising their hand for a short salute. “I’ll see you in the ring.” They arched a brow. “When we beat your asses.”  
“I hope you’re ready for yours to be kicked.”  
The two left the matter at that, each turning around their separate ways without airing a goodbye. The walk back to the stables carried somewhat of a promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Here's your daily reminder that:  
> Drinking water is important!  
> Getting an adequate amount of sleep is important!  
> Spending time with your loved ones is important!  
> Rewarding yourself for being a badass and surviving whatever it is that life throws your way is important!  
> You're beautiful!  
> You're valid!  
> You got this!  
> You're a champion!  
> You're you, and that's the most important thing!  
> And black lives matter! (because people are kind of forgetting the topic and we need it to resurface)
> 
> Alright, now that you've received your daily reminders, you can go about your day. Have the best day possible! I love you!
> 
> P.S: Here's a funny thing. I had no idea whether I'd already introduced a surname for Patton, so I hesitated about giving him one today, in fear that I'd already given him one and forgot about it. Imagine accidentally giving a character two different last names, that'd be so embarrassing. So if I did introduce him under a certain surname before and forgot, I'm so sorry. I'm an absolute mess, I literally only choose a last name when it's needed in a point in the story. I never thought of doing this before and it's backfiring.


	15. As Far as Thoughts Reach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Equestrian terms that appear in the following chapter:  
>  Salt block -** used to provide a horse with the salt and minerals its diet requires. It's usually hanging from a string in the horse's stall or in the paddock.  
>  **Halter -** a headgear that goes on the horse's head (behind the ears and around the muzzle), and when connected to a lead rope is used to lead the horse around, tether them and generally handle them.  
>  **Saddle -** a seat fastened on a horse's back for the purpose of riding. Typically made of leather.  
>  **Saddle pad -** a pad that's placed under the saddle, and is used to protect the horse's back and cushion the saddle.  
>  **Half pad -** a smaller pad that sits on top of the saddle pad and under the saddle, and is used to provide additional cushioning for extra protection. In some cases it may be used to fix minor saddle fit issues by adding the extra layer.  
>  **Cross-ties -** Two ropes (like the regular lead ropes) that are set on either sides of a barn aisle or a wash stall, and connect to the horse's halter from both sides as a way of securing the horse in place while grooming and/or tacking it up. Just a more comfortable way to tie a horse for easier handling when working on the entire body.  
>  **Tack** \- used as a general term for all types of horse equipment (saddles, bridles, etc.)  
>  **Bridle** \- a headgear that consists of buckled straps and is used while riding as one of the tools to communicate your requests to the horse. It's the piece of tack that is attached to the reins, a pair of long, narrow straps that are tied together and are used to guide and steer the horse (in addition to the steering that comes from the legs).  
>  **Verticals -** an obstacle that consists of polls placed one on top of the other, hence the name.  
>  **Girth -** a piece of tack that keeps the saddle in place. It goes under the horse's belly and attaches to the saddle on both sides with three buckled straps called billets.  
>  **Stirrup -** a light frame, typically made of metal in English riding, that attaches to the side of the saddle by a strap and support's the rider's foot. Naturally, there are two stirrups, one on either side of the saddle.  
>  **Canter -** the third gait of a horse, comes between the trot and the gallop. It consists of three beats.  
>  **Stride -** a single step of the horse. Note that horses' steps are measured differently from humans'. You don't count a stride for each time the foot of the horse meets with the ground. You count a stride for each full cycle of the gait the horse is currently at. For example, if the horse is cantering, you'd count one stride for a full cycle of the canter. A canter consists of three beats; two hind legs, one outside front leg, and finally one inside front leg. So you'd count one stride for every three beats.  
>  **Trot -** the second gait of the horse, comes between the walk and the canter. It consists of two beats.  
>  **Two-point position -** a jumping position a rider must perform when going over a jump. Also referred to as the forward seat. It allows the horse to safely arch above the obstacle, and the rider to keep their balance.  
>  **Gelding -** a male horse who has been castrated. The word is often used to refer to the horse in general when talking about it in third person. For example, it's a normal thing to say "my gelding behaved well today". The other two terms are stallion - a male horse who has not been castrated, and mare - a female horse.
> 
> **Notes**  
>  1\. The reasons I've decided to include terms that are generally known are that first, I suddenly remembered how my friend once said she had no idea what a saddle was, which made me rethink what I choose to explain and what I don't (I want everyone to be able to understand the story) and second, that it really bugged my brain that some terms were mentioned and some weren't, it just really bothered me for some weird reason.  
> 2\. These terms may vary depending on the area and riding style. Since I live in a non-English-speaking country, naturally these aren't the ones used in my area, but these are the ones I use when I'm required to speak English (or when I think to myself, considering I usually think in English), because they're the more universally common ones. However, in some areas these will have different names, and in some riding styles they may even be completely replaced by other things. The riders in this story ride the English style, so the terms are going to fit it.

Roman couldn’t help but notice that lately, horses had been judging him quite a lot. Considering the lifestyle of the particular judges in question, that was already a bad sign.  
Trigger didn’t tear his gaze away from him as he trailed his eyes down the paper for the fifty fourth time that day. He couldn’t tell what Virgil saw about sitting on hay bales; they were scratchy and uncomfortable – but he had no other place to sit, so he had to make do. Every so often his eyes would shoot up from the paper to check on the animal in the stall with him. If horses could arch a judging brow, Trigger sure as hell did.  
“I _know_ , man, I should know this by heart by now,” Roman sighed. “I just- I can’t concentrate. Especially not when you’re watching me like that, dammit, can’t a rider get some privacy around here?”  
Trigger didn’t mention the fact that Roman was sitting in his stall. But trust me; if he could, he definitely would have.  
“I just can’t afford to arrive at this thing unprepared. And it’s less than two months away, and we barely have any time to practice, and the course is confusing me, and Patton and Puzzle are out of the game, and Logan’s really not with us lately which is honestly kind of frightening, and my _stupid legs hurt again-_ “  
Trigger’s hoof clopped against the floor when he made a step towards him, causing him to jerk. The horse froze in response. A sigh rolled up Roman’s chest and sneaked from out between his lips.  
“I’m sorry buddy, you can come over. You just startled me a little.”  
Trigger must have changed his mind, though, because he turned the other way and began to dramatically lick the salt block that was hung up at the corner of the stall. Roman inhaled sharply.  
“Are you not talking to me now? I said I was sorry.”  
Usually the “conversations” with his horse would amuse him, but it appears needless to mention that Roman did not feel very Roman-y today. He glanced down at the course’s plan again. The words jumbled together in his vision like an entire colony of tiny black ants in a salsa dance.  
“That’s it. We’re getting out of here.” Roman could feel Trigger’s gaze boring into his back as he released the halter that was hung on a hook on the stall’s door. “I can’t concentrate on learning the course of the competition, because I’m stressed out of my mind because of the competition,” he continued as he hung the halter on his shoulder and prepared the saddle and the pads that rested on the window seal. “I’m stressed out of my mind because.. well…”  
Roman twisted around to face the animal that he refused to admit that he feared. The horse blinked slowly.  
“I’ve lost it, Trig,” he breathed. “I used to be the most confident rider in Daybreak. Now I’m stressed about the idea of messing up those jumps or- or worse.”  
He haltered him quickly, before he could change his mind, and hoisted the saddle together with the pads onto his shoulder. The stall’s door announced its movement to the entire stable when he slid it sideways by pushing his free shoulder against it. He struggled with the tack on his other shoulder as he fit the lead rope into a more comfortable position in his grip.  
“Sure, stare at me while I carry all your things, ignore the fact that you’re a 1,300 lbs animal that can easily help me as I battle this stupid door,” he grumbled at Trigger as though he could understand. It was easy to blame him, honestly.  
The sliding door finally co-operated and finished its journey to the side, and Roman grunted and led his horse out of the stall.  
Roman had tacked up so many horses today that the sight of the cross-ties almost made him gag. He was too stressed to yawn, and so the stupid yawn remained stuck in his throat as he set the tack on a nearby stand and tied Trigger up. He brushed him not very whole-heartedly, mind tearing apart so it can go multiple directions at once. One part of his mind travelled to the arena, already scanning the obstacles. Another drifted to the office, which Laura hadn’t left in about twenty minutes. Another made its way to the now-empty stall of Ruby, the school horse that had been sold earlier that day. And one last, more adventurous train of thought ventured out of Daybreak and wandered around the grounds in search of Virgil and Everest.  
_Virgil and Everest. How long have they been gone for?_  
Roman nearly dropped the brush as he fumbled around in search of his phone. His heart flipped dangerously at the sight of the time displayed in large, white digits on the screen. Four in the afternoon. Virgil and Everest had been gone for over forty minutes.  
Roman couldn’t explain the surge of panic that jolted through his chest, but he didn’t like it one bit. He unlocked his phone with a hasty swipe. Virgil’s contact took less than three seconds to reach; it was always at the very top of the list.  
Their last messages were from earlier today, regarding their schedule at the stables. They had to furtively text each other under the desks to do so as they were still at school; Roman was in the middle of chemistry, and Virgil was burning his joie de vivre away in maths. They agreed upon asking to go to the bathroom and skipping the rest of the day so they can go to the barn more early. And even with the extra hour, they still fell behind schedule.  
Roman’s gaze hovered above Virgil’s last message, and his voice saying the one in question echoed through his head. He snapped out of the strange delay and typed a new message; he’d only call him with no heads-up if he really has to. Phone calls made his friend nervous.  
_‘Emoooo where are you guys?? We still need to practice at some point today. Are you okay? Did a bear eat you? Can I have Eve’s new saddle if a bear ate you?’_  
He stared at the chat for ten useless seconds, convincing himself that Virgil should be on his phone right now because he’s probably googling every plant he comes across to check if it’s toxic. No response.  
“It’s fine,” he said out loud without noting that he was doing so. “He’s probably trying to focus on walking her back. I’m sure they’re fine. He must have found her already.”  
And so, Roman reluctantly tucked the phone back into his pocket, not before making sure it wasn’t on silent and that Virgil’s contact had a distinctive ringtone. His hands weren’t as steady on the saddle pad when he placed it on Trigger’s back as before. He added a half pad and fixed its position before lifting the saddle onto the horse’s back and adjusting it.  
“They’re definitely… _definitely_ on their way back. Nothing to worry about.”  
-  
If Laura or Logan had seen Roman and Trigger making their way into the arena like they were definitely a hundred percent confident in their abilities (because they were, Roman convinced himself), they would have freaked telling him he can’t ride right now, as they still have a lesson planned for once Virgil and Everest return. At this point, though, Roman was quite sure they had both forgotten about the lesson. Laura was still locked away in the office as he led Trigger into the indoor arena, and Logan was nowhere to be found.  
Roman signalled his horse to halt with a small tug on the reins. His narrowed, ever-ambitious eyes raked across the arena. The obstacles had already been set up by Logan, and a blink of sunlight from the ceiling windows above brushed against the freshly-painted rails.  
They could do better. Jump higher.  
Roman made sure the arena’s gate was securely closed before tying the reins short on top of the horse’s neck so he wouldn’t step on them, and let his grip on them go. He left the horse behind and headed towards the first jump. It was a standard set of verticals, and the longer Roman stared at it, the more he felt as though it was mocking him.  
Because they could do better. They could jump higher.  
Roman grabbed the end of the top rail and moved it one level higher, before narrowing his eyes at it and moving it up one more time. He made his way to the other end and set it two levels higher as well. Trigger watched him work with big, brown eyes as he moved on the next obstacle.  
“I know, Trig. We haven’t jumped this high in a while.” Roman clenched his muscles under the weight of the rail as he fixed it. “But we’ve been doing horribly recently, and the show is coming up, and it’s going to be our first one since-… since the accident. Everyone is going to be watching us.”  
He moved on to the next jump, feeling the horse’s eyes digging into his back as he followed him with his gaze from the other side of the arena. “If we don’t push ourselves to jump greater heights – figuratively _and_ literally – we’re never going to get ourselves out of this slump that we’re in.”  
He twisted around to the horse, exhaling the breath that’d been captured in his chest in the effort. “Do you really want to be stuck as ‘those two who never were the same again’ forever?”  
Trigger blinked.  
“That’s what I thought.”  
He made his way towards the horse, pushing down a bizarre sense of nervousness that tangled in his stomach. “Come on, boy, don’t be such a baby. We’re going to make an easy, clean round. These used to be nothing to us. No need to make a big deal out of it.”  
Roman tightened the girth with hands quick enough to hide any sign of trembling. Virgil would have cringed at him placing his foot in the stirrup and climbing into the saddle without a mounting block.  
“Alright,” he exhaled, settling in the saddle. “Let’s try to do one clear round. At least one. When was the last time we did a clear round?”  
He squeezed his claves against the horse’s sides, and Trigger began to walk. Though they still had to warm up before starting to work, every atom in Roman’s body itched to go faster. Almost like he had something to prove.  
Roman’s skin prickled as they picked up the pace. Ten minutes into warm-up he asked for a canter, ignoring the slight feeling of instability in their strides.  
They made a full, imperfect lap around the arena. Trigger’s strides had a hint of hesitance to them. As they bent around a cone at the corner of the arena, he tripped forward on his fronts, causing Roman’s heart to jump to his throat when the sudden motion rattled his entire body. Trigger awkwardly recollected himself without descending to a trot. They proceeded with a bit less confidence.  
Roman’s hands were uncharacteristically stiff on the reins. He squeezed his calves against Trigger’s sides and guided him towards the first obstacle. He hadn’t set this one higher like the others, yet his stomach was in knots as they approached. Roman counted one, two, three timid strides before Trigger threw himself over the jump a little too fast. He rose to a two-point a little too late to his liking.  
The all-too-painfully-familiar sound of the horse’s hind legs colliding with the rails rang in Roman’s ears. A sense of insecurity on the saddle attacked him, giving him the feeling that he was going to fall off, and he jerked on the reins at the landing. Trigger tossed his head up in discomfort.  
“Just keep going, boy, ignore that last one,” Roman hissed through clenched teeth and guided him towards the next. It stared at them blankly as they approached, almost in mockery.  
Roman’s legs were stiff as they went over the obstacle. His feet felt weak and uncertain in the stirrups. He sat back to allow the horse to safely land, trying his best to ignore the dissatisfaction with the ugly, awkward jump. Though they now approached a third obstacle, his mind remained back with the previous one. He was used to himself getting overly bothered by imperfect jumps.  
Trigger threw his head up once again, and Roman’s hands didn’t wait for his command to pull on the reins harshly in response.  
“What’s with you, Trigger?” he panted. “Focus!”  
Trigger made a sharp steer, causing Roman to trip forward in his seat. He shortened the reins and sat back, legs squeezing against the horse’s ribs. His horse didn’t halt as he expected him to; he shot forward like a firework and made a messy, fast lap around the arena. The spark of fear at the feeling of loss of control sent Roman’s hands clenching harsher on the reins. He bent Trigger’s shoulders inwards by pushing his hindquarters outwards from the inside, keeping his outside leg on the horse’s shoulder, and kept him in a tight circle until he slowed down the pace. Trigger descended to a hasty trot and finally soothed back into a walk, leaving Roman with adrenaline pumping in and out of his hammering heart along with the flowing blood.  
“Not good enough. Not even close.”  
He recollected the horse, not before another head toss, and asked for a canter again. The second time they tackled the obstacle, their approach was a little more determined yet a little less brave.  
Trigger’s final stride before the take-off was hesitant, and the jump went clumsily. This time they didn’t knock any polls. The landing was a bit too heavy to Roman’s liking, and his hands still jerked on the reins as though trying to keep him from falling off. The next obstacle looked like it was fearing for its non-existent life when they proceeded towards it. Despite them leaping over it a bit more gracefully this time, nausea still gripped Roman’s stomach.  
“Still not good enough,” he insisted. “We can do better.”  
His eyes finally tore to where they’d been begging to go from the very beginning of the ride; the higher jumps. Roman preferred not to dwell on the memory of the last time they jumped this height.  
As though he felt his rider’s mind steering towards that direction, Trigger immediately tensed up. He picked up his trot to a faster one and tossed his head up like a flag.  
“Remember when I said, ‘don’t be a baby’?” Roman uttered, half to himself. “These types of jumps used to be nothing to us. We’re going to jump them now and we’re going to do it just like we used to.”  
He pushed the horse into a canter from his seat, making sure to recollect him and keep his frame from the outside leg. His eyes darted back and forth between Trigger’s head and the jump. Is that the murmurings of an audience he was hearing? No, of course not, they’re alone.  
One stride. Two strides. Why is there so much flashing light? Three strides. The arena looks so much bigger all of a sudden. Four strides. Five strides. His teammates are watching from just outside the ring. Would they think less of him if he failed? Six strides. Seven strides. Eight strides. He’s crushing. He’s losing his grip. He’s losing Trigger. Everyone’s watching, and they’re crushing, and it’s over, and _pain, so much pain-_  
Trigger’s screech tore through the flashback, snapping the sharp sight of the show ring that had combined with the real world out of Roman’s vision. A yell struggled its way out of his throat as the force of the panicking horse crushed into his chest and hurled him off.  
Thud.  
A sharp, steady beep rang in Roman’s ear. His vision allowed him nothing but fuzzy brown shapes. He was half-consciously aware of the solid ground against his stunned body and the heavy pain that hammered through every inch of his muscles and bones.  
But they were alone.  
They were alone, and their bones were all intact, and Trigger was on his feet. They were alone, and Roman was conscious, and nothing had stolen his mobility or stopped him from getting back up. They were alone, and they were alive, and no EKG machine disrupted the silence, and no headlines were tattooed on their foreheads.  
And yet Roman was still in the ring. Damn it, why was he still in the ring?  
He hadn’t been able to get out of there in months.  
Everyone had already left, the bleachers were empty, the judges were gone, no ambulance shrieked and no horse whinnied and no adrenaline of competition sizzled in the air. The ring had been empty for months. And Roman was still trapped inside the ring.  
And though he was to physically return there in just a few months’ time, Roman knew that his mind would always stay back in the ring of that January morning.  
Trigger lowered down his head and blinked at his rider, clearing the blurriness away.  
So much pain.  
-  
The last thing Roman had the energy for was untacking Trigger and turning him out. In fact, he barely had the energy to look at him. Perhaps that’s the reason he stayed in the arena in his silence for.. he didn’t even know how long. He didn’t bother to dust off his clothes. His legs felt like logs of cement as he led the horse down the stable’s corridor and to the grooming stall. The cross ties stared at him judgingly.  
It didn’t take long for his mind to drift off to Virgil again – the more time passed, the more things that reminded him of his friend joined the list. His stomach flipped as the boy’s face flashed in his head. Was an hour and a half of him being gone long enough to worry? How about long enough to send a search party involving police helicopters? Perhaps the line between worrying and involving the police was a bit more thick than that.  
Roman drew his phone out of his sand-covered pocket. His heart fell at the sight of his notification bar; no new messages from Virgil.  
That’s it. Screw being considerate about his anxiety, Roman was calling him.  
His fingers hustled on the screen in a speed he didn’t know he was capable of. Roman hit “call” and brought the phone to his ear, pacing the grooming stall with his free hand running nervously through his hair.  
“Pick up, dammit…”  
A sound from a nearby stall sent his blood freezing. The realisation sank in, and Roman cringed.  
“… Shit.”  
He didn’t have to find the source of the noise in order to figure out what was going on, yet he turned around and crossed the corridor anyway. The sound grew louder as he neared it, until he finally peered into a school horse’s stall.  
An old phone with a simple black case rested on the hay, ringing. Of course Virgil left it exactly where he was when he rushed out to get Everest; he’d been in the middle of saddling a school horse when she escaped. Roman must have missed the phone when he came in to finish saddling the horse in his place.  
“This is fantastic,” he grumbled under his breath and slid the stall open. The grey gelding inside looked up and blinked at him slowly. “Hey, buddy. Don’t mind me. I’m just gonna get my teammate’s phone before you chew on it.”  
Virgil’s phone was placed on its face, straws of hay already beginning to scatter on it. Roman grabbed it and turned it in his hand. The word _Princey_ with a tiny black heart beside it shone at him from the screen. Huh. Didn’t take him for the aesthetic type. Saying he wasn’t slightly surprised by the choice of contact name would have been a shameless lie. An odd tingly sensation tickled his heart at the sight. He couldn’t help the tiny smile that sneaked onto his lips.  
The dialling automatically stopped in response to being left unanswered, and Virgil’s lock-screen took its place; unsurprisingly, a photo of Everest. Roman tilted his head at the screen. Since when could Virgil photograph this well?  
The sound of a horse blowing air through its nose cut his train of thought short. The grey horse was giving him a look that suggested he was supposed to be out of his room five minutes ago.  
“Gee, sorry,” Roman chuckled. He gave him a pat on the neck on his way out.  
Okay, now it was time to panic.  
It’d been almost two hours since Everest and Virgil had left. Virgil’s phone was still here, meaning there was no way for him to contact anyone in case something happens.  
And Virgil had a cute contact name for him on his phone. What? Focus!  
“Jesus, what are you looking so worked up about?”  
The voice came like a tsunami of relief crushing into Roman’s chest. It was accompanied by the sound of hooves against floor, he now realised, snapping his gaze up to rest it on the newcomers.  
Virgil and Everest walked into the stable. Their clothes and fur were dusty, and it looked like neither of them was doing that great a job at keeping their eyes fully open and alert. How long did it take them to walk all the way here?  
“Virgil, thank Disney!” Roman exhaled, his feet suddenly carrying him towards the two without his permission. “I was almost getting _anxious. Me!”_  
“That’s crazy.”  
Virgil’s smile was wider than the usual, and though Roman absolutely loved the sight, it was quite of an odd look on his face. “Is everything Gucci, Emo?”  
“Better than that.” He grabbed Roman’s shoulders enthusiastically, Everest’s lead rope getting caught between his right hand and Roman’s shoulder. A strange rush of tingly warmth made its way from where his shoulders met with Virgil’s hands, through his heart and all the way down to his stomach. Virgil locked his excited gaze with Roman’s. “I know where to find Puzzle.”

\- - - - - - - -

The awfully loud, vibrant, dominant voice of morality in Patton’s head didn’t allow him to miss a day of school more. And so, after dropping each one of his siblings off where needed, Patton swallowed down a brick of metal and drove to the school.  
The sight of other people his age hanging out by the building already managed to cheer him up if by a bit, and Patton nodded to himself and decided that today would be his day. He was done sitting in a puddle of gloom. He was going to enter the school, and stay attentive and cooperative in his classes, and wish everyone a great day, and make at least five dad jokes an hour.  
He was going to be Patton.  
“Good morning, kiddos!” he chirped at his teammates when he located them in the corridor, standing by the lockers. Logan stood, as always, with his shoulders straight and his bag well-balanced on his back. His hair was neatly brushed, and he wore his regular, rather formal attire. Roman leaned against the lockers on his shoulder, bag hanging from the other one, and Virgil stood slouching between them, partially in Roman’s shadow, as though wishing to disappear into the lockers behind him. His hair fell on his face, barely hiding the heavy bags beneath his eyes. His eyes constantly darted from the floor to the river of students and back to the floor.  
When the three heard Patton’s voice, they immediately snapped their attention to him.  
“Pat!” Roman was the first to say a word. “How are you feeling? We didn’t think you’d come.”  
“I’m feeling pawsome!” he sang. “Get it? Because-“  
“Because there are paw-prints on your sweater, we can see that. Please don’t tell me you only wore this for the sake of this horrible, overused pun. The weather is quite hot today.”  
Patton flashed a smile at Logan. “That stings a little bit, but yeah, you got me. I think I’m gonna go change in a bit if it gets too hot.” His smile widened the way it always would at the spark of an upcoming pun. “I wouldn’t wanna.. _become the sweater.”_  
Logan inhaled sharply. “… Of course.”  
The topic had Patton’s gaze wandering to Virgil, who as always was wearing a black, oversized hoodie. He decided upon not mentioning it; his friend wouldn’t be caught dead wearing anything with short sleeves, and ever since Roman changing the subject once when it was brought up, it’d been made crystal-clear that it wasn’t up for discussion. Especially considering the look of relief on Virgil’s face when the subject had been changed.  
The conversation continued a little slower. No matter where Patton looked, a massive elephant stood in the room and stared at them. It was something they were all clearly aware of, yet nobody dared mention; Puzzle. None of his teammates questioned his appearance at the school nor his good mood, but the topic continued to hover above their heads. It would stay this way until it’s addressed, Patton knew.  
He took note of the energy between his three friends almost at once; Logan’s expression told Patton his mind was clouded with thoughts, and the majority of the eye contact that he made throughout the conversation was with the other two – almost as though he was avoiding looking at Patton. Virgil was clearly nervous. He tapped his foot repeatedly against the floor. His eyes darted around, always returning to Roman beside him as though the boy was his gaze’s resting station. He almost looked prepared to do something; as though he expected a lion to burst out of the locker beside him any moment, and had his hand hovering over a weapon. It took Patton no more than five seconds to realise that his presence was practically pointing towards Roman, as though he was the lion Virgil was ready to stop. What was Roman up to? Patton’s friend looked like he was itching to say something, and a smile kept struggling to take over his lips. Every so often his eyes met with Virgil, who gave him somewhat of a warning, knowing look.  
Roman never really was great at stifling things.  
“Pat, we-“  
Virgil stepped on his foot at once, cutting the sentence short and causing Roman to struggle to stop himself from doubling over. The pale boy’s hand snapped over to Roman so fast that Patton was sure he would have missed it had he blinked. Virgil grabbed his wrist as though to hold him back.  
_“Roman.”_  
“What? He deserves to know! Also, _**ow!** ”_  
“Deserve to know what?” Patton blurted. A mix of nervousness and maybe a tad bit of hurt swirled at the pit of his stomach.  
Virgil shot the taller boy beside him a deadly glare. _“Nothing. Right, Roman?”_  
“R-Right.”  
Logan pursed his lips. “Enough, you two,” he snapped, before turning to Patton. He didn’t give a warning before dropping a four-ton boulder on him. “Roman and Virgil have found Puzzle, Patton. They didn’t wish to tell you, for reasons with which I am yet unfamiliar.”  
The corridors were suddenly so quiet. When did everyone leave? At his peripheral, students still rushed down the halls in a river, yet the entire world settled in a silence that wouldn’t shame the very depth of the ocean.  
“Correction, _Virgil_ found Puzzle,” Virgil’s voice came as though through a five-foot-thick glass window.  
“You mean correction, _Virgil_ doesn’t wish to tell him,” Roman’s voice came just as muted out. “And for stupid reasons.”  
“They’re not stupid!”  
“Come on, Virge, think logically here-“  
“I am! You’ve seen him last week, do you really think he’d want this?”  
“So you were planning not to tell him?”  
“Not before I’m sure it’s something he needs right now-“  
Patton blinked. The voices around him were still muffled, and almost felt as though they were delivered in slow motion. He couldn’t remember the last time his own pulse had such a loud, heavy presence.  
“Patton?”  
They knew were Puzzle was. They knew where Puzzle was, and he could have him back.  
“Patton, talk to us.”  
He could have him back… but at what cost?  
“Pat!”  
Was he really ready to be present for that dreaded day? Letting him stay at his new home and never hearing of him again was such a comfortable solution.  
_“Patton!”_  
“Huh?” Patton blinked again. The voices around him snatched their presence back, and so did the rest of the noise of the corridors. Patton wasn’t sure whether he missed that ocean of silence that the world had sunk into. “Oh- I’m sorry, kiddos. I must have zoned out.”  
“Great job, Tyrant Tact,” Virgil hissed at Roman. His hand never left his wrist, but he didn’t seem to notice. “Does he look relieved to you?”  
“Well…”  
“Exactly.”  
The entire English dialect jumbled up in Patton’s head as he stared at his friends, the new information uncomfortably sinking in, like it wasn’t meant to fit quite right in his brain. Logan looked like he was on the verge of a furious meltdown that was hidden well behind a straight, cold face. Virgil and Roman continued to argue amongst themselves. Though they were on different sides of the situation, the energy between them wasn’t hostile. If he didn’t know any better he would have assumed it was just a part of their regular friendly bickering. Needless to mention nicknames were thrown in the air left and right.  
Logan cleared his throat. “Roman. Virgil. I wish to sincerely apologise in advance for the immature, ridiculous modern phrase I am about to utter. But get a room. Patton- I need you to say something, as I am not quite skilled in the body-language department and would like to know your thoughts of the situation at hand.”  
The other two immediately fell silent, gazes flashing to Logan. Patton shifted in discomfort in his place.  
“My- my thoughts?” he piped.  
Logan’s eyes remained locked with his, utterly ignoring Roman and Virgil who were still staring at him, flustered. “Yes. How do you feel regarding the fact we can now commence the second phase of our plan to retrieve your horse? What do you wish to do about it?”  
“First of all,” Roman chimed in, “get a room with your _dictionary,_ Logan. Second, isn’t it obvious? You want to go get him back, right?”  
Three pairs of eyes hung on him at once, and an overwhelming weight made Patton feel very small. “Y-Yes, of course,” he whispered.  
“Doesn’t look very enthusiastic to me, Princey,” Virgil grumbled, although this time he didn’t meet Roman’s eyes as he spoke. The faintest of scarlet dusted his cheeks.  
“But… but Patton, I thought this is what you wanted. This is what you’ve been so depressed about for so long!”  
The words caught him off-guard. “I- I wouldn’t call it depressed, Roman-“  
“Come on, Pat, we’re worried about you. You haven’t made a horse pun in months.”  
Puzzle had only been gone for a couple of weeks. The fact that they’d caught on other things from earlier worried Patton.  
“For the record, I’ve only ever heard him say one horse pun,” Virgil put in.  
“See? You’ve been in your gloom for so long, Virgil was still a newbie the last time you weren’t in it! Patton, I thought this is what you wanted.”  
Patton fiddles with the sleeves of his sweater. “I do want him back.”  
His voice was barely convincing himself.  
“Great, then it’s settled! We shall meet today at the stables to refine our previous plan.”  
“Ro…”  
“Let it go, Virgil, we’re doing this.”  
Patton tugged nervously at the strap of his bag. “Actually- can I speak to you, Roman? Um, alone?”  
His friend’s enthusiastic face immediately shifted into a concerned one. “Of course. Is everything-“  
An intrusive, stubborn bell hollered through the halls, marking the beginning of the day. Patton didn’t miss the way it caused Virgil to flinch with a start. Logan nodded at them before departing like a clock.  
“I’ll meet you after class?”  
Roman nodded, forcing up a smile. It wasn’t easy to miss the concern that still read off his face. Patton tried to smile back before waving at them and turning around to blend into the now-scattering sea of students.

\- - - - - - - -

A battle stormed within Virgil’s ever-hustling brain as he remained by the lockers. One side of him argued that there’s no way he was going to be able to go to class now, when the corridors are still packed with students hurrying to their lessons, and the other screeched he couldn’t take one more second standing awkwardly by Roman. The entire energy of the place seemed to have shifted at a certain point in the conversation – a point Virgil convinced himself he was unsure of, though Logan’s words echoed in his head and said otherwise.  
When he looked over at his friend, he found he was already looking at him. “Still here?” Virgil said in the most bored voice he could conjure.  
“I could say the same about you.”  
“You know I don’t like drowning in crowds.”  
“You know I don’t like leaving you alone.”  
He just had to throw that at him, didn’t he. Now there was no way he was getting that uncomfortable heat in his cheeks to go away. That son of a-  
“Do you want me to?” Roman asked, cutting the thought in half.  
“Uh- I’m sorry?”  
“Do you want me to leave?”  
Virgil wanted to say that he did, but the fact that his brain’s first emotional response to the words said otherwise tripped him up. He stumbled on the words before he managed to utter, “it’s fine. I’d probably look weird standing here alone anyway.”  
Roman looked satisfied with the response. “Okay.”  
The river of students gradually shifted into a stream, and then a dripple. The silence between them wasn’t particularly awkward.  
“Couldn’t you just let it go when I told you Patton wouldn’t want to go get Puzzle?”  
The words surprised them both. Virgil hadn’t realised he’d said them until the other boy did.  
“Come on, Virge, do you really believe that he wouldn’t?” he said.  
“Forget what you generally know about Patton. What did the look on his face tell you?”  
Roman shifted his weight from one foot to another. “I’m not sure… but I guess he didn’t look that ecstatic.”  
“Exactly.”  
“But that- that makes no sense. He was devastated when his parents sold him.”  
“I have a theory…” Virgil said. He hesitated. “But I’m not sure Pat would appreciate me saying it.”  
The halls were now as empty and still as a sunken ship. Something held the two back from heading to their classes. When their gazes met, now the only two pairs of eyes in the corridor, Virgil felt awfully self-conscious.  
Roman looked thoughtful. Virgil caught his irises twitching a bit within the eye contact.  
“Then you don’t have to tell me,” Roman said after an odd pause. Virgil appreciated him cutting through the tense silence with the words. “I think he’s planning to tell me, anyway. I mean- I hope he is. Otherwise, I have no idea what he wants to talk about alone.”  
Virgil nodded distractedly, shifting to face the empty hallway. They both knew they had to go to class, yet none seemed to feel like moving.  
“Is everything okay, storm cloud?” Roman asked, causing his gaze to snap up to meet his. “You’ve been kind of weird since last night when we left the stables. Did I do something?”  
Darn it. What was he supposed to say? Virgil couldn’t quite put the strange feeling he’d been sunken deep within lately. He knew eventually it would start to show, but he didn’t think Roman would notice this early.  
“No, of course not,” he blurted. “I’m just kind of tired.”  
“Still having trouble sleeping?”  
“You know me.”  
It wasn’t exactly a lie; Virgil really was tired. The thing is, you see, Virgil was always tired. He couldn’t remember the last time he wasn’t.  
Though the thing he needed the most right now was sleep, he already knew he wasn’t going to get any. Not tonight. Tonight was going to be different, and it bugged Virgil that he already knew that sleep wasn’t going to visit him.  
“Well, looks like coast’s clear,” he said. Roman gave him a look that almost read somewhat of a sense of pity. “I’m gonna go see my old friend biology. It kind of looks like our teachers are literally the only people I’m not invisible to around here, and that’s not really working to my advantage.”  
Roman patted his shoulder, causing his jaw to clench in surprise. “Yeah, I should probably go too. Don’t want another lecture from my parents about missing classes.”  
Virgil gave his signature two-fingered salute before turning the other way and leaving his friend standing by the lockers. He was getting the feeling he wasn’t going to leave to his class in a while.

\- - - - - - - -

Roman couldn’t remember the last time he had this many things troubling him at once. His mind was a mess made up from his fall the other day, Patton’s words from the conversation they had after class, nervous thoughts about the competition, worry for Puzzle, and the strange tension that stood between him and Virgil earlier. It was clear as Trigger’s eyes that something was troubling his friend, but he couldn’t quite tell what. The realisation that it might have to do with his family’s current situation made his heart clench in sympathy.  
When he made his way out of the school at the end of the day, Virgil immediately snatched his attention; it appeared that by now Roman’s mind had learned to pick on his presence even as he blended in with the rest of the world. To Roman, it was the exact opposite. In his eyes the boy stood out like a limelight in the middle of the dark.  
There was clearly something on his mind. Virgil stood by the exit, a strap of his bag clenched under bone-white knuckles, his jaw locked as though in pain. His other hand was stuffed into his hoodie’s pocket. His eyes were narrowed to slits so thin that it was nearly impossible to identify their colour, and his eyebrows were slightly curled up as though in concern. Something held him back.  
Roman was going to tap his shoulder to get his attention, before he remembered he didn’t like being suddenly touched. Instead he eased into his vision and took a space by his side.  
“Everything okay?”  
If Virgil’s jaw could clench any harder, it just did. “Yup.”  
“You sure? You look hesitant.”  
“You know what.. what the hell, I’m just going to tell you and we can pretend I never did right after.” He slid his gaze down to his feet. “It’s just-… well, my mom and my sister are out of town for a couple of days.”  
“Because of… um…” Roman wasn’t sure whether it was his place to ask.  
“Yeah,” Virgil blurted without meeting his eyes, as though to get the topic out of the way as fast as possible. “And I’m not really looking forward to spending the entire night alone with my thoughts. They aren’t particularly nice company.”  
“I can imagine.”  
Silence settled between them. Roman scanned Virgil’s face, taking note of the heavy bags under his eyes and the faint freckles that dotted his nose and cheeks. The other boy didn’t meet his gaze.  
“You can come over if you want,” he found himself saying. Virgil finally looked him in the eye.  
“What?”  
“My parents are away, they’ll only be coming back on Monday. My sister is in the army. My brother is in detention until like, five, and then usually hangs out with his friends and returns home late. E-Essentially, what I’m saying is you don’t have to feel awkward there, it’d be just you and me, and you wouldn’t have to stay alone with whatever nasty things your brain’s gifting you with for company.”  
His tongue stumbled through the final words, as the longer he spoke the more self-aware and embarrassed he felt. It wasn’t like him – and that was pretty terrifying.  
Virgil blinked. Roman had never noticed the dark rings surrounding his chocolate-brown irises before. They were pretty. “I wouldn’t want to be a bother.”  
“You’re not, really! I’d love to have you over. Come on, we’re friends, you shouldn’t feel like you’re bothering me.”  
He hesitated before allowing a smile to brush his pale lips. “Well… I’d appreciate that.”  
“So you’re coming?”  
“I guess.”  
His smile was contagious. Roman’s brain agreed with him for the first time that day as they walked out of the school, finally giving him a bit of mental rest.

\- - - - - - - -

The ride to Roman’s house was slightly more light-hearted. Virgil couldn’t help but feel thankful for the fact he didn’t have to be alone tonight. The thought reminded him of Emma, and a string tensed up in his heart and broke through the smile he had tried to put on. Emma was where his acting skills drew the line.  
Roman didn’t delay to pick up on it; he took one look at the boy in the passenger seat before glancing down at his phone and typing something with speedy fingers.  
“Focus on the road, Princey!” Virgil blurted.  
“I’m focusing on the road, I’m just focusing on another thing at the same time.”  
“That’s super dangerous! What are you even-“  
The song that the car’s player began to play turned a switch in Virgil’s brain. He paused.  
“Let’s Kill Tonight? Really?”  
It was probably impossible to miss the small smile he was failing to stifle, because Roman’s smile grew wider.  
“How did you know I liked that song?”  
He shrugged, and his thumbs lifted from the steering wheel along with the gesture. “Well, you don’t really shut up when you tack up the schoolies.”  
Heat invaded Virgil’s face when the realisation sank in. “I- I thought I was alone…”  
“Don’t be embarrassed, Emo, you got a great voice.”  
So yeah, the distraction didn’t manage to shoo his family out of his head for long; but the fact that Roman had noticed and made an effort to change it ended up being what kept a smile on his face. Virgil couldn’t remember the last time he genuinely smiled.  
The first thing Virgil noticed when they pulled into Roman’s parking lot was the excited barking of a dog.  
“And here we are,” Roman announced. He unbuckled the seat belt and shot Virgil a smile. “I should probably warn you, my dog is a bit…”  
“Like a dog?”  
“Yeah.”  
Virgil shrugged as they got out of the car and shut the doors in nearly perfect sync. “It’s cool. There isn’t anything not to love about those creatures.”  
“Ah, my kind of guy.”  
Virgil snickered and nudged him, earning a similar reaction.  
Roman struggled clumsily with the keys for solid five seconds before he managed to open the door. As warned, as soon as the door turned on its hinges, a ball of fur attacked them with a bomb of aggressive affection.  
“Hey- Lizzy-“ Roman managed to laugh out between enthusiastic licks. Virgil couldn’t help but chuckle. “You’re laughing now, wait until she notices you.”  
As though in response to the words, the dog’s face turned to Virgil. He had approximately two seconds to take note of her features; a rather short dog but not small, just below his knee, a brownish nose, long golden fur and huge amber-brown eyes – before the wagging of her tail grew wilder and she greeted him similarly.  
“I’m trying to figure out what she is,” he said through a smile as he petted her. “Golden retriever mixed with…?”  
“Nobody knows. It’s part of the fun.”  
“Ha.”  
Roman closed the door behind them, signalling Virgil that he can leave his bag by the door. “She usually sleeps during the morning so she doesn’t even see us leave,” he said. “You can say she’s somehow always shocked to see us enter despite it being a daily kind of thing. So, not very intelligent, but she’s a sweetheart. Aren’t you, Eliza? Yes, you are!”  
The dog wagged her tail like it was the very thing that supported her breathing system and retreated farther into the house, eyes still on them, as though asking to show them around.  
“Eliza?” Virgil asked, amused. “If you’re going to tell me that her sisters are named-“  
“Angelica and Peggy, yes,” Roman said. In response to Virgil’s snicker he immediately added, “They gave me three sisters to name, what else would I do, _not_ turn it into a Hamilton shitshow?”  
“Oh my _God,_ Princey, of course, I should have known you were the one who named them.”  
Roman shook his head, laughing that lovable laugh of his. He was one of those people with a resonant, contagious laughter that felt like it was physically warm. How was that possible? Virgil didn’t know. And quite frankly, Virgil didn’t care. It was easier to enjoy his laughter when he wasn’t analysing the things that made it what it is.  
Virgil hadn’t taken a good look at the house until now; now that the dog had finally backed off, he could allow the place to sink in. The first thing that he noticed was that he could pretty much fit his apartment about five times in there. And that was only the first floor.  
Usually Virgil would be awfully anxious about visiting someone’s house – mainly about the possibility of an awkward silence – but he soon found that that wasn’t the case here. That was one of the great things about his friendship with Roman; they never ran out of things to talk about. Their conversations had a steady pace to them, the topics were comfortable, and Roman’s laugh – well, Roman’s laugh was a little bonus.  
A faint feeling of DeJa’Vu tugged at the back of Virgil’s head when they made lunch (and an utter mess) in the kitchen. The memory brought along a sweet taste of vanilla. He smiled down at the vegetables he was slicing before getting the chance to catch himself; for a moment he forgot that when the lively conversation involves only two people, once one of them is quiet it’s pretty noticeable. Group conversations had so much less stakes, didn’t they?  
“What are you all smiley about?” Roman asked him. It wasn’t the first time the question had ever been presented to him by his friend; and just like last time, the same knowing smile tugged at the boy’s lips and made any effort of Virgil to get rid of his own smile fruitless.  
“Oh, it’s nothing. This just reminded me of something.”  
Roman leaned his chin on his palm, setting his elbow on the counter. “Care to share?”  
“Nope.”  
“Aw, don’t be like that. You have that look.”  
“’that look’?” Virgil said, battling down a smile.  
“Yeah, _that_ look. You know the one. That look that you get sometimes, when you think of something or someone pleasant and you kind of look at the ground and the corner of your lips curls up in a way that _almost_ shows a dimple – did you know that you have a tiny dimple? – and you probably don’t notice that your hair just falls on your eyes.”  
Virgil’s gaze shot up. He couldn’t quite explain the tingling red that he felt taking over his cheeks, but he did know he wanted it gone. “Taking notes, Princey?” he said with the most convincing smirk he had up his sleeve.  
Roman stammered. “I’m- I’m observant, okay? I’m an actor, we have to pay attention to expressions and body language to get better. I know Logan and Patton’s ‘looks’, too.”  
“Mhm. Sure you do.”  
Roman nudged his shoulder, drawing a laugh out of his friend. “What are you implying, Hot Topic?”  
“Nothing.”  
They both knew the answer; but considering that type of teasing was something they did quite often, Virgil assumed his friend didn’t read into it.  
He didn’t mind the energy they continued with.  
-  
Virgil couldn’t remember the last time the night fell upon him so quickly. It wasn’t until a stray ray of moonlight that had snuck through the window tickled his nose that he lifted himself off from where he lay to peer through the window. Black skies returned him a steady look. Virgil arched a brow, almost impressed with himself for managing to completely disregard the passage of time, before flopping down onto his back again.  
He lay on Roman’s bed and stared at the ceiling, thoughts swaying around lazily like drunk dancers in his head. Roman was in the shower, and though the place was now quiet, Virgil didn’t find himself particularly bored. He’d already taken a shower before his friend, and now wore clean new clothes that he’d let him borrow. Virgil appreciated Roman remembering his regular choice and providing him with a hoodie. Needless to mention it was two sizes too large for him; Virgil found it quite cozy. It was a deep, dark burgundy that he surprised himself when he discovered he didn’t mind.  
Virgil leaned his head on his folded arms, sinking into the bed. The hoodie had Roman’s scent; like fresh dew tinted sweet with lavender. He hadn’t realised how familiar the scent was until now; he’d gotten so used to it over the past months that at this point he couldn’t tell which part was Roman and which was his cologne anymore. Either way, it was a comforting scent. If warm hugs in the middle of December could have a scent, that would probably be it.  
The door to the bathroom slightly creaked when it turned on its hinges. Virgil lifted his head a bit, only enough to see whether Roman was back. There he was, halfway through slipping a new shirt on. He finally found his way through it and stuck his head out. His hair was dark with water.  
“Took you long enough,” Virgil said as his friend slumped down on his back beside him. He couldn’t help but feel a bit self-conscious.  
“Pffft, missed me?”  
They were a mere inch apart, and Virgil felt their clothes gently brushing. It was an oddly comfortable position; laying on their backs and staring at the ceiling like there was something to gaze at.  
“Get over yourself, Princey.”  
They remained in their comfortable silence for a long minute. Virgil could almost swear he could hear Roman’s eager, slightly uneven pulse. Even his heartbeat had a personality.  
“Virgil?”  
“Yeah?”  
“Can I ask you something?”  
Virgil battled down a feeling of nervousness. “What kind of ‘something’?”  
“It’s- it’s not that big,” Roman said, slightly stumbling over the words. “Just please tell me if you feel uncomfortable at any given point and I’ll never mention it again.”  
So apparently Virgil _could_ feel more nervous about this than he already did. Huh. The more you know.  
“Um… sure,” he piped.  
Roman moved a bit in his place. Virgil was aware of the feeling of his body shifting beside him as their clothes brushed against one another. For the briefest of moments their shoulders touched, before Roman settled.  
“Those thoughts that you couldn’t stay alone with. What… what kind of thoughts are they? Is it your anxiety being an ass or something bigger that I should be worried about?”  
Virgil’s chest hardened. He refused to lose his composure at the question that had caught him off-guard. _Both,_ his mind said honestly.  
“O-Oh, it’s just anxiety,” he managed to let out. “You know. The usual. Fear of stuff that may happen and paranoia that it’s already happening and I have nothing to do about it.”  
That wasn’t a lie; those types of thoughts were definitely a big part of the problem. But despite that, Virgil couldn’t help but feel his throat close up as his mind lingering closer towards the other answer.  
“Are you sure?” Roman’s voice appeared again beside him. At his peripheral, Virgil could see that he now turned his head towards him. He didn’t dare gaze back. “Because you looked like going home alone was a death sentence for you.”  
Virgil’s fight-or-flight reflex bounced repetitively in his head as though itching to kick its way out. “No, that’s it. Very normal anxiety. So what did you do with Trigger yesterday? I thought you said you worked with him. We’re still groundworking him tomorrow, right? You mentioned something about needing some extra help.”  
If Roman noticed the classic change of subject, he didn’t show. Maybe he knew that that was Virgil’s way of signalling the topic made him uncomfortable – something he’d asked him to tell him about had he felt it throughout the conversation.  
“Oh- actually-… it was rough,” he said. “I fell off.”  
“You did?”  
“Yeah. It’s just-…” At the corner of his eye, Virgil saw Roman turn onto his side to face him and lift his head into his palm, supported by his elbow. “It’s just, I’m kind of stressed about this stupid show. He’s been completely out of it, you know? And this is going to be our first time showing our face since the accident. People remember us as the show-jumping stars who lost it all. I want to put that identity away. For good.”  
Virgil didn’t shift into the same position, but he did turn his head at Roman’s direction and allowed their eyes to meet. Gosh, he hadn’t realised how close they were. He could take note of every speck of gold and hazel in the boy’s eyes. “Why would you want people to forget that?”  
“Come on, Emo. Are you really asking me that question?”  
“Mhm. Do you know the phrase ‘what doesn’t kill you make you stronger’?”  
“Yeah?”  
“Well it’s bullshit, don’t listen to it.” Roman’s brow flicked up in surprise, and Virgil almost paused to admire the amused curl of his perfect lips. “What doesn’t kill you isn’t the thing that makes you stronger. It’s the way you decide to pick yourself up and move forward. It’s the way you carry it shamelessly as a part of you. Because it is.”  
There was something new accompanying the spark of understanding in Roman’s eyes. Virgil felt his gaze trail across his face before meeting his gaze again. The boy then nodded; a simple, subtle gesture, yet heavy with meaning.  
“I never really looked at it that way.” His voice was low and grounded. Virgil shrugged and tore his gaze away. “I think I kind of got caught up-“  
“- in what everybody thinks of you, I know,” Virgil grumbled. “You’re not alone on this.”  
There’s that look again. Virgil mentally slapped himself to get his eyelids to work again.  
He could tell there was something more on Roman’s mind, and allowed his gaze to slide up and meet his.  
“Just spit out whatever it is you need to say.”  
Roman fiddled with his fingers on the blanket underneath them. “It’s about Patton.”  
“I’m listening.”  
“We talked today after class… apparently he really is hesitant about getting Puzzle back. The thing is, the reason’s kind of personal, and I don’t want to betray his trust, and I’m kind of conflicted on whether-“  
“He’s afraid to have Puzzle back in his life because he can’t bear to think of having to watch him die,” Virgil said blatantly.  
That was enough to cause Roman’s eyes to dart back to his. “Wait, what? How-“  
“I wasn’t born yesterday, Roman. He’s been clearly conflicted about this for months. This isn’t the first and sadly nor the last time I see something like this.”  
“… Oh,” Roman whispered. “So I guess I’ve just been really oblivious.”  
“Bingo.” He shot him a smirk to indicate he was joking around. “I’m just messing with you, Prince Pouty. It wasn’t very easy to catch onto. You aren’t the weird one here, I wasn’t supposed to be noticing this.” A yawn crept into his throat, and Virgil rubbed his tired eyes.  
“Already falling asleep?” Roman said with a smile.  
“First of all, shut up, I’m living off three hours of sleep and a gallon of coffee, I’m allowed to be exhausted. Second, no, I’m not even tired. You can keep talking, I’m listening, I’m just going to close my eyes for a minute. I swear I’m not going to fall asleep.”  
The more he spoke, the wider Roman’s smirk grew. “Alright, storm cloud, your point has been made.”  
Another yawn struggled its way out as Virgil allowed his eyelids to slip closed. He couldn’t remember the last time he was this comfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, beautiful person! Thank you for taking the time to read the 15th chapter of Trustfall! I truly appreciate it! Phew, this was a long one, wasn't it? More than 9,000 words, so ten points to you for sticking around!  
> I was a bit nervous about this one mostly because of Roman's flashback scene at the beginning. When I was first writing it I felt like I brought the point across and found my words, but when I proofread it I realised that it's kind of messy and all over the place and a bit hard to understand. I hope it wasn't too much of a brain strain and I hope that it was easy to understand! I even managed to confuse myself a bit, honestly.
> 
> That's it for now, have a great day! If it's anywhere between midnight and five in the morning, wHAT ARE YOU DOING READING FANFICTION RIGHT NOW?? GO TO SLEEP!!


	16. A Question of Bonds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before anything else, I would like to say tHANK YOU FOR 1,000+ HITS! Yeah, I know, it may not sound like a lot to some people, but it truly means so much to me and I couldn't be more grateful! Your reads, your kudos, and especially your comments - they always put a huge smile on my face. I literally jump in my seat in excitement whenever I see a notification for a new comment (sorry for answering so fast because of that, I bet it feels like that one scene in SpongeBob where he's already waiting inside the mailbox when the mailman/mailfish? arrives, that's how eager I am to read your comments. I'm so sorry if it's weird or annoying haha I just get excited so I respond immediately).
> 
> **Also, I have a small announcement/explanation at the end notes, you don't have to read it, it just explains why it's taken some extra time to release this chapter and why it's probably going to take a while for the next one to arrive. ******
> 
> Alright, you can carry on now! I'm going to put the terminology at the end instead of the beginning this time, just trying that out, so I'd love it if you guys told me whether you prefer it at the beginning or at the end.
> 
> ALSO I'm so sorry for the whole jumping around time thing in this chapter! It felt readable when I first wrote this, but when I read through it I was like woah, this is really messy!
> 
> **Okay now you can carry on! Sorry! Haha.**

_Last time Roman had checked, he wasn’t made of glass.  
Every sound wave surrounding him drilled into his translucent ears like an agonized soul, and an overwhelming weight sat on his shoulders and pushed him to the ground with all its might. Every single one of his senses was painfully heightened, to the point where he discovered new ones he didn’t know of. When the announcer spoke into the megaphone, the sound made Roman’s brain feel like it was being set on fire.  
“I’m sure you’ve heard of this pair before… Roman Windsor on Pull the Trigger!”  
An explosive applause rose from the audience, and the cheers only dug into his ears more. Roman blinked the fuzziness of his vision away and looked down at his companion. Why is Trigger made of glass, too?  
The sound marking the beginning of the round wasn’t late to arrive. It rang in every atom in Roman’s body and caused the tips of his nerves to sting. A terrifying fatigue settled in his limbs. How would he stay on?  
No time to worry about that. Trigger was now shooting forward. Roman was aware of the commentator’s voice in the background as they approached the first obstacle, but the words were jumbled and distorted. Countless pairs of eyes bored into his flesh. Is no one going to address the rider and horse made of glass? Though the sun stood in the very centre of the sky, a January chill rushed through Roman, and no ray of sunlight captured in his transparent skin.  
They flew over the first obstacle, earning a round of applause from the hungry audience. Trigger’s glass legs quivered when they met with the ground in the landing. They proceeded towards the second obstacle. Why is the shrieking in his ear becoming louder? Even the chirp of a nearby bird felt like a drill boring into his skull.  
Another jump. Another quiver. Another applause. Crippling fear. Another drill.  
Roman had stopped counting the jumps by the time they approached it.  
The obstacle was like a portal to the underworld in the very centre of the ring. It towered above them like their looming doom come plant a kiss of death on their foreheads. Roman’s translucent hands clenched around the reins of glass. His heart hammered in every last corner of his body for everyone to see. The pulse visited his throat, and his ears, and between his eyes, and in his knees, and in his back, and in the very pit of his ribcage. Soon to be shattered.  
Roman battled his frozen vocal chords to beg Trigger to stop, but they didn’t budge. With each stride, the noise grew louder. Louder. He never knew sound could be this painful.  
There it is. Their final jump. Only halfway through the course, yet it would be their very last one.  
Trigger crushed. And Roman held on. As the horse of glass shattered into him, sending his own pieces digging their way into the ground, for one horrifying heartbeat nothing hurt at all.  
-  
“Gah!”_  
Roman’s gasp caused a rope of cold air to slide out through his throat leaving his lungs burning. He tore himself out of the nightmare with a frightened mental yank. As his eyes awkwardly gathered the jumbled pieces of the world around him together to compose a proper vision, his heart tumbled in an attempt to recreate a steady rhythm.  
And he thought he was already done with this nightmare.  
Though it definitely wasn’t the first time he got it, this time one detail was a bit different. Not a detail in the nightmare itself – but rather in his awakening. For the first time since he’d started getting it, Roman didn’t wake up from the nightmare cold. In fact, he couldn’t remember the last time he was this comfortably warm.  
Wait. That wasn’t his own steady breathing that he was hearing. And the last time he checked, he wasn’t meant to feel his own breath tickling his skin.  
Roman’s gaze trailed down from the ceiling he’d woken up staring at – since when does he even sleep on his back? – and his eyes met with a bundle of a soft hoodie clasping a body inside it. A hot hammer slammed into his heart and sent it flipping seven times within his ribcage.  
Virgil lay on his side next to him, soundly asleep. His head rested on Roman’s chest, and dark locks of hair fell on his forehead. Mischievous rays of sunlight played tag across his face. His arms were wrapped around Roman’s torso. He clung onto him close as though for survival, the leg he wasn’t laying on slumped over Roman’s. Roman couldn’t help but realise that this was the closest to one another they’d ever been.  
For five long seconds, he lay frozen in place. How does one react to waking up into this situation? The common sense told him Virgil had clung onto him in his sleep – he’d never be caught dead intentionally hugging him like that and resting his head on his chest. _Resting his head on his chest._ What a weird thing to say. What a weird, _fantastic_ thing to say. Wait, what?  
Roman wasn’t going to lie to himself; he did enjoy the contact. In their entire time of knowing one another, he never stopped to wonder how Virgil’s body would feel against his, or how warm his skin was, or how fresh and lovely was his scent. It was almost like exploring a whole new side of Virgil that he’d never dared consider existed.  
Roman tore his gaze away from the boy’s peaceful, sundrenched face to look at the time. Barely even scratching six in the morning. He wasn’t surprised; his dream often awoke him itself. Pleasant relief settled in his limbs at the realisation that he didn’t have to get up for another hour. Because he didn’t want to go to school, definitely not because he wished to stay on his bed with Virgil’s warmth for company for as long as possible.  
Roman’s eyes shifted to the rider again, exploring the beauty of his face; he’d gotten so used to seeing his brow scrunched up in worry or annoyance that the sight of his face so peaceful received an extra dose of loveliness. He hesitated. Virgil had wrapped himself around him unconsciously; would it be appropriate for him to hug him back while fully aware of it?  
Roman hesitated for another long second before allowing himself to melt into the contact and wrap his arms around Virgil. His sleeping friend shifted a bit in response, pressing himself deeper against Roman. He buried his face in the crook between Roman’s neck and shoulder, causing the area to settle in comfortable warmth. An unintentional smile hiked its way up his lips.  
He’d never known how much he needed some time to just exist in Virgil’s embrace until it was handed to him. For a person with so much negativity and worry in his life, his embrace was surprisingly comforting. Roman allowed his eyes to flatter open once again in order to trail their gaze down from the ceiling to his friend’s face. Virgil’s pupils darted frantically beneath his eyelids, sparking in Roman a curiosity regarding what he was dreaming of. It was amusing in a way; the fact that Virgil stayed the night to avoid staying alone with his toxic mind, while Roman ended up being the one tortured by his.  
Blinding sunlight flicked off a stray shatter of glass in Roman’s brain. He twisted his face and shooed the image away. Stupid nightmare.  
Roman sank into the mattress, and his heavy eyelids happily obliged when he allowed them to slip closed once again. They still had an hour more to rest before the inevitable monstrosity known as education would force them out of the covers. It’s not that Roman didn’t like school; he appreciated the endless social possibilities and the drama – both types of drama, not that he’d admit that – but right now, right here, existed something he was much more reluctant regarding admitting – and it was the fact that he wanted to stay here in Virgil’s embrace.  
Sure, they were friends now. Perhaps he used to pretend not to enjoy the boy’s company when they first started working together, and perhaps that had changed. But there was a big difference between being seen publicly getting alone at the stables, and holding onto each other in the dead of night.  
Which brought Roman’s final worry – and the thing that immediately had him making his decision. Remus.  
His brother was unpredictable; one day he could be gone the entire morning and somehow appear at the school, and the other he could very well burst into Roman’s room any second now blowing his heart out into a neon-green tuba. If he happened to come in and see them like that, Roman would never hear the end of this – not to mention Remus would share the information with literally every person he would come across. Roman didn’t feel like having his family, the entire school, and possibly some rando from Germany know of what happened. Not that anything did, of course! They were just sleeping. In the same bed. As friends. Like- like a sleepover. Yep, nothing more. That didn’t change the fact that Remus _would_ definitely tell the whole world and its cousin, and _will_ exaggerate it and add a couple more iridescent details of his own.  
And so, Roman made his decision. He ignored the small sense of disappointment that tugged at his chest. It probably meant nothing.  
“Psssst… storm cloud.”  
It took all of his willpower to gently pull away, enough to cause Virgil to stir but not quite enough for his head to slip off where it rested. Virgil grumbled something unidentifiable in his sleep, burying his face deeper into the crook of Roman’s neck. Roman tried not to read too much into the way he nuzzled into him; pressing yourself closer when you’re pulled away from something in your sleep was a very common human reaction.  
“Virgil,” he breathed. “You need to wake up.”  
When Virgil lifted his head, his face came into the frame of the window across the room, and sunlight plummeted down his hair. The blinds filtered stripes of sunlight across his skin, and when his eyes flattered open the stroke of gold upon them caused the pools of deep brown to deepen and steal a blink of sunlight for their own.  
Roman snickered almost in mockery. “Morning, Sleeping Broody. It’s about time, I almost started to think you’ve been cursed.”  
Virgil blinked slowly within his sleepy daze. Roman could practically capture the precise moment the realisation clicked in his eyes – he jerked back and scurried to the farthest end of the bed, and along with him left the blessed warmth.  
Virgil’s eyes were the size of a doe’s. When they met with Roman’s, capturing a flash of alarm, it was clear that the same thought passed through the mind of them both.  
“We will never speak of this again.”  
“Way ahead of you, Emo.”  
When he watched the rider slip off the bed and head to the bathroom to brush his teeth, the slightest feeling of disappointment tugged at a string in Roman’s chest. He pushed the feeling down to the very pit of his stomach and buried it deep under layers and layers of excuses. This meant nothing.  
Virgil halted at the door to the bathroom. He tapped the door’s jamb as though considering a decision before twisting around to Roman and sending him an unreadable look.  
“Thanks, though…” he murmured. “You know. For letting me stay. I really needed that.”  
A smile defeated Roman’s defences and made itself seen. “It’s no big deal, Virgil.”  
_I needed it, too._

\- - - - - - - -

Logan never planned on eavesdropping on a conversation with a horse. Well, it wasn’t quite an eavesdrop as much as it was an overhearing – and yet it continued to figuratively echo in his head for the next thirty minutes following him hearing it.  
It wasn’t only the content of the conversation that caused it to remain burnt into his brain (figuratively) even as the horse and her rider were long gone. In a way, it was the very sight.  
Let’s back it up a bit.  
Logan’s carefully-designed schedule announced it was time for him to turn Nexus in from the paddock. His phone loyally rang when the clock hit the time Logan had set for it to ring at, and the sound did not fail to startle him a bit; he wasn’t used to be the one to turn her in and out. Usually, that was up for the stable hands. His job was to ride and show her, nothing more, as his family had the money to spare for the stable hands to include her in their routine, and there was no purpose in turning her in and out himself.  
After his previous act of rebellion, however, Logan couldn’t help but wish to do more. Texting in the middle of class was one thing – how about spending a minute in the stables, not practicing for a competition?  
Logan wasn’t particularly skilled in reading emotions and desires, however he was quite sure that that was the only reason he wished to take care of her himself – to spite his father in a subtle enough way as to not get in trouble. He definitely didn’t do so in response to a small, hidden desire to have a bond with his horse – not at all. Since a personal layer with the horse would not provide him any benefit in the competitions to come, he saw no purpose in pursuing it.  
As he trod through the grass in the paddock, halter in hand, Logan couldn’t help but feel the same irritating feeling that had been latching onto him for quite some time. A sense of emptiness, almost. What was he even doing in Daybreak Stables, spending his days with these animals? Logan never allowed himself to focus on that question for long enough to care. And definitely not for long enough to reach a realisation. It was dangerous territory.  
“At least I have you.”  
The voice came so suddenly that it caused Logan to halt. He hadn’t even noticed his teammate standing a fair distance away with his horse and speaking to her in a soft voice only he seemed to have. No, not really his horse; Logan often forgot she didn’t really belong to him. Ironically, no one ever guessed Nexus belonged to Logan. Though she really did, what they had barely scratched the very feet of what Virgil and Everest had.  
Because those were Virgil and Everest standing in the paddock like they were the only ones there. Or at least the mare was standing; Virgil sat in the grass, legs crossed before him. He stroked the horse’s head as she grazed the grass, every so often lifting her head to look into his eyes and sniff his sleeves. Logan didn’t need to be an expert in the body language department to know Virgil’s smile was the most genuine one he’d ever seen him produce.  
“At least you don’t confuse me,” Virgil continued. He didn’t appear to notice Logan’s presence a distance away. “You wear what you feel on your sleeve. That’s why it’s so much easier spending time with you than with humans. And look at how far you’ve come..” Everest brought her forehead to his, and Logan was quite certain this was the first time he’d ever heard him laugh such an authentic laugh. “You’re so special, Eve. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”  
Logan forced his eyes away and picked up the pace. _I don’t know what I’d do without you._ Such bizarre words to utter. Not to mention, Everest didn’t even have a sleeve to ‘wear what she feels’ on.  
Nexus lifted her head from the patch of grass she was grazing and locked her dark eyes with Logan’s. She didn’t blink. What would _he_ do without _her?_ Probably… get a new horse. He’d forget her rather quickly. In fact, he couldn’t remember the last time he thought of any of his past horses. How many has he had so far?  
Logan called for the horse with a brief, serious cluck, and she immediately approached him, as though the very sound commanded her feet rather than her brain. She lowered her head with the obedience of a princess and waited as he slid the halter on and buckled it. He never had to nudge the lead rope for her to start walking; as soon as he stepped away from her with the rope in hand, she’d follow.  
The grass rustled as their feet shuffled through it. Logan didn’t say a word. When they halted to open the gate Nexus stopped a step too close to him, and her warm breath blew on the back of his hand. It was an odd reminder that she was a living creature.  
Logan latched the gate closed and led Nexus down the path to the stables. Stray straws of hay dotted the exists from the stalls, and school horses blinked at the impressive black mare as she walked down the main aisle. Specks of dust that hovered in the air revealed themselves within the strokes of sunlight that reached down through the cracks in the roof and gave the entire stable a golden hue.  
Though they reached her stall, Nexus didn’t go in – because Logan had halted. He hadn’t realised he’d done so until the horse’s breath upon the back of his neck told him she’d stopped in her tracks.  
They stood before the open door to her stall and sent their gazes all the way through it to the very back wall. Logan had come to the stables today to turn her in from the paddock – as ridiculous as the idea now appeared to him, as it was such a small act that surely someone else could have done in his place. But Logan didn’t want to go home. Logan didn’t want to go home, because he knew he would be fine without her. He’d get another horse, and forget she ever existed. Because he couldn’t remember the last time he thought of his past horses.  
And that wasn’t right.  
Maybe it used to be. Maybe thinking that it’s not used to be wrong. But now Virgil’s words wouldn’t leave his head, and the sight of him sitting in the paddock and simply existing by the mare stubbornly remained as well, and now Logan couldn’t quite let go of the fact that he’d do fine without his horse.  
He turned to glance at her. She returned a steady gaze, awaiting his instructions. Never in his life had Logan so badly wished to care for something, and at the same time found the very idea dreadful.  
“We’re not going home quite yet, Nexus,” he uttered. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d uttered her name. “Come.”

\- - - - - - - -

Virgil had worried so much about how things would be awkward between him and Roman the entire morning, that the actual awkward energy between them throughout the day ended up being overwhelmingly underwhelming. Or in other words – nothing was awkward. Preparing for school was casual and in a way even fun – they made breakfast in his kitchen while avoiding his brother’s pet rat, who was free for some unknown reason. The ride to school went normally, the two of them taking turns in choosing the music, and the conversation flowed steadily as they made their way into school and walked together to class. Things were still quite normal during the first two periods, which they happened to share, and it remained that way all the way to lunch.  
“And I was like- ‘well, I don’t think they’ll pick up, they don’t have a cell phone’,” Patton concluded, before taking a bite from his vegetarian burger.  
Logan inhaled sharply at the pun, and Roman let out his signature resonant laugh. Virgil merely allowed the faintest hint of a smile. He didn’t look at his friend, but he could almost swear he saw Roman glance at him at his peripheral. He seemed to do so often when laughing with the group.  
“Patton, I don’t find the purpose in conversating while consuming food,” Logan said. The words cut Virgil’s train of thought in half – which he was grateful for.  
“Gee, Lo, why be such a downer,” Roman snickered. “What’s the purpose of school if you’re not going to socialize?”  
“I’m… I’m not even going to answer this.”  
As the conversation went on in the background, Virgil came to the mortifying conclusion that one thing did seem to change. He wasn’t surprised – he never let himself be, as he prepared himself for anything – but he was definitely not happy to discover that despite the entire beginning of the day going as though nothing had happened, one thing did change; when he looked over at Roman, all he could see was the Roman he got a peak of that morning and during the night. Wearing that short sleeved shirt he thought was basic enough for a pyjama, hair dishevelled, body so close to his that he could feel his very pulse. Virgil wasn’t sure whether he loved or hated the fact that he knew how it felt to be buried in the embrace of Roman Windsor. He wasn’t sure whether he loved or hated the fact that he knew what kind of warmth his skin had or the scent of his clothes. He wasn’t sure whether he loved or hated the fact that he knew how he looked before getting ready. But one thing was for sure; Virgil hated the fact that now as he sat beside him, he almost felt the urge to lay his head on his shoulder and taste that warmth again. It was so easy – he was right there to his right. He could put his head on his shoulder and sink into the warmth that he so badly hated to admit that he loved. If there was a way to do so without anybody – including Roman – noticing, would he do it?  
God damnit, he would.  
He knew for a fact that he would, because when he woke up that morning and found himself cuddling with his friend, he didn’t pull away – that is, until he realised Roman was awake.  
"Yo! Earth to the emo nightmare.”  
Virgil snapped out of the thoughts like a lightning snapping a dead trunk aflame. “Uh- what? Were you calling me?”  
“Of course not, definitely not like eight times or something. Are you okay? You look like Olaf discovering summer’s effect upon snowmen.”  
“I thought you didn’t want to acknowledge that.”  
“Repression isn’t a pretty look.”  
Virgil scoffed, and Roman smiled in response. “So, uh, what were you saying when I zoned out?”  
“I was asking whether you’re coming to the barn today,” Roman said. Virgil shifted on the bench.  
“I think so? It’s not like I have anything to do at home.”  
Roman’s response drowned within a surge of anxious thoughts regarding his family that came crushing into his brain like waves shattering into the bay.  
“I’ll be right back,” he stuttered and grabbed his bag by one strap. The bench’s legs almost caused him to trip when he awkwardly got up and scurried away.  
-  
You could say that going back to class after discussing Emma’s recent test results was a suicide mission; there was no way to do so without breaking down. The last thing Virgil needed right now was another reason for his classmates to think he was a wimp, and so he didn’t head back to class. He didn’t say a word to Roman, Patton and Logan on his way out. He didn’t feel like talking to anyone. In all honestly, all he felt like doing was climbing up to the tallest rooftop in town and screaming at the top of his lungs.  
It took him around forty minutes to arrive at Daybreak on the other side of town, but he didn’t complain. He didn’t swap a glance with a single soul as he made his way to the paddock, his brain already locking a mental path to Everest, passed over the fence and pushed his feet through the grass. The grey mare blinked at him in understanding when he slumped onto the ground beside her. She touched her nose to his arm in brief acknowledgment before returning to her task of grazing the grass. And that’s really all he needed her to do.  
Virgil wasn’t sure whether he was ready to talk just yet. And so he pulled out his headphones and allowed himself to drown into his playlist. He trusted Everest to stick around until he’s ready to talk.  
Thirty minutes melted away before he paused the current song playing and pulled the headphones down to sit around his neck like a friendly snake. Everest blinked again, and a speck of sunlight sneaked in and out of her iris.  
“I wish I could stop time, Eve.” When he spoke, the words reflected in his friend’s eyes as though she were the one who uttered them. In a way, it made sense she’d relate. “Things are moving so fast and I can’t keep up with them. I hate change. I hate not having control over crap. And everyone seems to be doing just fine keeping up, and nobody else falls behind, so it only makes me hate myself more for not being compatible with reality and its pace. You know what I’m talking about?”  
Everest chewed quietly at the grass. This time when she swallowed, she didn’t lower her head back to the grass to take another bite. She gently nibbled at his hoodie with her lips, causing a laugh to tickle its way out of the boy’s chest.  
“At least I have you,” he murmured. His fingers trailed the grey markings across the horse’s face. “At least you don’t confuse me. You wear what you feel on your sleeve. That’s why it’s so much easier spending time with you than with humans.” It struck him that old Everest would have never allowed him to stay around her in this massive paddock. She’d have dashed away the moment he approached. A sense of pride settled in his stomach. “And look at how far you’ve come..” Everest lifted her head to touch her forehead to his, sending a rush of affection and warmth rolling through him. Virgil giggled into her fur. “You’re so special, Eve,” he said. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”  
If he could, would he go back in time and tell himself not to freak out when she escaped that night? Calm himself that things would turn out great? Virgil wasn’t sure. One thing he did know – he’d never been more grateful for a horse running away. If only he knew back then, as he searched for her in the dead of night, where this little incident would take them.  
An unspoken agreement formed between them as they remained in the grass that not a word more was needed. Everest was fine standing by Virgil and grazing the grass, and Virgil was fine sitting by Everest and watching the clouds go by. And the air didn’t carry a syllable more.  
-  
Apparently Virgil got so caught up in his cloudgazing session with Everest that he hadn’t even noticed Roman wasn’t around today. Usually he would have not considered it strange, but considering the fact that earlier the boy had asked him whether he was planning to go today or not, he’d assumed it meant he himself was going to be there.  
_I swear to God, if that dufus did one of the stupid dangerous things I always warn him about and got himself killed, I’m going to kill him,_ he thought as he led Everest down the stable’s corridor, before shooing the thought away. It wasn’t helpful.  
It was barely seven in the evening when Virgil locked Everest’s stall and turned to exit the stables, but the bottom stretch of the sky was already painted with bold yellows and pinks. Technically he wasn’t done for the day – as her handler one of his tasks was to exercise her daily so she doesn’t go out of shape – but he decided it wasn’t a big deal to miss one day of exercise. Especially now that they were actively training for the upcoming competition, it was pretty much impossible for her to go out of shape.  
With today being the regular day-off of the school horses, Virgil barely had any work to do. The corridor remained rather clean, as no riding school kids and school horses walked it back and forth throughout the day, and he had no horses to tack up or untack. All he needed to do now was muck out the stalls before turning all the horses back in for the night, refill the water troughs and make sure everybody got their dinner.  
Virgil distractedly flipped the barn’s bunch of keys in his hand as he made his way through the place. The tools he needed to muck out the stalls were in the storage room on the other side of the arena, and that’s where he was headed. He couldn’t help but let his thoughts drift to places he wouldn’t allow them to drift to in the presence of other people; despite knowing that no one could hear them, Virgil never felt safe thinking such things in public. The presence of other people made him feel exposed. And so, now that he was alone, he allowed himself to think about Roman again. The way his smile’s core was in his eyes instead of his lips, and the way the sun made his irises appear golden, and the feeling of his unique heartbeat beating against Virgil’s chest when he was buried in his embrace as though they shared a heart.  
A forbidden crimson tint crept its way across Virgil’s cheeks. This was ridiculous – and awfully unlike him. Whatever happened last night meant nothing. They were tired, and as tired people tend to do, they allowed themselves to inch out of their comfort zones. Which was a funny way to phrase this, Virgil now realised, considering that he’d never been more comfortable than he was in Roman’s arms.  
Virgil couldn’t help but wonder whether Roman was thinking of him, too. There was no way that last night had meant anything to him, surely, but was it really possible not to think about the person you woke up intertwined with regardless of how you felt about them? It was an unusual situation, of course it would keep one’s mind busy.  
Wait, why did he use the words ‘how you felt about them’? Virgil stopped in his tracks at once. He did _not_ mean to go there.  
_Just get the stupid tools and finish your damn work, you’re acting like a middle school girl._  
He never really reached the tools. As Virgil walked past the indoor arena, shooing his thoughts about Roman away, the sound of a horse’s hooves beating against sand caused him to pause and back up a few steps. Wasn’t he alone?  
Virgil peered into the arena, brushing stray strands of hair out of his eyes. He froze. Things just couldn’t stop being weird today, could they.  
Logan stood at the very centre of the arena, holding a lunge line in one hand and a lunge whip in the other. Nexus cantered gracefully in a circle too perfect to be performed by anyone other than her, and its delicacy was an indicator that it was her more than the sheen black coat was. Virgil leaned against the frame of the gate to the arena and watched as the two worked.  
Nexus trotted like a delicately programmed machine. She kept her head balanced and lifted her knees high, and the ear on the inside of the circle was turned towards Logan attentively. When he asked her to return to a walk, she did so immediately. Logan let her walk that well-balanced walk of hers for a few more rounds of the circle, before asking her to halt and come over to the centre where he stood. He folded the lunge line as she approached to prevent her from tripping on it when the decreasing distance caused it to touch the ground.  
Nexus now stood facing her rider and awaiting his next command. Virgil narrowed his eyes at the scene. Will Logan praise her for her hard work? He’d never seen him do so before.  
Apparently yes.  
Logan hesitated for what seemed like ten long seconds, before stroking the horse’s face with careful hands. “Good job, Nexus,” he uttered. The words sounded so weird in Virgil’s head, coming from this particular teammate.  
“That’s… impressive,” he said. Logan twisted around at the speed of light. “I’ve never seen her on the lunge line. She was pretty great. Didn’t even know you do groundwork.”  
“It’s- it’s for the sake of better performance in the ring,” Logan said almost defensively as Virgil made his way towards them, hands tucked into his pockets. He halted a small distance away and gave Logan a look from an arched brow.  
“Mhm. So you’d be fine with everybody knowing?”  
Logan pursed his lips. “No, but that’s merely because my father finds groundwork pointless, nothing more than that.”  
“Why? What’s so pointless about groundwork?” Virgil asked, though they both knew the answer.  
“He says it doesn’t help the riding at all,” Logan said. “And thus there is no point in investing time in it.”  
Virgil didn’t say a word for five long seconds. Logan’s eyes followed him as he stepped closer to the horse and allowed her to sniff his hand, before patting her neck. “I find groundwork to be the foundation of a good bond,” he said, a bit more quietly. He looked at Nexus as he petted her, his back turned to her rider, yet the way Logan’s face must have looked was vivid in his head.  
“One thing that my father and I agree on is that a ‘bond’, as you put it, isn’t required in this sport. It doesn’t enhance your performance in any way; if anything, it may slow you down.”  
Virgil turned his head so little that the action was barely noticeable. He gave Logan a sideways glance from the corner of his eye. “How so?”  
“You get attached. You make less practical decisions.”  
“You’re so buried in your head all the time.”  
“I could say the very same about you.”  
Virgil didn’t turn to meet his eyes. He stroked the black fur slowly, as though not to get out of focus. “Let me correct myself,” he said, and this time turned around to his teammate. “You’re so buried in your rules.”  
When he stopped petting the horse, she hung a pair of dark, lonely eyes on him – but didn’t come an inch closer. Respectful, but a bit sad; when was the last time she acted like a sentient animal?  
“Have you ever tried giving her a treat?” he asked all of a sudden.  
“I’m- I’m sorry?”  
“Have you ever tried giving her a treat?”  
Logan’s brow furrowed. “Like one of those… edible cube-like monstrosities of compacted sugar?”  
“You mean sugar cubes?” Virgil uttered.  
“… yeah, that.”  
“Uh.. yeah, I guess?”  
“Well, in that case, no, I haven’t,” he said, straightening his shirt.  
Virgil wasn’t surprised, but he was definitely not a fan of the response. He rummaged around in his jeans’ pocket before his fingers locked on what he was searching for. He drew out a small cube of sugar he’d never gotten to give Everest and let his hand out for the other boy to take the treat.  
“There’s always a first time.”  
Logan glanced down at the cube. He wrinkled his nose. “All right.. but what’s the purpose?”  
“The purpose?”  
“Yes, the purpose. What’s the purpose of feeding this thing to the horse?”  
Was he for real? Virgil blinked at him with a frown. “Uh… it tastes good? The horses enjoy it?”  
“And how does that enhance their performance?”  
_“Oh my **GOD,** Logan, you’re the worst.”_ He slapped the treat into the boy’s hand. “Not everything is about this stupid sport. Why is this entire team only about this stupid sport? It seems to be the core to all your problems on the saddle, yet you keep overlooking it. God, where’s freaking Patton when you need him…”  
Logan clenched his jaw at the short rant. His hand closed around the treat. “Fine, I suppose I can feed her the cube of compacted sugar.”  
He hesitated before letting a stiff hand to the horse’s nose. She only managed to sniff it before Virgil snatched his hand away.  
“Dude, are you trying to lose a finger?” he blurted. “That’s not how you feed a horse. You need to spread your fingers out so she can’t accidentally bite them, come on, this is the kind of stuff we teach literal eight year olds.”  
Logan inhaled sharply and spread his fingers so the cube now rested in the centre of his palm. “Like so?”  
“Yup. Now you can give it to her.”  
Logan wasn’t any less stiff this time around. He let his hand to the horse, who sniffed the treat almost as though puzzled, before grabbing it and munching on it quietly. Her ears pricked as though she was discovering a whole new world.  
“See? That wasn’t so bad, was it?”  
Logan wrinkled his nose at his hand. “I suppose not.”  
“Good. Don’t get excited and give her too many of those now, though,” he said, giving him an amused curl of his eyebrow to indicate he was joking – clearly he could trust Logan wasn’t going to do that. “Well, I have work to get to-“  
The ringing of his phone cut the sentence short. Virgil drew the device out; the contact displayed on the screen made him sigh.  
“-and a dumb boy’s ass to save,” he finished, before answering the call and bringing the phone to his ear. “What did you do, Roman.”

\- - - - - - - -

Something had to be done.  
The only thing Roman found himself worrying about more than the upcoming competition was his friend – which only meant the situation was absolutely horrible. Sure, Roman cared a lot for Patton and Puzzle, but the thing that worried him the most the past weeks was the fact that they were down two team members – which was the last thing that they needed at the moment. As time passed though, Roman found himself growing more and more concerned for Patton himself – for Disney’s sake, why would he pretend to completely forget about the matter?  
“Please, please, please, _please_ come to the barn today,” he pleaded for the tenth time the past hour. He and Patton now made their way out of the school’s gate, gracefully ignoring the awful weight of their bags – why think about all the homework you were assigned today when you can pretend it weren’t there?  
“I already said no, kiddo, I’m sorry,” Patton said. His voice was heavy with guilt.  
“Come on, you don’t have to get a new horse if you’re not comfortable with that. You can ride one of the school horses! You love them! We have at least five that are compatible with the show’s expectations.”  
Patton gave the cookie he’d been trying to eat for the past ten minutes a long look. Sure, it was a cheap store-bought one, but Roman had never seen him lose his cookie appetite before. “What’s the point?” he grumbled, finally letting go of his smile. He handed Roman the cookie. “It’s never going to be the same.”  
Roman stared at him as he proceeded down the sidewalk. He gave the cookie a short glance before whispering an apology and tossing it away.  
“Okay, that’s it. Get in the car.”  
“What?”  
“I’m tired of this. Get in the car, Patton, we’re going.”  
He didn’t wait for his friend as he trusted him to follow – Patton wouldn’t be able to bring himself to leave him. Instead he headed to his car with fast steps and swung the driver’s seat’s door open.  
“Where are we going?” Patton exhaled when he caught up to him. Roman settled in the driver’s seat and started the engine with quick actions.  
“We’re fixing this,” he uttered. At his peripheral, his teammate sat in the passenger’s seat and closed the door. “I can’t see you like this, it’s driving me insane.”  
“Fasten your seatbelt, Ro-“  
“Geez, you and Virgil have no sense of adventure, do you.”  
“I have a sense of keeping my children safe.”  
“Once again, not your child, but whatever helps you sleep at night.”  
-  
Roman didn’t utter a word as they flashed along the highway. For the first ten minutes, he didn’t even turn on a single Disney song – until naturally, the lack of Disney in the background grew too painful in his ears, and he broke through his wall of silent stiff driving in order to shuffle his playlist and bless the car with its tunes.  
“Where are we going, Roman?” Patton asked. His nose was pressed against the window, and he watched the view flash by with wide eyes that Roman caught the glimpse of through his side mirror.  
“You’ll see.”  
The rest of the ride wasn’t particularly filled with conversation. Patton didn’t say a word when Roman directed the car away from the main road and drove it down a path of the valley. Patton’s face only grew more perplexed as they reached a wider area dotted with large cattle pastures, and as they drove past an old barn, and as they made their way along a private road and eventually parked by a small pasture.  
“Roman?” he let out. “Where are we?”  
“Come.”  
Roman didn’t say a word more as he opened the door and stepped out, before shutting it behind him and walking over to the fence of the pasture by the side of the road. Patton soon joined his side.  
“What are we doing here?” he asked.  
Roman scanned the paddock with squinted eyes. A small herd of rather thin-built horses grazed the dull grass. Approximately fifteen seconds passed before, as though the universe responded to their arrival, the figure of a small, stocky horse made its way out of an old crumbling shelter and into the open pasture. _There._  
“I don’t get why-“ Patton began to say, before swallowing the end of the sentence. The emotion spreading across his face like a plague was the combination of so many different things that Roman could barely keep up. _**“Puzzle??”**_  
Roman had never seen Patton jump over a fence at this speed. On the other side of the paddock, Puzzle’s ears pricked and his head snapped up. Two sides of Roman argued on whether he should live in the dramatic moment to get the most out of it or pull out a phone to document it, as Patton sprinted across the paddock and Puzzle trotted up to him with a speed Roman had never seen the chubby little horse operate.  
Patton’s legs seemed to be barely holding him up when he collapsed into the pony in a hug. Roman’s throat closed up with emotion at the sight. He’d always been an easily moved person – the tears that now misted his eyes were a surprise to no one. He couldn’t hear what Patton was saying to his horse from where he stood, but his eyes stung with emotion nonetheless.  
_We’re getting that horse back and I don’t care how,_ his heart immediately decided.  
_Um- you should though,_ his brain put in. _You should care how. You need a plan, for Disney’s sake.  
Shhh.  
But-  
Shhhhh._  
It was a good thing that his heart managed to shush the voice of reason, because Roman was starting to run out of imaginary chairs.  
He considered the options for a brief moment before deciding to hop over the fence. The feeling beneath his feet told him the grass here wasn’t the best quality, but he chose to ignore that as he made his way through the pasture and over to his teammates.  
“Sorry for not giving you a heads-up,” he said, a bit awkwardly.  
“It’s fine, kiddo.” Patton’s voice came out muffled when he spoke into the horse’s fur. He didn’t let go for one second.  
“Ready to have him back?”  
His friend slowly pulled away from the pony, and his golden curls fell onto his face. he shuffled his feet in the grass. “I’m not sure.”  
“Look…” Roman exhaled, and the heavy words that began to build in his head rolled around his chest reluctantly before he let himself utter them. “I know that the easiest thing to do is to try to avoid this. To run the other way. But Pat, do you know why I brought you here?”  
“To see Puzzle..?”  
“I brought you here because I knew you were making it easier for yourself to avoid him when he was far from the eye. But can you really look at him now – the horse you grew up with, the horse you committed yourself to staying with through it all – and leave him behind out of mere fear?” He let the words hang in the air for a couple of tense seconds. “It wasn’t just you missing him that made you so depressed the past weeks, was it?” he murmured. “You were feeling guilty, too.”  
“Of course I felt guilty!” The sudden outburst caught Roman off-guard and made his heart jolt in his chest. “Why wouldn’t I feel guilty, Roman? I made a commitment to this horse. I promised I wouldn’t leave him no matter what, and now I decided to leave him because I can’t stand to watch him die.” The touch of tears crept into his voice and cracked it wherever it touched. “I left him to go through that alone, Roman. In- in a way I was even slightly relieved when my parents sold him, you know? I’m scared to see him like this. I know it’s selfish, but Roman, I’m _terrified.”_  
“I know, Pat,” he breathed. “I know. But are you ever going to forgive yourself if you let him go through that alone? If you don’t spend his final days with him?”  
Patton shook his head. A silver tear ran down his face and dulled away the magic of his freckles. “No. I know I won’t. I would regret it for the rest of my life.”  
“Then what are you going to choose?”  
Patton curled a lock of Puzzle’s mane around a sad finger. “I guess… I guess the choice is clear.” Roman caught the blue depth of his friend’s gaze perfectly reflecting in Puzzle’s brown gems. What’s a world with Puzzle and Patton apart? “Puzzle, I-“  
_“Hey! You there!”_  
The yell twisted both of them around. Roman’s heart thudded through his chest. A sturdy-looking man stomped his way towards the pasture in a pair of old boots, brow scrunched up in anger.  
“You two there! Stay away from that horse!” he bellowed. “You’re trespassing!”  
Patton made a step forward, and Roman immediately grabbed his wrist and pulled him back. “Pat, wait.”  
“But that’s my-“  
“Not technically, not anymore,” he blurted. “We’re on private property. We’ll be back, okay? I promise. We’re going to come back and we’re going to buy him. Right now we need to get the hell away before he gets close enough to memorise our faces, or he’ll never sell him to us.”  
Patton tore his gaze away from the man and let it rest on the pony. “… Fine, you’re right. We’ll be back, Puzzle, I promise!”  
He barely managed to plant a kiss on the horse’s forelock before Roman dragged him away using every last drop of his willpower. As they rushed through the pasture, he was aware of Puzzle following close behind, but didn’t dare look back. There was no way he would be able to stand the horse’s sad gaze.  
Roman leapt over the fence and helped his friend over to the other side, ignoring the rancher’s yells in the distance.  
“There’s no time for this, Pat,” he blurted as Patton tried to give Puzzle one last hug over the fence. “We’ll be back, buddy, I promise. You’re going to see him again soon.”  
He practically launched himself into the car and shut the door with enough force to tackle a lion. The car’s wheels screeched against the road when he battled the steering wheel to make a sharp U-turn and sent the car shooting down the road like an arrow.  
The bumpy ride barely allowed him a clear vision of his phone’s screen when he struggled to make a call. He flashed a glance over to Patton in the passenger’s seat, who sat in silent tears and pursed lips, before hitting the dial button with a quivering thumb.  
He heard two rings before the other side picked up, and Virgil’s irritated voice appeared. “What did you do, Roman.”  
“Hello to you too, Virge,” he chuckled nervously. “Listen, I’m on my way back home with a very emotional Patton, could you hop over to the bakery and get his favourite cookies? Oh, and chamomile tea would be great. And the most non-tragic Disney movie you can find.”  
_“Dude, you’re on your phone while driving?”_ Roman had to move the phone away from his ear as the words blasted from the other side of the line. _“I’m going to kill you, Roman-“_  
“Just please do what I asked! Hello? Virgil! Virgil, are you there? Hello??”  
A long beep was the only response. Roman barely had time to react in any way before Patton’s phone rang. Patton picked up, listened for about six seconds, hung up and silently took Roman’s phone away.  
“Pat-“  
“Virgil says you need to focus on the road.”  
The rest of the drive went in a tense, broken silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Equestrian terms that appear in the following chapter:**  
>  **Turning in -** the act of bringing a horse from the pasture/paddock into the stable. The opposite of turning out - bringing the horse from the stable to the pasture or paddock.  
>  **Show {a horse} -** the act of competing on a horse.  
>  **Halter -** a headgear that goes on the horse's head (behind the ears and around the muzzle), and when connected to a lead rope is used to lead the horse around, tether them and generally handle them.  
>  **Lunge line -** a rope-like piece of equipment, usually 20 feet or longer in length. It attaches to the headgear of the horse and is used when lunging.  
>  **Lunging -** a training method in which the horse performs different gaits in a wide circle around the handler.  
>  **Lunge whip -** a long whip, between 5-7 foot long. It's used when lunging the horse. It goes behind the horse's hind legs (it's not meant to touch the horse at all), and is used to move the horse forward and as a way to signal to them.  
>  **Canter -** the third gait of a horse, comes between the trot and the gallop. It consists of three beats.  
>  **Cluck -** the sound humans produce using the back of their gums to get a horse's attention.
> 
> **Small announcement**  
>  Hey there, beautiful individual! Just wanted to quickly pop in and say a couple of things. So I'm not sure if you've noticed, but it's taken me quite some time to release this chapter. Things are kind of hectic right now over here. First, I'm moving away, and all the packing and unpacking is really taking a lot of my time. Right now I'm two days away from the move, but as you're reading this I'm probably already in the new house and unpacking. Second, winter is starting, and over here where I live we need to prepare and buy and build a lot of things for the horses during the winter. Hopefully we'll finish up in a couple of days. Third, the new show season just started. I actually had a dressage competition a couple of days ago, on a horse I used to compete with years ago. I never thought I would ever end up seeing him again, let alone compete on him, so it was crazy. We did pretty well, not nearly as well as we did back when we used to compete together about three years ago, but still not bad. And the fourth thing that's been keeping me busy is my filly, she's soon turning three and she's changing a lot - which means her training also changes. We've been doing a lot of groundwork and we've been spending a ton of time together, which is a blessing but still takes a lot of my time. I'm going to be introducing the saddle to her in a couple of months, which is very exciting! This is my first time training a horse from scratch. So yeah, it's going to take some time for the next chapter to come out, but I'm going to try and do my best to work on it whenever I have a free minute! I wanted to say thank you so so so much for all of the support this little story has been getting, I'm so wonderfully overwhelmed by the amount of support and kindness you guys have been showing me. You guys really help me keep going and for that I am insanely grateful.
> 
> **Thank you so so so so so much for reading, once again, and I'll see you soon! Hopefully in less than two weeks, we'll see. After the next chapter, I should be getting back to posting once or twice a week!**


	17. New Colours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _ **I'm back! More about that at the end notes!**_ **  
> -  
>  Equestrian terms that appear in the following chapter:  
> Paddock - **a small field or enclosure where horses are kept.  
>  **Halter -** a headgear that goes on the horse's head (behind the ears and around the muzzle), and when connected to a lead rope is used to lead the horse around, tether them and generally handle them.  
>  **Horse trailer -** a van-like trailer that is used to transport horses from one place to another.

For the first time in, well, ever, Virgil didn’t slack off in the morning. Usually he’d find it nearly impossible to get out of bed to school, only getting out once it sank in that if he doesn’t Emma would have to go to school with no breakfast, but today he couldn’t wait to be out of the house. His mom was, as expected, already gone, and her absence was heavier than the usual now. Let’s just put this out there – Emma wasn’t doing well.  
He’d learned this the other day when he called his mother to check on the two while they were out of town. Back then, skipping his last period and heading out to see Everest managed to get his mind off it to some extent, but now that he woke up to the sight of the sunlight stroking Emma’s marble-pale face on the other side of the room, he already knew nothing would be able to get his mind off it this time.  
His sister still slept soundly as he left their room and headed to the kitchen on light feet. If it was up to him, she’d be staying home today, but as always – it was up to Emma. When Emma wanted something, it happened; it’d always been this way with her. And Emma wanted to go to school like everybody else. In a way, he admired her for that. Not letting her illness be the same size as her. There was no doubt that in Emma’s eyes, she was a normal kid with a whole life ahead of her.  
As much as he knew it would pain him to see her again once she wakes up, Virgil was counting the minutes until she did – as previously mentioned, he was itching to go to school already. Leaving the apartment meant leaving depressing matters behind, and arriving at school meant seeing his friends. He could count on them to do anything in their power to get his mind off the matter, despite Roman being the only one aware of it.  
“Good morning!” Emma chirped as she made her way into the kitchen. She already held a small blue hair brush in her hand; despite knowing how to do her own hair, she always preferred it when Virgil did it.  
“Morning. Is your bag ready? Did you brush your teeth?”  
“Yup!”  
Virgil hesitated above the pan, where he was frying her breakfast. “And how are you feeling?”  
“Okay,” she said. Her skin had its morning paleness, and it made her freckles appear bolder and somehow sadder. “I want two braids today.”  
“On it. But only if you finish your breakfast.”  
“Even the broccoli?”  
“Especially the broccoli.”  
Emma gave a dramatic, reluctant groan, but didn’t seem to mind the vegetables as she ate. In fact, she never seemed to mind anything. Why is it always the purest people who get the worst luck? Virgil grabbed the brush she’d brought with her and sat down behind Emma to braid her hair as she ate. She had straight, thin hair that fell just below her shoulders, the colour of brown sugar. He didn’t have to ask her what she meant by two braids – her hair was a bit too short for regular ones to fall perfectly. What Emma called a braid was the tiny ones that she’d like on the sides of her head, composed of thin locks that still allowed most of her hair to fall unbraided on her back. “Two” simply meant she wanted them on either sides. He knew it made her feel pretty – which it really did – so he didn’t mind the amount of time it took him to do them every morning. As long as Emma gets to be what she always tries to be – a normal girl.  
Their mother took the bus to work to leave them the car, and while Virgil felt guilt for it, he was grateful.  
If Emma noticed he was quiet on their way to school, she didn’t show. Instead she babbled on about her lessons and her friends as though there was something to be cheerful about. Maybe in her eyes there was; Emma seemed to take the very reason she’s existing as a reason to be happy. Like it wasn’t on the verge of ending. That was just another thing Virgil adored about her; her ability to, despite everything she knew about the world and about herself, stay in the present. Unlike himself. When he forgot to catch himself, Virgil’s head tended to be constantly stuck in the future and in the past.  
He remained in the elementary school’s parking lot long seconds after Emma had gotten out and said her cheerful goodbye. He sat in the driver’s seat as still as a corpse, his fingers clutching the steering wheel so tight that the skin upon his knuckles faded white. His eyes remained locked staring before him. His chest felt hollow.  
_Just get through today. You should be fine. You have like, three periods with Roman today._  
At this point Virgil was too mentally exhausted to check himself or feel embarrassed about the realisation that he was hanging onto the fact that he was going to see Roman. He hated to admit it, but if there was something that managed to get his mind off of reality, it was his friend. Virgil was comfortable when he was with Roman. He was the type of guy you could trust to hold your drink at a party. The type of guy you could trust not to judge you no matter what you may be going through, to respect your boundaries, to even take care of your horse when you’re not around – which meant a lot coming from himself, Virgil now realised, as he wouldn’t let anyone get near Everest when he weren’t there to supervise. But in a weird, scary way, Virgil knew he’d trust Roman to.  
He glanced back towards the school, where Emma had already disappeared. His baby sister. He’d been protecting her from everything his whole life; it terrified him that the very thing he knew he would fail to protect her from, the very thing that would take her from him was her own body. He’d spent his entire life fighting off anything that tried to touch her. And now she was fading away before him, and there was nothing he could do about it.  
Virgil’s dry throat closed up. The idea of managing to drive out of the parking lot looked almost insane. He hadn’t even realised his knees were shaking, and his hands clutched tighter around the steering wheel.  
And so, Virgil did something he hadn’t thought he would ever find himself doing.  
He called Roman.  
“Jesus, what has granted me the honour?” his friend’s voice chirped. He’d answered almost at once.  
Virgil swallowed. “I’m… I’m not sure.”  
Though he couldn’t see his expression, he caught Roman’s energy shifting. “Hm. Okay. I will now gash about the movie I watched last night, blink twice if you don’t want me to.” He paused for a very short second before saying, “well, I don’t see you blinking, so I’ll take that as a signal to go on.”  
Maybe that was the reason it was so easy to talk to Roman; he knew when Virgil was simply in need of a distraction but didn’t acknowledge it or question him. Talking to him wasn’t as mentally exhausting as it was to hold a conversation with another person. And with Roman’s voice filling the car with colourful visions, Virgil relaxed his arms and drove away from the elementary school.  
-  
Roman didn’t hang up the phone even as they made eye contact across the high school’s parking lot. He stood where he always did when he waited for Virgil to arrive, by the school’s gates, and his phone was held up to his ear. A smile was plastered across his face.  
“Oh, hold up, there’s someone coming,” he said over the phone as Virgil shut the car’s door behind him and locked it, battling down an idiotic smile. “Damn, he looks good. Kind of too emo, though. That’s a deal breaker. I think I’m gonna call him Storm Cloud. He’s walking over here. He’s smiling.”  
“Roman, stop…”  
“He’s telling me to stop.”  
They now stood face to face, and Virgil could barely hold back the smile.  
“Hold up, Virge, he’s standing right here, I’ll call you back.” He hung up and lowered down his phone. “Oh, hi, Storm Cloud, how are you doing?”  
“You’re such a dumbass.”  
Roman’s smile widened, and he allowed the words to be the last ones. They entered the school side by side.  
Virgil felt the urge to thank him, but he wasn’t sure how. Instead he sank into the warm feeling that now tingled in his chest. Roman’s presence at the corner of his eye provided a sense of comfort he definitely wasn’t complaining about.  
Apparently the universe decided to be kind to him today; to make sure he was a hundred percent well distracted, it sent not only Roman but also a very happy Patton – which these days was a bit more of a big deal.  
“Morning, kiddos!!!” he sang when he spotted them. He wore his pawprints sweater, which was already a good sign. “I had the _greatest_ dream last night, you have to listen-“  
He chattered on as he turned on his heels to head to their lockers, and the other two followed. Virgil leaned closer to Roman to whisper, “now you _have_ to make sure we get Puzzle back,” before shifting back to his spot and focusing on his chattery friend as he spoke. His good mood clearly came from seeing Puzzle the other day, which suggested he was sure they were going to get him back – and that worried Virgil. Despite that, he did find comfort in the fact that he seemed to want him back again; he had absolutely no clue what Roman had said to him to change his mind, but it must have worked like a charm.  
“Glad to see you’re in a good mood, padre,” Roman said as he unlocked his locker.  
Patton drew out a couple of textbooks from his. “Why not be? The sun is chirping, the birds are shining, it’s pizza day in the cafeteria, you guys are here…”  
Virgil muted out his voice as he rummaged through his locker. He’d forgotten his sketchbook in it the other day and was now composing a plan to sneak it into his bag without the others noticing. The last time Patton found him sitting behind the barn and sketching, he’d fangirled so hard about it that he deafened Virgil. If that was Patton’s reaction, he definitely didn’t want to see Roman’s. The guy was obsessed with everything artistic.  
“I’ve been searching for the three of you,” Logan’s voice came behind him, cutting the thought short.  
Roman smirked. “Look, guys, Logan isn’t embarrassed about being around us.”  
“I certainly would have had I cared for social status, but enough of that. Are we planning to meet at the barn today to further discuss our plan? I need to be informed ahead of schedule.”  
Patton hung a pair of big, hopeful blue eyes on Roman. “Are we?”  
“Why, of course!” Roman said, flashing his charming smile. “I have it all laid out, fear not, my dear friends.”  
“Roman, I might need you to speak like a normal human being if you wish for me to join the three of you.”  
“Noted, Specs. Definitely didn’t hurt my feelings.”  
-  
Virgil was in a worryingly good mood as the day went on. He managed to somewhat concentrate in his classes (at least to a certain degree), and his ever-working brain gave him a bit of rare rest. By fifth period, the time he would usually call Emma’s teacher to check how she’s doing, he found himself not particularly anxious for a change.  
“May I-“  
“Yes, you may go make a phone call,” his teacher cut him off as soon as he rose his hand. All of his fifth period teachers throughout the week were used to his habit by now.  
Virgil thanked him with a nod of his head before grabbing his bag by the strap and dashing out of the classroom.  
“Here for your daily report?” the elementary teacher asked on the other side of the line as soon as she picked up. The slightest hint of amusement crept into her voice.  
Virgil felt somewhat embarrassed. “Yeah.”  
“She looks slightly better than she did this morning. Surprising no one, she insisted on participating in P.E.“  
“I thought we said-“  
“Don’t worry, dear, you can rest assured we wouldn’t let her do anything she isn’t capable of.”  
Virgil walked the empty corridors as they spoke, taking faint note of his surroundings but not quite enough to consciously choose his way. “Did she take her medicine?”  
“Yes. Tried to sneak her way out of it though.”  
“That’s good, I’d be honestly more worried if she didn’t.”  
He leaned against the wall of the school’s auditorium and nudged his foot distractedly at a stray pebble.  
“You don’t have to call every day, you know,” the teacher said a bit more softly. “If anything ever goes slightly south we’ll be calling your mother straight away.”  
Virgil wasn’t sure how to explain the situation to her without opening a bit too much about his anxiety to a stranger. Getting an update allowed him to proceed with his classes with his mind at somewhat of peace. And despite his brain being rather quiet today, he couldn’t help but make his daily call.  
“I know,” he said, as it was the only thing that he could. “I was just making sure.”  
“Don’t worry about it, dear.”  
Even after they said their goodbyes and the lonely beep of the phone declared the end of the call, Virgil wasn’t quite ready to leave. He pressed his back further against the wall like it was the only support that he had.  
Except something else rose from inside the auditorium and robbed the wall of its role. A voice.  
Virgil’s first instinct would have been to get away from there before the inevitable social interaction with the person inside if and when they exit, but something that he couldn’t quite put a finger on held him back. He stuffed his phone back into his bag and clutched the strap against his shoulder. It wouldn’t hurt to take a peak, would it?  
Virgil pushed himself away from the wall and advanced towards the large doors of the auditorium. As he pressed down the handle and slowly nudged one open, the muffled effect that the walls had given the voice snuck away and allowed it to form vividly in Virgil’s ears.  
Oh. Singing. The bane of his existence. Right after social interaction.  
The main doors led to the very top of the bleachers, and so Virgil found himself looking down at the entire auditorium. The figure of a student swayed across the stage below as they broomed the floor. And Virgil hated the fact that he recognised him.  
Roman danced with the broom around the stage like he were the only person left on Earth. And though Virgil couldn’t recognise the song he was singing, he couldn’t deny it was beautiful. Or rather, his voice was.  
His immediate thought was, _oh fuck. Oh fuck, I am not falling victim to this plot device. This is so cliché._  
The more time passed, the more that his life was beginning to look like some bad piece of fanfiction. The thought terrified and amused him in all the wrong ways.  
And _of course_ the son of a bitch had to have the voice of a god damned angel. At this point it was just cruel. His voice sounded almost like it was double layered, sneaking in and out of the ear gracefully and leaving them softened. He went from sweeping the floor to organising the props as he sang.  
One thing for sure, the boy belonged on the stage. This wasn’t the first time Virgil had heard him sing. But it was definitely the first time he had heard him **sing**. When Roman would waltz through the stables singing to some musical that’s blasting from his phone, you couldn’t really focus on his voice. But in here, with the walls of the auditorium hugging the sound, with no musical blaring in the background, with a slower, more powerful song that suddenly made him glow with a much more serious and real aura, Roman’s voice wore a different charm.  
And a terrifying heat tickled Virgil’s cheeks.  
Nope. Nope. Nope.  
He snapped himself out of the sound and tumbled back out through the door before his mind could go somewhere he didn’t want it to. As soon as the door shut, loudly enough to surely alert Roman, his ears already longed to once again hear what they’d been just robbed of. Virgil turned on his heels and utilised all of his willpower to head back to class.

********

\- - - - - - - -

********

The last time Patton had visited Daybreak was on the day he’d lost Puzzle. Despite that, not even one negative feeling bugged him when he walked in. The entire day he’d been itching for school to end so he can finally go to the stables, and honestly, he’d missed looking forward to it.  
“Laura!!”  
When the instructor exited the stable leading a young school horse, Patton couldn’t help but tackle her with a hug.  
“Pat! It’s about time, where have you been?” she asked as though she didn’t know.  
“I wasn’t really in the mood to ride.”  
“Are you now? The arena is taken by the lesson kids until around six, but I have a free hour if you want to hit the trail.”  
From where they stood, Patton could crane his neck and get a glance at the outdoor arena, where a group of school horses was trotting lazily along the fence. He hadn’t gotten to know the instructor teaching them as much as he knew Laura, as said instructor would teach the lower levels while Laura took the higher ones, but he took a note to himself to get to know him once he has the time.  
“I’m actually here to meet with the guys,” he said. “Maybe some other time?”  
“Tomorrow, it’s an order.”  
Patton couldn’t help a smile. “Tomorrow it is.”  
He didn’t give Puzzle’s old stall a glance when he walked past it after saying goodbye to Laura. He didn’t admit to himself why, as it wasn’t a pleasant thought, but in a way it was to make sure that the empty stall isn’t the last memory he has of him in case their plan doesn’t work out. Patton shoved the thought to the back of his head and turned off the light there.  
As always, Virgil was already in the stables, diligently mucking out the stalls. A pair of earphones that snuck out from inside of his pocket was plugged into his ears, and the sound Patton caught from them was too faint to make out the song. Dark locks of hair plummeted down on his face.  
Patton knocked against the stall’s wall, causing his friend to snap his gaze up. He pulled out one earphone.  
“Hey, Pat. Are the others here yet?” he asked. His low voice somehow managed to throw Patton off every single time as if it didn’t want him to get used to it.  
“Nope, I came kind of early. Need help mucking out?”  
“Not really, thanks.”  
“I’m gonna help you anyway.”  
Virgil plugged the earphone back, and a smile tugged at the corner of his lips and revealed a shy dimple. “Didn’t think otherwise, Patton.”  
Patton smiled back and grabbed a nearby pitchfork. _I love my dark, strange son._  
-  
“Okay, slackers, the plan is simple,” Roman said. He paced back and forth before them like a military commander, and Patton must have been the only one who found it entertaining. Logan stared at him with stifled irritation, and Virgil buried his face in his hands and took in a sharp breath. “Pat and Logan, you can work on fixing up one of the stalls in Monty’s old barn. It shouldn’t be hard, you just need to get rid of anything he could accidentally injure himself on and get some bedding.”  
“May I voice my concerns regarding this plan being preposterous?”  
“You may not. _Anyways,_ me and Virgil are going to meet the dude and see how much he’d be willing to sell our buddy for. My, that sounded like human trafficking.”  
Virgil lifted his face from his hands to release a small snicker, and Roman looked pleased.  
“It’s _Virgil and I,_ not ‘me and Virgil’,” Logan said. “And don’t you think it’d be wiser if I went with Virgil instead? Puzzle’s new owner has seen both you and Patton the other day.”  
Roman blinked. “Um- no, I’m sure it’s going to be fine. I think we can both agree I’m slightly better than you at people skills. No offence, Lo.”  
“None taken. And how do you suppose your so-called ‘people skills’ are going to get him to sell Puzzle to us?” he uttered. “If anything, he’d be more willing to sell to someone with decent grammar.”  
“Ah-duh-duh-duh,” Roman shushed him. Logan wrinkled his nose. “I think I can handle a conversation with another human being, thank you very much. Can I continue?”  
“It’s _may I-“  
“-me and Virgil are going to talk to him,”_ he blurted loudly over Logan’s words. Patton would never admit how much it amused him. “We’re going to take a trailer and a good amount of money with us, just in case we can make the deal on the spot. Before you say anything, don’t worry, I got that part taken care of. Patton, don’t look at me like that, it’s fine, you can pay me back eventually. Or not, I really don’t care, I just want to get this over with. Gosh, I’m amazing. Alright, is everything clear?”  
Logan adjusted his glasses. “If anything, it is now clear to me that you are more foolish than I thought you were, but I am fine with letting you see that for yourself once this plan doesn’t work.”  
“Gee, Virgil, looks like you’ve got some competition as the Negative Nancy of the group,” Roman scoffed, and Virgil returned him a deadly glare.  
“One more comment like that and your respiratory system is gonna have some competition,” he snarled. Roman wore an apologetic smile and took a step back.  
“So, Ro, when are we doing all this?” Patton hurriedly asked before homicide ensues.  
“Well, our trailer is in repair until next week – don’t give me this look, just ask Remus, he knows what he did – but as soon as it’s back we can get going with this.”  
Patton shifted in discomfort in his seat. “No pressure or anything, kiddos, but my parents are planning to get a new horse by the end of this month.”  
“Don’t worry, padre, we got this. So if nobody has any objections-“  
“I do have an objection.”  
“No objections? Wonderful, we can start getting the things we’re going to need for the old stall tomorrow. You’re dismissed, commoners.”  
If Logan cared to voice the objection Roman had ignored, he didn’t show. Instead he stood up and left, mumbling something about what happens when you make him the leader.

********

\- - - - - - - -

********

“Pfft, Dutch warmbloods are overrated.”  
Roman released an offended gasp. “You take that back!”  
It was a surprise to none of the two that both he and Virgil didn’t feel like leaving the barn. Logan and Patton were already long gone, and it appeared that so were the riding school kids. As the two walked down the path from the paddock, Everest walking between them, the only thing that overpowered the beauty of the silence was the passionate sunset that painted the sky.  
“Come on, everyone is obsessed with those in here,” Virgil said. “But have you ever actually ridden a good old Quarter horse?”  
“They have their own fans in the western competitive area, they don’t need any more praise,” Roman insisted.  
“Fair enough. Oldenburgs though.”  
“You’re just biased because Everest is one. And besides, that’s technically a type of warmblood.”  
When they entered the stables, the golden strokes of sunlight that infiltrated through the planks complimented Virgil’s eyes as they ran in lines against his skin. One line of dying sunlight fell across his cheeks and nose and boldened his faint freckles. Roman looked the other way before he could catch himself staring.  
“I’m not biased, she’s objectively great,” Virgil said as they made their way into Everest’s stall. He turned her around to face the door and unbuckled her halter, while Roman leaned against the frame of the stall’s door and tucked his hands into his jeans’ pockets.  
“Sure. Objectively. Most athletic horse I’ve seen.”  
“Shut up..”  
Virgil’s lips were curled into a smile though, and that drew a wider one from Roman. He sank into his own head as Virgil petted Everest’s face, and the mare blinked slowly. Silence reached its tentacles across the place and settled in the air.  
“I just wanted to say.. it’s kind of sweet, how hardcore you go in order to get Puzzle back for Pat,” Virgil said. Roman could feel his eyebrows shoot up in surprise.  
“You do?”  
He shrugged. “Yeah. It’s not something anyone would do.”  
He glanced down at the mare beside him, and a small smile he must have not noticed tugged at his lips and revealed that dimple of his that Roman by now had memorised. When he petted the horse’s face, she nudged into him affectionately, drawing the faintest of a giggle out of him. The very last bit of the dying sunset danced across his face.  
There were about three things Roman would never admit to anyone, no matter the circumstances. The kind of things he wouldn't even admit to himself, but had this unspoken truth between him and himself that they were true.  
The first thing was his unconditional love for tofu – he could never be seen with such quality-lacking serving. The second was the fact he still couldn't fall asleep without murmuring the song his mother had taught him as a kid. And the third - and probably the most scary to have cross his mind – was the terrifying realisation that he was catching feelings for the emo stable boy.

********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Ahhhh sorry! You know how much I love reusing lines for dramatic effect!**
> 
> Soooo I'm back! I'm finally settled at my new house and I couldn't be more excited about that! Things have been pretty fast paced recently, but I'm proud to say that I can finally get back to writing regularly again. You can expect the next chapter in probably no more than three days!
> 
> How are you guys doing? I hope life's been treating you well. Please don't forget to drink water and get some rest! Oh, and I'm sorry this chapter hasn't been very eventful, I can promise you guys it's crucial. Wink?
> 
> Alright, I'll see you in the next one! I love you!


	18. In This Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Quick note!  
>  Something that really bugged my perfectionist self; there was a part in the previous chapter that goes like "This wasn't the first time Virgil had heard Roman sing. But it was the first time he had heard him **sing.** "  
> BUT I FORGOT TO BOLD IT.  
> So until I edited it, the earlier readers saw it without the bold and I bet it looked so weird??  
> So yeah. If you were one of those. Hi. I'm glad you know what happened there.  
> I know this is so unimportant but for some reason it bothered me SO much.  
> Alright, carry on._
> 
> -
> 
>  **Equestrian terms that appear in the following chapter:  
>  Gait - **the pattern of the movement of the horse.  
>  **Lead -** the leading leg at a gait. At a canter, for example, it would be the last one to meet with the ground, because it's the one who reaches the most forward in each stride (a full cycle of the gait).  
>  **Bit -** a mouthpiece, typically made of metal, that attaches to the bridle.  
>  **Canter -** the third gait of a horse, comes between the trot and the gallop. It consists of three beats.  
>  **Stirrup -** a light frame' typically made of metal in English riding, that attaches to the side of the saddle by a strap and support's the rider's foot. Naturally, there are two stirrups, one on either side of the saddle.  
>  **Buckskin -** a type of horse coat colour. There are a few different types of bucksin.

The first thing that Virgil noticed when he arrived at school the following day was that Roman seemed to be in a good mood. He leaned against the school’s wall right by the gate and scrolled through his phone, and the position of his eyelids as he looked down revealed the length of his lashes and complimented them in a weird way. Virgil wasn’t sure why he noticed that. The next thing he noticed was that he was dressed nicer than the usual; Roman would always put effort into his clothing, but today’s outfit somehow managed to outshine the rest.  
“I take it you’re in a good mood, Princey?” he said as he approached him.  
Roman’s eyes shot up, and the first look caught Virgil off-guard. His caramel eyes tended to throw him off the first time he saw them each day, so it wasn’t new; he had the kind of eyes that you have to get used to all over again each day. Virgil stifled down the arrow that they’d shot through his stomach.  
Roman’s face lit up with a smile when he recognised him. “And you’ve reached this conclusion because..?”  
“Because you always dress nice when you’re in a good mood.” Virgil gestured at him vaguely from head to toe.  
“Oh, this? I just threw it on.”  
“Mhm. Sure you did.”  
And with that they concluded their daily swap of words at the gates before heading in. Walking with Roman was comfortable; he had the kind of size that would intimidate you had he walked past you on the street, but would give you a sense of comforting security when you walked side by side. And today he seemed to be rather smiley, which Virgil definitely did not complain about.  
“You took a little longer to get here today,” he mentioned to Virgil as they entered the main hallway.  
“Oh-.. yeah. I stopped by Daybreak after dropping Em off.”  
“Gee, at this hour? Why?”  
Virgil shrugged into the strap of his bag. “I don’t know, I hoped Everest would find it easier to go through the day if she starts it with something familiar. She tends to be really jittery when she wakes up into her daily routine with the herd and the stable hands without anything to give her somewhat of a reset before she goes about her day. I just spent twenty minutes with her until she seemed calm enough and left. I guess as an experiment? I want to see if she’s going to behave better later today if I start her day that way.”  
Roman listened attentively as he spoke, like it was the most fascinating thing he’d ever heard.  
“That’s… that’s pretty cool, Tom Booker,” he said once he was done, and his approving smile made something in Virgil’s chest relax. He shrugged awkwardly.  
“Thanks, I guess. So, uh, who’s that Tom Booker guy you always call me?”  
“Dude, are you for real? Tom Booker?”  
“Uh… doesn’t ring a bell.”  
“From The Horse Whisperer?” His eyes widened at Virgil, and the caramel captured the light from the ceiling. “You’re telling me you’ve never watched The Horse Whisperer?”  
“Uh… Not really.”  
Roman stopped dead in his tracks. _“Dude._ That’s almost as bad as never watching Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron.”  
Virgil made a note to himself to never mention that he hadn’t.  
“I don’t know, I usually don’t watch horse movies. They tend to be painfully inaccurate.”  
“So what? Those are equestrian community _classics!_ Oh, we’re so watching it. Your house tomorrow after practice?”  
A nervous clench tightened in Virgil’s stomach. “I don’t really have a TV.”  
“I can bring my laptop.”  
Ah, geeze. Virgil had never watched a movie with a friend before. What are you supposed to even do? Do you just watch it? Do you talk throughout it? What even-  
“Sure.”  
Did he just-  
He did, didn’t he.  
Virgil couldn’t believe himself.  
“Awesome,” Roman said, beaming. “Tomorrow it is. Alright, Emo, I gotta get to class. I’ll see you at lunch?”  
“Yup. And I’ll see _you_ twenty minutes from now, when you send me a bored selfie in the middle of class.”  
“You know me.”  
As his friend waltzed away, Virgil couldn’t help the smile that climbed up his lips. Urgh. Disgusting. Since when is human interaction supposed to make you feel better and crap?  
Apparently since Roman.

\- - - - - - - -

Logan couldn’t remember the last time he had a riding lesson that hadn’t been identical to the previous one. They always went the same way; he’d mount, they’d warm up, perform a perfect training session, cool off and return to the stables. By now they’d perfected their skills to the point Logan believed there was no room for improvement, and definitely no room for satisfaction with said improvement; if he wasn’t satisfied with their perfection, there was probably no way for him to ever finish a riding lesson feeling satisfied.  
Except today was different.  
When Logan mounted onto the saddle, something about Nexus felt different. Not in a bad way, which was strange, because if she’s always been perfect and now she’s different, does it not mean she’s worsened?  
But it wasn’t anything negative Logan felt sitting astride the mare. Her muscles were relaxed, and she stood still and awaited his command. If Logan hadn’t known any better, he would have thought that she’d improved on something he’d never even known needed improvement. Almost as though this whole time, despite being perfect in her skills and obeyance, she held herself somewhat tensely in a way that wasn’t noticeable until it was gone.  
Logan figuratively yanked himself out of the thoughts and asked her to start walking. He was aware of the presence of Roman, Virgil and Patton in the arena, but made sure to pay attention to nothing but his horse and his instructor when riding. Despite that he couldn’t help but have Patton’s horse irritate the corner of his eye. He wasn’t very… flexible, when it came to changes in routine. And though it was none of his concern, seeing Patton ride one of the school horses instead of Puzzle managed to irritate his perfectionistic brain.  
Patton had agreed to start training again, now that he had somewhat of a hope regarding Puzzle. Logan thought it was foolish of him, as there was no way to guarantee Puzzle’s return, but didn’t voice his opinion regarding it. It’s not like anybody ever listened. Not that he’d complain about Patton learning his lesson the hard way; that way it tended to better stick.  
There was a new, flexible flow to Nexus’ gait as he rode her around the arena. He sensed she was more comfortable than the usual. When they were done warming up and began to work, she flew over the obstacles with the grace of a cat. Logan couldn’t quite describe the change. In a way, it felt as though for the first time they worked together, instead of under his command.  
And he’d thought they were perfect.  
If the result was as always – Nexus obediently leaping over the obstacles with ease – why did this session feel better? Her performance hadn’t changed.  
Yet Logan noticed, and Laura noticed, and he could tell Nexus also noticed.  
Perhaps groundwork wasn’t as much of a waste of time as he’d thought.  
“Nice one, Logan, keep her with you at the landing,” Laura said as they made another perfect jump. Nexus landed and proceeded to the next one with a satisfying motion. “Try to bend her shoulders inwards more when you change the lead. There, that’s perfect.”  
Perfect. The word was starting to get old.  
“You two are looking great, keep at it- oh, hello, Mr Takahashi.”  
Hold.  
Logan’s head twisted around at once just as they made their next landing. He tumbled forward awkwardly, causing Nexus to throw her head up when the bit dug into her mouth.  
“Father?”  
His father stood by the arena’s fence. He wore a tidy grey suit that traced his triangular shape so perfectly that it appeared as though it had been sewn specifically for him. He held his shoulders straight, and his ever-judging eyes scanned Logan and Nexus with a gaze of steel.  
“May I ask for the reason that you’re here?” Logan uttered.  
“That landing was _shambolic,_ Logan,” his father said instead. “I’ve come to see the exceptional riding of yours that your instructor is always going around praising. Not this… disaster of a jump.”  
Logan pursed his lips. At his peripheral, he could see his teammates switching astonished glances. Roman looked more offended than Logan felt.  
“Um, excuse me?”  
_No. No. Roman, shut up._  
It appeared his teammate hadn’t received the telepathic message. “My pal here was distracted, that’s all. He could beat you in a jump-off without blinking, thank you very much. _Sir.”_  
Logan battled the urge to shut his eyes and avoid to see his father’s reaction. Not that the way Roman had acted was surprising, it was very Roman of him, but that’s exactly what made it the worst thing he could have done in front of Mr Takahashi. Anything Roman-like was an awful way to act in front of him.  
Logan’s father’s face reddened to a terrifying degree. He opened his mouth to speak, but Laura cut him off with a nervous blurt.  
“What Roman’s trying to say, Mr Takahashi, Sir, is that Logan can perform much better than what you’ve just seen. He got distracted at the landing when I saw you, it was my fault.”  
“Well, then, maybe we shouldn’t be paying to an instructor who disrupts my son’s learning process,” his father hissed. Laura flinched.  
“I apologise, Sir, it wouldn’t happen again. Um- Logan, why don’t you go back to doing the exercise?”  
Logan straightened his shoulders. Below him, he could feel Nexus tense up. “All right.”  
He was aware of the judging gaze of his father from outside of the arena as he guided Nexus around the set of obstacles. They completed a balanced lap at a canter before turning towards the first jump. Logan pushed her forward through the saddle, and Nexus picked up the pace in response; a bad move, he realised, as they shot towards the jump a little too fast and made a hasty leap above it. At the corner of his eye, Logan saw his father’s face harden. He forced himself to focus back forward.  
The rest of the jumps went a little better, but from Logan’s familiarity with his father, a little better was not enough. He clenched his jaw at the final landing. He and Nexus continued the canter around the arena for the mere sake of avoiding to look at Mr Takahashi.  
“That was great, Logan,” Laura said, spinning in her place to keep her eyes on them. “Now collect her back into a trot without losing the balance you’ve established. You want to create a flow in your transitions.”  
As they cantered past their teammates, Patton raised a hesitant thumb. Roman and Virgil looked mainly concerned.  
Nexus descended back into a walk at his command. And under the judging gaze of his father, Logan finally asked her to halt. His father narrowed his eyes above his crossed arms, and for five long seconds he did not blink. And finally he uttered six words.  
“I will see you at home.”  
Or in other words… ‘I am disappointed in you.”  
He turned around and walked away, leaving behind him a silence for the rest of them to break.  
“Don’t let him knock your spirits, kid,” Laura said gently. “Do you want to go over that again? No distractions this time?”  
Logan shook his head. He drew his feet out of the stirrups and jumped off of the saddle with a single motion. “I’d rather stop for today.”  
No one uttered a word as he snatched the reins and pulled his mare behind him and out of the arena.

\- - - - - - - -

Patton’s parents were ecstatic to hear that he wanted to start riding again. The protocol said he shouldn’t be allowed to compete, as he only had one month left to train before the show, but Laura said they could make him an exception.  
He thought he’d find it harder to ride another horse, but now that they had a plan to get Puzzle back it turned out to be just fine. Patton happily tacked the school horse up and brought him to the arena, and the lesson went quite alright. For him, that is. Logan seemed to be having kind of a rough one.  
It was strange; for the first half of the lesson, Logan and Nexus had their best run yet. Once Mr Takahashi arrived (and would return in Patton’s nightmares, he was sure), they seemed to have their worst one yet. Needless to say Patton found Logan’s dad horrifying.  
By the time their lesson had ended, Logan and Nexus were long gone. They’d left about fifteen minutes before the lesson was meant to end. Patton could tell the rest of his teammates were distracted by their absence for the rest of the session, but no one said a word regarding the topic.  
Strangely enough, Laura left the arena as soon as the lesson ended. Usually she’d stay and chat with them as they cooled off, but this time… well…  
“Good work today, boys,” their instructor announced. “You can cool off.”  
She let down her hair to redo her ponytail as she turned on her heels and started towards the gate of the arena, her boots sinking through the sand.  
“Already leaving?” Roman asked. He lengthened Trigger’s reins, and the horse dropped his head and strolled around the place. He soon found Everest and stuck by her side.  
“Yeah, sorry, there’s something I need to take care of.”  
Laura jumped over the fence with ease and made her way down the path from the arena without speaking a word more. Patton tried not to jump to negative conclusions. Instead, he turned his head towards his teammates and put on his best smile.  
“You guys were great today, kiddos!”  
“Thanks, Pat,” Roman said. “I know.”  
Virgil shifted on the saddle. “I don’t know, my posture is still all messy at the landings. And I’m terrible at the bends.”  
“Hey!” Roman blurted at him. “If I hear you talk crap about my emo buddy one more time I’m going to karate chop your head off. You were great, Virge, geeze. You started jumping, what, four months ago? Cut yourself some slack, for Disney’s sake.”  
“Darn, Ro, you stole everything I was just going to say,” Patton said, as Virgil looked down at his hands and murmured a thank you. “But basically, yeah, kiddo, exactly what he said. If you keep talking bad about yourself we’re going to physically fight you!”  
“You know what, Padre, now that I hear it coming from somebody else it sounds like it would be the opposite of helpful. Forget physically fighting.”  
“Got it.”  
“Pffft. Thanks, idiots,” Virgil grumbled. He finally looked up to meet their eyes. “Means a lot.”  
The horses seemed to have completely cooled off minutes later, but Roman and Virgil still walked them around and talked. Patton couldn’t hear what they were saying as they were now on the very other side of the arena, but seeing his teammates getting along made his heart all warm and comfy. They’d been friends for months now, yet thinking back to how cold they used to be towards one another (and all the rants Roman had given Patton about ‘that emo stable hand’ when he’d first arrived), it suddenly looked so bizarre and wonderful.  
And so he decided not to call out a goodbye. Instead he dismounted, rolled up the stirrups and led the horse he’d been riding out of the arena. It was a young sooty buckskin grade gelding named Koyo (ain’t that a mouthful, he thought), who despite being rather lazy jumped well. Almost as well as Puzzle did. As they walked side by side down the road Patton let himself drown into the sound of his hooves against the ground.  
“It might be our only chance.”  
Laura’s voice rendered Patton halting. Koyo came to a stop as well. When he turned his head, Patton’s ears traced the voice all the way to the office just a bit to their right. Koyo and Patton switched a glance. Well, Patton looked at Koyo, but it felt cooler to say that they switched a glance. He nudged at the reins to get the horse to follow, and the two advanced towards the office.  
“There has to be something else to back us up.”  
Now he could see them; Laura sat on a chair inside the office and spoke to Amanda, the owner of Daybreak. Patton hadn’t even realised it’d been so long since she last showed at the barn.  
“We’ve already fired two stable hands and sold one horse, Amanda,” Laura said. “How many more cuts can the stables suffer before it gets out of hand?”  
Patton clutched Koyo’s reins tight. Something in his stomach hardened.  
Amanda’s gaze bored into Laura’s. “It’s been going out of hand for months now. If we don’t act fast, we’re going to lose this place.”  
_Lose Daybreak? What are they talking about?_ The gears in Patton’s head spun at a blinding speed.  
Laura leaned forward in her seat, and her golden curls plummeted down her shoulder. “I already told you, this show can-“  
“We can’t count on the show to keep us running, Laura! We can’t guarantee that we win. Perhaps if we change the horses’ feed…”  
“No, absolutely not. We can fire stable hands and cut down on other expenses, but we can’t go cheap on the horses now. Especially not the ones we intend to be showing. Do you know how much they work a day?”  
“Then what do you expect us to do?” Amanda blurted. She folded her arms across her chest and leaned back into her chair. Patton inched closer towards Koyo’s neck.  
“Look, I know it’s a long shot, but it’s all what we have right now. Just- hear me out, okay? if we make it to the finals, the prize of the annual competition can really save us. We have a strong team, we got this.”  
Amanda sank into herself, and her chair gave a sad creak in response. She rubbed her forehead tiredly. “I really don’t-“ she started to say, when she lifted her gaze and rested it on Patton and Koyo. His heart stopped. “Patton. How long have you been standing there?”  
“Um-..” Patton rummaged frantically through the jumbled mess that the conversation he’d overheard had left in his brain. “We- we just got here. Are you guys okay?”  
“Everything’s fine, kid,” Laura said softly. “Why don’t you take Koyo back to his stall and untack him?”  
Patton swallowed down a lump of iron. “Sure…” he managed to pipe.  
Not a word was uttered when he turned Koyo the other way and proceeded down the path to the stable.

\- - - - - - - -

Roman was feeling uncharacteristically nervous as they finally dismounted the horses. Ever since his realisation the other day, a small part of his energy seemed to have shifted. He wasn’t nervous when he and Virgil met yesterday morning, for the first time since he’d realised his feelings for him, but he did find that ever since he did he couldn’t help but see him in a slightly different light.  
While he knew that the best thing to do would be repress his feelings until that little crush goes away, as there was no way anything would ever happen between them, Roman couldn’t help but try to impress him just a tiny bit. It was something he did almost unconsciously. Earlier as he jumped Trigger around the course, he was aware of Virgil’s gaze following him from where he and Everest stood. Every successful jump was a rush of satisfaction and relief, and every fail made him cringe. One thing for sure, though, Roman knew he looked awesome in both. Because he always did. So no reason to worry about that part.  
Then why was he nervous now? Patton had left with his horse, and a comfortable silence stood between him and Virgil as they rolled up the stirrups. Roman was done first, but didn’t feel like leaving. He turned around to lean back against his horse and took off his helmet with the most dramatic motion he could produce.  
“I suppose we’re going to go watch your stupid movie now, aren’t we,” Virgil said, making the last roll and sticking the strap into its place.  
Oh, right. That’s why he was nervous.  
Despite the words, Virgil’s voice wasn’t unfriendly. Mainly bored. Dear God, he was so emo.  
“Uh- yeah, right,” Roman blurted. He hadn’t realised he was soundlessly staring until the silence tugged at his ears.  
_Good save, genius._  
“Sure you want to go to my place? We’re gonna have to watch Emma and make her dinner first. I could go do that and meet you at your place once she’s asleep and my mom’s back.”  
Roman shook his head. “My brother and his band are practicing in the basement. They’re the worst. Like- _actually_ the worst. If their horrible, violent singing and playing isn’t going to kill you, it’s definitely going to deafen you for life.”  
“Aye. My place it is, I guess.”  
Their feet sank into the sand as they led the horses out of the arena. The sound of Trigger and Everest’s hooves perfectly synchronized against the path down to the stables. Though he tried not to stare, Roman couldn’t help but notice that Virgil had the hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. It caused his own to curl up.  
“You’re looking smiley,” he chortled. “Any special reason?”  
Virgil shrugged, hanging his eyes on his horse. “It just makes me happy to see how much calmer Eve’s gotten. She used to be terrified of other horses, but now she is fine walking side by side with Trigger.”  
Roman had barely even noticed. Now that Virgil mentioned it, though, he realised this was the first time he ever saw her not hesitate before agreeing to walk with them.  
“You’ve done a great job with her, Emo.”  
Virgil finally met his eyes. Something in Roman’s stomach did a flip. “… Thanks.”  
-  
Afternoon bled into twilight by the time they arrived at Virgil’s building. Virgil pushed the old white door open, and it shut behind them in response to the breeze from the outside. Silence settled at once as the outside world closed behind them, like switching a mute button. Roman was aware of the sound of each step they took in the dead-silent building as Virgil led them towards the stairs.  
“Are we not going to take the elevator?” he puzzled.  
The boy shrugged. “I don’t trust elevators.”  
“You’re unreal.”  
As they climbed up one flight of stairs after another, Roman dug through his brain for the right way to address this.  
“Why? You know the chance of getting in a car crush is higher than the chance of getting stuck in an elevator and five times as dangerous.”  
“Aaaand now I’m never getting into a car again.” This time he cracked half a smirk to indicate he wasn’t being serious. “I don’t know, I don’t trust those things. And this better not get out of you, Princey, but I’m also a bit claustrophobic.”  
Roman tilted his head. “There’s no shame in that.”  
They’d reached the fourth floor, and Virgil proceeded into the hallway with his hands stuffed into his pockets. A signal that the conversation is over.  
The door to his apartment was rusty by the hinges, and old paint scraped off it and revealed the scratched metal underneath. The handle stuck out more than it should have. When Virgil pressed it down and pushed the door open, it budged in its socket with a rustling clink.  
“Em, we’re home,” he called into the small space. Roman entered behind him, and the door shut at his back.  
The sound of Emma’s feet thumping against the floor flapped from the hallway. “Mom’s with you??” her voice came two seconds before she appeared. Roman smiled at her awkwardly.  
“Um, no, sorry. By ‘we’ I meant-“  
_“Roman!”_  
Virgil never had to finish his sentence. Emma locked her bright hazel eyes with Roman’s across the room, and her entire face lit up. He knelt down as she shot through the small living room and tackled him with a hug.  
“Good to see you too, my dear sister,” Virgil grumbled. “How was my day, you ask? Oh, it was fine. I appreciate you taking interest in my whereabouts and feelings.”  
Emma twisted her head around to stick out her tongue. She then whirled it back towards Roman.  
“Are you staying for dinner??”  
“Uh… yeah, I think,” he said. “I’m gonna help your brother make it.”  
“You really don’t have to-“ Virgil began to say, but Roman shushed him.  
“Come on, it’s going to be fun!”  
Virgil slumped his bag onto the floor in a shrug. “Alright. Think you can find your way to the kitchen?” He brought up a smirk at the rather bitter joke.  
“No, I may need some help, this place is massive.”  
Considering all you really had to do to find the kitchen was turn your head to the left, the game of pretend ended there. Emma giggled and grabbed Roman’s hand in hers to drag him into the kitchen. As Virgil grabbed a frying pan and set it on the stove, Roman leaned back against the counter.  
“Wait, hold up, what are you making?” he blurted. Emma shifted her gaze between them from where she sat by the table.  
“Uh… scrambled eggs?”  
“Oh, come on, what’s exciting in that? Besides, that’s not a proper meal for a princess.”  
Emma beamed. “Can he come over every dinner?”  
“Alright, Emo, move, I’ll show you how it’s done.”  
Virgil hung his gaze on him for a long moment before finally rolling his eyes and stepping aside. Roman flashed him a smile.  
“Alright, your first mistake was not putting on background cooking music.”  
“Dear God-“  
Roman didn’t wait for him to finish his words. He drew out his phone and scrolled through his playlist before choosing Go the Distance from Hercules. Though Virgil rolled his eyes again, Roman could catch the faintest of a smile climbing up his lips. Emma was beaming like this was the best day of her life.  
And to the sweet, sweet sound of Disney, Roman began to pull out ingredients from the fridge.  
“What are you making, Princey?” Virgil muttered.  
“Pasta with cream sauce, of course! Hmm… you don’t seem to have any mushrooms, so we’ll have to make do with what we have.”  
Virgil slumped onto a chair by the table as Roman scurried around in his prepping. And though Roman would never admit that to him, he did find a bit of relief at seeing his friend finally relaxing. The bags beneath his eyes were a permanent feature by now. Roman had always thought all the work he did at the stables was a lot, and he never even considered that he had to do things at home, too. If he could take the weight of taking care of Emma, if only for one evening, he was definitely taking the chance.  
“So are you good here? You don’t need my help?” Virgil asked from where he sat.  
“Yup!”  
“Alright, so I’m gonna go do the laundry-“  
_“Sit,”_ Roman demanded. He stirred the pasta in the pot he’d prepared as he spoke. “What did I _just_ say?”  
Virgil blinked. “Uh… ‘sit’?”  
“No, I said- oh, wait, I didn’t say it, I thought it.”  
“You’re a weird one.”  
“Well, I just _thought,_ you’re overworking yourself,” he uttered as he turned on the stove and adjusted the flame underneath the sauce’s pan. “You’re going to sit down and listen to Disney songs with us. The laundry can wait. Right, Em?”  
Emma nodded fervently. Much to Virgil’s dismay.  
“Come on, Emma, who’s side are you on?”  
_“Yours,”_ she said. “That’s the point.”  
Roman shot Virgil a smile. “She’s a smart one. Please don’t ruin it.”  
“Ha ha.”  
Roman was proud of his work when he finally turned off the stove. An enchanting aroma sailed through the air, and Emma clapped her hands as he set the dish on the table. He didn’t turn off the playlist in the background.  
“The last time I had something like this was when I was, like, six!” Emma babbled before she took the first bite. “Roman, it’s amazing!”  
He smiled. At the corner of his vision, he was aware of Virgil silently watching. “I know.”  
Though only he and Emma spoke as they ate, Virgil quietly nibbling at his food, Roman could catch a faint smile brush his lips as the shadows on the floor lengthened and the calm of the evening settled in the air.  
-  
The silence of the place was beginning to grow on Roman. He’d gotten so used to his loud home, and the strange tranquil was somewhat comforting. As the two of them sat on the couch, only the sound of the ticking clock on the wall conducted the evening.  
Virgil turned his head towards the hallway, and his gaze hunted down the halfway-open door of his dark room at its very end. He turned back to look at Roman.  
“Uh.. thanks,” he murmured. “For helping with my sister.”  
Roman smiled as he opened his laptop. “Don’t sweat it, Emo. I had fun.”  
The silence carried Emma’s quiet snores from the hallway, and the two switched an amused glance. Roman clicked through his movie collection in search for The Horse Whisperer. Virgil was awfully quiet as the minutes stretched on, and the corner of his eye allowed Roman a glimpse of him staring down at his hands in thoughtful silence. It was tempting to ask what’s on his mind, but he decided to let him talk only if he wanted to. Ten long seconds ticked away.  
“Do you ever get nervous?” Virgil blurted.  
Roman inched his gaze towards him. “Nervous?”  
“Um, about the competition and everything. I should have probably been more specific.”  
“’And everything’ is your definition of specific?”  
“You know what I meant.”  
Roman leaned back into the old cushion. “Me? Nah, I’m never nervous. I love performing, and I know I’m good at it.”  
“… Oh. Yeah, that’s what I figured.”  
Roman eyed him carefully, heart clenching. Virgil didn’t return the glance. “Truth is… sometimes I do. We all do.”  
“But you just said-“  
“It’s all a part of it. Number one step to being confident is acting like you are.” The movie had loaded by now, but Roman didn’t press play. “Look…” He shifted in his seat to face Virgil. His first instinct was to carefully choose his words, but for once Roman wanted to be a hundred percent real. “I _am_ confident, it’s not something that I have to fake. I know that I’m good and I’m proud of it. But… can I tell you something about this specific occasion?”  
“Yeah..?”  
Roman bit his lip in hesitation. Just rip it off like a band aid. “I’m terrified of this particular show like I’ve never been in my life.”  
The clock delivered five emotionless ticks between their locked eyes before Virgil spoke.  
“You are?” The dim light from the ceiling stroked his face and shed darkness across his features. Roman hadn’t noticed how beautiful he was until now. He had the kind of face that you wouldn’t immediately notice as handsome, but once you develop feelings for him, suddenly you’ll start noticing the simple beauty of his features at random times of the day. Roman cursed his cheeks for the tingling heat that spread across them with no warning.  
“Yeah,” he said, yanking himself out of his head in time. “This is going to be the first time Trigger and I are seen in public since the accident. We’ve set a really high standard for ourselves. The same people who watched us fall are going to be watching us riding the ring again, and those people expect us to be things I’m… _honestly_ scared we can’t ever be again. And maybe this wouldn’t have been as bad if we did get back to our old selves, but we haven’t yet.”  
He let the words hang in the dark for ten long ticks. Virgil’s eyes softened. He drew his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them as though cold.  
“I had no idea, Roman.” He released a shaky sigh. “I was just nervous because I’ve never ridden in front of a crowd before, and I’m also scared that Eve is going to panic herself to death, but I never even imagined what it may be like for you.”  
“Guess neither of us is exactly ready, huh?”  
“Nope.”  
Roman leaned back into the couch, and their legs briefly touched. He tapped a restless finger against the laptop. “Tell you what,” he said. “If we’re both going to be stepping out of our comfort zones in this show, we might as well do it together. We got this.”  
He was aware of the sound of his heartbeat synchronizing to the clock as he awaited the response. Virgil looked up from his hands, and his dark eyes lit up with a new mutual understanding. The energy in the room was warmly comfortable as he brought up a flicker of a smile and nodded.  
“Together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you have a magnificent week! Please remember to drink plenty of water and get some rest!


	19. On the Edge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Equestrian terms that appear in the following chapter:  
>  Stirrup - **a light frame, typically made of metal in English riding, that attaches to the side of the saddle by a strap and supports the rider's foot. Naturally, there are two stirrups, one on either side of the saddle.  
>  **Perlino -** a type of a coat colour in horses. It is rather rare. Perlino horses have pink skin, a cream-coloured coat and blue eyes. Their mane is usually a bit darker than the rest of their body.

Logan strongly disliked impracticality. Almost as much as he disliked inefficiency, which no, in case you thought, were not the same thing. Shame on you if you thought they were. As Patton texted him that they shall meet at Daybreak, Logan only found more strength in his dislike towards impracticality. The plan was that the two of them would fix up a place for Puzzle to stay while the other two get him, and meeting at Daybreak first instead of at the place they were meant to go seemed highly inefficient as well as impractical. And that’s exactly what he told him.  
“Patton, meeting at Daybreak first instead of at the place we were meant to go seems highly inefficient as well as impractical.”  
Patton had his back turned to him, as he rummaged through his tack cabinet. He flashed around to face Logan and tossed him an old helmet. Logan did not like the smile on his face. The “I have a dumb idea” kind of smile.  
“Tack up,” he chirped.  
“I beg your pardon?”  
“We’re going to Monty’s barn, aren’t we? Tack your horse up.”  
Logan stared at the boy as he latched the cabinet shut and proceeded down the stables’ halls. “Patton, horses are no longer used as a means of transportation,” he uttered, picking up the pace to follow. “We should take a car instead.”  
Patton marched into the stall of a school horse whose name Logan had never bothered to learn. “But what’s the fun in that?”  
“There supposed to be ‘fun’ in our plan?”  
“Of course!”  
“Well, in that case, I don’t think I quite like it.”  
-  
Patton walked with much more enthusiasm than Logan. Laura had agreed to let him take one of the school horses (which again, Logan never bothered to learn its name), and said horse now walked by Patton and swished his tail at the occasional fly. Nexus seemed to share the lack of enthusiasm with which Logan followed, but she came with them without blinking regardless.  
“Alright,” Patton said when they reached the gates. He climbed onto the saddle and settled on the horse’s back. “Coming?”  
Logan stared at him, then at Nexus, then back at him again.  
“So I just… mount?”  
“Yep.”  
“Here?”  
“Where else?”  
He hesitated. The idea of mounting a horse outside of an arena was so… bizarre. Four long seconds figuratively scurried away before he grabbed the saddle, placed his foot in the stirrup and hoisted himself onto the mare’s back. Despite having been riding for years, Logan felt unnatural in the situation.  
“Let’s head out!” Patton declared and asked the horse to go forward. Logan didn’t utter a word as he commanded Nexus to follow.

\- - - - - - - -

The energy in the car was comfortable as it zoomed along the never-ending road. Roman kept one hand on the steering wheel and the other against the backrest of his seat, and at the corner of his eye he could catch Virgil eying him carefully as if contemplating whether to say something or not.  
“Urgh, dude, could you please keep both your hands on the wheel?” he finally blurted.  
The very corner of Roman’s mouth curled up into a crooked smile. “Why?”  
“It’s not safe to drive with only one hand.”  
He waited three long seconds under Virgil’s narrowed gaze, before widening his smile if only by a bit and letting go of the wheel completely.  
 ** _“Roman!!”_**  
“Whoops, must have lost my grip there.”  
“This isn’t funny!”  
Roman grabbed the wheel again apologetically. “Someone’s a little anxious today.”  
“Don’t give me that face, you know I’m just being cautious. I’m not letting my mother lose two kids this year.”  
Yikes. Roman looked away almost immediately. He dug through his brain at the speed of light in search for a light-hearted topic of conversation. What did they ever talk about that wasn’t scary competitions and dying family members and messed up horses?  
Scary competitions it is.  
“You know, I think that if we manage to get Puzzle back we’re definitely gonna have a chance at this show.”  
“And if we don’t?”  
The silence lasted for six long seconds. Roman gave him a sideway glance. “…. You know, I think that if we manage to get Puzzle back we’re definitely gonna have a chance at this show.”  
Virgil let go of a rare laugh, and it sent a smile up Roman’s face.  
“Okay, I’ll give you this one.”  
“So how was Everest yesterday? First time practicing the course alone and all.”  
Virgil leaned back into his seat. “She was fine. A little edgy, but that’s nothing new. At least she’s willing to meet the height expectations now.”  
“I know, right? That’s such a relief, I was honestly worried she wasn’t going to do it in time. The stress did _not_ agree with my skin, it was horrid.”  
“Pffft. You’re such a princess.”  
Roman struggled to turn the amused smile into more of an offended expression. “For the love of Disney, go back to Princey right now. I am a man. A manly man. A man who is manly.”  
“Mhm.”  
The next silence to fall was more comfortable. Roman relaxed his hands on the steering wheel and leaned back into the backrest, and though Virgil didn’t say a word, he knew his friend felt safer.  
“We’re not that bad, you know?”  
Through the mirror, he could see the boy in the passenger seat twist his head to him. “What do you mean?”  
“We make a good team,” Roman said. “We have good teammate chemistry. It’s really easy to talk to you.”  
He turned his head as well, and Virgil immediately broke eye contact. If Roman didn’t know any better, he would have believed his eyes when they showed him the slightest tint of crimson on his teammate’s cheeks. But what were the odds.  
“Yeah,” he finally breathed. “I guess we are.”  
“Remember when we like, hated each other?”  
Virgil shook his head stubbornly. “I never hated you, you were just an ass.” He cleared his throat awkwardly. “But I’m glad we’re friends now. If this gets out of you you’re dead, but I don’t exactly hate your company.”  
“Aw, Virge… that’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me.”  
From that point on, no more eye contact was made until the end of the drive. Roman took the resumed silence as his cue to turn on the radio, and although he could catch Virgil eye him through the mirror, he didn’t explain himself. Sometimes he just wanted to listen to the radio for a change. They can listen to Disney on their way back. Or they can sit quietly and listen to each other’s heartbeats. Both options worked.

\- - - - - - - -

With one final struggle, Patton pulled out the loose, rusty nail.  
“There we go.”  
The released plank dropped at once, and he caught it with a clumsy grip. On the other side of the old stall Logan sent him a narrowed gaze.  
“Fetch me that sack of sawdust and the rake, kiddo, would you?” Patton said.  
Logan’s face remained reluctant as he reached for the objects and made his way across the stall. As he handed them to him, Patton glanced down at the rake and tilted his head.  
“You’re so stiff all the time.”  
“Excuse me?”  
He grabbed the rake and eyed the floor of the stall in search of a spot to begin with. “You’re stiff with everything you do. I think that’s your problem when you ride.” He turned his back to the boy and began to draw together the twigs and rocks that littered the floor. “Scatter the sawdust wherever I finish clearing, okay?”  
“I don’t understand.”  
“You open the sack-“  
“No, I mean, what do you mean by ‘stiff’?”  
Patton pushed the small pile of twigs and rocks outside of the stall and moved on to the next spot. Behind him, the sound of the sawdust meeting with the ground told him Logan had contributed his part. “You’re always observing things really really closely and you don’t really let go, you know? It’s like you’re trying to keep your bones in place when it isn’t your job instead of letting your skin do that part.”  
“That’s- that’s not what the skin does.”  
“It isn’t? Whoops. Point is you’re doing that a lot. You’re all tense all the time.”  
Logan poured the sawdust again, and Patton flattened it with his shoe.  
“Let’s pretend you have a point. How does that relate to riding?”  
Patton turned his back to him and started working on the next pile. “You make Nexus think there’s something she constantly needs to look out for. Like she’s in danger.”  
“I do not.”  
“You can’t really tell, but you do.”  
He scanned the stall from one corner to another; the floor looked safe enough, and so did the walls. They only had one more faulty plank left to get rid of, and they’d be able to call it a day.  
“I’m not saying that your claim has any grain of truth in it, but what would you say I should do?” Logan uttered.  
“Let go, I guess? It’s your choice at the end of the day, kiddo, but I don’t think this is something that just practice is going to fix.”  
“But practice-“  
“Makes perfect, I know, and I agree, but if you’re practicing something that slows you down, how is continuing to practice it ever going to make it go away?”  
Logan adjusted his glasses and folded his arms across his chest. “What do you mean?”  
“You’re all stiff by default when you practice,” Patton said. “I don’t see how the stiffness is supposed to go away until you acknowledge it and do something about it. Like-“  
“Patton. No.”  
“Like going on a trail ride?” he tried anyway.  
“I already told you seven times, I don’t see the point in trail riding.”  
They exited the stall as they spoke, and over where the horses had been tethered, they lifted their heads and blinked at them.  
“Come on, it’s going to do you good!”  
“It’s ‘do you well’.”  
“It really helps you look at riding as more than just a sport, you know?” Patton blurted.  
Logan shook his head. “But that’s what it is, Patton. A sport. ‘Letting go’, or however you wish to call it, isn’t something that usually helps one improve their skills.”  
Patton never got to say the next thing; the cheerful sound of The Campfire Song from SpongeBob rolled out of his pocket and filled the air.  
“Patton?”  
“Yes?”  
“Please tell me this isn’t your ringtone.”  
The song awkwardly continued to fill the silence between them for four more seconds. Patton wore an apologetic smile.  
“Just pick up,” Logan grumbled.  
“Good call.” He waited for Logan’s expression to change, but he remained in his stiff silence. “Get it? _Good call?”_  
“Patton, for the love of Archimedes-”  
“Pick up. Right.”  
“I’m- I’m just going to walk off for a second.”  
Patton drew out his phone, as Logan inhaled sharply, buried his face in his hands and turned around to walk away, mumbling something underneath his breath.  
“Heyyyyy, Ro! How’s it going?”  
The voice on the other side didn’t miss a beat. “We need you guys over here. There’s been a change of plans.”  
“Oh. What kind of change?”

\- - - - - - - -

The ranch looked nothing like Virgil had imagined. Roman parked the car on the side of the dusty road, right by a worn fence that slowly inched through its final days. It took Virgil a long second to figure out the fence closed in a pasture; the dying grass barely responded to the stroke of the wind, and large patches of hard ground invaded nearly every last edible blade in the area.  
“Are you sure they keep horses in here?” he mumbled to his friend as they left the car and shut the doors behind them.  
Roman rubbed the back of his neck, and his narrowed eyes barely allowed a glimpse of caramel to sneak through them as he scanned the place. “Pretty sure, yeah. It looks a bit worse than it did last time, but it’s not like it was a particularly luxurious pasture. I just hope the smell doesn’t stick to us, I literally just had this jacket washed.”  
“Of course you did…”  
Roman shot him an amused smile before proceeding forward and making a small leap over the fence. “Coming?”  
Virgil hesitated. He glanced down at the busted wood. “We just… jump in?”  
“I don’t see a reason why not.”  
“Maybe because it’s private property?” The splinters scratched his palms as he grabbed the fence and helped himself over it. “Maybe because he probably won’t sell to a couple of guys who just broke in?”  
“Aw, didn’t know we were official.”  
Virgil pursed his lips, angered at the blush that crept across his cheeks against his will. Roman flashed him a glance.  
“Relax, Virge, alright? You’re overthinking it. This is a huge pasture, we didn’t just march into his living room.”  
“At this point we might as well.”  
The sun burned the back of their necks as they made their way through the dull pasture. A couple of horses blinked at them silently before looking away again and returning to standing as still as a statue.  
“The horses here don’t look a hundred percent,” Virgil mentioned, stroking the face of a tired-looking horse who had walked up to him. When their eyes locked, something in his heart clenched.  
Roman nodded. “You can say that again.”  
The horses’ coats were dull and lacked a shine, and bald spots littered their skin. When Virgil ran a gentle hand across the stomach of the one who’d walked up to him, his fingers bumped through the ups and downs of his ribs.  
“I have a bad feeling about this, Roman.”  
“You have a bad feeling about everything.”  
“That’s-“ He paused. “That’s… true. That’s a good point.”  
The silence was itchy against Virgil’s skin as they continued to walk the pasture. It appeared Roman was heading towards the barn, and while it made sense that they would find a person there, the idea only made Virgil feel sick to his stomach.  
“See Puzzle anywhere?” he asked to break the silence.  
“… No, I don’t think so.”  
The worn planks creaked below them when they stepped into the barn. The air was heavy and clogged, and the sunlight that sneaked in through the cracks in the roof illustrated the contour lines of the metal bars in the modest stalls.  
“Great Disney…”  
Virgil’s eyes rested on a nearby stall, where a perlino filly that looked no more than two years old gave them an alert look from a pair of terrified blue eyes. The kind of eyes that told him she’d seen a lot more than her years.  
“Hey there, girl…” Virgil said in the most soothing voice he could produce. He walked up to the stall slowly, aware of the creaking of the floor beneath his feet. When he reached out a hand to the filly she tossed her head back and retreated to the far back wall, ears pinned in threat. The sound of her panicked hooves bounced from wall to wall as she scurried away.  
“Look at her face,” Roman’s voice came behind him. “She’s got like, three wounds in only one side of the muzzle. And it doesn’t look like her hooves have ever been trimmed.”  
“Not to mention she’s head-shy. Probably been beaten up a lot.”  
“Ouch.” The two of them stood quietly and watched the skinny filly at the corner of the stall, who still eyed them with suspicion. “But such beautiful eyes she’s got..” Roman breathed.  
At the corner of Virgil’s eye, Roman left to resume his walk down the barn’s aisle. Virgil couldn’t quite leave just yet. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and watched the filly, and the filly watched him back. There was something almost familiar about her. As though he’d seen her once in a dream ten lifetimes ago.  
“I wonder what’s your story.”  
 _“Hey, Virge! I’ve found Puzzle!”_  
One final long look was left between the two of them, before Virgil turned the other way and followed Roman’s call.  
His friend stood by a stall on the other end of the barn, waving at him. Virgil picked up the pace and came to a halt by his side.  
Oh.  
He didn’t immediately recognise Puzzle. His eyes lacked their vibrant personality, and his coat was matted. The familiar, ugly whip gashes he’d seen on horses at his uncle’s rescue ranch were too many to count.  
“What the hell’s happened to you?” he blurted.  
Roman shook his head. “Virgil, this man is insane.”  
“What man?”  
“The rancher who owns this place, the one Patton and I saw last time we were here. Anyone who manages to screw Puzzle up beyond recognition is insane. Dude, this pony’s an icon. I’m not even joking. He used to have this signature look of his in his eyes and now it’s just… gone.”  
The look in Roman’s eyes was pure hatred. Virgil fiddled restlessly with the string of his hoodie. He could almost hear the pulse of Roman’s heated blood through the little space between them. The boy gave Puzzle one long look, and turned the other way.  
“Where are you going?” Virgil blurted. He hurried to catch up to his steps, and almost tripped on an old plank that stuck out of the rotten floor. “We need to find that guy and offer to buy Puzzle.”  
“I’m not paying a penny to an abuser,” Roman hissed.  
“Roman, this is ridiculous, can’t you let that detail go for Puzzle’s sake?”  
He shook his head, and his fists clenched. “We’re not leaving him behind. But we’re not paying for him, either.”  
The realisation hit Virgil in the guts. “We’re not stealing a horse, Roman, are you insane?”  
“A little, yeah. Can you call the others and let them know we need them over here?”  
“Absolutely not.”  
Roman released a puffed sigh. “I need to do everything myself in this household…” he mumbled as he drew out his phone and tapped at the speed of light.  
“Hello? Patton?”  
Virgil hung a pair of stunned eyes on him, but Roman ignored it.  
“We need you guys over here. There’s been a change of plans.”

\- - - - - - - -

The entire time they leaned against the fence and awaited their friends’ arrival, Virgil gave Roman looks that clearly said he was insane. For absolutely no reason. What’s exactly insane in stealing a horse you can undoubtedly afford in clear daylight?  
Roman checked his phone for the eleventh time. By now it became more of a nervous habit. He eyed the horse trailer they’d hinged up to the car with a sideway glance, and his stomach grumbled in unease.  
“I don’t know about this, Roman.”  
Roman flashed a glance at his friend. His eyes were wider than the usual, and his arms were crossed tensely across his chest. He couldn’t help but notice the way he pursed his lips anxiously, before he forced himself to look away from his lips and back at his eyes.  
“It’s going to be just fine, Virge, trust me,” he said, a strange, subtle rush of affection for the boy tingling at the back of his chest. “We’re going to be in and out. Just like that.”  
“And what if we get caught?”  
Roman hesitated. “Ignore that possibility, it doesn’t exist, alright?”  
“So we’re choosing repression then, got it.”  
Roman released a stifled chuckle and nudged his shoulder. Before he could find his next words, the grumbling of a car snapped the attention of them both. Roman spotted Patton and Logan at once as they parked nearby with a cloud of dust, and he shot his hand up and waved at them.  
“I don’t know about this, Ro,” Patton said, shutting the door behind him. Logan didn’t say a word as he exited from the other side. “This doesn’t feel right. Stealing is wrong.”  
“It’s not wrong if it’s to save a horse from a person who’s abusing them. Do you really want to pay money to him? It’s helping him in a way.”  
Patton didn’t look pleased. “I guess you have a point.”  
“While I usually take the role of making sure you guys don’t get yourselves in prison and/or killed, I’m afraid no matter what I say you are going to go through with this,” Logan said. “Therefore, I shall let you do what you wish to do, but I do hope you know I do not approve of your shenanigans and will not refrain from saying ‘I told you so’ once you are behind bars or at the pit of a grave. You have been warned.”  
A hesitant silence fell between the group. Roman cleared his throat. “Well, let us ignore Logan’s foreboding words and elegantly move on to discussing our plan. Everyone listening?”  
“Let’s just get this over with.”  
“Wise words, Virgil,” he said with an encouraging smile. Virgil did not return it. “Patton, you’re the one getting Puzzle from that barn. He’ll respond to you best.”  
“Honestly, he’d respond to all of you just as well if you hold a carrot, but alright kiddo, I’ll do it.”  
Roman nodded. “Alright. I’m going to distract the rancher so he doesn’t get anywhere near the barn. Virgil, you’re our lookout.”  
He was almost certain Virgil tensed up at the words, but he did not protest. Roman brushed it off and reorganised his train of thought. “Logan, you’re our getaway driver. We need you to be ready to take off as soon as we’re all in. Got it?”  
Logan let out a reluctant sigh. “I suppose.”  
“And while we’re already in the topic, you guys should probably park your car somewhere hidden. We’re going to have to leave it behind and have two of us drive back to get it later. Alright, let’s get to it then-“  
“Roman, can I speak to you?”  
The words were blurted so suddenly that they rendered the other three silent. Virgil looked clearly uncomfortable in the silence he’d created.  
Roman shifted his weight from one foot to another. “Sure, what’s up?”  
“Alone, dumbass.”  
“Oh.”  
His teammate didn’t wait a moment more before turning around and walking the other way, and Roman hurried behind him. Virgil led them a safe distance away before finally coming to a halt and turning to face him.  
“I can’t be lookout,” he uttered.  
“Gee, Virge, that’s alright, couldn’t you say it over there? Why can’t you be lookout?”  
“It’s embarrassing, okay? I don’t want them to hear it.”  
Roman gave him a silent signal to continue.  
“I freeze. It’s dumb, I know, but I know for a fact that if I stand lookout and that dude arrives I’m going to freeze for sure and I won’t be able to alert you guys.”  
Roman tried his best to look as natural and unfazed as he could as he nodded. “That’s understandable. Would it be easier for you to get Puzzle instead?”  
“Super stressful yet manageable. Which is basically the title of my life, so yes, I think I can manage.”  
“Awesome.” He hesitated before carefully choosing his words and adding, “I’m glad you feel comfortable telling me this.”  
Virgil shrugged, hands stuffed into his pockets. He didn’t meet his eyes. “Yeah. I mean- I’m closer to you than I am to them. So it only makes sense.”  
It’s something Roman was aware of, yet it sent a rush of warmth crawling through his heart. He couldn’t help the dumb smile that invaded his face.  
“Alright, let’s go back,” Virgil murmured and walked past him without giving him one look. “We’re losing daylight.”  
“Oh- okay.”  
 _I am not in love with him, I am not in love with him, I am not in love with him, I am definitely not in love with him._  
Virgil twisted his head back, and his eye captured a blink of sunlight. “Coming?”  
 _Shit._

\- - - - - - - -

Patton couldn’t remember the last time he’d done something this immoral. In fact, he’d never done _anything_ this immoral. Every time the slightest of a doubt sneaked into his head, he shooed it away with the image of Puzzle. For him, he’d bleed himself dry. And commit a felony. Clearly.  
He’d only caught a glimpse of the rancher in the pasture as he and Virgil sneaked in, but a bizarre, negative feeling dug into his stomach. He’d never felt anything like this before. Like… like he wanted something bad to happen to that person, like he was really mad at him. Is that what hatred feels like? Patton didn’t know, but one thing he knew for sure – he was getting Puzzle away from this man and nothing could stop him.  
“Oh, hello there, good Sir,” Roman’s vibrant voice echoed through the area. Patton tried his best not to laugh. Virgil on the other hand tensed up and mumbled something about Roman being an idiot beneath his breath.  
“Let’s do this as fast as possible, I don’t know how much longer that dumbass can keep him distracted.”  
Behind them, Roman’s voice faded away as they tiptoed into the barn and out of sight. It appeared he was asking something about the property, but Patton wasn’t focused enough to make out the exact words.  
“Alright, kiddo, where’s Puzzle?” he whispered.  
“Over there. I’m going to get him real quick, stay at the enterance and alert me if anyone’s coming, okay?”  
Patton nodded. When he patted his friend’s back in encouragement, he was sharply aware of the tension of his muscles and the speed of his heartbeat. He wasn’t sure why the plan had been changed to put him as the one to get Puzzle last-second, but he trusted Virgil with his beloved horse.  
As Virgil hurried away, Patton peered outside of the barn. The subtle breeze carried Roman’s faint voice from across the pasture.  
 _“You grow crops, you say? Oh, that is fantastic… that takes some hard work, my man. Respect. Salute. And other very straight phrases. So tell me about your horses, what kind of horses do you keep here? Oh, no need to look at the barn-“_  
Patton immediately flashed a step to the left so the wall of the barn shielded him from sight. He waited ten tight seconds before carefully peering out again. The rancher stood a good distance away, his back turned towards the barn, and Roman stood before him and talked loudly as if his life depended on it.  
The sound of hesitant hooves snapped his attention back. Patton did his best to stifle down a cry of relief as the white-and-brown head of his horse peered out of a cheap old stall at the back of the barn. Virgil led him out carefully, watching his every step.  
“Come on, boy… almost there.”  
Patton gave Roman and the rancher one more look just in case before allowing himself to look at Puzzle again. He waved at him, sending a quiet whisper of his name across the barn. Puzzle’s eyes locked with Patton’s. He released a high-pitched whinny that sent Patton’s heart flipping three times in his chest.  
 _“Shhhhh. Hurry up, boy, you’re almost out.”_  
With Patton now in sight, Puzzle picked up the pace. Virgil carefully walked him between the stalls, only looking away briefly to hang his eyes on a nearby young horse Patton hadn’t noticed until now, before looking away again. His heart raced so fast he almost worried he would faint before the two reach him.  
It felt as though an eternity had passed before Puzzle and Virgil were beside him. A perhaps-too-early rush of relief exploded in his chest.  
“No time for this, we need to get out of here,” Virgil urged quietly as he hugged the horse tight, breathing in the familiar scent. “You can hug him all you want once we’re home.”  
“Yeah, you’re right. What now?”  
Virgil scanned the outside with narrowed eyes. “Roman is leading him away, that’s good. We’re going to count to three and make a run for it. Got it?”  
“Got it.”  
They swapped a brief nod. Virgil tapped a finger against the barn’s door, jaw clenched.  
“One…”  
Patton clutched the lead rope tight. He was aware of Virgil’s grip on it through the hardened cotton.  
“Two…”  
Puzzle’s ears steered between them. His eyes were alert and unblinking.  
 _“Three.”_  
Patton barely found the courage to collect himself and make a leap outside, dragging Puzzle behind him. The horse and the boy were by his side at once. All they had to do was make it across the pasture, over the fence, into the trailer and-  
Virgil’s arm came crushing into Patton’s chest and held him back.  
 _“Turn, turn, turn!!!”_  
Patton blinked. It took him a nanosecond to spot what seemed like a stable-hand coming their way.  
“What do we-“  
Virgil didn’t say a word. He dragged the three of them into a sharp turn and behind the barn, sending Patton’s heart dropping to his stomach. They pushed themselves as much as they could against the crumbling wooden wall.  
Virgil moved a stray lock of hair away from his eyes. “That was a close one.”  
“What now?? That was our route to the car, Virge!”  
“Now-.. now we improvise. Let’s try to go through the back.”  
He nodded with the little energy he had left. Puzzle responded at once when they nudged him to follow and made their way farther behind the barn. Virgil gave Patton a short look, only to signal him to keep it down, before looking away again.  
“Virgil-“  
“Shhh.”  
“But Virgil, isn’t this where-“  
Yup, apparently. Patton’s heartbeat stopped when they came into the open behind the barn only to find themselves a small distance away from the back of a bulky man in old dusty clothes and a brimmed hat, and a tall teenager that gave them over the man’s shoulder a look of “oh crap now we’re screwed.”  
“What was that?” the man barked, and the voice sent chills of that same bizarre negative feeling across Patton’s skin. When he began to twist around to their direction, it almost felt like the entire world had fallen into slow motion.  
Patton froze. And Virgil froze. And Puzzle looked like he was honestly just vibing, but Patton made sure to make him freeze as well.  
“Um- it’s nothing, why don’t you show me that priced Friesian you were talking about?” Roman blurted, grabbing his shoulder in a flash to turn him back towards him and away from the three of them.  
Virgil gave Patton a pair of wide eyes as though asking what the heck they’re supposed to do. Patton returned a similar one.  
“Don’t touch me,” the rancher hissed. “I heard something behind me-“  
It all happened in a matter of moments. The man made another turn once again, Roman’s eyes widened round, and he dropped to the ground, clutched his chest and let out a cry.  
“I think I’m having a heart attack!”  
“What?” The man whirled back to him before he could even rest his eyes on Patton, Virgil and Puzzle. “That’s ridiculous. You look no more than eighteen.”  
Roman sent them a look that suggested it was their moment, before demonstrating an impressive series of coughs. “I’m- I’m actually fifty three,” he stuttered. “I’ve simply been kissed by the gods.”  
Virgil didn’t wait a moment longer. He gripped the rope tight and dragged Puzzle and Patton behind him before Patton could give their friend one last look.  
“Oh, the pain! I think I see the light with those stunning blessed eyes of mine… oh, my grandchildren are going to be devastated..”  
If someone had told Patton his heart wasn’t beating for the entire run, he would have believed them. Everything felt heavy and loud as the three of them made a wild sprint around the barn and across the pasture, not daring to look back.  
Until Patton did. Did, and regretted it.  
Roman and the rancher were now on the other side of the barn, and Roman still held on to his performance. And just as Patton looked, the rancher’s eyes rested on the open barn. _They forgot to close the barn._  
“Wait, who-“  
Patton was in time to see Roman drop the act and spring into a sprint across the pasture, gaining ground twice as fast as them. Their eyes locked at once. The relief from the eye contact was shattered immediately as another pair of eyes locked with Patton’s; the rancher’s.  
 _ **“HEY!”**_  
Before Patton knew it, Roman was by their side.  
“Patton, leave me the rope!”  
“Why??”  
“Just do it! Go over the fence!”  
Patton nodded so fast that his neck hurt. He tossed Puzzle’s rope to Roman, grabbed Virgil’s hand, and the two of them leapt over the fence. Patton twisted around just in time to see Roman jump onto Puzzle’s back without even slowing down their run. He galloped him towards the fence, hands clutching the rope together with his mane, and made a risky leap above the fence. Patton barely had time to see him ride the horse into the trailer before Virgil pushed him into the back seat and jumped in beside him. The trailer’s door rattled the entire car when it shut. Not even three seconds passed before Roman jumped into the passenger’s seat in front of them and pulled the door shut beside him.  
 _ **“Go go go go!!!”**_  
Logan didn’t ask any questions. His foot kicked the gas pedal at once, and the car threw itself onto the road.  
“Put on your seatbelts!” Patton squealed, grabbing the handle above the door to keep himself from slamming onto Virgil beside him.  
“Faster, Logan!”  
 _ **“Put on your freaking seatbelts!!”**_  
This time not one person ignored him. Only once everyone was safely under a seatbelt did Patton relax into his seat.  
“I can’t believe we just did that.”  
“How’s the feeling, Emo?”  
“I can’t believe we just did that and I hate you and I can’t believe we just did that.”  
Logan cleared his throat. “That was extremely foolish and risky of you,” he uttered.  
“But it worked,” Roman pointed out.  
Virgil’s pupils were microscopic. “We’re so going to jail. We’re going to jail and there’ll be no one to keep the family on its feet and everyone’s going to starve to death and it’s all going to be because of me and also you, Roman, I really hate you.”  
“Relax, storm cloud, would you? We were fine. Let’s just focus on getting Puzzle home. Logan, Patton, is the place ready?”  
“Yes,” Patton finally spoke. “But the feed is not going to last for more than a month.”  
“That’s enough to fix everything in front of your parents.”  
Virgil shot him a glance through the mirror. “Sure, he’s just going to tell them he’s stolen the goddamned horse and they’ll surely board him again.”  
“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”  
“That’s what people who don’t know how to cross the bridge always say!”  
Patton wasn’t consciously aware of the rest of the argument. He stared out the window and ran through every possible bad outcome, searching for even a single positive one. It was hard to ignore the small part of him who’d hoped they wouldn’t succeed at buying him the entire day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, this took a long time to come out, didn't it?  
>  **boring life stories ahead, feel free to skip**  
>  Life's been a bit hectic recently, which is why I never had the time to write. I've been working really hard, completely neglecting school and training my horse. Just when I thought things were getting calmer my friend's horse got sick and I ended up spending a lot of time taking care of him, then he got better, then that same friend's dad passed away and I spent every day either with her, taking care of her horse because she obviously couldn't come to the barn or both. I finally found the time to write the past two days so here we are.  
> As always, please take care of yourself! Drink water, eat proper meals, sleep enough, tell your loved ones that you love them. I hope you have the best day ever. I'll hopefully have the next chapter out in a few days.  
> I love you guys!


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